Tag Archives: Dating

Dear CeCe: I Found My Office Crush on a Dating Site… Help!

Dear CeCe,

I love your blog! You really inspire me! I am in need of a little advice.

There is a guy at work, whom I work with closely. Everything he does says he likes me. Even my coworkers say that he has a crush on me. He comes to see me with a huge, enchanting smile on his face almost daily for things that could be handled via email, he calls me nice names like sunshine…he even took me on a nice lunch where he proceeded to tell me intimate-datey details.

I am really falling for this guy and it’s making me crazy.

Why hasn’t he asked me out? Could it be the taboo of office relationships? In an effort to avert my thoughts from him, I signed up for a dating site. To my surprise…he showed up in my daily

To my surprise…he showed up in my daily matches as a 95% match! Needless to say, it is racking my brain once again. Please give me some advice! I don’t know if I should make a move, give an obvious sign of interest..or just give up because he isn’t making any moves! Help me girl!!!

Needless to say, it is racking my brain once again. Please give me some advice! I don’t know if I should make a move, give an obvious sign of interest..or just give up because he isn’t making any moves! Help me girl!!!

Please give me some advice! I don’t know if I should make a move, give an obvious sign of interest..or just give up because he isn’t making any moves! Help me girl!!!

-Work Crushing

Dear CeCe I found my work crush on a dating app

Hey Miss, Work Crushing!

You might remember that I met Robert at work (wootwoot!) and I just ended things with him after three years (womp womp!) so I’m going to give you two sides to this situation.

The Easy Part

Girl, he likes you and you didn’t need a dating app to tell you that!

When guys go out of their way to give us attention, it’s because we’re cute and awesome and they see that. But, I understand how insecurities can make it hard to be confident in what’s going on.

Lucky for you, a dating app gave you even more confirmation– so when it comes to being more forward with him I think you’re good to go!

If it were me, I’d ask him to lunch, bring up the dating app connection and say that if he wants to take me on a date, I’m down! If I were in a really aggressive mood, I’d mention the dating app connection and then ask him out… but there’s one big reason why I might skip that approach, which leads me to…

The Hard Part

It seems like your co-worker crush is doing a tip-toe dance around asking you out. He gets you on a solo lunch date but then doesn’t quite make it clear what he’s looking for from you.

We both know he saw the dating match thing too, so why isn’t he saying something?

It seems like he’s hovering around the soccer goal, but won’t kick the ball in for some reason.

Moving things forward in a relationship takes vulnerability and that’s hard for both men and women. The ideal situation is when both people are willing to risk being vulnerable. I’m the kind of person who sees what she wants and goes after it, I make myself vulnerable and take those awkward risks in relationships and I need a guy who’s the same way (at least when it comes to me *hair flip*).

So, while I totally think you should go for it with your co-worker, I also think you should make sure that if you continue to date, you’re not the only one moving things along… hopefully that makes sense.

Good Luck and Let me know how things progress!

xx,

CeCe

p.s. do any of you ladies have advice for our girl?

A Year of Loving Myself: 2015

 

If I were the type of person who said things like “This is gonna be my year!” I would have said it on January 1, 2015. But I’m not that kind of person, so I just giddily looked ahead. I was confident that at the end of 2015 I would love myself and my life in a completely different way than I did in 2014.

Welp– I can confidently say that I was right, but… um… my version of 2015 was all roses and what really happened was roses and thorns… lots of thorns (shout out to Brett Michaels, you called it bro).

Loving yourself and living a life you love are beautiful goals. The results are always worth it, but what it takes? Noooo… I wasn’t ready!!!!!!!

Anyway, here are a few crazy ways that I loved myself in 2015, in no particular order…

I Quit My Job

For a long time, I had this blog, my YouTube channel, #PSPfit, friends, family, a boo thang and a full-time job. For about two years I’d work nights and weekends on my passions and then spend Monday-Friday, 9-5 sitting at my day job with my stomach in knots. I had great co-workers and an awesome work environment, but I knew I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do.

A year ago this week I said good-bye my corporate job, my paid vacation and my guaranteed paycheck (!) so that I could go “all in” with the work I do online.

From the moment I moved to NYC, I’d been working for the validation of other people. I’d been hoping and praying for someone to take a chance on me, to choose me, to pick me out from a crowd and say wow that girl has something.

This time, I did that.

I chose me.

I bet on me.

I decided that a steady paycheck was good, but what I had to offer the world was more valuable than a consistent direct deposit.

For the full story of how I quit my job click here

I Stopped Dating Robert

Yes, your girl is back on the market.

streets been waiting

Shout out to those of you who figured it out on social media (some of ya’ll don’t miss a beat, sheesh!), Anyway– I’m sorry I ignored your questions– I just wasn’t in the mood to discuss it.

I only have good things to say about Robert and the time I spent with him. Ending things was pretty simple: I needed more than Robert could give me, so it was up to me to tap out.

But here’s the deal– It took me a LONG TIME to get up the courage to call things off.

As women, we talk a lot about finding love/relationships but not a lot about losing love/relationships, so I will definitely be digging more into this topic; but for now, I’ll say that ending a relationship that isn’t serving you is a huge act of self love (especially if the person is awesome, augh!). If you’ve done it, I am giving you the biggest hug and high five. If you know you need to do it, I’m telling you now that it’s painful and annoying, but the life and love you deserve are on the other side, I promise.

I Started Therapy

I’ve always been curious about therapy. I didn’t have a particular reason to go, but once I started? Oh Em Gee! There’s so much to unpack!! It’s been really helpful to explore why I struggle with certain things or why I have certain patterns in relationships with friends and dating. It took me a few tries to find the right therapist for me, but now that I’ve found a good fit I look forward to exploring myself each week and growing up a bit.

Therapy is like the gym… for your heart and soul! #PSPfit

If you’re curious about therapy, I highly recommend InYourCornerOnline.com it’s skype Therapy so you can choose people who specialize in what you need help with and you can do your sessions from anywhere!

I Helped Others

Do you Remember “Dear CeCe: I’m Single, What am I Doing Wrong??” Well, in that post I broke down how to find purpose in your single life.

Not dating Robert anymore meant that suddenly our standing date nights were open on my calendar. I could have “started wearing less and going out more” on those days, but I didn’t.

Okay– I kinda did…

beyonce started wearing less and going out more

But I ALSO made sure to walk in my purpose and find ways to help people. Instead of having a date night with Robert every Tuesday, I started #PSPfit WERKshop, a Tuesday night workout class for my NYC readers and it was amazing!

The girls that showed up were so beautiful and positive– they had no idea they were helping me through an awkward time in my life. I taught them workouts and they taught me that when you have a purpose, you can fill any void in your life.

I Looked Up, Waaaaaay Up!

paulo-coelho-quote

*some say Universe, I say God (or Jesusssss *praise break*)

I set out to love myself more in 2015 and I was thinking like massages, manicures and two piece bathing suits in Jamaica would cover it. Little did I know that there were deeper lessons God had on deck for me in 2015.

A huge part of loving myself is my relationship with God. I could preach to you and say we are fearfully and wonderfully made… but instead I’ll just say, God don’t make no junk. God wants the best for me and is always looking out for my best interest even when it doesn’t feel good. Some amazing reminders of this have come from the following religious and non-religious places, No matter what your beliefs are, I think you can find some great inspiration with:

The Alchemist, a Life changing book

Jesus Calling a quick daily devotional that is so beautiful and speaks to my soul every day. It’s basically 365 days of love.

Intentional I think I listened to this song for like three days straight

Keep on Singing My Song Christina at her best singing from the depths of her soul, yes LORD! Lyrics include:

‘Cause I’m about to
Say farewell to every single lie
& All the fears I’ve held too long inside
Every time I felt I couldn’t cry
All the negativity I had inside
For too long I’ve been struggling. I couldn’t go on
But now I’ve found I’m feeling strong and moving on

 

I Stopped Being Mean to Myself

During all of these wacky loving myself moments, I was still dealing with a multitude of other personal issues, the stress that came in my first year of working for myself aaaand I was signing with a literary agent, starting the process of publishing a book, launching the first ever conference for women size 10+, theCURVYcon, etc. etc.

See, soooo many roses <3

A Year of Loving Myself 2015

So, instead of knocking out these last few pounds I wanted to drop, I’ve been holding on for dear life to maintain.

I’m nowhere near my starting weight and my body is still operating in the benefits of having lost dozens of pounds, thank God. But instead of hitting my personal goal scale-wise in 2015, I’ve been gaining and losing the same 10 pounds.

For a minute there I was so mean to myself. Everytime I posted an outfit picture, I’d harshly criticize it and tell myself I should be way farther along.

But, I work hard to love myself.

Right now loving myself means that I do the best that I can in a year of transition.

This year, the best that I can do is: following my dreams, letting go of things that weren’t right for me, healing emotional wounds, starting new projects and helping others along the way. Even though changing numbers on the scale didn’t make the cut, I’d still say that 2015 wasn’t too shabby.

Anyway, I often get emails asking How do I Love Myself? Here’s a snapshot of what it looked like for me– I always keep it real with you and this post is no different. All the beautiful rosey things you see me doing are rooted in making decisions out of love for myself (even when they weren’t fun decisions).

I’m grateful for all of it *sigh*

Do you have some “love yourself” tough decisions to make?

 

Dear CeCe: I’m Confident, Single & Struggling. Help!

Hi CeCe!

I have a question/need some advice. I’m having a hard time because I’ve fought so hard for the confidence I have, but the fact that I’ve never had a boyfriend is making me feel sort of undesirable!

I’ve never really had the confidence to have boyfriend but now I do and I’d really like that experience!

I’m wondering what I can do/where I can go to meet someone. I’m just not sure what to do! I’m going to be 21 soon and I’d love to find someone to share things and experiences with!

Any advice you can give would be so awesome. 

-J

Hi J,

First of all, I love that you’re telling me that you have confidence– do you know how rare and special that is? To boldly say “I’m Confident” is huge and its going to play a key role in your dating journey.

When you said not having a boyfriend was making you feel a bit “undesirable”, my heart broke a little– I know its easy to feel like being in a relationship is the ultimate validation. Trust me, I’ve felt like that before– but it is 100% not true.

Who cares if you’re single?! an unclaimed diamond is still a diamond, ya know?

Who Cares if Youre Single Diamons

Just pinky promise me you’re not going to allow being single to break your confidence, okay? *I’m holding pinky to the screen*

Okay, so back to your question. I’ve dated guys that I met in a variety of places including:

  • The pool
  • The Gym
  • The Office
  • The Coffee Shop
  • The Beach
  • The Club
  • The Bar
  • The Subway
  • The Internet
  • etc.

You know what all of those places had in common? …Me!

I was there, being me, doing my thing and guys approached me. That can happen anywhere, trust me.

So, if you ask me where to meet guys (or girls) I feel silly giving you advice on places to go, but what I know for sure is “wherever you go, there you are”.

The confidence that you mentioned having? That’s the thing that will instantly make any location a good place to meet guys. Because people don’t approach us because they feel its the right environment, they approach us because they see something so attractive in us that they need to know more.

That’s why I made you hold your hand to the computer screen and pinky promise me that you wouldn’t let being single ruin your confidence (wait– you did hold your pink to the screen, right?).

If you start feeling down on yourself because you’re single, then you’ll be giving up on the very thing that will attract the right person to you. Does that make sense?

Instead of being down on yourself about your relationship status. Take your confidence and go do what you love to do. Dance Class, Batting Cages, 5K Race… go do it confidently and keep me posted on who you meet along the way.

xo,

CeCe

p.s. Please Read this post where I go in deeper on what to do while we’re single. It will give you a even more advice 🙂

When It’s Okay To Walk Out Of A Date

Walking into the new, chic bar in Harlem, I had the usual jitters that arrive when you’re about to meet someone you’ve been talking to online. I was nervous — but also excited — to learn more about J.R., the guy I’d been chatting and texting with for a few weeks.

From the moment I saw him (sitting, hunched over his phone, texting), I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I approached him in spite of it. We introduced ourselves, but instead of getting up and heading to the bar with me, he stayed fixated on his phone. After about 20 minutes of this — his phone getting way more attention than me — he excused himself to take a call. You can probably predict what happened next: He never came back. I sat alone in the bar, fighting back angry tears.

CeCe Olisa When It's Okay To Walk Out Of A Date

And yet, from the moment I’d laid eyes on J.R., my instincts had told me I wasn’t walking into a good situation. My Jerk-O-Meter had gone off, and I’d ignored it. Why had I stayed when my gut was telling me to leave? Why had I made feeble attempts at small talk when his body language was clearly telling me he wanted nothing to do with me? Well, I did it because it was the polite thing to do. I let manners trump my instincts. And, I realized with some dismay, it wasn’t the first time I’d allowed my inclination to be considerate overrule my need to stand up for myself.

Related: How to Deal with Rejection

I don’t think I’m alone in this. Women are practically trained to “be nice.” We want to be liked, and so we often act politely — even in the face of someone’s rudeness. Being nice to guys I dated, including ones I knew didn’t deserve it, was something I’d just always done. When J.R. defended his phone fixation with a sarcastic remark and still wouldn’t give me the time of day, I could have — and obviously should have — turned and walked out. But, I kept fighting to be polite. I’m not to blame for J.R.’s bad behavior, but my sitting down and continuing to engage with him indicated that I was okay with how he was treating me, which probably only made him think he could disrespect his future dates, too.

It was this horrible date with J.R. that gave me the impetus to throw my good manners out the window when I deemed it necessary. From now on, I was going to put myself first — even if it meant I had to be a little rude. Enough with the niceness all the time! I was quickly learning that it was not always the best policy. Now, if a date makes me feel disrespected, I have the right — and the obligation — to leave. And, I’m proud to say that’s just what I did the last time a guy I went out with turned out to be a jerk.

Related: Is Online Dating Different for Plus Size Women?

I’d met Pete online, and after some nice email exchanges, we decided to meet in person. Pete picked a coffee shop downtown, which fit my rule about meeting in neutral, safe locations. When I walked in, Pete waved at me, with a smile, from a table in the corner. “What’s up, CeCe!” he said, giving me one of those cool-guy chin nods. I hesitantly sat down. We’d barely said hello when Pete began to talk about himself, non-stop, while also checking out other girls right in front of my face. I looked at my watch (never a good sign during a date), which confirmed that the date had been going on for exactly six minutes. I waited for Pete to ask me something — anything — about myself. But, that never happened.

If this was Pete putting his best foot forward, I’d seen all I needed to. “Actually, I’m going to head out,” I said. “It was nice meeting you!” I picked up my purse and went to get a manicure.

Sometimes, being nice is overrated.

Have you ever walked out on a date? …ever wish you had?

What Happened When I Used A Full-Body Pic On A Dating Site

It took months for me to finally upload a full-body photo to my online-dating profile. Because I’m plus-sized, I figured that a head-to-toe picture would prevent men from messaging me; I assumed cute, up-close selfies would work in my favor — but, boy, did I misjudge that one.

I had heard people say I have a pretty face (the classic “big girl” compliment), so in the beginning, my dating profile pictures highlighted my face — and cut off my body. I usually made sure to include my chest, since, well, that was another area that usually got attention. You know the photo I’m talking about: the selfie taken from a perfect, slightly raised, double-chin-hiding angle — cropped just below the chest.

Putting those assets proudly out there felt like I was presenting the best version of myself — not unlike the way we put our best foot forward when interviewing for a job, right? Could what I was doing really be considered lying if my (innocent) goal was to give a strong first impression?

At first, this approach seemed fine. Many guys messaged me, and while we were flirting I’d always send over a head-to-toe photo of me in a cute outfit — so I wouldn’t shock them when we met in person. That’s when things would get awkward. Some guys would stop texting me; the others made it obvious that they only wanted to hook up. I’d been chatting with one guy regularly, but after I sent the full-body photo, he went from calling me every night (to ask how my day was) to sending messages at 1 a.m. (to ask whether I was dominant in bed).

Related: Is Dating As A Plus-Size Princess A Blessing Or A Curse?

What Happened When I Used A Full-Body Pic On A Dating Site

I was frustrated beyond belief. It became exhausting to sense chemistry with someone and then have to wonder if everything would change once he saw my body. It almost made me want to stop dating online altogether. But, that was before I stopped to consider: Was I doing this right?

To find out, I decided to re-do my profile. I was still eager to present my best self, but this time with honesty and integrity. So, I added five full-body photos to my dating profile, and the results were somewhat surprising: Continue reading

Dear CeCe: How Are Things with Robert?

I was with Mr. Man the other day, when I got a comment on my instagram account.

I miss your story telling ;-)) on the blog (massive hint on Robert stories, cough cough! ! Lol!!)

I laughed and showed the comment to Robert, who smiled. This was probably the fifth comment I’d shown Robert via twitter/facebook/email, etc. asking how things are with him.

“What are you going to do?” he asked.

“I dunno…” I said,  slipping my leg under his. “In the beginning, there was so much to write about because, there was all this Um… Are We Dating?? tension. Now I’m like happy and stuff, and that seems a bit– I dunno… boring?”

Robert looked at me for a minute… “Why don’t you just tell your girls that you’re happy?”

I swear, he’s a genius. (I have a tendency to overcomplicate things, which is why its nice to date a guy who keeps things simple.) So here’s the deal… I’m happy! Ta-da!

To be honest, I was nervous to mention that things with Mr. Man were going well for a few reasons. 1.) Now that I’m not confused about our status, my connection with Robert is more precious to me 2.) Something I’m learning about strong relationships is that a level of privacy is important. Everybody doesn’t need to know everything 3.) I didn’t want to get all overly gushy on here and be like “oh em gee, I’m dating the best guy evarrrrr!” (that would be annoying) 4.) We’re getting to the point where people think its appropriate to ask when we’re getting engaged and I didn’t want to open myself up to those questions on the blog.

Its funny– when you’re single, people can make you feel awkward about not having someone. Once you have someone, people make you feel awkward about not being engaged/married. Once you’re married the pressure for kids and buying houses begins… it never ends! Seriously, it NEVER ends, I think my parents get asked why they don’t have grandchildren!! *throws hands up*

Plus Size Dating CeCe Robert

Truth be told, there’s some personal work I need to do before I’m anybody’s wife/mother. Also, time together doesn’t mean that a relationship is ready for the (in my eyes) permanent step of getting married. So, there’s some things I need to see in myself and in us as a couple before I start tapping my toes waiting for a ring.

Also, I fully believe in what I said in this post/video, my time as a single girl is something I will never get back and I want to squeeze every last drop out of my solo life before I merge it with anybody. Cause, best believe when I do get married ya’ll will be like what happened to CeCe??

… and I’ll be M.I.A. just… “all up in the kitchen in my heels #DinnerTime”

bey22

 

Anyway, I have a good life and I’m glad Roberts a part of it… I’m glad you girls are a part of it too! In an effort to find balance, I got a extreme and kind of cut you girls out of my dating life and I’ll try not to do that anymore.

xo,

CeCe

Dear CeCe: I’m Still a Virgin… HELP! #CurvyConvo

Soooo suddenly, my email inbox is full of letters from Plus Size Princesses who are also riding the “V Train”.  As you may have noticed, dating & relationships is usually what I stick to, but the amount of “Help, I’m still a virgin!” emails I’m getting tells me that we need to talk about this… so I’m going to step out of my comfort zone and answer two letters that I feel all of the virgins can relate to.

Everyone’s view of intimacy is different, and there’s no perfect answer that will fit everyone, so please feel free leave comments and offer guidance to these girls if you have it. I’ve gone into much more detail in the YouTube Video Below:

Letter 1:

Hey, CeCe!

I have a dilemma, a big one. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for four months now. Through advice from you and your blog posts, I was able to actually get over all of my body hangups, and I am able to be vulnerable with him when it comes to my body. My issue is that I am a 23 year oldvirgin,. I (one) never met anyone I felt comfortable getting intimate with before my boyfriend that felt like getting intimate with me back and (two) I have been battling with myself, and my religious beliefs on if I want to stay avirgin until marriage or not.

I have gone back and forth with this, and now that I found a guy I actually love, I’m thinking more and more that I would actually want to do the deed with him. A part of me is hesitant though. I mean, when I’m not a virgin any longer, what am I? I have been virgin Stephanie to all of my friends and family and it’s a part of my identity. I even used to wear it as a badge of honor. But a part of me wants to eventually (giving myself a year together before crossing that line) just share this with my boyfriend, who loves me like…I never thought I could or would be loved. But the other part feels like everyone will judge me, think less of me, and say that I was the girl that gave it up.

I know you may not be able to tell me what to do exactly, but I guess I am looking for advice on what you would do, or anything that could help. (Of course, no pressure from my boyfriend, he’s prepared to wait until marriage). I just know when it’s gone, it’s gone. And that part is terrifying. I don’t want to make a mistake or the wrong choice. 

Thank you for taking the time out to read this, if you ever get the chance. I love your blog and have been an avid reader for years.

Letter #2

Dear CeCe,

I’m a big fan of your blog and the positive and powerful messages you share with your readers. I’ve been one of those readers for over a year now. I’ve gotten so much strength out of your writing, and that’s why today I decided to write you an email out of the state of mind I’m in right now. 

I have had no luck in dating. I’ve had guys taken advantage of my good heart. That’s why when I met this new guy online I was so happy that we talked trough text messages for over a month. He is Muslim and couldn’t meet up, because he was fasting for Ramadan for the past month. He was clear he wanted to meet me after this month and we stayed in contact. Our conversations got longer and longer and even tough I tried to slow things down we both expressed our feelings for each other. There was only one thing I kept a secret from him. The thing is, i’m a 26 year old virgin. I didn’t want to tell him over the phone about this very personal and intimate part of myself. But at some point our conversations gotten too long and I felt I couldn’t keep it a secret. So I told him and he was shocked. Two days after this conversation he told me trough text he changed his mind. He said it was not his task to take my virginity and because i was already 26 i should continue to wait for marriage. The warm man he was earlier became ice cold. What’s the worth of staying a virgin if it feels like a burden?

I was hoping to get some advice or an opinion from you or your readers. Maybe they recognize the situation I’m in? 

Hi Ladies,

First of all, thanks so much for trusting me with such an intimate topic. I’ve made a video addressing both of your letters, but here are some things to think about as you watch:

1.) Why do we value/devalue ourselves based on our “body count”? I often feel like people make you feel awkward about sleeping with zero people and awkward if you’ve slept with lots of people. Is there something else we should be using to define ourselves as women?

2.) I can totally understand having your virginity as part of your identity. If you were raised in the church like me, purity culture is probably ingrained in you from the time you could say “he’s cute!”. Waiting for marriage is such a beautiful choice (a choice you’ll have to make again and again with each relationship, as you’re clearly learning ;-)) but I dont think you should feel like you’re falling off of your pedestal just because you decided to “do the do”

3.) I’m always careful not to put my self esteem in the hands of others. Parents, Pastors, Boyfriends, Girlfriends… none of them have the right to make us feel valued/de-valued based on what we do with our bodies.

4.) If you’re looking to lose your virginity, do your best to make it a shame and guilt free experience. Don’t rush things if you’re not ready. Dont feel bad if you’re more than ready… deep down you know what’s right for you

5.) As PSPs a lot of us struggle with physical intimacy because of our body image issues. That’s okay and perfectly normal. I still think its up to us to learn how to love ourselves in every way before we start introducing other folks into the equation. Perhaps we need to have some… um… solo intimacy times, put John Mayer “Your Body is a Wonderland” on repeat and go exploring!

Got a question for me? Contact me here!

Okay, now for this video where I dive deeper into virginity (and why I think the muslim guy bounced lol)

Dating: Who Should Affirm Our Beauty?

One of my recent guilty pleasures is this dating show where the participants meet, naked, on an island, and try to find love (does any of you watch Dating Naked on VH1?). Anyway, in one episode, a female contestant seemed to be hitching her self esteem to the compliments of the naked meathead with whom she was riding horses. “He told me I was beautiful, so that made me beautiful…” she said.

I wanted to throw a pillow at my television screen and yell, “NO! You’re beautiful, period!” The premise of the show is pretty ridiculous in and of itself, but what I found even more outrageous was this woman’s inability to feel beautiful without her guy’s assessment.

And yet, a lot of us are guilty of fishing for compliments or looking to partners for praise. I’m certainly not exempt from this. The fact is, it’s not easy to only look within ourselves to affirm our beauty. I often talk about how confidence is complicated. I know from experience that being confident is a journey, not a destination, and I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a tough road. While I try to be self-assured and poised, others’ opinions (men’s especially), have had an impact on how I feel about myself and my appearance.

My dad raised me to believe that I’m beautiful, inside and out — and I’m grateful for that. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stay in that protective bubble forever. Growing up, if someone I was crushing on didn’t feel similarly about me, I questioned my attractiveness. But, if a boy asked me to a dance, I could feel my self-esteem sky-rocket. In college, when I was single, I wondered if it had something to do with how I looked. But, when I started dating a guy who told me I was beautiful, well, then it was easy to believe I was.

Eventually, I began to realize: I was doing myself a disservice by allowing the men I did (or didn’t date) determine how I felt about myself. I mean, they call it self esteem for a reason, you know? Wanting to get off this exhausting roller coaster (feeling good about myself one month, lousy the next) I decided to return to what my father had taught me so many years ago: I’m beautiful — period. 

Dating Who Should Affirm Our Beauty

The thing is, I can appreciate the boost I feel when a man compliments my appearance, but it’s far more important that I feel good about myself regardless. I don’t want my positive self-image to be defined by the way a man sees me. I was able to put this idea to the test about a month ago when I decided to take out my hair extensions and rock my short, natural hair (you can watch that process if you’re interested). As I went from hair that fell down my back to a short cut that hits just below my ears, I knew I loved it.

But, although I felt gorgeous and had a spring in my step when I walked out of the salon, I worried that if my boyfriend didn’t like it, my bright mood would dampen. More than that: I knew that I wanted him to be attracted to me with my new ‘do. Still, I also told myself that what mattered most was how I felt about it. And, I meant it. The minute my man saw me, though, I could tell by the look on his face that he loved it. That took me from cloud nine to cloud 10.

And, it hit me: When our partners make us feel beautiful, it’s not a bad thing — as long as we also feel beautiful on our own. It’s kind of like that pair of jeans that makes your @$$ look amazing. Those jeans aren’t magic, but they might just have the power to make you feel hotter than you already know you are.

…Thoughts??? Do you think its our partners job to make us feel beautiful?

Plus Size Dating Standards | Body Image | Shopping with Friends #CurvyConvo, Live (Episode 2)

Do you ever think about how upgrades are relative to what we had before? One girl may go from a flip phone to an iPhone 3 and be so hyped she wouldn’t even realize she was missing out on an iPhone 5. Another girl may order an iPhone 5, but get intimidated by all the new things it can do… return it and go back to her flip phone.

Those same things can happen in dating… Sometimes we think we’ve “upgraded” because someone is treating us better than what we’re used to. But if we’re used to being treated poorly, that doesn’t mean much.

On the other hand we may say we want to upgrade, but when it finally happens we get in our own way and can’t adapt. That was me when I first met Mr. Man: I had been whining that I seemed to only attract “flip phone dudes”, but when a “smartphone” type of guy was put in my path, I panicked and couldn’t activate our relationship.

I had a harsh conversation with myself in a post called “I said I deserved the best, but do I believe it?”  and then I pulled it together slowly. I had been praying for a certain type of guy, I had been complaining that I too deserved to be with someone who had the qualities I was looking for… so why was I shocked when he finally came along?

ask for what you deserve

In this weeks #CurvyConvo, Live! we had a good chat about plus size dating standards, body image issues and how to shop with your skinny friends without feeling uncomfy. You can watch the video below… I’m really enjoying talking to you girls live each week, so I’m going to keep it going 🙂

The next #CurvyConvo, Live will happen on Monday, August 25th at 9pm Eastern RSVP here!

Also, if you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can submit it at PlusSizePrincess.com/Contact

Special thanks to my girl Amanda for hanging with me… follow her on YouTube: youtube.com/imfashionablylate

Dear CeCe: Should I Lose Weight for my Boyfriend? #CurvyConvo

Today’s Curvy Conversation comes from Twitter:

Hi CeCe!

I met amazing guy last night who told me I was equally amazing, but would love for me to lose weight while we get together. 

He said it so sweetly, as in “please don’t think you are not beautiful and I do want to be with you just lose a little weight…” part of me was a little sad, but a part of me wanted a reason to get back to the gym because I wasn’t getting ANY love from ANYONE.

He wants to be with me, but wants me to lose weight…I know I shouldn’t care what he thinks, but I kind of do. I kind of feel bad that a guy is the reason I want to get back to the gym, but he is so damn fine Im going HAM on that treadmill! 

I need your advice, should I care that he wants me to lose weight (“not too much I like your curves”) in order to stay w/me?

Hi there,

Thanks for tweeting/writing me 🙂 I’d like to address your question in a special way this week, if you don’t mind.

First, I’m going to give you a few questions to think about, below.

Second, hopefully some of our fellow Plus Size Princesses will chime in and offer your their advice, in the comments section because we all have different experiences when it comes to dating and weight loss. I think different points of view may be helpful here.

Thirdly, I’m going to dive into your question with some of my favorite plus size bloggers during my first #CurvyConvo Live Twitter chat/Video Stream on Sunday August 10th

In the meantime, here are some things for you to consider:

1.) You said you met him last night. Do you think its appropriate for a man you’ve known less than 24 hours to ask you to lose weight?

2.) Do you think motivation to live a healthy/fit life should come from others? or some from within ourselves?

3.) How would you feel if you gained the weight back and he had an issue with it?

4.) How do you feel about the “not too much” comment?

5.) If someone you’ve known for years asked you to lose weight for them– what would you tell them?

Ladies, if you’re reading this and have thoughts/advice for our girl– please help us out in the comments section.

Also, join us as we dive deeper into weight, dating, fashion and more during my #CurvyConvo: Live session.

August 10th

6:00-7:00pm EDT Twitter Chat (use #CurvyConvo, to join)

7:00-7:30pm Live Video Chat (RSVP here)

should i lose weight for my boyfriend plussizeprincess.com