“You can come in…” I said, resting my hand on my dresser while I took off my shoes.

Robert smiled nervously leaning against the doorway to my bedroom, mumbling something about my room being so clean he didn’t want to mess anything up. Then he casually wandered back into the living room and waited for me to come out.

We had been hanging out for months and he hadn’t made a single move. I thought he was shy so I created a cute and flirty kicking-off-my-heels-in-my-bedroom moment, complete with a fresh pink pedicure and yet he seemed… uninterested.

If you were visiting this site during the “Um… Are We Dating???” phase of my relationship with Robert, you might remember posts like “He Never Touches Me” and the comments where women expertly told me that if he wasn’t making physical advances, I was delusional for thinking I was anything more than a friend.

During this time I had two girl friends giving me advice (one was married one was single):

Married Friend: He’s taking you out all the time and he hasn’t tried anything yet??? He must REALLY like you!

Single Friend: He’s taking you out all the time and he hasn’t TRIED anything yet??? CeCe, I think you’re in the Friend Zone

When did sexual attraction/desire become synonymous with romantic interest?

Somewhere along the line a guy “making a move” became the only way I knew if he liked me. Then because it was the only way I knew if he liked me, it was the main thing I looked for. Even though I hated that guys were “only after one thing” I was measuring their interest by whether or not they tried to hook up with me.

Then came Robert with his quality time, respect and wanting to get to know me as a person swag. Who would have guessed that his willingness to take his time with our relationship would leave me confused with a bruised ego.

Guys can hook up with anyone… so if you come across a man who doesn’t want to rush things with you, take a minute and open yourself up to courtship (vintage, I know!) instead of asking if maybe he’s gay or has some kind of problem consider the fact that he may be treating you differently because he sees you differently.

Looking back, Robert taking his time with me was a huge compliment and exercise in self control on his part… I’m glad I realized it before writing him off for moving too slow.

Ever had a guy move “too slow”? How did you handle it?

“I really want to make things work with her,” a male acquaintance of mine said during a birthday dinner. “Part of me wonders if I’m determined to make things work because I worked so hard to get her. I mean, I really chased her in the beginning.” He took a sip of his drink and I waited patiently for him to continue.

Its not often that I get to listen to a straight guy analyze his relationship, so I was all ears! (I won’t detail this guys relationship issues, but he’s got some very legit reasons why he’s working things out with his girl.) Anyway, he explained to me that he used his best “game” to get his girlfriend years ago. He had wined her and dined her and won her over, so even though things weren’t perfect now, the memories of what he had done to get her when they first met helped him to hold on now.

Of course as he spoke, my mind drifted to my relationship with Robert.

Robert and I were “just friends” for a very long time. The elements of a romantic relationship were always there, but no lines were crossed, ever. Those of you who have been with me through the whole “Um… Are We Dating?” story on this blog have watched the progression of CeCe & Robert from coworkers, to friendship to dating unfold. You also know how other guys treated me and I think in those other relationships (particularly with Kevin and Adrian) there was a stronger “chase” element.

Hmmm… I thought to myself, Robert didn’t really “chase” me… we just spent time together, became friends and things developed over time. Should I have made him work harder to “get me”? Do guys really need “the chase” to be fully vested in a relationship?

My male acquaintance continued to talk through his relationship issues. “But you know,” he continued “Because I spent so much time chasing her, we never became friends. We’re trying to build a solid friendship now, but its hard to go backwards. If I had come at things differently from the start, learned about her… what she likes… what she doesn’t like… and then seen where things went– I think our relationship now would be much better now.”

Whoa, I couldn’t help but smile, what he described is pretty much how things unfolded with Robert and me. By the time Robert and I went on our first date, he knew so much about me. And the more time we spend together, the more he learns. There is a comfort level that we have that didn’t exist with the guys that chased me, but maybe that’s not a bad thing.

It might not be as overt as when guys run game, but I see Robert work to impress me and make me happy and I appreciate it. When it comes to courtship, I think that being friends first has its pros and cons. But in relationships I’m starting to think that the friendship foundation is key.

At the end of the day, the guys who “put in work to get me” aren’t around anymore… and Mr. “Friends First”, Robert is still here, so maybe that’s my answer… time will tell.

Do YOU believe in being friends first?