Tag Archives: PSPlove

My Office Romance: He Got a New Job… | Dating | Relationships

OMG, I forgot to tell you guys that Robert gave his two weeks notice at our company, so we will no longer be co-workers… eek! We’ve been the “Jim and Pam” of our office since the beginning of our friendship-turned-courtship…

CeCe Robert Jim Pam Gif

I started as the receptionist at my company in August of 2008 and Robert started on the finance team in December of that same year. By the Fall of 2009, he was coming upstairs to my desk to visit me every day at 3pm, sharp. At first we were definitely just friends. I was dating lots of other people (remember Jeremy??) but the more we spoke at work, the more things felt… different…

cece robert jim pam one

I literally spent 2009-2011 blogging my way through the Friend Zone/Grey Area with Robert (those posts are tagged “Um… Are we Dating?“). Looking back, that long Friend Zone-ish period was a blessing. It takes so much for me to be vulnerable which is a relationship necessity and our friendship gave me a foundation of comfort to open up to Robert (especially about my insecurities as a plus size girlfriend). By the time Robert and I had this conversation he was one of my best friends…

cece robert jim pam bff

Once we were officially dating, Robert was ready to tell people but I was determined to keep our relationship under wraps, which was a total waste of time because everyone assumed we were together since 2008 when we met. People in our office politely pretended not to know. Until one holiday party in 2012 when I got “tipsy and frisky” with Robert in front of everyone.

Does red wine have that affect on anyone else???

cece robert jim and pam awkward

So, now we’ve been an open couple in the office for a while which means that Robert giving his two weeks notice sent a lot of curious coworkers my way with their questions. They wanted to know if I’m happy for him (duh!), if I think the change will be good for us (yup!) and if I will miss him…

At first my answer was a pretty dismissive; I would laugh and say “he knows where to find me, we’ll be fine!” but as our time as coworkers draws to a close I’m starting to realize how spoiled I’ve been. Robert walks me for coffee every morning when I get into work. If I start to feel sick during the day, he’ll run to the drug store to get me medicine. Last week I had a shoulder cramp and he was there to massage it… I’ve had emotional days where he’s met me in a conference room to keep me from crying…

This new job is an amazing opportunity for him and a great time for us to approach our relationship from a different angle. I’m not worried about “us”, but I think I’m underestimating how much I depend on him being there for me 40 hours a week. Everyone says office romances are a bad idea, but for the past few years I’ve been given a salary to be in the same building as the guy in my life and as far as I can see, that’s a pretty sweet deal.

So this week, when people ask “Are you going to miss him?” I’ll have to think twice before I answer…

cece robert jim and pam question

 

The-Office-Jim-Pam_ jp

Smelly Men I’ve Dated (Part One)

As I climbed the steps in the semi-packed movie theater, the first seats I saw were in the middle on the end. I was on my first date with Benjamin, a Grad Student I’d met online.

To be honest, I was pretty sure the love story of Benjamin and CeCe would be short. Our texts and phone conversations had been kind of plain (borderline boring), and there were no sparks. But Benjamin was polite, respectful and he called me more than he texted me which always earns points in my book. So I agreed to go out with him just in case there was a chance that our chemistry in person was better than our chemistry on the phone.

I live in Harlem and Benjamin lived over the bridge in the Bronx, so we agreed to see a movie in my neighborhood instead of trekking all the way downtown. When I walked into the theater, Benjamin was waiting for me with a big hug, a smile and a movie ticket.

“It’s such a nice night, I actually walked here,” he said as we rode the escalators up to the concession stand.

“You walked to Harlem from the Bronx?”

“Yeah, it’s not that bad… I just walked over the bridge and then its like another 15 blocks!”

I nodded and smiled.

Benjamin asked if I wanted snacks, I declined so we walked right into the theater.

As we settled into our seats, the movie previews began.

“That looks like a good one,” Benjamin leaned over to whisper into my ear… and that’s when the musty smell first hit my nostrils.

At first I thought it was the seats in the theater, but every time Benjamin shifted, the odor intensified. What is that? I thought to myself… then it hit me: oh my gosh, it smells like… sweat… but its sweat mixed with something else… something like…

and before I could finish my thought, Benjamin causally crossed his legs and my eyes zeroed in on his shoes… LOAFERS. WITH. NO. SOCKS.

oh my gosh… I was smelling a delicate mixture of body sweat and foot funk because this dude really decided to walk 30 blocks with no socks for a first date!

I put my wrist to my nose, trying to inhale my own perfume so I could focus on the movie, but the steamy smells wafting into my nostrils were the ultimate distraction and to make things worse: Benjamin was trying to put the moves on me.

He was nudging my leg with his.

He was leaning over to whisper to me and lingering near my neck.

He was raising his arm up to stretch and… put his arm around my shoulder?

I saw the arm around the shoulder move coming and before I knew what I was doing I slowly flopped over the arm of my chair away from him like a rag doll.

So there I was with the bottom half of my body in the chair and the top half hanging over the arm of my seat into the aisle. I stayed like that for half of the movie until my ribcage began to cramp from the awkward position. I didn’t know what to do…

I finally understood what people meant when they said smells were “offensive” I was definitely offended. Offended that I was forced to watch a movie folded in half, offended that this guy thought it was okay to get some cardio in before seeing me, offended that he doesn’t understand his own body chemistry when I work so hard to understand mine and most of all I was offended by Benjamin’s Eau de Funk.

In what I can only describe as an angelic intervention, the couple in front of us walked out of the movie leaving two open seats. “I’m going to sit over here” I whispered, and with no further explanation I moved seats, enjoyed my movie and gulped in breaths of sweet funk-free air.

The sad thing is… this isn’t the only smelly date I’ve had. Stay tuned for “Smelly Men I’ve Dated (Part Two)”

Note: I am still happily dating Robert, this date happened before I met him.

HELP! The Guys That Hit me up, are NOT my type! #PSPlove

Before we jump into today’s question, I’ll be appearing on AriseTV today at 1pm discussing plus size dating. It live streams at 1pm you can tweet questions to @OurTakeAriseTV and follow along via the #ourtakearise hashtag. 

Today’s question comes from Twitter:

Oh, @Prime_Bee… I know how you feel.

Mutual attraction is one of the hardest parts about dating as a Plus Size Princess, in my opinion. I go through phases where I swear I’m just a magnet for weirdos and when I started dating online, it was all laid out in my inbox.

The first time I opened an online dating account, I was so hopeful. All of my girlfriends were going on dates with cool guys they had met online. These guys were taking them on creative dates, putting in effort to get to know them, you know… actually courting them! So when I opened my account and the messages started pouring in, I was almost giddy– until I read the messages:

50% of them were blatant sex propositions

25% of them were from men who lived in third world countries

Then there’s the other 25% who were actually interested in dating me, the problem was I was 100% NOT interested in dating them. Some were too old, some were too obsessed with my body size and some were too unfamiliar with the English language (If your message says “wassup sxy u look gud” I will delete it).

Let’s face it, for whatever reasons dating a big girl is still considered a big deal to many people and because of that, there are men who aren’t secure enough to holler at a Plus Size Princess, no matter how attracted he is to her. As I mentioned in “Plus Size Dating: A Blessing or a Curse?”, we have to be honest with ourselves and just accept the fact that there are men who are totally into PSPs, but will NEVER admit it *shrugs*

On one hand that’s an awful thought… on the other hand, if something like our weight makes a guy punk out, that’s not the guy we want anyway!

Okay, so you’re online and you’re not having much luck… here are my thoughts on shaking up your luck:

  1. Get offline – No, I don’t mean delete your account. I mean get up, walk away from your computer, get dressed and go out! Online dating is a great way to meet people, but it shouldn’t be the only way. Before I met Robert, online dating was a subsidy for my dating life, so if I only met one guy online in a month it was okay, because I was also meeting guys around the city and dating them too. If you put pressure on your online dating accounts to find dates, its too much… mix things up.
  2. Send Messages – I will often send a simple “Hi, How are you?” to guys I think are attractive. If they message me back, we chat a bit and sometimes they’ve said they were glad I hit them up because they didn’t think they were my type. You never know!
  3. Remember You – What do you like to do? What are you interested in? Go do those things… I always say that dry spells are the best time to get in touch with who we are. That sense of self, shifts our focus away from the “man hunt” and then we relax and hopefully become content/confident with our lives… which is always attractive.
  4. Date Outside of Your Type – If a man approaches you online and he’s not what you think you’re looking for physically, but he’s respectful… I’d go out with him. I’ve had great dates with guys I didn’t think I’d be “into”. Take a look at your non-negotiables, if your list of things a man must have/be is really outrageous, reassess your needs vs. your wants. (My list of non-negotiables is: Taller than me, Smart, Christian… that’s it!)
  5. Don’t take it personal – For a long time I internalized the weirdo’s that were approaching me. I wrote about it in “Are the Men I Attract a Reflection of Me?” and the answer is, NO!

Ladies, do you find you’re approached by guys you’re not interested in? How do you meet guys you’re actually into?

Chime in below…