Tag Archives: My First Blind Date

Too Much, Too Soon….

A few weeks ago I was venting about the days between meeting a guy online and meeting them in person. For me, this is the worst part of dating. I have certain rules about this time period because I know that although I do my best not to have any expectations at all, I often find myself dumping my hopes for “Mr. Right” on a man I’ve never even met. Something that makes it even harder is when the guy I am due to meet does too much, too soon.

If a guy has never laid eyes on me, its probably best that he refrains from:

– Sending Good Morning/Good Night texts
– Emailing/Calling daily
– Calling me pet names like “gorgeous” or “beautiful”

(Of course, if we’ve met and are actually dating, these things are not a problem… as a matter of fact, they are encouraged!)

I can usually keep myself from getting excited when a guy does too much, too soon but with Mike Lowery I got caught up. I allowed the regular phone calls and emails to dominate the days before we met.

I would giggle when he called and said, “I just wanted to hear your voice…”. I found it adorable when he admitted that he, “spends 30 minutes drafting my emails to you because I have to proof read and spell check them,”. I even told my friends about when he dialed my number during our first date and left a voice mail from the table saying what a great time he was having with me.

I’m not saying that I thought Mike was The One or anything, but I didn’t anticipate things falling flat so soon after our first date. The most I’ve heard from Mr. Lowery was in the comments he left here on the blog two weeks ago. Maybe the “too much, too soon” behavior should have been a red flag.

Augh… am I becoming cynical?

First Date: Mike Lowery

One of the things I appreciate about Mike is that he takes charge. I get annoyed easily with guys who always say “I dunno, what do you want to do?” when we’re making plans. Getting a phone call from Mike letting me know what he had planned for us and where I could meet him was refreshing.

I agreed to meet him at Madame X, a lounge in the West Village that I had never been to before. When I got off the train, I had a very apologetic email from him saying that he was running late due to train issues, which was understandable because he was coming from Long Island. I continued on to our date spot and when I arrived, I was slightly taken aback. The first thing I saw was a large mural on the wall featuring a naked woman with large breasts and lots of um… hair. The drinks on the menu had names like “cherry pop” and “indecent proposal”. What kind of place is he taking me to? I thought to myself. I’m pretty conservative, so an overtly sexual place for a first date threw me off… maybe his selection speaks to the blog personality some of you have been leery of.

I found a couch near the front and waited for Mike to arrive. He sent me a text saying that he was in a cab and a few minutes later I saw a man in a suit rush into the bar. I knew immediately that it was Mike. He looked around the bar and I waved to get his attention. He made his way over, gave me a big hug and apologized again for being late.

I think online dates and blind dates can do a number on your insecurities. I’d kept my outfit simple: Jeans, a flowing racer back top (yes, I showed my arms on a first date!) a big chunky necklace and beaded sandals. Leaving my apartment I felt cute, but in those first few moments sitting in front of Mike for the first time… I felt aware of everything; Am I too big? Should I have worn my hair down? Am I too tall? Why didn’t I cover my arms?! But Mike quickly put me at ease. Within the first hour he’d complimented me on how I looked, and made random commentary about things like the color of my toenail polish (they were bright pink, pretty hard to miss). He kept asking me if I was going to run away, which made me realize that he too was in a bit of a self-conscious space.

Even if Mike took me to a sexually charged venue, his actions were very respectful. I actually felt comfortable with him and got to learn a lot about him. Because he reads my blog, I knew I would have to be 100% honest with him about everything from the beginning. When he asked if Robert was still around, I told him yes. Which was awkward, but he handled it well. “I’d love to meet him,” he said sarcastically.

I also decided to be upfront with him about anything I might write about him so that nothing he might read would come as a surprise. “Why would you bring me to a place with naked women painted everywhere?” I asked. He laughed and reminded me that he had warned me about the “art work” when he first suggested the venue. “I think in my head, I thought it was going to be more… tasteful” I said. We laughed, finished our drinks and then we decided to grab dinner. Mike was sweet, affectionate (held my hand, played with my hair etc.) and very complimentary of me. For a first date, I had no complaints.

Now here comes the hard part: I judge a guys interest on how much he keeps in touch after the first date. In the same way that I appreciated Mike’s take charge attitude when it came to planning our date, I’m looking to see how he takes charge with how we move forward.

When I got home, I had a message from Mike saying that he had a great time with me and that he wanted to see me again before he the weekend was over. Unfortunately, although we tried, that didn’t happen which is fine… I know that he was here to see family and that should be his priority. But, I guess I’m holding my breath to see if keeping in touch with me becomes a priority.

Time will tell….

My First Blind Date (Part Two): Phone Calls

I date online a lot and one of my rules is that I do not carry on long phone conversations with a guy before meeting him.

When I first started dating online, I would spend hours on the phone with guys over the course of a week and then when I finally met them, something would happen that turned me off completely (i.e. they’d be 5’8 when they said they were 6’1, they’d have dental issues etc.) I would come home from those dates feeling let down and when I’d remember the time I spent on the phone with these men, I’d think to myself hmmm that’s hours and hours of my life I’ll never get back.

When Mike sent me his phone number in an email two days ago, I ignored it. I didn’t want to spend the week chatting with him only to be disappointed when I met him in person. I know he wanted me to call, but I continued to respond via email. When he made subtle attempts to bring the phone thing up again with questions like “do you have an iPhone or a Blackberry?” I dodged them. I really wanted to limit our exchanges to email, but I wasn’t sure how to say that without sounding rude. One night, I replied to one of his emails around 2am. A few minutes after I hit send, I had an email from him that simply said “Call me.”

Augh… this is what I wanted to avoid! I sat on my bed trying to decide what I should do: I couldn’t email “No, thanks”, he knew I was awake so I couldn’t say I didn’t see the message. I felt like I didn’t have a choice, so I slowly dialed his number and held my breath as the phone rang.

We talked for a little over an hour which is totally against my rules but, in my defense, we had a lot to discuss before I met him. I read the comments everyone wrote in my previous post and a lot of you are not on Team Mike because of his blog. There were a lot of concerns about the content of his blog and the type of guy he is. First of all– Can I just say, I have the best readers ever! Thanks for doing your research and looking out for me. I’ve been avoiding looking at his blog just in case he had any photos of himself on it (I really want to make this an official “blind date”). A couple of you feel like he’s reading my blog from a malicious perspective, but I honestly never got that impression from his comments. I always assumed he was just a straightforward guy who has dated plus size women on occasion. Of course, there was only one way to find out, so I asked him about the it.

He seemed embarrassed when I brought up the blog… and he did mention that it was kind of a dumping ground for all the Politically Incorrect thoughts that he has. He doesn’t seem to have his identity wrapped in his blog and the Mike Lowery that I’ve been getting to know seems to be more kind and caring than his online alter ego. I really enjoyed talking on the phone with him and I’ve spoken to him briefly almost every day since that first call. So long story short, I will proceed with caution, but I will proceed.

I will see him when I get off of work and I promise to have details for you at 8am on Monday.

Wish me luck!

My First Blind Date (Part One)

A few months ago Denise, my sister/one of my best friends, called me. “I was catching up on your blog today. Who is this ‘Mike Lowery’ character that keeps commenting on your posts?” she asked.

“I have NO idea!” I replied laughing, “he always comments and I cant tell if he hates me or if he’s just trying to give me a dose of reality.” We went back and forth about him for a while and then the conversation switched to other things. I didn’t think much more about Mike Lowrey until last week when I gave him a shout out at the end of my series on When A Man Gives You His Business Card. When I told Mike Lowrey to email me in that post, it wasn’t for anything in particular. I simply found it fascinating that a straight man would comment regularly and with such gusto on a blog about a Plus Size Princess.

A few days later I got an email in my inbox:

I thought my comments on your blog just annoyed everyone, lol. I’m glad to hear that my comments didn’t fall upon deaf ears so to speak. I think you’re an interesting young lady and I enjoy your writing style. Me…fascinating?? Thanks for the compliment. (Awww shucks Miss, after a compliment like that…I’m here at work with a Kool-Aid smile.)

Were you born in NY?

If I thought Mike Lowrey was “fascinating” before, his email intrigued me even more. (Quick Dating Tip: When talking to someone for the first time, especially via email, I always feel like ending with a question is a good way to move a conversation along and show interest in the other person). Mr. Lowrey was using one of my old tricks! I responded immediately:

Your comments don’t annoy me and they definitely do not fall on deaf ears. I’m originally from California… I moved to NYC for school.

Where are you from? Where do you live?

He responded pretty quickly and throughout the day, we continued to email back and forth. It was casual conversation, I learned that he grew up in New York City but moved out of state for work two years ago. Our conversations weren’t deep, but they were probing. We were both asking questions about the other person and I could feel an energy coming from our writing that said there was more beneath the surface.

That evening I had to attend an event. Although it was an open bar, I wasn’t really having a good time. I found myself in a corner emailing Mike from my iPhone. My email began like this:

I’m at a cocktail hour and while the drinks are good, the conversation is stale. I shouldn’t be emailing you, but… I am!

He responded:

I’m glad you did email me.
I must admit that I’ve been checking my phone every 20 minutes hoping to see an email from you. I’ll be in NYC Thursday night. Would it be too forward if I asked to meet you for happy hour next Friday? I would love to put a face to the person if you’re free. I promise to be on my very best behavior.

Reading his email gave me butterflies (I’m such a girl!). In 2010, the idea of a traditional blind date was exciting and terrifying. I emailed him back:

I can do a Friday night happy hour… Where should I meet you?