If you’ve left a comment recently asking about Kevin, I don’t want you to think I’ve been ignoring you. I see your comments, tweets and facebook messages asking for updates on my holiday romance. I just… I don’t know what to say, but I decided this morning that I’m just going to write where things are, whats going on and why. I can only hope that I don’t ramble too much and that you will understand where I’m coming from.

When I was in California, everything was so simple. It was Christmas and I was home with nothing but time on my hands. For 10 whole days, I could see Kevin whenever I wanted, stay up till 3am with him and his friends and call him without having to calculate the time difference. From the moment I landed in JFK, the reality of the Kevin situation began to set in. Do I have time/resources for a long distance relationship? Is Kevin really what I wanted?

Do I have time for Kevin? I live a full life in the city, packed with friends, dating prospects and personal obligations like volunteering and church. Once the initial excitement of Kevin wore off, I started to feel like I was fitting him into my life instead of creating time for him. Staying up till 2am on a “school night” was not an option after the first 2 months and sometimes I forget to call him back. Not a good sign.

Do I have resources for an LDR? Long distance relationships can be expensive! When things started, Kevin was in the same city as my parents, so I knew it wouldn’t be too difficult to see him throughout the year. But everything changed when Kevin’s job took him out of state. He left California to spend a year in the mid west on a long term assignment. So now, he’s calling me even more but I feel like its out of boredom since he doesn’t really know anyone where he is. I don’t mind dropping hundreds of dollars on a flight home to see my family, Kevin and spend time on the beach. But I can’t see myself spending that money to fly to the middle of nowhere just for Kevin alone. I think that says something… doesn’t it?

Is Kevin what I’m looking for? The more I talk to Kevin, the more I realize that we see the world in completely different ways. I’m not trying to get ahead of myself, but there are some core values that we differ on and I couldn’t see him being the father of my kids. Because I don’t see a long term future for us, I don’t think it would be wise for me to continue considering everything it would take for us to maintain a long distance situation.

My experience with Kevin is one of the most genuine and special things that’s ever happened to me. It changed the way I see myself, what I expect and what I know I can have but sometimes things that are amazing aren’t meant to last forever.

Part One of this story is here

Part Two of this story is here

Part Three of this story is here

Part Four of this story is here

More Kevin Updates can be found here here and here

The weirdest part about getting to know Kevin long distance is how I look forward to phone calls from him like I’d look forward to a date with someone local. During the week, we talk for about 30 minutes when I get home from work, the gym etc. and on the weekends, we can talk longer and later because I don’t have to be in bed by a certain time. With Kevin being 3 hours behind I can also keep my social schedule intact. I can go out with friends and even if I get home after 2am, Kevin and I can still talk for a while. These types of evenings are becoming routine for us.

Like last Friday, I had dinner/drinks with some girlfriends, got home around 1am (10pm Kevin’s time) and was still able to curl up in my bed and talk to him until a little after 3am. This wasn’t a problem because I could sleep in as long as I wanted the next day. Well, that was the plan….

My phone rang at 12:45pm and I was still asleep. I groggily reached over to hit the “ignore” button, but when I lifted the phone off of my nightstand I saw Kevin’s name (and a cute photo of us) flashing on my screen.

“Hey mister, is everything alright?”

“Yeah… I’m fine. I’m at the hospital.”

I sat up in my bed. “What happened?”

“I had my basketball game this morning and I messed up my ankle. It might be broken.”

“Oh my gosh,” I said.

Kevin wouldn’t know what was going on until he was seen by the doctor, so I just stayed on the phone with him until his name was called. Although I had planned to sleep later, I was already awake, so I got out of bed to start my weekend chores, run some errands and wait to hear back from him.

Dating in New York has put me in a constant state of ambivalence. I try not to get my hopes up about anything because its been my experience that things can fall apart as quickly as they develop. I’ve had guys call after dates and ask to see me again and then… I never hear from them. While I say I’m excited to explore things with Kevin; each time we hang up in the back of my mind I wonder if he’s going to call again. Then when he does call, I’m pleasantly surprised. Needless to say, I’ve remained in a very guarded space.

I think that’s why it wasn’t until I was scrubbing my bathtub that I realized; perhaps I shouldn’t brush off this particular phone call.

A few years ago I got sick and ended up in the hospital for a week (I’ll tell you that story another day). Even though I was scared and sometimes bored, I didn’t call every single person in my phone. Instead I called a few select people who were important to me.

Kevin calling me during an “emergency moment” is kind of a big deal. It speaks to where he’s placed me in his life.

Maybe its time for me to give real thought where he stands in mine.

Part One of this story is here

Part Two of this story is here

Part Three of this story is here

Part Four of this story is here

More Kevin Updates can be found here here and here

If you follow me on twitter, you may remember me asking this question. Here’s what prompted it:

I saw my phone blinking with Kevin’s name.

“Hello?”

“Heeey CeCe… what’s up?”

“Nothing, what are you doing?”

“Well, its Grants birthday! Remember Grant?”

“Of course I do,” Grant was one of Kevin’s best friends. I’d met him while I was home.

“Grant likes you a lot,” Kevin said. “I just thought I should call you…”

I listened for a while as he rambled some really funny and really sweet things. This was the first time I’d received a “drunk dial” from Kevin and as our conversation continued, I couldn’t stop laughing. It was quite entertaining….

The drunk dial happened after I’d been back in New York for about 3 weeks. Things with Kevin had been going well considering we lived on opposite sides of the country. During the first week I wasn’t sure if what happened over the holidays was a fling or if we were going to explore things. I was fine either way, but I figured I should make it clear to Kevin that although I was returning to the big city, he was welcome in my life.

After a few days of random text messaging, our first long distance conversation ended with me trying to find the right words. “Well, I just wanted to like, check in,” I said after a few minutes of chit chat. “and you know… if we’re going to be, um… ‘friends’ you should, like… call me sometimes.” (My Valley Girl accent comes out when I’m nervous… don’t judge me!)

“Definitely! …I’m sorry,” he replied.

“No, its totally, cool…”

“Alright, Celeste I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Sounds good, bye.”

He knew that he was welcome to call. What he did from there was up to him. I figured I’d give it a week.

Eight days later, Kevin called. We talked for a little bit, but I had to cut the conversation short because I wasn’t at home. I called him back later that day and then over the next few days and weeks we slowly got into a phone routine. He’d call, regularly and we would talk about anything and everything. Although we have a strong history, knowing him from age 5-13 didn’t mean I knew him as an adult. We were learning about each other and it was fun.

When I hung up from the drunk dial I could feel myself going into girly mode. Aww, he’s thinking about me… which is why I sent out an SOS via twitter. I got some solid answers to my question from some of the male dating bloggers like @singlecityguy and @DatingRev and then @TheZaftigLife put what I was thinking into words when she said “I believe drunk words = sober thoughts.”

Of course, we don’t want the drunk dials to become a regular thing (and they haven’t). But it did give me some insight to where I was in Kevin’s mind (at the forefront, woot woot!). Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about starting a long distance relationship, but I have no complaints and I’m not rushing to define things, I like watching them slowly unfold.

Part One of this story is here

Part Two of this story is here

Part Three of this story is here

Part Four of this story is here

More Kevin Updates can be found here here and here