Tag Archives: Curvy Convo

Event Recap: Speaking at Refinery29 Celebrating Kelsey Miller’s Book, “Big Girl”

It’s pretty exciting to watch my internet friends do amazing things.

It’s even more exciting when they ask me to be a part of it.

Kelsey Miller has just released a book called, “Big Girl: How I Gave Up Dieting and Got a Life” and I am so incredibly proud of her. I’ve read the book and it is so open and honest… I feel like there’s a little piece of all of us inside of her storytelling.

If you don’t know Kelsey, she’s the creator of the Anti-Diet project on Refinery29. She’s been super supportive of me in countless ways, so when she asked if I would be a speaker on a body image panel during her book launch, I immediately said yes.

Check out my video recap below and order “Big Girl” here

The Panel

Kelsey hand-selcted four powerful female voices from around the internet…

IMG_9399

From left to right:

What I wore…

IMG_9397

IMG_9368

Jump Suit: Jibri | Cropped Coat: Old/Sold Out | Shoes: (Similar) Zappos

The Woman of the Hour…

IMG_9400

Kelsey is the best! Soon after joining the staff of Refinery29, she created The Anti-Diet Project, one of the website’s most popular franchises. She is currently a Senior Features Writer and lives in Brooklyn.

The Conversation (Video Recap)…

The Book…

Big Girl Book kelsey miller

 

Order Here

If you’d like me to come speak at your school, sorority, event, etc. click here to contact me!

A Year of Loving Myself: 2015

 

If I were the type of person who said things like “This is gonna be my year!” I would have said it on January 1, 2015. But I’m not that kind of person, so I just giddily looked ahead. I was confident that at the end of 2015 I would love myself and my life in a completely different way than I did in 2014.

Welp– I can confidently say that I was right, but… um… my version of 2015 was all roses and what really happened was roses and thorns… lots of thorns (shout out to Brett Michaels, you called it bro).

Loving yourself and living a life you love are beautiful goals. The results are always worth it, but what it takes? Noooo… I wasn’t ready!!!!!!!

Anyway, here are a few crazy ways that I loved myself in 2015, in no particular order…

I Quit My Job

For a long time, I had this blog, my YouTube channel, #PSPfit, friends, family, a boo thang and a full-time job. For about two years I’d work nights and weekends on my passions and then spend Monday-Friday, 9-5 sitting at my day job with my stomach in knots. I had great co-workers and an awesome work environment, but I knew I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do.

A year ago this week I said good-bye my corporate job, my paid vacation and my guaranteed paycheck (!) so that I could go “all in” with the work I do online.

From the moment I moved to NYC, I’d been working for the validation of other people. I’d been hoping and praying for someone to take a chance on me, to choose me, to pick me out from a crowd and say wow that girl has something.

This time, I did that.

I chose me.

I bet on me.

I decided that a steady paycheck was good, but what I had to offer the world was more valuable than a consistent direct deposit.

For the full story of how I quit my job click here

I Stopped Dating Robert

Yes, your girl is back on the market.

streets been waiting

Shout out to those of you who figured it out on social media (some of ya’ll don’t miss a beat, sheesh!), Anyway– I’m sorry I ignored your questions– I just wasn’t in the mood to discuss it.

I only have good things to say about Robert and the time I spent with him. Ending things was pretty simple: I needed more than Robert could give me, so it was up to me to tap out.

But here’s the deal– It took me a LONG TIME to get up the courage to call things off.

As women, we talk a lot about finding love/relationships but not a lot about losing love/relationships, so I will definitely be digging more into this topic; but for now, I’ll say that ending a relationship that isn’t serving you is a huge act of self love (especially if the person is awesome, augh!). If you’ve done it, I am giving you the biggest hug and high five. If you know you need to do it, I’m telling you now that it’s painful and annoying, but the life and love you deserve are on the other side, I promise.

I Started Therapy

I’ve always been curious about therapy. I didn’t have a particular reason to go, but once I started? Oh Em Gee! There’s so much to unpack!! It’s been really helpful to explore why I struggle with certain things or why I have certain patterns in relationships with friends and dating. It took me a few tries to find the right therapist for me, but now that I’ve found a good fit I look forward to exploring myself each week and growing up a bit.

Therapy is like the gym… for your heart and soul! #PSPfit

If you’re curious about therapy, I highly recommend InYourCornerOnline.com it’s skype Therapy so you can choose people who specialize in what you need help with and you can do your sessions from anywhere!

I Helped Others

Do you Remember “Dear CeCe: I’m Single, What am I Doing Wrong??” Well, in that post I broke down how to find purpose in your single life.

Not dating Robert anymore meant that suddenly our standing date nights were open on my calendar. I could have “started wearing less and going out more” on those days, but I didn’t.

Okay– I kinda did…

beyonce started wearing less and going out more

But I ALSO made sure to walk in my purpose and find ways to help people. Instead of having a date night with Robert every Tuesday, I started #PSPfit WERKshop, a Tuesday night workout class for my NYC readers and it was amazing!

The girls that showed up were so beautiful and positive– they had no idea they were helping me through an awkward time in my life. I taught them workouts and they taught me that when you have a purpose, you can fill any void in your life.

I Looked Up, Waaaaaay Up!

paulo-coelho-quote

*some say Universe, I say God (or Jesusssss *praise break*)

I set out to love myself more in 2015 and I was thinking like massages, manicures and two piece bathing suits in Jamaica would cover it. Little did I know that there were deeper lessons God had on deck for me in 2015.

A huge part of loving myself is my relationship with God. I could preach to you and say we are fearfully and wonderfully made… but instead I’ll just say, God don’t make no junk. God wants the best for me and is always looking out for my best interest even when it doesn’t feel good. Some amazing reminders of this have come from the following religious and non-religious places, No matter what your beliefs are, I think you can find some great inspiration with:

The Alchemist, a Life changing book

Jesus Calling a quick daily devotional that is so beautiful and speaks to my soul every day. It’s basically 365 days of love.

Intentional I think I listened to this song for like three days straight

Keep on Singing My Song Christina at her best singing from the depths of her soul, yes LORD! Lyrics include:

‘Cause I’m about to
Say farewell to every single lie
& All the fears I’ve held too long inside
Every time I felt I couldn’t cry
All the negativity I had inside
For too long I’ve been struggling. I couldn’t go on
But now I’ve found I’m feeling strong and moving on

 

I Stopped Being Mean to Myself

During all of these wacky loving myself moments, I was still dealing with a multitude of other personal issues, the stress that came in my first year of working for myself aaaand I was signing with a literary agent, starting the process of publishing a book, launching the first ever conference for women size 10+, theCURVYcon, etc. etc.

See, soooo many roses <3

A Year of Loving Myself 2015

So, instead of knocking out these last few pounds I wanted to drop, I’ve been holding on for dear life to maintain.

I’m nowhere near my starting weight and my body is still operating in the benefits of having lost dozens of pounds, thank God. But instead of hitting my personal goal scale-wise in 2015, I’ve been gaining and losing the same 10 pounds.

For a minute there I was so mean to myself. Everytime I posted an outfit picture, I’d harshly criticize it and tell myself I should be way farther along.

But, I work hard to love myself.

Right now loving myself means that I do the best that I can in a year of transition.

This year, the best that I can do is: following my dreams, letting go of things that weren’t right for me, healing emotional wounds, starting new projects and helping others along the way. Even though changing numbers on the scale didn’t make the cut, I’d still say that 2015 wasn’t too shabby.

Anyway, I often get emails asking How do I Love Myself? Here’s a snapshot of what it looked like for me– I always keep it real with you and this post is no different. All the beautiful rosey things you see me doing are rooted in making decisions out of love for myself (even when they weren’t fun decisions).

I’m grateful for all of it *sigh*

Do you have some “love yourself” tough decisions to make?

 

I’m Single… What am I Doing Wrong?! | Plus Size Dating | Love & Relationships

Dear CeCe,

For some reason I have the worst luck dating. For some reason, EVERY guy that makes a pass at me only wants me a “pillow buddy” or his friend on the side. I feel like I deserve to be the main chick. I dress conservatively, am well educated, am active in my community, work out regularly, have my own money, & keep myself up. Could there be something I have been doing for the past 10 years that has me screwing up my dating life?

P.S. Tried dating online… yea, same deal. All the guys just wanted me as a random hook up. I assure you the pictures I posted werent suggestive. Please help me! -DN

Hi DN,

Thanks for being patient while I gathered my thoughts on your letter. Hopefully some of the other PSP’s will chime in with their advice too!

I really wish I had a magic trick to sift through all the troll-ish men out there, but for me it was really time, staying in the dating game and keeping a diverse social roster that got me dating quality men.

 I do have some thoughts on what to do while you are single/navigating the dating game, so I made you a video response. Do you ever notice that many women who have been married for a while speak wistfully about their single life. Wishing they had done more while they had time/freedom?

Being single was really hard for me. I spent the first few years of my twenties, frustrated because I didn’t have a guy to spend time with. Then when I was like 25, I shifted my thinking and became grateful that I had extra time, love and talents that I could share with others in a variety of ways.

I think I’ve been trying to rush through being single instead of making the most of this portion of my life when my time/money/responsibilities are mine to work with.

Questions that are coming up for me during my single/unmarried time are:

  1. Are there people around me who could use my time/gifts/talent?
  2. What can I do now that I might not be able to do when I’m married or a mom?
  3. Is there something specific I’m supposed to be doing before I meet someone?

I’ve been doing my best to answer those questions and live my life accordingly. From there, my life has taken me to many unexpected places and in a lot of ways, me tapping into that is what attracts Robert to me.

I think you’re on the right track and I definitely don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. My main advice is to not let any of the love in your heart go to waste, there’s someone out there who needs it.

xoxo,

CeCe

p.s. Ladies, do you have any additional advice for DN?

 

Single What Should I do

My Weight Makes me Uncomfortable on Dates | Curvy Conversations | Plus Size Dating

Hey Cece!  

I am one of your biggest fans, I’m from Nairobi Kenya not sure if that rings a bell but anyhoo, I LOOOOVEEE you, your work i.e. your writing, and your #PSPfit….basically everything about you!
My question was kinda personal which is why I decided to email you directly. I’ve always felt self conscious about how much ‘wider’ I was compared to the dudes I liked and even went out with! Much like you, I also want to feel like a little bird with a guy or at the very least have him tower over me…I remember once I was on a movie date and I felt sooo awful because my ‘sides’ spilled over into his seat as well..and I remember being so sad and tense that I could hardly enjoy the movie!
 
Have you ever had this issue i.e. feeling self conscious in particular scenarios e.g. car rides, movie dates etc, where suddenly you were confronted with your size in comparison? Sigh I dont want this to ruin the next and final relationship…how does one ‘feel’ small or just get over this kind of reality? Hope I’m making sense….
 
Thanks loads for your time CeCe..you’re one of my imaginary mentors in my head! Lol
Hey Miss,
You are too sweet… I decided to answer your letter in a YouTube video. We all know that plus size dating can be frustrating, so even though you’re wrestling with some things I think its great that you’re putting yourself out there.

My main suggestion to you is to try and look at yourself as a total package. Guys are asking you out because they see something in you that’s special. We all have flaws, some more visible than others, but its up to us not to get so hung up on our flaws that we block the good things/people coming our way.

With Robert I feel more and more like a “little bird” with him because I let my guard down and open up. But it doesn’t come easy, but I have a feeling from your vivacious email that you can do it!

xoxo,

CeCe

p.s. Does anyone else have advice for our friend from Nairobi?

p.p.s Registration for the #PSPfit Pre-Summer Clean Eating/Fitness Bootcamp opens on April 10th. Registration closes April 20th, pre register at www.PSPfit.com for registration info, discount codes and membership giveaways! Questions? Email fitness@thebiggirlblog.com