Tag Archives: Curvy Conversations

Dear CeCe,

I love your blog! You really inspire me! I am in need of a little advice.

There is a guy at work, whom I work with closely. Everything he does says he likes me. Even my coworkers say that he has a crush on me. He comes to see me with a huge, enchanting smile on his face almost daily for things that could be handled via email, he calls me nice names like sunshine…he even took me on a nice lunch where he proceeded to tell me intimate-datey details.

I am really falling for this guy and it’s making me crazy.

Why hasn’t he asked me out? Could it be the taboo of office relationships? In an effort to avert my thoughts from him, I signed up for a dating site. To my surprise…he showed up in my daily

To my surprise…he showed up in my daily matches as a 95% match! Needless to say, it is racking my brain once again. Please give me some advice! I don’t know if I should make a move, give an obvious sign of interest..or just give up because he isn’t making any moves! Help me girl!!!

Needless to say, it is racking my brain once again. Please give me some advice! I don’t know if I should make a move, give an obvious sign of interest..or just give up because he isn’t making any moves! Help me girl!!!

Please give me some advice! I don’t know if I should make a move, give an obvious sign of interest..or just give up because he isn’t making any moves! Help me girl!!!

-Work Crushing

Hey Miss, Work Crushing!

You might remember that I met Robert at work (wootwoot!) and I just ended things with him after three years (womp womp!) so I’m going to give you two sides to this situation.

The Easy Part

Girl, he likes you and you didn’t need a dating app to tell you that!

When guys go out of their way to give us attention, it’s because we’re cute and awesome and they see that. But, I understand how insecurities can make it hard to be confident in what’s going on.

Lucky for you, a dating app gave you even more confirmation– so when it comes to being more forward with him I think you’re good to go!

If it were me, I’d ask him to lunch, bring up the dating app connection and say that if he wants to take me on a date, I’m down! If I were in a really aggressive mood, I’d mention the dating app connection and then ask him out… but there’s one big reason why I might skip that approach, which leads me to…

The Hard Part

It seems like your co-worker crush is doing a tip-toe dance around asking you out. He gets you on a solo lunch date but then doesn’t quite make it clear what he’s looking for from you.

We both know he saw the dating match thing too, so why isn’t he saying something?

It seems like he’s hovering around the soccer goal, but won’t kick the ball in for some reason.

Moving things forward in a relationship takes vulnerability and that’s hard for both men and women. The ideal situation is when both people are willing to risk being vulnerable. I’m the kind of person who sees what she wants and goes after it, I make myself vulnerable and take those awkward risks in relationships and I need a guy who’s the same way (at least when it comes to me *hair flip*).

So, while I totally think you should go for it with your co-worker, I also think you should make sure that if you continue to date, you’re not the only one moving things along… hopefully that makes sense.

Good Luck and Let me know how things progress!

xx,

CeCe

p.s. do any of you ladies have advice for our girl?

A Year of Loving Myself: 2015

December 22, 2015

adthrive psp

If I were the type of person who said things like “This is gonna be my year!” I would have said it on January 1, 2015. But I’m not that kind of person, so I just giddily looked ahead. I was confident that at the end of 2015 I would love myself and my life in a completely different way than I did in 2014.

Welp– I can confidently say that I was right, but… um… my version of 2015 was all roses and what really happened was roses and thorns… lots of thorns (shout out to Brett Michaels, you called it bro).

Loving yourself and living a life you love are beautiful goals. The results are always worth it, but what it takes? Noooo… I wasn’t ready!!!!!!!

Anyway, here are a few crazy ways that I loved myself in 2015, in no particular order…

I Quit My Job

For a long time, I had this blog, my YouTube channel, #PSPfit, friends, family, a boo thang and a full-time job. For about two years I’d work nights and weekends on my passions and then spend Monday-Friday, 9-5 sitting at my day job with my stomach in knots. I had great co-workers and an awesome work environment, but I knew I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do.

A year ago this week I said good-bye my corporate job, my paid vacation and my guaranteed paycheck (!) so that I could go “all in” with the work I do online.

From the moment I moved to NYC, I’d been working for the validation of other people. I’d been hoping and praying for someone to take a chance on me, to choose me, to pick me out from a crowd and say wow that girl has something.

This time, I did that.

I chose me.

I bet on me.

I decided that a steady paycheck was good, but what I had to offer the world was more valuable than a consistent direct deposit.

For the full story of how I quit my job click here

I Stopped Dating Robert

Yes, your girl is back on the market.

Shout out to those of you who figured it out on social media (some of ya’ll don’t miss a beat, sheesh!), Anyway– I’m sorry I ignored your questions– I just wasn’t in the mood to discuss it.

I only have good things to say about Robert and the time I spent with him. Ending things was pretty simple: I needed more than Robert could give me, so it was up to me to tap out.

But here’s the deal– It took me a LONG TIME to get up the courage to call things off.

As women, we talk a lot about finding love/relationships but not a lot about losing love/relationships, so I will definitely be digging more into this topic; but for now, I’ll say that ending a relationship that isn’t serving you is a huge act of self love (especially if the person is awesome, augh!). If you’ve done it, I am giving you the biggest hug and high five. If you know you need to do it, I’m telling you now that it’s painful and annoying, but the life and love you deserve are on the other side, I promise.

I Started Therapy

I’ve always been curious about therapy. I didn’t have a particular reason to go, but once I started? Oh Em Gee! There’s so much to unpack!! It’s been really helpful to explore why I struggle with certain things or why I have certain patterns in relationships with friends and dating. It took me a few tries to find the right therapist for me, but now that I’ve found a good fit I look forward to exploring myself each week and growing up a bit.

Therapy is like the gym… for your heart and soul! #PSPfit

If you’re curious about therapy, I highly recommend InYourCornerOnline.com it’s skype Therapy so you can choose people who specialize in what you need help with and you can do your sessions from anywhere!

I Helped Others

Do you Remember “Dear CeCe: I’m Single, What am I Doing Wrong??” Well, in that post I broke down how to find purpose in your single life.

Not dating Robert anymore meant that suddenly our standing date nights were open on my calendar. I could have “started wearing less and going out more” on those days, but I didn’t.

Okay– I kinda did…

But I ALSO made sure to walk in my purpose and find ways to help people. Instead of having a date night with Robert every Tuesday, I started #PSPfit WERKshop, a Tuesday night workout class for my NYC readers and it was amazing!

The girls that showed up were so beautiful and positive– they had no idea they were helping me through an awkward time in my life. I taught them workouts and they taught me that when you have a purpose, you can fill any void in your life.

I Looked Up, Waaaaaay Up!

*some say Universe, I say God (or Jesusssss *praise break*)

I set out to love myself more in 2015 and I was thinking like massages, manicures and two piece bathing suits in Jamaica would cover it. Little did I know that there were deeper lessons God had on deck for me in 2015.

A huge part of loving myself is my relationship with God. I could preach to you and say we are fearfully and wonderfully made… but instead I’ll just say, God don’t make no junk. God wants the best for me and is always looking out for my best interest even when it doesn’t feel good. Some amazing reminders of this have come from the following religious and non-religious places, No matter what your beliefs are, I think you can find some great inspiration with:

The Alchemist, a Life changing book

Jesus Calling a quick daily devotional that is so beautiful and speaks to my soul every day. It’s basically 365 days of love.

Intentional I think I listened to this song for like three days straight

Keep on Singing My Song Christina at her best singing from the depths of her soul, yes LORD! Lyrics include:

‘Cause I’m about to
Say farewell to every single lie
& All the fears I’ve held too long inside
Every time I felt I couldn’t cry
All the negativity I had inside
For too long I’ve been struggling. I couldn’t go on
But now I’ve found I’m feeling strong and moving on

I Stopped Being Mean to Myself

During all of these wacky loving myself moments, I was still dealing with a multitude of other personal issues, the stress that came in my first year of working for myself aaaand I was signing with a literary agent, starting the process of publishing a book, launching the first ever conference for women size 10+, theCURVYcon, etc. etc.

See, soooo many roses <3

So, instead of knocking out these last few pounds I wanted to drop, I’ve been holding on for dear life to maintain.

I’m nowhere near my starting weight and my body is still operating in the benefits of having lost dozens of pounds, thank God. But instead of hitting my personal goal scale-wise in 2015, I’ve been gaining and losing the same 10 pounds.

For a minute there I was so mean to myself. Everytime I posted an outfit picture, I’d harshly criticize it and tell myself I should be way farther along.

But, I work hard to love myself.

Right now loving myself means that I do the best that I can in a year of transition.

This year, the best that I can do is: following my dreams, letting go of things that weren’t right for me, healing emotional wounds, starting new projects and helping others along the way. Even though changing numbers on the scale didn’t make the cut, I’d still say that 2015 wasn’t too shabby.

Anyway, I often get emails asking How do I Love Myself? Here’s a snapshot of what it looked like for me– I always keep it real with you and this post is no different. All the beautiful rosey things you see me doing are rooted in making decisions out of love for myself (even when they weren’t fun decisions).

I’m grateful for all of it *sigh*

Do you have some “love yourself” tough decisions to make?

Is “Weight Loss” a Bad Thing?

October 10, 2014

CeCe Olisa

Fitness 30 Comments

Question: Is the idea of “weight loss” a bad thing to you?

Here’s why I’m asking: last weekend I posted this photo on Instagram…

Someone left a comment saying You can HAVE what ever desert you want. It’s the desert you prefer or should eat.

A few days later, someone on Facebook asked me why my “Plus Size Fitness: How to do a Push-Up” post had the words “weight loss” in the link description. I answered saying that we’re all on different journeys and I want never want to exclude anyone, but I felt like my answer wasn’t enough.

I think we all know the ugly side of diet culture. I know what its like to be the youngest girl at weight watchers meetings. I know what its like to be given unsolicited diet advice from strangers. I know what its like to deprive myself, obsess over the scale and still feel like I’m failing. I can confidently say that dieting and engaging with my body in a negative way has never done me any good. That’s what’s so amazing to me about being body positive. Shifting my goals from “get skinny” to “get healthy” was the most liberating decision I could have made. I finally understand that the most valuable results I can strive for are health related, not scale related.

#PSPfit is a space that is inclusive to any healthy curves journey. Most of us have been judged for not being thin, so maybe we should be careful not to become judge of women for their health goals, whatever that may be.

Maybe words like “Have” and “Weight Loss” are triggers for those of us who have been bruised by diet culture but as I celebrate Healthy Curves at Every Size, those words don’t have power over me anymore. I know that I will always be a big girl, but I also know that my PCOS becomes more manageable when I shed a few pounds *shrugs*

At this point I can understand that “Lose Weight” doesn’t mean “Get Skinny”. I can say I “can’t have” chocolate cake and know that what I’m really saying is “chocolate cake is not supportive to my body right now” and I think its okay to say things like that.

I am body positive, I love myself and I love my body at any size but sometimes I need structure. Sometimes I need to challenge myself to fill up on yummy healthy hearty foods so that I don’t even consider eating something that’s made in a factory and comes out of a crinkly bag. That’s why we’re starting another #PSPfit online bootcamp next week, because remembering how much my body loves clean eating will help me to make better choices during the holiday season.

I think part of being being body positive is loving your body through working out and eating healthy. Sometimes that means saying no to indulgent foods and sometimes your body sheds a little weight too… but that’s just me!

…Thoughts?

I Am Unapologetically Human… A Note to Linda Kelsey (The “Fattist” DailyMail Writer)

July 10, 2014

CeCe Olisa

Curvy Conversations 223 Comments

The average newborn is 7.5 pounds… I came into the world at 10 pounds, so you might say I’ve been a Plus Size Princess since the beginning. I was eight when I began feeling bigger than the other girls. I was 12 when my pediatrician wrinkled her nose and bluntly told my mother that I was fat.

I’ve been dieting, losing weight… and gaining more back ever since.

I never saw my weight as part of my identity because being a big girl was always supposed to be a temporary thing. The plan was to do all of the things that skinny girls do: Moderation! Self Control! Eat Less, Move More! and then a skinny body would be mine too.

But here’s the thing, exercise and eating well has enabled me to have a clean bill of health, but it has yet to make ME skinny. Maybe my 10 pound birth weight was the spoiler alert I was destined to be plus size. Maybe its my Poly Cycstic Ovarian Syndrome that keeps me from being small… who knows!

What I do know is that I have a choice. I can live my life miserable because of what the scale says or I can live an awesome life no matter what the scale says.

Today when I saw Linda Kelsey asking why young women are so unashamed about being fat in this article. I felt like she was writing directly to me. She told a story of seeing Plus Size Princesses in the airport heading out for vacation.

They sounded – and looked – happy and carefree. But what mesmerised me most about this jolly trio was not their conversation, but their appearance: they were size 18 apiece, at least.

Wait a minute… I’m at least a size 18 and when I’m headed out for vacation I too am carefree and happy! Ms. Kelsey, were you at JFK when I flew to Mexico??

Far from body hatred, what I witnessed was a let-it-all-hang-out faith in themselves and a don’t-give-a-damn attitude to their evident obesity.

Okay, you’re in the UK and I’m in NYC so maybe it wasn’t me you saw. But let me explain to you what you witnessed with those three plus size girls in the airport…

We live in a world where men feel comfortable walking up to women and screaming “lose some weight, fat ass!”. We live in a society where girls on a weight loss journey stop jogging in public because people heckle them from their cars. We are brought up with messaging that our value as a person is based on our body type and the bigger you are the less value you have.

Then to top it all off we have “unappologetically fattist” people like you who think being overweight “should be as unacceptable as smoking”. Smoking is not allowed in the work place, restaurants, and a good chunk of public spaces… I’m trying to figure out if that’s what you’re suggesting should be done about us “fatties”.

So, Linda what you interpreted as a “don’t-give-a-damn” attitude in those girls dressing as they wanted with no concern for your opinion was actually them being vulnerable, being themselves and being comfortable with their bodies– a tough thing for any woman to do at any size… but seeing big girls do it? In my opinion, you witnessed a miracle.

Those girls have heard you and your fat-phoboc friends loud and clear their whole lives… they know you can’t stand anyone who isn’t thin. They know that the presence of their large bodies made you uncomfortable and yet they were still able to get out of bed, dress as they wanted and live… an amazing feat, I’d say!

Big girls know that we’re big and most of us are working on our health. I started the #PSPfit online fitness community because big girls DO work out and eat healthy. If being skinny is in the future for any of us fatties it wont happen overnight (heck, I’ve lost 55 pounds and I’m still fat) but in the meantime as WE figure out whats best for OUR bodies I think we should be allowed to just have a good day. I think we should be allowed to love our bodies currently as we work towards being our best selves. We should be allowed to smile, laugh, dance, go on dates and break free from the body policing many of us have been dealing with since childhood.

Linda, listen to me (listen to me Linda!)– You’re unapologetically fattist and I am unapologetically human. All humans have things they’re working through. I’m working through my weight, which means my struggles are on display for the world to see and critique in articles online. You have the luxury of keeping your struggles hidden, but I imagine that you don’t spend every moment of every day crying and hiding because of them, so please don’t expect me to do that. I don’t know what your struggles are, but if I did I would be compassionate.

Some say we judge others harshly in the areas where we are insecure. Sometimes I wonder if its not my fat body that people hate, but the happiness, joy and full life I have in spite of it.

No apology needed, Linda… No apology needed.

I’m Sorry!

December 8, 2013

CeCe Olisa

Curvy Conversations 32 Comments

If someone offends me, I write about it here… and if I offend someone I think I should write about it here too.

I’m not afraid to talk about race, which is why there’s a “size & race” category on this blog, but last week I made a comment in the comments section of a post that came off way wrong. I’m not sure how many of you saw the comment, but I want to make sure all of you see my apology for it.

When I respond to your comments, I may not write long responses to you because for me our exchanges feel like I’m chatting with friends. I’m also realizing that maybe I don’t explain things that need explanation and that’s what happened last week during this interaction:

I was responding to everyone’s comments on the post. When I got to that comment and wrote “all of your assumptions are correct” I meant that the lady was Asian (which she was) and that she isn’t very PC (which she isn’t. She’s constantly saying awkward things to customers… the “you’re too big to fit in the bathroom” incident was just my turn). Unfortunately, I didn’t elaborate on my thoughts which made me come off like a jerk. I was typing quickly and didn’t think that confirming “all” of the assumptions in the comment would confirm multiple things that were offensive.

I reread the blog post and oddly enough I didn’t mention the nail lady’s race at all, probably because to me it isn’t relevant. I hate that my response to that comment shifted the focus from my weight to her race because that was not my intention at all.

I’m a woman, I’m black and I’m fat so I definitely know how frustrating it is to be stereotyped. Thanks to @PurpleOrchid and @Marchesa, the two commenters who called me out on my response. I would have had no idea that my comment was coming off racist/prejudice if you ladies hadn’t said something.

I want to say loud and clear that my I’m sorry.

xoxo,

CeCe

It’s Too Small for You, Right? …right.

December 4, 2013

CeCe Olisa

Curvy Conversations 43 Comments

I walked into the nail salon on Saturday and the large bottle of water I drank on the way there caught up with me.

Something you should know about me is that I despise public restrooms, but my bladder is tiny so I’m forced to use them often. This has made me somewhat of a bathroom connoisseur. I’m the girl who asks her friends “how’s the bathroom?” before I go inside. When I’m interviewing for jobs, I judge companies on how their bathrooms are. (I truly believe that you can tell how much a company cares about its employees by the way their bathrooms are maintained) but I digress….

Anyway, having to use the ladies room at my nail salon is something I really try to avoid. I’ve had to use it a few times over the years and the bathroom is the size of a matchbox. Not to mention, it has no ventilation, so as public restrooms go… its my worst nightmare.

As my hands and feet finished drying, my bladder refused to be ignored. I pulled the paper from in between my toes and motioned to the salon owner “Um, can I use your restroom?”

“Sure, straight back…” she replied.

I made my way to the restroom, opened the door and was almost knocked unconscious by the most foul odor you can imagine. Someone had gone in that small windowless bathroom and done something ungodly in there. I quickly slammed the door, wiped the tears from my eyes and ran out covering my nose.

The owner looked at me, “the bathroom is too small for you, right?” she asked.

*blank stare*

I was 99.9% sure that the bathroom smell was the work of one of the nail technicians. I didn’t want to embarrass anyone, so I said nothing, but her assumption that I couldn’t fit into the bathroom was so annoying!

If you saw a skinny girl run out of the bathroom after two seconds covering her nose, would you assume it was because that bathroom was small? No… you’d probably think she was covering her nose because of, I don’t know… a bad smell, perhaps!

Of course, because I’m a Plus Size Princess, the only issue I’m allowed to have is “not fitting” inside of a bathroom.

Its just a reminder that some people really can’t see past my weight… augh!

Is “you’re so confident!” a Backhanded Compliment?

July 7, 2013

CeCe Olisa

Beauty Dating Fashion Fitness 77 Comments

“I really admire your confidence…”

“You are so confident girl, yassss!”

“Your confidence is really inspiring….”

These are all kind words. Words that some of you have written to me in emails and tweets, words that have kept me going on my “bad days”… most of the time when someone comments on my confidence, its genuine, positive and I love it. But today as we revisit our confidence is… complicated series, I want to talk about reading between the lines of a Confidence Compliment.

You see, most of us understand the beauty of loving ourselves at any and every size. We know it’s not an easy task, but we work on it and we lift others up as they do the same.

But… I’ve learned that some people look at Plus Size Princesses and just can’t understand how we get out of bed in the morning, let alone put on a cute outfit. They don’t understand how we walk out the door with flawless makeup and werk it on the dance floor. They watch in awe as we draw men (and women) in with our curves without even knowing it.

Because in their minds, if they were a big girl, they’d just die. If they were a big girl they’d either be at the gym working out, or they’d be in bed under the covers hiding. If they were a big girl, no amount of spanx would make them comfortable enough to wear anything other than baggy sweats. And going out to meet new people?? Forget it!

So when they look at us, living full unapologetic lives, consciously or subconsciously they can’t help but comment on it, often in the form of a Confidence Compliment.

I had a friend who regularly gave me Confidence Compliments while freaking out when she gained five pounds. After a while, I began to read between the lines and I figured out that when she said “CeCe you’re so confident” she was really saying “CeCe, if I was as big as you I wouldn’t know WHAT to do”.

Nope, she wouldn’t… and that’s okay!

*hair flip*

Have you ever watched interviews with people who have gone through intense tragedy and the reporter tells them “you’re so brave!” its kind of the same thing. Some people admire the confidence we have to show our faces through the tragedy of being overweight.

But here’s the thing– usually when those reporters call survivors brave, they downplay the situation and remind everyone that they’re just living life with the cards they were dealt. That’s how I feel about being a Plus Size Princess.

Waking up, getting dressed in clothes I love and walking out the door without hating myself isn’t “Confidence”. For me its being a normal person.

Then again, maybe it’s not normal. Maybe those backhanded compliments are really saying “I don’t love myself and I’m smaller than you… how do you manage to be a big girl and love yourself ?”

Loving ourselves at any/every size should not be an oddity. Embracing our bodies while putting our best foot forward is something we should all be empowered to do.

Weight is not the definition of who we are.

I want my life to be defined by the love I give… and the first person I’m going to show love to, is me!

xoxo,

CeCe

P.S. NYC girls, come shop my closet this Wednesday at the #NYCurvyCloset sale (Size 10-28, Everything under $50)

Big Girls are More than Maternal Figures …Thoughts?

April 22, 2013

CeCe Olisa

Dating 29 Comments

Before we jump into todays post, thanks to everyone who is a part of the #PSPfit bootcamp. We’ve got a few walk-in tickets for any girls who want to come workout with us and get the clean eating packet for the week. Join us, Get your $20 tix here.

Now for todays post:

My girl @FeministaJones is a great twitter personality who has a lot going for her, she used to be a lot bigger than she is so its fun to tweet with her about +size problems. Last night she got me all turned up when she called out subtle fat prejudice by tweeting this:

RT if you treat the hefty friends you have like maternal figures and have no fear going out with them

— FJ The Riveter(@FeministaJones) April 21, 2013

Hopefully you get her humor and see that she’s calling out the people who have Plus Size Princesses in their lives because we’re “safe” and make them feel good about themselves.

Yes, she said it and I echo the sentiment.

For many people, a Plus Size Princess is a safe friend. A PSP is the girl you go out with because it automatically makes you the hot chick. Is it something that’s done on purpose? I’m not sure. But ask any PSP who has lost a significant amount of weight, some of the relationships with their female friends did not survive once they slimmed down. Hmmmm.

My main fascination with this is how people refuse to acknowledge that Plus Size Princesses can have a romantic/sexual life. When I was auditioning for roles in theater, I was constantly cast as the “Mom”, the “Teacher”, the “Aunt”… even if I could sing the part of the girlfriend, my size made it impossible for casting directors to see me as an object of desire.

This type of thinking floods back into the real world and my relationships with my female friends. I am safe. It reminded me of something that happened a few years ago, so I tweeted the story to @FeministaJones:

A friend asked if her bf could stay w/ me in NYC… Alone. Thought it was odd then realized she didn’t see me as a threat @feministajones

— CeCe Olisa (@thebiggirlblog) April 21, 2013

Am I a trustworthy friend? Sure. Was I attracted to her boyfriend? Absolutely not. But think about it, if I had a Kim Kardashian body, do you think my girl would send her boyfriend to sleep over at my apartment for a few days without her? That request helped me see that for many women I’m very much a non-factor. “Lets see if you can stay with CeCe” is the same to them as “Lets see if you can stay with my Aunt Glenda”.

For many people I’m just this warm maternal figure who will take care of them and anyone around me (this happens to be true I’m a first-born and a Cancer) but to ignore that I’m also a sexual being capable of desire and being desired is to ignore my femininity and my womanhood.

@thebiggirlblog until he tries to slide on in..

— Sweet Sap Jane (@languishlita) April 21, 2013

…and there you have it. Thanks @languishlita for making it plain!

Thoughts? Chime in below!

#PSPfit Clean Eating & Plus Size Fitness Bootcamp

April 3, 2013

CeCe Olisa

Curvy Conversations Fitness 69 Comments

Lets take the 6 weeks before Memorial Day to work with a professional Nutritionist on Clean Eating & a professional Trainer on Fitness… Are you in? Sign up today! Registration ends on April 12th.