Tag Archives: Thoughts???

Say “More Cushion for the Pushing” and I WILL Dump You.

“She is plush, soft and gorgeous and I’m quite happy to take her to bed every night,” Bruce said of his Plus Size girlfriend, Jess.

VH1 has a new show called “I’m married to a…” where they profile “unconventional couples“. The premier episode featured a “BBW and FA” relationship. For those who don’t know, BBW = Big Beautiful Woman, FA = Fat Admirer. (side note: I gave my TV the longest *blank stare* over the fact that dating a big girl is considered shocking enough to be on this show). Anyway, as they profiled Bruce and Jess, I noticed something. Bruce could not keep his hands off of Jess. There was footage of him pinching her face, kissing her constantly, chasing her around the house and spanking her and wiggling his eye brows as he spoke about sleeping with her and explaining to the camera and his male friends that “Fat sex is… its nirvana!” he also said “I could look at Jess from any angle and get a chill up my spine and say ‘yeahhhhh that’s all mine’!”

I am always irked when men act like sleeping with Plus Size Princesses is the only reasons they give us the time of day. You’ve heard this talk before… “More Cushion for the Pushing”, “I don’t want to feel like I’m breaking a girl when we’re in bed, big girls can handle it!”, “They’re give you shade in the summer and warmth in the winter”, the list goes on and on. Even though Bruce seems to have good intentions he is poster child for someone who is dating a personification of their fetish instead of dating a person.


Is there anything wrong with him feeling this way about Jess? Nope! But Bruce said nothing about the personality traits Jess has, instead he focused on constantly detailing their sex life. As far as I can tell, if he writes his own vows when he marries her (as he plans to do) he will stand on the altar and make a passionate speech about how good it feels to sleep with her. Awk!

We need to take a very close look at the types of women we’re quick to sexualize and the types of women we shield from that type of talk. Here are some questions I have:

Do we ever hear men talk about their skinny girlfriends this way? I’ve never seen a guy on TV ranting about the amazing way his skinny lovers body feels. I also don’t see men with skinny girlfriends going on and on about how great it feels to sleep with a small girl. I feel like if being with your girlfriend is “nirvana” that’s information for you and her to share and taking it upon yourself to publicize her intimate qualities is disrespectful.

-Why do men lead with the sex as the reason they date big women? I understand that there’s a bit of overcompensating happening in these situations, especially if men are getting a hard time from their friends about being with a Plus Size Princess, but I see no reason to convince the world that what you’re doing is pleasurable. If you like her, date her and keep it moving. If you’ve got something to prove, don’t use me/my body to do it.

-How much is too much? All men have things that they’re attracted to. I’m currently dating a “boob man” and I don’t mind that he might mention his attraction to The Twins in public. I had to ask myself why something like that is okay, but the comments Bruce made about Jess are not. I think there is a big difference between openly discussing your attraction to someone and openly discussing the sex you have with that person.

Just like I hate when men flirt with me by saying “I love big girls!”, I don’t think leading with my size is ever appropriate or cute.  No matter what size I am, if someone asks why you’re with me and all you can talk about is our physical chemistry? We’ve got a huge problem.

I will never be interested in the fact that you love big women, I will only ever care about if you love me. On the other hand, if these men are continually talking like this, that means there are some women out there who enjoy it, so how does this sit with you? …thoughts???

Is Dating as a Plus Size Princess a Blessing or a Curse?

I got an interesting comment on a post a few months ago and I’d love to discuss it with you guys. As part of a longer comment, the person said:

A lot of the problems CeCe has in dating stem from the fact that she is overweight, thus having less options/men who find her attractive, then choosing the few she is attracted back to. I see thin girls get over heart breaks faster because they have guys lining up to be with them around the corner.

(Side Note: for those of you who were confused, the “I Gave Him My Number” series that I wrote about Brian happened a long time ago. I am still happily dating Robert.)

When I first read that comment, her words really bothered me. I was thinking “hello? I’ve been dating Robert a minute now… what ‘problems’ is she talking about?” but then I had to remind myself that even though her comment isn’t applicable to me right now, there was a time when it was. I wasn’t always fully content in my dating life as a Plus Size Princess. Here are some of the issues I’ve had in dating as a PSP:

Quality vs. Quantity – I have plenty of men approaching me, but how many of them are viable options? I wrote a very difficult post once called “Are The Men I Attract, a Reflection of… Me?” where I explored that question with a few other dating bloggers. You see, there’s a nasty rumor out there that big girls are desperate and will take anything that comes their way– that. is. not. true. But, because this rumor will not die, a Plus Size Princess becomes a magnet for the toothless, the homeless, the jobless and the crazies.

I’M Just Not That Into YOU – Mutual attraction is difficult to find at any size, but if your particular look isn’t what the majority is going for, it might feel like you’re attracted to others more often than you’re found attractive. Again, Plus Size Princesses do not just “take what they can get”, nor should we. So, when a guy comes along that is interested, there’s still a chance we wont feel a spark. That happens to all women, but as a PSP there’s sometimes that unspoken maybe you shouldn’t be so picky? from the people around us. I’ve even had a friend exclaim “he likes you! do something!” I didn’t like him, so I didn’t do anything. When it comes to mutual attraction, I struggle between complaining that I’m not my types type and making sure what I’m looking for is appropriate. I get it, if the number of men I attract increases then the chances of finding mutual attraction and ultimately a romantic match greatly improves. This one is just law of averages.

Dry Spells – According to my commenter, skinny girls get over breakups faster because they have men lining up around the corner to date them. (I know of PSPs with men lining up to date them too, but that’s beside the point). I think there is so much beauty in being single, but we’re so fixated on having boyfriends that we miss it. I may not date back-to-back like my skinny friends, but when it comes to self-evolution, I have time to learn and grow and I take full advantage of that time– this website is an example of that. So, I think being a Plus Size Princess with the issues listed above creates time for character development which comes in handy when it comes to dating. Knowing who you are helps you know what you want!

In NYC it often takes longer for people to settle down and I think it’s because there are just so many options and people like to have an eye out for the next-best-thing that may come around the corner. In smaller cities, people have less to choose from, find who they really connect with and explore that relationship to the fullest. (This might be why we have wedding invites from two of my girlfriends who moved to the mid-west!) This is when the Quality vs. Quantity problem turns into something useful. If 10 guys approach me, 4 of them have no teeth, 3 are homeless and the last 3 are guys that I could see myself with, I can focus on those three men without looking out my window and seeing 50 more guys I might want to talk to.

Did we ever consider that having droves of men at our disposal might make it harder to find our “One”?

Most of what my commenter said is true, but I just need to make sure we look at those types of thoughts through a different lens. When I dated guys like Kevin and Adrian I really liked being with them and it didn’t matter how many guys I had mutual attraction with before them. Now I’m dating Robert (who I met at my heaviest weight) and things are moving along with him. He supports me in anything I want to do, from singing to losing weight and I wouldn’t trade that for a line of guys down the street.

I used to think that being a Plus Size Princess was a dating curse, but now I wonder if it can be a blessing in disguise… thoughts???

He Called Me “Precious” …Thoughts???

This past Saturday I was standing on the corner of South and 4th streets in Philadelphia after seeing a fabulous concert with my sister. I felt comfy/cute in a cozy pink sweater, black mini-skirt and knee high suede boots. While attempting to hail a cab back to our hotel, a car full of people sailed past us and a voice cried “Heyyyyy Precious!” from the back window.

He was talking to me.

(If you don’t know who/what Precious is you can read up on the movie here and get images of the actress who plays Precious here).

In the spirit of everything that we talk about here on TBGB; loving ourselves, knowing that our weight doesn’t define us, etc. I’d love to say that I shrugged the comment off and went about my night, but my skin isn’t that thick yet, I’m still growing up. Being called “Precious” annoyed me to no end. A huge part of my annoyance was with myself for allowing the “Precious” comment to hurt me in the first place. Once I calmed down, I knew I had to process the insult from both directions. 1.) Why is calling a girl “Precious” proper ammunition for hurtful verbal assault? 2.) Why does being called “Precious” feel like hurtful verbal assault?

I find it interesting that people rarely refer to the actress who played Precious by her actual name, Gabourey Sidibe, instead they always call her “Precious”. Do we call Halle Berry “Catwoman”, “Monsters Ball”, or “B.A.P.S.”? No, we don’t. So why do we insist on calling Gabourey “Precious”? and why do we insist on calling fat girls with dark skin Precious… it’s clearly a punchline for many people, but why?

I actually have a lot in common with Gabourey Sidibe, we’re both big girls with dark skin, we both enjoy acting/performing, we’re both New York based, we’re both a little quirky… so if you said “Hey Gabourey!” I could see the similarities and go about my day.

Being called Precious is something different– Precious is a tragic character on many levels and her weight/eating is an outward reflection of the characters deeper issues. On a more superficial level, for many people “Precious” is synonymous with “Big Black Girl with Dark skin”. Some people might think of being big with dark skin as a double negative (fat is considered an undesirable state for most people, and in the African-American community, having dark skin can also be seen as undesirable). So they hurl the “Precious” insult at girls like me to address those characteristics. Lucky for me, I love my chocolate complexion and I stopped shedding tears about my size a long time ago, so those things are not what hurt me.

The more I think about it, when I hear Precious my mind goes to that scene in the movie when she’s running down the street eating a huge bucket of fried chicken. I think that’s what I find insulting.

I frustrates me that no matter how dolled up I get, no matter how cute my clothes are, no matter how fierce my makeup is… some people will look at me and immediately see a big black girl running down the street eating a bucket of KFC.

I’m sure I’m not the first Plus Size Princess to be called “Precious” and the issues I’m raising will take more than one little blog post from me to be explored, but I just thought I’d mention what happened to me because I found all the dynamics around it pretty fascinating.

Feel free to offer comments in the section below… thoughts???

You Have a Fat Girl Personality…. Thoughts???

“The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story.” — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

All of us can be characterized by a stereotype, it may be based on our race, class, gender, sexual identity, or even the where we grew up. We’ve talked about some of the stereotypes that Plus Size Princesses are faced with in posts like “Superficial Fat Chicks” and “Can a Big Girl Date a Hot Guy?“. After writing those posts, I was beginning to assume that the stereotypes surrounding overweight women were usually connected to men and/or sex. Big girls are desperate for sex… Big girls will do anything sexually to keep a man… Big girls can’t get a “good man” so they take what they can get….

Just when I thought I had wrapped my head around what people might assume to be true about me as a PSP, I was on twitter a while back and saw that a guy tweeted to the beautiful @CorporateBarbie, telling her that she had a “fat girl personality”.

This was a new one for me, I mean… what exactly is a “fat girl personality”?

I did a little bit of googling and found that we as Plus Size Princesses have yet another set of mass assumptions to deal with. From what I gathered via google, big girls are thought to have amazing personalities to make up for what we lack aesthetically.

At first I wanted to be offended, but then I had to be honest with myself, this actually isn’t a new stereotype. This is something I’ve been exposed to my entire life, I mean how many movies have we seen with a “token chubby girl” character for comic relief. You know, the girl who isn’t viewed as desirable, but everyone loves having her around because she delivers the perfect punchline and makes us all laugh… or is super maternal and gives good advice to everyone.

Fat girl personality, hmmm? I must admit, it stings a little but mostly because (…dramatic pause…) I think I have one! I can relate to being more comfortable helping my girlfriends through their boy problems than putting myself out there and finding a boy to have my own drama with. I can relate to being put in the “friend zone” so often that my personality, charm and wit had ample chance to be cultivated.

When I saw someone tell a beautiful woman with a great body that she had a “fat girl personality” I was frustrated. Frustrated for fat girls like me and for skinny girls like her. It’s not fair that Plus Size Princesses are assumed to overcompensate with winning character and it’s not fair that skinny girls are assumed to coast by on their looks alone.

But what I’m realizing is that the unfairness is in making one-dimensional assumptions about multidimensional people. As Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie says, it’s the single story that creates stereotypes. And she’s right, stereotypes aren’t necessarily untrue… but they’re incomplete and that’s where the problems lie.

If you follow @CorporateBarbie on twitter, you know that yes, she’s stunning. You also know that she’s worked super hard and has by no means coasted (I think she was in college at age 16 or something). Do I have a “Fat Girl Personality”? Absolutely! But there have been times that I used my looks, body and femininity to gain an edge. I’ve flirted to get things that I want. Yes, I’m a big girl but there have been times I’ve gotten ahead because people liked the way I looked and I’m not the only big girl with that experience.

We have to work hard not to let one single characteristic define us. If we listen to what society says we can do/be based on whatever stereotype applies to us we’ll live small and limited lives… and that is not what we’re here for.


P.S. I’m doing an in-person “Love Songs & Curvy Conversations” meet-up on September 29th, in NYC! Sign up for your free tickets by clicking the button below…
Eventbrite - Love Songs, Coffee & Curvy Conversations

Plus Size Bridal Boudoir Photos… Thoughts??

My best friend, Adam sent me an email yesterday, the subject was Let me know when you want to book one of these 😉 and inside was a link to Amy Haberland’s “Defense of The Bridal Boudoir“. I hadn’t heard of a Bridal Boudoir photo shoot before, but the premise is that women take bedroom photos right before they get married. They’re not necessarily raunchy, but the idea is doing a photo shoot in lingerie or your guys button down shirt and panties and giving the photos to him as a wedding gift… or something like that.

As I read the article and looked at the slide show, I was immediately intrigued. I’m not getting married any time soon, but I love the idea of a classy photo shoot to give my future husband a little glimpse of what he has to look forward to. I immediately started imagining what I would wear for something like that… a frilly babydoll nightgown? a corset and panties? boy shorts and a strategically placed neck tie?

Scrolling through the comments most of them were about the appropriateness of boudoir photos in general, but one comment stuck out to me These are lovely portraits of in-shape young women. What about those of us who have never had a flat tummy or perky boobs? I have a hard time picturing a boudoir for myself being appealing.

Reading that comment was the first time I considered that  size might be a deterrent to a Victoria’s Secret style photo shoot.

I have a collection of lingerie that I wear to bed regularly, whether someone’s there to see it or not. It’s just something that I do for me. Buying those things is fun for me and sleeping in them is glamorous like taking a bubble bath with candles. Maybe I’ve made myself comfortable in things like that. Taking time to know what is flirty/sexy/fun but still looks good on my body makes me think of lingerie as another genre of clothing.

Of course, I know that I would definitely wear a waist cincher and push-up bra, but it never crossed my mind that needing those things would be a reason not to pose. I guess I surprised myself with my confidence! (and as I think about it, I’m flattered that Adam would suggest a boudoir photo shoot to me to begin with).

Would YOU do a sexy photo shoot for your husband? Of for my married ladies… have you already done one? …Thoughts???

Fat Jokes… Thoughts???

When it comes to talking about my weight, I’m a little weird.

On one hand, I have a blog called “The Big Girl Blog” where I dish all the dirty details of my life as a Plus Size Princess. On the other hand, if you know me in real life you never ever hear me reference my weight. Some PSP’s prefer to comment on their weight before someone else does but that’s not my style. I don’t bring my weight up and neither do my friends.

I’ve slowly been telling some close friends about TBGB. With some friends I’ll just vaguely mention that I write about being plus size in NYC, with others I’ll send them a link and allow them to read it. Last week, an old friend came to visit me here in the city and I told him about TBGB. After I told him that I write about being a Plus Size Princess in NYC, something strange happened.

All of a sudden he was constantly making comments pertaining to my size. Like when he came to see my office and gushed “look at you and your ‘big girl’ job, in a ‘big girl’ office”. At first I thought I was being super sensitive, so I brushed that off because I do work in a grown up/big girl office now (last he saw me, I worked in a book store).

The next day, one of my girlfriends met up with us for dinner. As we planned the rest of our night, my girlfriend suggested that we grab a drink at a bar called “The Sunburnt Cow”.

“Don’t talk about CeCe that way!” my friend said with a giggle. Then he looked at me “did you hear her call you a Sunburnt Cow?”

I didn’t laugh and neither did my girlfriend. I was pretty stunned because I’m just not used to people making fat jokes to/about me. Its odd because he’s known me for years and never said things like that, but he finds out about The Big Girl Blog and suddenly it felt like he only saw me as fat.

I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about him, he also constantly gushed about how cute/pretty/gorgeous/adorable I am, but it was like the minute I acknowledged my weight, he couldn’t shut up about it.

Normally this wouldn’t be something I obsessed over, but lately I’ve been thinking about not being so anonymous anymore. A lot of you have been asking about meeting me in person and I’d love to maybe invite you guys to hear me sing sometimes. But if that means I’m going to become CeCe “The Fat Girl” Olisa… I don’t know how I feel about that.

Don’t get me wrong– I’m proud of who I am and confident with my size, but whether its race, gender, sexuality or size no one wants to be known as one thing only. I hope I’m making sense here.

But again, maybe I’m being too sensitive… Thoughts???

Superficial Fat Chicks & Other Myths (A Big Girl Rant)

Two things happened to me last week that bothered me, I mean really bothered me. I’m going to give you the two scenarios and then I’m going to try my best to explain why I was so annoyed:

Thursday: My girlfriend Kayla invited me to have drinks with a few girls from her grad school program. We met up at a hotel bar for happy hour and Kayla, who just moved to New York from California, was asking us about New York Men. As we all shared our thoughts on men in the city that never sleeps. Suddenly, one of her friends paused the conversation, “wait a minute… Kayla, what kind of guys are you attracted to?”

Kayla laughed, “well, that’s the problem! The guys that have been approaching me since I moved here are not my type!”

“What’s your type?” I asked.

“I really prefer a guy that’s kind of… round, like… chubby,” she took a breath “the guys in New York obviously spend a lot of time in the gym, which is great. But, I like a guy with love handles!”

“Oh,” her friend stammered, “that’s not at all what expected you to say! That’s weird… you like chubby guys even though you’re like HOT!” then her friend looked at me “I mean– not that hot people can’t be attracted to chubby people– but, I dont know that’s interesting!”

Fast Forward to Sunday: I was catching up on my DVR and lo and behold there was a plus size Millionairess on Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker named Robin. If you didn’t see the episode, you should watch it. Robin is pretty clueless which makes for the kind of train wreck episode that you can’t stop watching. I’m not going to recap the entire episode but in a nutshell, Robin is only interested in dating someone that is super attractive. Common interests? A good heart? those things are not important to her. She just wants someone who looks like Matthew Mcconaughey.

When the “Matchmaker”, Patti, heard that Robin ( who’s easily a size 24) wanted to date someone who looked like Matthew Mcconaughey her reaction was to focus on how “superficial” Robin was and then to ask what made Robin think that she “deserved” a Matthew Mcconaughey look-alike.

*deep sigh*

After these two incidents, my mind has been swirling with “Why’s”. I’m going to try to organize them here, hopefully I make sense, here goes:

  • Why can’t a Plus Size Princess “deserve” an attractive guy? I would love to know the equation to find out who “deserves” who as a mate. The word “deserves” implies that attractive people are worth more as human beings, which is absurd. People are soooo much more than their looks! I believe that I deserve a guy with a good heart, winning personality who cares about me and if that guy happens to look like a Calvin Klein model and I don’t, that doesn’t mean I deserve him any more/less than the next girl. If you end up watching the episode, you’ll see that the most attractive guy in the room was not a good person! So, no one really deserved to be with him.
  • Why is it that the minute a plus size girl expresses ANY kind of physical desires in her mate, she’s considered superficial or shallow? I know that being overweight is considered by many to be the ultimate human offense, but… when a woman gains weight she doesn’t have to gain an “I’ll take what I can get” mentality. We all have things that turn us on/off and that’s okay. I’ll tell you what Plus Size Princesses do “deserve”: PSP’s deserve to be in a relationship where there is MUTUAL ATTRACTION. A fat girl with preferences is not “picky”, “shallow” or “superficial”.
  • Why was the idea of my friend Kayla (who is gorgeous, with the perfect hour glass shape) liking a chubby guy so outrageous? She didn’t say she liked serial killers, she said she liked love handles! Give me a break.
  • Why is it that even though I have strong opinions about this stuff… I’m still surprised when hot guys flirt with me at the gym?


A BBW Admirer vs. A Regular Guy

Normally, I have profiles on the mainstream online dating sites, but recently I created a profile on a niche “BBW” dating site. It wasn’t long before I was being contacted by different guys. Last night I logged on to check my messages and here’s an unedited excerpt of the what was in my inbox:

What’s up?? You’re whats up my dear?Do you like my profile my dear?Doing some networking for my uncle he’s throwing a buisness/soical boat network on October 15th and helping him sell tickets you know?So how sexy are u in person,like big gurls like you.I’m backl to work next Monday at Radio City we got big shows coming up until our Xmas shows kicks off November 5th till December 30th.So CeCe what’s your spots baby.I rep Harlem at 135th street by 8th av.

So SexyCeCe what are 5 things you seek in a potential mate?I seek wisdom,sexiness,support,spontanious and freakiness in a woman.Is that too much to ask,plus working security at MSg has it’s moments trust me.I enjoy working at Radio City Music Hall for my 8 years,especially meeting my cooworkers over the years.

Ok so when seriously can call you?Might wanna take yiou to a nice lounge and have a few drinks and kick it in Harlem.

*blank stare*

I don’t even know where to begin… aside from being called “my dear” by a man I don’t know, I never thought that “Sexiness” and “freakiness” would be in the top five things a man came up with when he imagined his “potential mate”. I didn’t respond to this dude, but so far he’s a pretty good representation of the guys that are on the BBW/Admirers sites. Reading the messages I received from him and others liked him made me stop and think:

Which would I rather have: A guy who liked me because of my size or a guy who liked me in spite of my size?

When I first started attending the NYC BBW parties, the idea of a man who was drawn to me because of my body seemed like a good one. I was excited to put my “winning personality” on the shelf and let my body draw men in, and it worked. My low cut tops and curve hugging jeans were appreciated in full at these establishments. My tummy, hips, curves and rolls weren’t avoided, they were touched and appreciated.

But instead of feeling celebrated, I felt violated.

At first I thought it was my own insecurities; I told myself that I needed to love my body just like the BBW lovers did. Of course it was fun to feel wanted, to feel sexy, but when the night was over I felt more detached from my body than ever. I began to realize that fat is what I am, but not who I am. Most of these men were in the fetish zone; attracted to my fat and uninterested in who CeCe was. I had spent my whole life wondering what it felt like to have someone want me for my body (like the skinny girls do) and when it finally happened, I hated it.

I wanted my “winning personality” to matter. I wanted to be more than a huge pair of boobs and a soft belly.

On the flip side, when I went out to mainstream events with my (skinny)friends, they were meeting people and I wasn’t. I felt invisible and in those moments I longed to be at a big girl party. At least there, I didn’t feel like I got all dressed up for nothing.

For a while I couldn’t decide what was worse; the wrong kind of attention or no attention at all.

Looking at my dating history this year, I think I have the answer to my question. I completely understand that not all “BBW Admirers” are weirdos. I know that there are amazing/caring/stable/normal men in this world who are exclusively attracted to big girls. But for me, I’m more comfortable with a guy who likes me in spite of my size.

Guys like Kevin and Adrian were great dating experiences that (no matter how they ended) made me feel like a girl. Not a big girl or a skinny girl, just a girl. I know that these guys didn’t usually date Plus Size Princesses, but there was something about me that attracted them. These men treated me like I was something to be desired and made efforts to know who I was. They never made comments about how they “love girls with a little meat on their bones” or “hated skinny bitches” they just dated me, held my hand, kissed me and told me I was beautiful …and that was enough.

Which do you prefer?

I Don’t Want Your Boyfriend… Thoughts???

I was riding the 6 train with two of my gays on Sunday. We were drenched from a spontaneous downpour and tipsy from a spontaneous happy hour in the East Village. Sitting across from us was a plus size woman and her boyfriend. She was on the heavier end of the plus size spectrum and her boyfriend was tall and lanky. Although they were in conversation and I was chatting with my friends, I could feel my plus size counterpart looking at me.

Occasionally I would glance over at her; the first time we made eye contact, I quickly looked away. The second time we made eye contact, she casually linked arms with her boyfriend then she reached over and touched his leg. Each time we made eye contact she gave me what my gays would describe as The Ice Grill (The Ice Grill = A dirty look that incorporates nothing more than a malicious blank stare). I could pretend that I didn’t know why I was getting The Ice Grill, but I did.

She thought I wanted her boyfriend.

Was her boyfriend anything special? Nope, but by the way she was acting you would think that I was Angelina Jolie and she was Jennifer Aniston holding onto Brad for dear life. In reality, this guy was a below average dude (“below average” because when he smiled, I saw that he was missing a tooth and you know how I feel about that).

So… why was this girl so determined to let me know that this lanky, toothless man was hers? I’m pretty sure its because we were both plus size, and honestly, I can’t blame her for being so territorial….

A few months ago I was at a party with Robert and his friends. When Robert and I are together people don’t flirt with either of us because they assume (for better or worse) that we’re a couple. While his friends were mingling and dancing with different girls, Roberts attention was on me. There was one bigger girl on the dance floor with her friends and instead of trying to flirt and dance with the available guys in our group, she focused on Robert. She spent the evening giving me her version of The Ice Grill and I spotted her trying to dance with Robert while I was in line for the bathroom. “That girl is really aggressive,” Robert said when I returned.

I shrugged it off, because even though the girl was rude to me, I understood her plight. I’ve only been 100% sure that a guy was attracted to big girls when 1.) I saw him at a BBW club/bar or 2.) I saw him romantically engaged with a big girl. If the girl could bank on any guy at the party being interested in her, Robert was the sure bet because, duh– he was with me!

As plus size women we often assume that men wont date us because of our size. Of course there are plenty of men who are attracted to PSP’s but they don’t walk around wearing “I ♥ Big Girls” t-shirts (and if they did, that would be annoying). I’ll admit that I’ve been jealous of a PSP with a cute boyfriend and secretly wished I’d met him first. Obviously the PSP at the party was jealous that Robert was with me and the girl on the train assumed I was jealous of her and her dentally challenged lover.

Its like a vicious cycle. But I wonder why big girls do it. Do redheads give other redheads The Ice Grill so that they wont steal each others boyfriends? I doubt it…


Men Every Big Girl Will Meet: The Old Man

Yesterday, as I rode the bus up Amsterdam avenue a blonde haired, blue eyed man with a gentle Hungarian accent struck up a conversation with me. His eyes sparkled as we chatted and he looked at me in the way that guys do when they’re attracted to you. I have a bad habit of flirting back when people flirt with me, so it wasn’t until he slooowly got up to get off of the bus that I snapped back to reality: this Hungarian charmer was easily 60 years old.

Now, this was a harmless encounter with an old man that had a Sean Connery type style and I would have loved to have met him 30-35 years ago when he was in his prime. Sadly, a fun, flirty run in with a Hungarian Grandpa is a rarity for me because I usually attract a different kind of AARP member.

Fact: Old men like big girls.

Fact: Dirty old men love big girls.

You know the men I’m talking about… the old men with receding hairlines and a stomach so big it looks like they’re about to give birth. The ones who haven’t had a job since 1979 and spend their afternoons “hanging out” on the corner. These are the men who love to approach a plus size princess on her way home from work and say things like mmmm… you look so sexy in those heels, do you need someone to give you a foot massage tonight, baby? Or who call out to their friends I’ll see ya’ll later, here comes my wife! while they follow you to the subway station on a Friday night asking if they can come to the party.

When I would attend the BBW parties in the city, there were always a few Seniors in attendance. Watching them dance was often awkward because they dance from a completely different generation. There’s a lot of hand holding, spinning and two-stepping when you dance with an older man, and it ends up feeling like you’re at a wedding dancing with your Uncle Joe.

Every old man was once a young man. But something tells me these grandpa’s weren’t hollering at thick chicks back in the day. What makes these men only appreciate PSP’s in their old age? I feel like there’s more to the old man/big girl connection, but I really can’t put my finger it. Here’s my speculation, and you all are more than welcome to chime in with your thoughts:

I’ve heard a lot of older women talk about how in their old age that start to live their lives and not care what other people think. (i.e. the red hat society). We all know the cliche of the guy who likes big girls but is too embarrassed to actually be with one. This is a long shot, but maybe… just maybe, in their old age, these men start to realize that life is too short to deny yourself of what you like.

Maybe in their old age they are confident enough to go after what they want.

Of course, if men realized they could be attracted to Plus Size Princesses before they were candidates for Viagra, Fixadent and Depends, it would make PSP’s feel much better about ourselves….