Tag Archives: PSP

What Do Men Think of Big Women?

Yesterday I decided to get my hair blown out and straightened (not the smartest decision considering its raining today, but whatever.) The woman who does my hair moved to a unisex hair salon in Harlem, so I made my way over to see her.

It was a Sunday and the place was more or less empty. I was on one end of the salon getting my hair done and on the other end a barber stood by watching another barber cut his clients hair. I didn’t pay much attention to them until I needed to go to the ladies room.

I had to walk between the three men in order to get the the bathroom. As I approached them, I became slightly self conscious because the back of my hair was bone straight, while the front was a curly mess on the top of my head. “Excuse me,” I said as I slipped between the two barbers. “No problem, darling…” one of them said giving me a grin.

When I emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later and had to slip past them again. The men went completely silent and I could feel three sets of eyes on me. Even the guy getting his hair cut, who had his back to me, found a way to check me out in the mirrors reflection. Then one of the men said something that I couldn’t hear and the other two grunted in agreement, “…see you’re my kinda dude,” one of the barbers said. “I was thinking the same damn thing!”

Making my way back to my chair, I wanted so badly to know what was said, since it obviously pertained to me. Were they talking about my unruly hair? Or perhaps something else… Although I couldn’t see who was saying what, I kept my ears peeled as they continued to talk on the other side of the room. As the conversation swelled I heard things like:

“Mmm a big woman, that’s me right there. I really don’t like them skinny. Not super fat either. But Big? That’s sexy”

“I dated a big girl once… she was big but real pretty” I bet her $100 she couldn’t lose 20 pounds in a month. She said she could, but then she 

Curvy Conversations: What’s Up With This Phrase “Plus Size Princess”?

Having read through your entire blog in one sitting, you’re an excellent writer and you come across as a level-headed person — but what is up with this phrase “Plus Size Princess”? Are slim women “Regular Size Princesses”?

PSP, like BBW, reeks of chunky chicks trying to heave their self-esteem up a flight of metaphoric stairs.

Plus Size Commoner

Hi “Plus Size Commoner”,

I agree with you about the term BBW (Big Beautiful Woman), BBW never resonated with me. In general, it seems a little forced. I shouldn’t have to remind someone that I am beautiful… should I?

That said, I didn’t intend for PSP to be a replacement term for BBW.

“Princess” is a term that I’ve identified with since birth (blame my parents!). When I coined the expression “Plus Size Princess”, it was a comfortable way of describing myself to my readers. I wanted to be very specific with you guys about the type of girl that I am, because I often feel that people are quick to strip overweight women of their femininity.

Media images of big people farting and being vulgar or big women chasing and forcing themselves on the men that they want are all over the place, so people assume that’s how all fat people are. Whether its a man thinking they can jump on my back, hitting me a little too hard on the arm or saying things like “c’mon, you’re tough!” as a big girl, I’m always fighting the expectation people have of me to be pushy, abrasive, overly sexual… almost masculine.

These stereotypes are the opposite of who I am and I found that “Plus Size Princess” was a simple way for me to express that. “Princess” makes me think of being girly, soft, demure, feminine, etc. Sadly, these aren’t words that one would typically associate with a fat chick.

When I began referring to myself as a Plus Size Princess/PSP on the blog, something interesting happened. I noticed that my readers adopted the phrase too. I would see “PSP” peppered in the emails that I received and in the comments on TBGB. That was really surprising to me, but I figured there had to be a reason. One day it hit me; maybe PSP is more empowering than BBW.

So often as big women we’re tempted to settle. We fall into a “beggars cant be choosers” mentality and we don’t hold our lives to the same standards that other women do.

I think recognizing that being fat doesn’t diminish you as a person is a very important thing. Requiring a certain level of respect and love, first from yourself and then from the people around you is a lesson we all can learn. The PSP treatment will look different for all of us, it could be anything from getting out of a bad relationship, to starting a journal. It could be as simple as getting a pedicure or taking a yoga class for the first time. Taking care of ourselves, treating ourselves as princesses and surrounding ourselves with people who to do the same can’t be a bad thing.

At the end of the day, PSP is just a reminder of what I already know: I am a princess, who happens to be plus size.


P.S. Messages like this are why I love my readers. I’m always surprised that people are actually reading what I post and when you all chime in with your thoughts, opinions and challenging questions, it makes me stop and think about the things I say. All of that makes this blogging experience even cooler, so thank you.

Send your questions to nycece@gmail.com