Tag Archives: Um… Are We Dating?

Dear CeCe: How Are Things with Robert?

I was with Mr. Man the other day, when I got a comment on my instagram account.

I miss your story telling ;-)) on the blog (massive hint on Robert stories, cough cough! ! Lol!!)

I laughed and showed the comment to Robert, who smiled. This was probably the fifth comment I’d shown Robert via twitter/facebook/email, etc. asking how things are with him.

“What are you going to do?” he asked.

“I dunno…” I said,  slipping my leg under his. “In the beginning, there was so much to write about because, there was all this Um… Are We Dating?? tension. Now I’m like happy and stuff, and that seems a bit– I dunno… boring?”

Robert looked at me for a minute… “Why don’t you just tell your girls that you’re happy?”

I swear, he’s a genius. (I have a tendency to overcomplicate things, which is why its nice to date a guy who keeps things simple.) So here’s the deal… I’m happy! Ta-da!

To be honest, I was nervous to mention that things with Mr. Man were going well for a few reasons. 1.) Now that I’m not confused about our status, my connection with Robert is more precious to me 2.) Something I’m learning about strong relationships is that a level of privacy is important. Everybody doesn’t need to know everything 3.) I didn’t want to get all overly gushy on here and be like “oh em gee, I’m dating the best guy evarrrrr!” (that would be annoying) 4.) We’re getting to the point where people think its appropriate to ask when we’re getting engaged and I didn’t want to open myself up to those questions on the blog.

Its funny– when you’re single, people can make you feel awkward about not having someone. Once you have someone, people make you feel awkward about not being engaged/married. Once you’re married the pressure for kids and buying houses begins… it never ends! Seriously, it NEVER ends, I think my parents get asked why they don’t have grandchildren!! *throws hands up*

Plus Size Dating CeCe Robert

Truth be told, there’s some personal work I need to do before I’m anybody’s wife/mother. Also, time together doesn’t mean that a relationship is ready for the (in my eyes) permanent step of getting married. So, there’s some things I need to see in myself and in us as a couple before I start tapping my toes waiting for a ring.

Also, I fully believe in what I said in this post/video, my time as a single girl is something I will never get back and I want to squeeze every last drop out of my solo life before I merge it with anybody. Cause, best believe when I do get married ya’ll will be like what happened to CeCe??

… and I’ll be M.I.A. just… “all up in the kitchen in my heels #DinnerTime”

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Anyway, I have a good life and I’m glad Roberts a part of it… I’m glad you girls are a part of it too! In an effort to find balance, I got a extreme and kind of cut you girls out of my dating life and I’ll try not to do that anymore.

xo,

CeCe

My Office Romance: He Got a New Job… | Dating | Relationships

OMG, I forgot to tell you guys that Robert gave his two weeks notice at our company, so we will no longer be co-workers… eek! We’ve been the “Jim and Pam” of our office since the beginning of our friendship-turned-courtship…

CeCe Robert Jim Pam Gif

I started as the receptionist at my company in August of 2008 and Robert started on the finance team in December of that same year. By the Fall of 2009, he was coming upstairs to my desk to visit me every day at 3pm, sharp. At first we were definitely just friends. I was dating lots of other people (remember Jeremy??) but the more we spoke at work, the more things felt… different…

cece robert jim pam one

I literally spent 2009-2011 blogging my way through the Friend Zone/Grey Area with Robert (those posts are tagged “Um… Are we Dating?“). Looking back, that long Friend Zone-ish period was a blessing. It takes so much for me to be vulnerable which is a relationship necessity and our friendship gave me a foundation of comfort to open up to Robert (especially about my insecurities as a plus size girlfriend). By the time Robert and I had this conversation he was one of my best friends…

cece robert jim pam bff

Once we were officially dating, Robert was ready to tell people but I was determined to keep our relationship under wraps, which was a total waste of time because everyone assumed we were together since 2008 when we met. People in our office politely pretended not to know. Until one holiday party in 2012 when I got “tipsy and frisky” with Robert in front of everyone.

Does red wine have that affect on anyone else???

cece robert jim and pam awkward

So, now we’ve been an open couple in the office for a while which means that Robert giving his two weeks notice sent a lot of curious coworkers my way with their questions. They wanted to know if I’m happy for him (duh!), if I think the change will be good for us (yup!) and if I will miss him…

At first my answer was a pretty dismissive; I would laugh and say “he knows where to find me, we’ll be fine!” but as our time as coworkers draws to a close I’m starting to realize how spoiled I’ve been. Robert walks me for coffee every morning when I get into work. If I start to feel sick during the day, he’ll run to the drug store to get me medicine. Last week I had a shoulder cramp and he was there to massage it… I’ve had emotional days where he’s met me in a conference room to keep me from crying…

This new job is an amazing opportunity for him and a great time for us to approach our relationship from a different angle. I’m not worried about “us”, but I think I’m underestimating how much I depend on him being there for me 40 hours a week. Everyone says office romances are a bad idea, but for the past few years I’ve been given a salary to be in the same building as the guy in my life and as far as I can see, that’s a pretty sweet deal.

So this week, when people ask “Are you going to miss him?” I’ll have to think twice before I answer…

cece robert jim and pam question

 

The-Office-Jim-Pam_ jp

Confidence Is… Complicated: Public Displays of Affection

Friday night, Robert and I were out having drinks with our co-workers after our company holiday party.

I pulled away from the crowd for a few minutes to check my phone. I guess I got lost on twitter or something, because after about 10 minutes I heard Robert calling me from across the bar.

I looked up and he waved me over to where he was sitting on a bar stool. I put my phone away and walked over to where he and a few others were listening to someone from our legal team telling a story about a deal he just closed.

“What’s up, honey?” I whispered.

“Nothing, you were just over there for a while…” he said, touching my hair.

Although we spent the night socializing separately, we had some sort of physical contact anytime we were within arms reach of each other. Me touching his arm or him kissing me as he walked by.

I’m big on PDA (hand holding and a quick kiss here and there works for me, nothing too crazy, I promise!). When we first started dating Robert was not very touchy-feely and it bothered me. Other guys I’d dated had reeled with the perfect PDA (remember Adrian?) so I had to have an awkward conversation with Robert where I told him that our lack of PDA sometimes made me feel disconnected and unwanted. He had never dated someone who saw physical touch as an important relation element outside of the bedroom, so for him this was new but he makes adjustments and that makes me feel better.

At first, I just thought that physical affection was my Love Language but the more I think about it. I’m pretty sure, its also a confidence thing for me too.

Dating as a Plus Size Princess, I always hear the stories about guys who are afraid to be with big girls in public. I think somewhere along the line, PDA became the way I gained confidence that a man wasn’t ashamed of our relationship. Meaning, if he’ll hug/kiss/hold my hand in public then he’s fine with people knowing he’s with me.

If I’m honest with myself 80% of my need for PDA is just how I am… but 20% of it is because I’m a big girl who needs reassurance.

I know for a fact that Robert is happy for people to know we’re together and we’re definitely not a secret at work. But the feeling I got when he initiated PDA in front of our coworkers, was a mix of love, happiness… and validation.

As I work on my own confidence levels, I try to take stock of what confidence boosters are coming from within and which ones are external. PDA is definitely an external confidence booster for me.

How does PDA make YOU feel?

When a Guy Takes His Time…

“You can come in…” I said, resting my hand on my dresser while I took off my shoes.

Robert smiled nervously leaning against the doorway to my bedroom, mumbling something about my room being so clean he didn’t want to mess anything up. Then he casually wandered back into the living room and waited for me to come out.

We had been hanging out for months and he hadn’t made a single move. I thought he was shy so I created a cute and flirty kicking-off-my-heels-in-my-bedroom moment, complete with a fresh pink pedicure and yet he seemed… uninterested.

If you were visiting this site during the “Um… Are We Dating???” phase of my relationship with Robert, you might remember posts like “He Never Touches Me” and the comments where women expertly told me that if he wasn’t making physical advances, I was delusional for thinking I was anything more than a friend.

During this time I had two girl friends giving me advice (one was married one was single):

Married Friend: He’s taking you out all the time and he hasn’t tried anything yet??? He must REALLY like you!

Single Friend: He’s taking you out all the time and he hasn’t TRIED anything yet??? CeCe, I think you’re in the Friend Zone

When did sexual attraction/desire become synonymous with romantic interest?

Somewhere along the line a guy “making a move” became the only way I knew if he liked me. Then because it was the only way I knew if he liked me, it was the main thing I looked for. Even though I hated that guys were “only after one thing” I was measuring their interest by whether or not they tried to hook up with me.

Then came Robert with his quality time, respect and wanting to get to know me as a person swag. Who would have guessed that his willingness to take his time with our relationship would leave me confused with a bruised ego.

Guys can hook up with anyone… so if you come across a man who doesn’t want to rush things with you, take a minute and open yourself up to courtship (vintage, I know!) instead of asking if maybe he’s gay or has some kind of problem consider the fact that he may be treating you differently because he sees you differently.

Looking back, Robert taking his time with me was a huge compliment and exercise in self control on his part… I’m glad I realized it before writing him off for moving too slow.

Ever had a guy move “too slow”? How did you handle it?

My Fabulous Vacation with @TropTrav & @eldoradoroyale #PSPtravel

From the moment we got off the plane in Cancun, we were taken care of. The Tropical Travelers had a private car with giftbags waiting for us as soon as we got out of customs. After a 30 minute drive from Cancun to Riviera Maya, my sisters, Denise and Nikki, My Boo Thang, Robert, My BFF, Alex and I walked into the El Dorado Royal Resort & Spa. I’m pretty sure all five of us collectively took in a deep appreciative breath because from the moment you walked into the lobby, it was clear that every inch of the resort was impeccable…

el_dorado_royale_2Checking into an All-Inclusive resort means that from the moment you arrive, everything is 100% paid for and taken care of. You can eat and drink as much as you want, room service delivers at no extra cost and there was champagne on ice waiting on the jacuzzi in our room, with the promise of more if we needed it! If you’re traveling on a budget, All inclusive resorts are definitely the way to go. But not all resorts are the same, I’ve heard horror stories about sub-par resorts. Working with The Tropical Travelers ensured that we were going to a highly rated and highly recommended property and our travel agent, Kristy (@TropTravKristy) had been to the El Dorado Royal numerous times. She told us it would be awesome and boy was she right.

Mexico Collage

Lunch was the first thing we did. With so many restaurants, it was hard to choose, but we eventually visited all of them… the restaurants are all top notch. We had Carribean grill, Sushi, Italian and of course… Mexican

Food 1

When we weren’t enjoying amazing meals, we were making new friends of the human and reptilian kind… See those people lined up along the top right? They’re getting drinks at the swim-up bar. Yes, there were bars inside of all of the swimming pools!

Mexico Friends Collage

Four days in paradise with four of my favorite people was one of the best things I’ve done this year… everyone left wanting to do it again which means it was a great time. Next I’ll be rounding up my outfits from the trip and announcing the #PSPtravel VIP giveaways… stay tuned!

Is this type of trip something you would like to do?

The Tropical Travelers has some special perks for TBGB readers. Join the #PSPtravel VIP list!


Relationships: Unexpected Moments…

Dating is one of those things that looks completely different when you’re on the outside looking in. I used to watch my friends with their significant others and it seemed like everything that was happening was so exciting, cool and romantic. Now that I’ve been dating Robert for a while, I’m finding that the exciting and romantic moments definitely happen, but they always come unexpectedly.

Last weekend we spent four days in Rivera Maya, Mexico with The Tropical Travelers. I was able to bring Robert, my best friend Alex and my little sisters Denise and Nikki.

As I prepared for the trip, I imagined all the romantic settings we’d be in and how the shared experience of holding hands in paradise, sipping champagne in our suite and lounging around in the pool might make me feel closer to him. Those things happened and they were amazing, but the thing that drew me even closer to Robert was watching how he interacted with my sisters.

I’m the oldest and my sisters are my babies; Denise is in grad school working on a double masters and Nikki just finished her first year in undergrad. This is the first time we’ve traveled internationally without our parents, so this trip was a big deal for us and I felt a sense of responsibility for things to go smoothly.

Over the course of the weekend, I noticed Robert doing things for my sisters, chatting and joking around with them or looking out for the girls in some way without my asking and it put me at ease. Suddenly it felt like “we” felt a sense of responsibility for things to go smoothly. I couldn’t have guessed that the way Robert treated my sisters would top the list as the most romantic thing for me, but it did.

Seeing him with them made my heart smile….

Have you ever had an unexpected relationship moment?

p.s. if you’re interested in All Inclusive vacations, I’ve got some goodies to giveaway this week, priority sign up starts now!


Plus Size Princess Style (#PSPStyle) with Igigi

Valentines day was a while ago, but I’m still basking in the glow. My Valentines Day started on the 13th with my Dad having roses delivered to my office 🙂 Then on the 14th Robert showed up at my apartment at 8am with flowers and candy, it was a complete surprise, which I loved. Robert definitely spoiled me because he had Vday plans for us from Thursday morning-Saturday night, it was really really great *blush*

Igigi also had me in a romantic mood with their Sommer Plus Size Draped Dress, this is a great piece that I’ve worn with pink and green accessories. If you’re nervous about prints, the cut of this dress works so well on curves that the prints just feel… right. Note: When I sit down, “the twins” do show a bit more in the V-neck which is good for a date, but for work you may want to put a tank underneath.

Paisley Dress Full Length 6

Photos by ZanographyPaisley Dress Headshot 6

Here are the winners of the #PSPstyle Valentines Day challenge. The contest might be over, but #PSPstyle is here to stay! Have a cute outfit on? Instagram it with #PSPstyle and I’ll feature you on my page! (who knows, you might even win something) Congrats ladies!PSPStyle Winners!

Shop our looks below!

Should We Be Friends First?

“I really want to make things work with her,” a male acquaintance of mine said during a birthday dinner. “Part of me wonders if I’m determined to make things work because I worked so hard to get her. I mean, I really chased her in the beginning.” He took a sip of his drink and I waited patiently for him to continue.

Its not often that I get to listen to a straight guy analyze his relationship, so I was all ears! (I won’t detail this guys relationship issues, but he’s got some very legit reasons why he’s working things out with his girl.) Anyway, he explained to me that he used his best “game” to get his girlfriend years ago. He had wined her and dined her and won her over, so even though things weren’t perfect now, the memories of what he had done to get her when they first met helped him to hold on now.

Of course as he spoke, my mind drifted to my relationship with Robert.

Robert and I were “just friends” for a very long time. The elements of a romantic relationship were always there, but no lines were crossed, ever. Those of you who have been with me through the whole “Um… Are We Dating?” story on this blog have watched the progression of CeCe & Robert from coworkers, to friendship to dating unfold. You also know how other guys treated me and I think in those other relationships (particularly with Kevin and Adrian) there was a stronger “chase” element.

Hmmm… I thought to myself, Robert didn’t really “chase” me… we just spent time together, became friends and things developed over time. Should I have made him work harder to “get me”? Do guys really need “the chase” to be fully vested in a relationship?

My male acquaintance continued to talk through his relationship issues. “But you know,” he continued “Because I spent so much time chasing her, we never became friends. We’re trying to build a solid friendship now, but its hard to go backwards. If I had come at things differently from the start, learned about her… what she likes… what she doesn’t like… and then seen where things went– I think our relationship now would be much better now.”

Whoa, I couldn’t help but smile, what he described is pretty much how things unfolded with Robert and me. By the time Robert and I went on our first date, he knew so much about me. And the more time we spend together, the more he learns. There is a comfort level that we have that didn’t exist with the guys that chased me, but maybe that’s not a bad thing.

It might not be as overt as when guys run game, but I see Robert work to impress me and make me happy and I appreciate it. When it comes to courtship, I think that being friends first has its pros and cons. But in relationships I’m starting to think that the friendship foundation is key.

At the end of the day, the guys who “put in work to get me” aren’t around anymore… and Mr. “Friends First”, Robert is still here, so maybe that’s my answer… time will tell.

Do YOU believe in being friends first?

Should I Buy Him a Christmas Gift?

Its Christmas Eve, I hope you’re all doing well today! Please continue to pray for the families in Newton, CT. my heart is still heavy for them.

This is my second Christmas dating Robert. Because our pace is sooo slow, last year I wasn’t sure if we were doing gifts and we ended up having a “did you get me something? Oh! I didn’t know we were doing that…” moment (awkward.). This year the idea of Christmas gifts wasn’t even a question. Robert and I have been casually mentioning getting gifts for each other for a few weeks and because I’m staying in NYC this year (I have family coming to me :-)) we’re getting together later today to exchange presents. Those of you who follow me on twitter already know what his present is, but I’ll update everyone on his reaction later *fingers crossed*.

Anyway, for those of you in relationships how do you determine when to give a Christmas gift to someone you’re dating? Do you give a gift when you feel like it? or do you try and find out if they intend to get you something first?

I really messed up last year, so I’m curious to know how other people avoid that misstep.

P.S. This year I will be posting the New Years outfits of TBGB readers… get your pics to me any way you can. Email them, tweet them to me, tag me on facebook/instagram. I will post the pics I get and hopefully feature some of you on a fashion recap post.

Cutting The Tags Off of My Clothes

This morning Robert noticed that the price tags on my brand new sweater were visible through the knit. Too lazy to take the sweater off, I turned my back to him “Can you just tear it off?” I asked. He reached down the back of my top, carefully ripped the price tag and extra button off and handed it to me.

It wasn’t until an hour later that I realized I’d given him access to my clothing size without a second thought. For some of you this might sound like nothing, but for me its a huge deal. Not only because I let him see what size I wore, but because I’ve always had a very strange relationship with clothing tags.

You see up until the past year or so, none of my clothes had tags on them. I’m not talking about the price tags, everyone takes those off. I’m talking about the tag with a number on it that identifies what size dress/pants/sweater you have. For as long as I can remember I would rush home after a shopping trip, grab the scissors and cut the sizes off of everything I bought. The numbers 18… 20 … or 24 had no place in my closet (even if they applied to me) so I cut the numbers off as a way of pretending that I wasn’t that size.

Silly, I know… but it’s what I did.

Denial feels really good sometimes.

So fast forward to this morning… with Robert removing my forgotten price tag. As I went to throw it away, I had to pause and acknowledge how far I’ve come in accepting myself as a Plus Size Princess. Not only did I purchase the sweater last night and skip my size cutting ritual, but I let the guy I’m dating remove the tag for me… letting him see the size that I am right now.

I’m proud of myself.

Do any of YOU do weird things with your clothes?

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