Tag Archives: BBW

Dear Closet Chubby Chasers… Go Away!

This weekend I logged onto my facebook page and I was like…

Beyonce-Knowles-Offended-Reaction-Gif

Some dude had liked my page, left a whole bunch of comments and then started sending me private flirtatious messages asking me to call him. He even left his phone number! One of the awkward parts about being a plus size blogger, is that the pages I create to keep in touch with my PSP’s sometimes get infiltrated by creepy men. As I went to click the “block” button, I realized something. This guy was carefully perusing my photos and posts, but his facebook profile was locked down like Fort Knox. He had no photos and his name was listed as “Jamal Jamal”.

Isn’t it fascinating how men love to divulge their attraction to big women when hidden behind the veil anonymity?

The same thing used to happen to me when I was doing online dating. I’d have messages from men telling me how hot I was, but they had no photos, no profile info, nothing! Of course these men expected me to fall all over myself because they were giving me attention, but when I’d ask them to reveal their identities and send me a photo… Chubby Chaser HidingChubby Chaser HidingChubby Chaser Hiding

I am so sick and tired of men who are passionate about their “love for big women” but ashamed for anyone to know about it. The closet chubby chasers… the bbw fetish guys… the “come hook up with me in my dorm room but don’t talk to me in public” dudes… What is your problem?! Its hard enough maintaining confidence as a big girl without having to deal with your insecurities about your attraction to me. Telling a girl she’s pretty while refusing to be seen with her in public is a form of body shaming. Get out of here with that nonsense, please!

But here’s the deal… as much as I want all closet chubby chasers to go away, I can’t ignore the role that Plus Size Princesses play in making the “Jamal Jamal’s” of the world think its okay to keep us as a dirty little secret.

It’s up to us as big women not to settle for the guy who only wants to sleep with us but wont introduce us to his friends.

It’s our job not to let ourselves get sucked in by flattery from blank/anonymous profiles.

It’s our responsibility to think highly of ourselves and hold ourselves to a higher standard.

These closet chubby chasers do hurtful/shameful things to big girls because we let them. If we all banded together and said, no… we refuse to be your midnight girlfriend/pillow buddy/anonymous pen pal, then maybe… just maybe guys would cut it out. I know sometimes its hard and it feels good to have male attention, but if a guy can’t even show me his face as he tells me how beautiful I am, his words mean nothing to me. I’m going to block all closet chubby chasers and I encourage all of you to do the same…

clueless_hairflip

Dating Big Men… Thoughts??? (Part One)

“You’re such a cute little thing,” James said, as he draped his arms around me in line at the movies.

A week later we were walking across 23rd street holding hands. When we stopped at a red light, he tugged me until I was nestled against his side, his hand wrapped tightly around my waist he leaned down and kissed me behind the ear. “You’re a sexy little thing, aren’t you?”

Dating James was the first time in life I’d ever been called “little”. I’m a 5’10 Plus Size Princess who weighs *mumbles* pounds and I’ve been this way since I was 12, so when James would constantly refer to me as little, I thought he being sarcastic or making a joke about me. But then I realized, I was dating a semi-professional football player who was 6’3 and 345 pounds. I’d dated tall/skinny guys before, but James was larger than me in every way and when he pulled me close I did feel somewhat small… tiny, even!

…and I loved every minute of it!

Unfortunately James didn’t have his life together, so he never seemed worth blogging about, until last night when I started thinking about the ongoing conversation that happens every time a Plus Size Princess says that she prefers a certain “type” of man.

I’ve mentioned here that I usually date guys with a basketball or baseball players build. I’ve written posts about dating a big man and feeling guilty because I wasn’t attracted to him. I often get comments/emails/tweets from people chastising me for not dating big men, so I thought I’d open up the conversation here… feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, I’ll share a few of mine:

1.) I’m always fascinated when PSP’s are forced to justify who they are attracted to. It just perpetuates the myth that +size women don’t “deserve” to be with certain types of people. (see: “Superficial Fat Chicks & Other Myths” for my detailed thoughts on this).

2.) The simple fact is, I date who approaches me– and big men rarely approach me. Most of the time, its big men who aren’t checking for a Plus Size Princess, but for some reason that seems to be okay with everyone. Just wondering: why aren’t male dating preferences scrutinized as women’s?

3.) Thinking back on my time dating James, I actually was a hypocrite. I was a hypocrite because I knew on our first date that I wasn’t interested in him, but I kept dating him for three weeks. I continued dating James because he was a big handsome man and he made me feel tiny. Dating a huge buff man made me feel like I had lost 75 pounds over night. I liked the way I felt standing next to him (and I’m not going to lie, I liked that he called me “little”). How could I write posts complaining about men who only date me for my size… and then date a man only for his size. I was being selfish and heading down the road to fetish-town which was not cool at all.

I’m going to stop there and revisit this topic in another post after hearing what you guys think.

Dating Big Men… Thoughts???

Say “More Cushion for the Pushing” and I WILL Dump You.

“She is plush, soft and gorgeous and I’m quite happy to take her to bed every night,” Bruce said of his Plus Size girlfriend, Jess.

VH1 has a new show called “I’m married to a…” where they profile “unconventional couples“. The premier episode featured a “BBW and FA” relationship. For those who don’t know, BBW = Big Beautiful Woman, FA = Fat Admirer. (side note: I gave my TV the longest *blank stare* over the fact that dating a big girl is considered shocking enough to be on this show). Anyway, as they profiled Bruce and Jess, I noticed something. Bruce could not keep his hands off of Jess. There was footage of him pinching her face, kissing her constantly, chasing her around the house and spanking her and wiggling his eye brows as he spoke about sleeping with her and explaining to the camera and his male friends that “Fat sex is… its nirvana!” he also said “I could look at Jess from any angle and get a chill up my spine and say ‘yeahhhhh that’s all mine’!”

I am always irked when men act like sleeping with Plus Size Princesses is the only reasons they give us the time of day. You’ve heard this talk before… “More Cushion for the Pushing”, “I don’t want to feel like I’m breaking a girl when we’re in bed, big girls can handle it!”, “They’re give you shade in the summer and warmth in the winter”, the list goes on and on. Even though Bruce seems to have good intentions he is poster child for someone who is dating a personification of their fetish instead of dating a person.

MCFTP

Is there anything wrong with him feeling this way about Jess? Nope! But Bruce said nothing about the personality traits Jess has, instead he focused on constantly detailing their sex life. As far as I can tell, if he writes his own vows when he marries her (as he plans to do) he will stand on the altar and make a passionate speech about how good it feels to sleep with her. Awk!

We need to take a very close look at the types of women we’re quick to sexualize and the types of women we shield from that type of talk. Here are some questions I have:

Do we ever hear men talk about their skinny girlfriends this way? I’ve never seen a guy on TV ranting about the amazing way his skinny lovers body feels. I also don’t see men with skinny girlfriends going on and on about how great it feels to sleep with a small girl. I feel like if being with your girlfriend is “nirvana” that’s information for you and her to share and taking it upon yourself to publicize her intimate qualities is disrespectful.

-Why do men lead with the sex as the reason they date big women? I understand that there’s a bit of overcompensating happening in these situations, especially if men are getting a hard time from their friends about being with a Plus Size Princess, but I see no reason to convince the world that what you’re doing is pleasurable. If you like her, date her and keep it moving. If you’ve got something to prove, don’t use me/my body to do it.

-How much is too much? All men have things that they’re attracted to. I’m currently dating a “boob man” and I don’t mind that he might mention his attraction to The Twins in public. I had to ask myself why something like that is okay, but the comments Bruce made about Jess are not. I think there is a big difference between openly discussing your attraction to someone and openly discussing the sex you have with that person.

Just like I hate when men flirt with me by saying “I love big girls!”, I don’t think leading with my size is ever appropriate or cute.  No matter what size I am, if someone asks why you’re with me and all you can talk about is our physical chemistry? We’ve got a huge problem.

I will never be interested in the fact that you love big women, I will only ever care about if you love me. On the other hand, if these men are continually talking like this, that means there are some women out there who enjoy it, so how does this sit with you? …thoughts???

I Gave Him My Number (Part One)

The minute I locked eyes with the tall chocolate man behind the register at Urban Outfitters, something inside me awakened. It wasn’t love at first sight, but more like whoa you’re really hot and you keep looking at me maybe you think I’m hot too— whatever feeling that is. He kept glancing over at me from behind the counter and I kept pretending not to notice, while panicking on the inside. I was buying candles and a pair of sunglasses (all that would fit me from that store), and wasn’t sure what I should do if by chance I was called to his register.

This was (before Robert) when I was starting to understand that a Plus Size Princess can never predict who will be attracted to her. I had been going to the BBW parties in NYC and the experience of going to bars/clubs where my size was not an issue was doing amazing things for my confidence.

So there I am, making eyes with the store clerk at Urban Outfitters with butterflies in my stomach. I was next in line and there was a 50/50 chance I would be called to his register… but do to a missing price tag, I wasn’t. Instead I was waited on by a polite hipster girl who wrapped my sunglasses in tissue paper and sent me on my way. As I tucked my credit card into my wallet I snuck one last glance over to my chocolate cashier and to my terror/glee he was staring at me too and he smiled.

When I got home, I was still thinking about him. Without speaking he had stirred something up in me and I couldn’t ignore it. I wanted to know more about him and the way he looked at me was as if he was interested. Before I realized what I was doing, I googled the phone number for Urban Outfitters and dialed it.

“Urban Outfitters, how can I help you?” a cheerful woman answered.

I froze– I hadn’t really thought through what I would say, so I began to wing it.

“Hi… Um… I was just in your store and I think one of my friends was working the register but– the line was so long I couldn’t speak to him… he’s a really tall black guy with a bald head?”

“Oh, yeah– Brian, he’s here but he’s on break.”

“Okay, um… can I maybe leave a message for him?”

“Sure,”

“Okay– Can you tell him that CeCe called. Here’s my number…”

I gave her my name and number, hung up the phone and exhaled deeply. It was a random slightly stalkerish thing to do, but somehow it made me feel better. I was becoming more fearless when it came to men, less convinced that everyone was going to reject me. This was good.

Two hours later, my phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize.

“Hello?”

“Yeah, this is Brian, someone left a message for me to call this number… CeCe?”

“Yeah, that’s me, um… hi.”

“Hello”

“I was in the store today and you kept looking at me… I just… I just wanted you to have my number and I figured since you were at work you couldn’t ask for it.”

“Oh,” he laughed. “Well, a lot of girls come in the store. What do you look like?”

I couldn’t bring myself to describe myself as big/plus size/fat (I’ve grown more since then, but at that time it wasn’t happening) so I offered to text him a picture.

“Okay cool,” he replied. “send it to me now, I’m about to get on the train though.”

We hung up and I sent my most recent, cutest, full body pic. I figured I was being more forward than I had ever been before, there was no need to hide now. 40 minutes later I had a text back:

You are so beautiful

Ready for Part two? Click here!

Where are the BBW Clubs in NYC? (Plus Size Princess FAQ’s)

I love getting emails from you and I’ve been noticing that there are a few questions that I get asked all the time. So I thought I’d start a FAQ segment in case there were other Plus Size Princesses that had similar questions. Ready? Lets begin!

Hi CeCe,

I’m visiting the New York/New Jersey area and wanted to check out some BBW clubs or lounges where I won’t be judged! Do you have any tips?

In my experience there are two BBW parties in New York City that happen regularly: Goddesses and Bigger and Better Thangs (BBT).

Goddesses

Goddesses was the first BBW party I ever attended. When I first started blogging about the BBW Scene I called it DIVAS for some reason– I guess to protect the innocent? Anyway, I’ve had some good and bad nights there, I’ve met some hot guys and some trolls, I’ve been there when it was packed and I’ve been there when it was a whole bunch of PSP’s fighting for the attention for 2 or 3 guys. You can’t predict the Goddess party, which is one of the reasons I stopped going (if I’m going to pay a $20 cover, the party needs to be awesome).

Sometimes Goddesses reminds me of a a bad cruise. The party is very “organized” with contests, themes and a DJ who plays outdated songs. The first time I went to Goddesses they had a “thong” contest where girls pulled down their jeans and shook their butts for the judges and the drooling men who were huddled against the wall.

The guys there can be a little corny. Some of them do choreographed dances (its like a bad Usher video). But some of the guys are super sweet. Again, you never know what you’re going to get when you go there.

The good thing about Goddesses is that its every Saturday night, so its a guaranteed place to go not matter when you’re in NYC.

http:/www.goddessbbw.com/

Bigger and Better Thangs (BBT)

Bigger and Better Thangs (yes, Thangs) is a BBW party that happens twice a month at club Remix. In my opinion, this is the better party. The DJ is always ROCKIN’ with current songs and they usually have two rooms, one with mainstream music and another with reggae/dancehall music.

The BBT crowd is predominantly African-American, but I’ve seen all types of people there having an awesome time. I would choose BBT over Goddesses mostly because it feels like a “normal” club. There are drink specials, two awesome DJ’s and everyone dances all night, this makes paying $20 worth it.

There is a more blatant sexual energy at the BBT parties, (I was at a BBT party when I was approached by swingers) but again, its a good party no matter what.

http:/www.biggerandbetterthangs.com/

No matter which party you decide to attend, keep your expectations low. As I wrote a few weeks back, finding love in the club isn’t a realistic goal. But having a good time in a place where you feel comfortable is an awesome thing!

xoxo,

CeCe

CeCe@thebiggirlblog.com

A Big Girl Rant: Why do I Attract Closeted Gay Men???

I think it was Rosanne Barr who said “If it weren’t for gay men, fat chicks would never have anyone to dance with”. To a certain extent, I agree… I can remember a few awkward moments on New York City dance floors when a random “gay in shinning armor” would come to my rescue and dance with me, saving me from the sadness of feeling invisible.

I feel like there is an unspoken bond between gay men and PSP’s (Plus Size Princesses). Its a natural pairing of two groups who are often on the outside looking in. As a PSP it can also provide regular male companionship (and a stand-by date, if needed). I love my gay male friends, they are all so different some are very professional, some are more creative and they all bring different things to my life… but as a PSP there is one type of gay man that I have to warn you about:

The gay man who thinks he’s straight.

Call it what you will “Closet Case”, “Suspect” or “Down Low” it is my observation that, these men often date big women. Its almost as if the gay man inside of them recognizes the connection they could have with a PSP, but somewhere things get confused and suddenly they are seeing her romantically even though they are sexually attracted to men.

I’ve had it explained to me that a woman with lower self esteem (as PSP’s often have) may excuse or ignore the signs that the man in her life might be gay.

I see how this can be easy to do, if you take a woman who often gets little to no attention from men, and suddenly a man (perhaps a well dressed, attractive, polite, put together man) is interested in her. This man knows how to make her feel special and isn’t afraid to tell her how important she is. Her choice then becomes: ignore how quickly he pulls up the online bingo tab to cover up the Britney Spears video, and all the other signs that put his sexuality in question, or face them and risk being alone… again.

I don’t want to be that girl, and so far I’ve dodged the bullet (Remember James?).

I found out recently that this is something I’ve been dodging since high school. When I was a Sophomore, John Tomsonni, who was like, “The Senior” told Andrew, my Best Friend (who at the time wasn’t out of the closet) that he wanted to take me to the winter formal. I could not believe that of all the girls he could choose from, he wanted to take me. Unfortunately I was 15 and my parents would not let me go on dates until I was 16. He went off to college that year and I always had hopes of rekindling what could have been. I sort of lost track of John, but found out recently that he’s living in Colorado with his longtime boyfriend.

I even have my doubts about Jeremy! I didn’t want to bring it up, but I sent my sister a link to his facebook page the other day. She called me a few hours later and the first question she asked me was “do you think he might be….”

“OH EM GEE… YES!” I screamed, “What made you ask?”

“I dunno… some of his photos” she replied. “there’s nothing wrong with them, but…”

I threw myself face first into my pillow to muffle the screams coming out of my mouth because I knew what she meant. I had spent a good amount of time studying his photos and there was just something about them; and my sister saw it too (who knew gaydar was genetic?).

Now, good gaydar doesn’t go off because a man is wearing a pink sequin shirt, it goes off on an x-factor, something you often can’t pinpoint. Its the kind of thing where even if a guy is wearing a football jersey, chugging beer and screaming at the TV set, you can still pick up that he’s Suspect. You just see something in him that makes you question.

But not all men are like that! Most men are just point blank, no questions asked, heterosexual males. So, why is it that every potential guy I come across has me with my head cocked to the side like Scooby Doo?!?!

The really frustrating part is that I think my friends are so eager to see me with someone that they compromise and don’t tell me what they really think. I introduced James to a few people and all of them kept beating around the bush. Even Andrew, who I trust, routinely avoided telling me that he thought James was a closet case. It took someone brazen like Dean to speak the truth and instruct me to move on. Of course, once Dean said “he’s gay” everyone chimed in to back him up, but if he hadn’t spoken up and I was just the tiniest bit desperate… then what?

I’ve seen this happen routinely to other big women out there and I refuse to fall into the trap… I refuse to have people sitting at my wedding wondering “is she blind?” or wondering “with all the gay friends that girl has… why didn’t someone didn’t say something”….

At the end of the day I can’t control the fact that gay men are attracted to me, I guess I just have to make sure I don’t start becoming attracted to them.

Does he like big girls?

There are a two main reasons why I would never make the “first move”:

1.) I feel like if a guy is interested in a girl he will let her know.

2.) I feel like guys are never interested in big girls.

Of course if #1 never happens, to me it just proves #2 to be true.

So when all signs pointed to Jeremy being interested in me, I just could not wrap my head around it. I met Jeremy through a friend, he and I know a lot of the same people and from the moment we met, it was a flirt-fest. Because we run in similar circles, we ended up spending a lot of time together. I’d say we went from being “friendly” to “friends” rather quickly. We call, email and text, and when we’re together there’s a lot of unnecessary hugging, random hand holding and uncontrollable giggling (the giggling–um, that would be me).

A few weeks ago we were curled up together on a friends couch watching movies and out of the blue, he kissed me on the forehead… I’m not sure about anyone else, but that’s kind of an intimate thing to do and it really threw me off. I was confused, so I decided it was time to run the situation by a few friends. They all came to the same conclusion:

He likes you.

But I still wasn’t convinced! My friend Keisha was confused to the point of frustration when I continued to deny his interest in me and Andrew called my assumption that he wasn’t interested “weird”. But neither of them had a clue what its like to be a PSP (Plus Size Princess), so I didn’t even bother to explain to them why, even though all signs pointed to yes, I still couldn’t see it.

Of course with Dana, who is also a PSP, it was different. After listening to me, she was able to put my insecurities into words.

“Forgive me for projecting myself on to you,” she began. “But for me being a ‘bbw’… gosh I hate using that term! Anyway, being… um, plus size… I always assume men wont be interested in me. I assume men don’t like big women and unless I am in a setting like DIVAS or REWIND that caters to women like me… I’m like a fish outta water with men.”

Wow, she was totally right, that’s how I felt….

About a week later, Dana called me. “So I was looking at your Facebook page,” she said. “And I saw a cute photo of you and Jeremy… I clicked on his name and was looking at his Facebook page. What’s the deal with him being in a BBW group?”

“Huh?”

“Like, he’s a member of a group for BBW’s around the world!”

I immediately went to his Facebook page… sure enough, there was a list of the online groups he was a part of. Nestled in between groups for Kanye West fans, Martial Arts enthusiasts and a million other things was a group called “BBW’s and BHM’S Worldwide”. Jeremy wasn’t a BBW or a BHM (which according to google means: Big Handsome Male). As I scrolled through the membership, it seemed to be mostly BBW’s and the smaller men who were into them.

Why was he a part of this group? What did this mean? What should I do? My head was spinning…. I didn’t even know if I wanted anything to happen with Jeremy. I wasn’t sure if I liked him, or if I just liked the attention he gave me. At the end of the day it was pretty clear that I probably hadn’t been imagining things… there was an attraction there.

But that opened up the question of why he hadn’t made any efforts to take things beyond flirting. I mean, even if rule #2 wasn’t applicable in this case because Jeremy did like bigger girls, rule #1 was still in effect, if Jeremy liked me he should have made a move by now, right? Why wouldn’t he? I mean, we like being around each other and we have chemistry….

I started to wonder if I should just lump him in with the majority of the men I see in the BBW scene. The men who have a fetish for bigger girls but would never consider actually being in a relationship with one.

I hope that isn’t the case with Jeremy… but only time will tell.

Battle of the Big Girls

It was Saturday afternoon and Paige was calling me, that could only mean one thing… she wanted to go to DIVAS. I didn’t have plans so we decided to meet up around 10:30pm and head downtown… I had lost 20 pounds and Paige spent the whole train ride talking about it. “Oh my God, what am I gonna do when you’re all skinny?”, “You’re going to be small and leave me at DIVAS all alone!”, “All the guys are going to be all over you tonight!”

When we arrived, the place was packed and Paige and I had to push through a sea of soft bodies just to get to the dance floor. Through the crowd I noticed a guy with a newsboy cap on. He was very attractive and tall, and looking in our direction. I leaned over to Paige, “That guy is so cute!” I yelled over the music. At that moment another guy grabbed me to dance. As I danced with him I watched Paige turn on her heel and walk over to “newsboy cap”. She whispered something into his ear, turned and pointed to me, he glanced up, saw me and whispered back to her. Then she took his hand and they began to dance.

The night continued like this, Paige and I dancing with different guys, people buying us drinks etc. During a song I didn’t particularly like, I took a seat on one of the couches surrounding the dance floor. I felt someone standing over me, it was the “newsboy”.

“Mind if I sit down?” he asked

“Sure,” I replied, scooting over. Newsboy was from Brooklyn and he worked as a manager for the Marriott in Times Square. After chatting for a while, he motioned for me to come closer.

“I have a confession,” he whispered. “Earlier your friend asked me which one of you was cuter… I didn’t want to be rude, so I told her that you were both beautiful girls, but I really wanted to say– you.”

“Um, thanks” I said. I could feel my face getting hot, not because of his compliment, but because Paige would even ask such a question… I was not in competition with her and pitting us against each other wasn’t cool… it was awkward.

Suddenly the DJ switched songs and Newsboy jumped up “This is my joint, right here!” he said taking my hand. He rocked and grooved to “Buddy” by Musiq. I liked the beat of the song but didn’t agree with the lyrics that spoke of a guy looking for a casual sex partner (aka a “Buddy”).

For the rest of the night Newsboy and I were inseparable. When he offered to drive Paige and me uptown so we wouldn’t have to take the subway late at night we agreed. Paige lives in the Bronx and I live in Manhattan, so we drove her as far as we could and she took a cab the rest of the way.

As Newsboy drove me home that “Buddy” song came on the radio. He reached over and turned the music up singing “It would be fly… if you were my B-U-D-D-Y…”

As we neared my apartment, Newsboy asked if he could come up. I said no. He pulled into an open parking space across the street from my building. “Lets just sit here and talk then” he said. He unbuckled my seat belt and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me towards him. He asked questions like “Did you have fun tonight?” and “You know I’m really feeling you, right?” I sat there rigid, with my head on his shoulder wanting to believe what he was saying. As he played with the ends of my hair, he began to tell me how glad he was to have met me and how I sexy I was.

“You should let me come up,” he whispered. “I promise you wont regret it.”

I reached under my seat to retrieve my purse so I could get out of the car. I wasn’t exactly surprised that a guy who is obsessed with a song about having a “sex buddy” was acting this way. But I was frustrated because newsboy was so cute! He was making me wish for a moment that I was the type of girl who could have a guy up for a no strings attached night… but I wasn’t that girl.

“Goodnight.” I said as I went to open the door.

“Hey” he said.

I turned around and he gave me a big smile. “You can’t blame a guy for trying.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. I leaned in to give him a hug and when I pulled away, he kissed me. Everything in me said to get out of the car, but I didn’t move. I let him kiss me again and before I knew it I was kissing him back. Maybe I can do this… I thought. I closed my eyes and let his lips travel down my neck. Maybe this isn’t so bad…

“Lemme show you what I’m workin‘ with” he murmured into my hair.

I was lost in my own thoughts when I heard a “ziiiip” I opened my eyes and saw that Newsboy was proudly showing me his…um… “newsboy”. The sight of it jolted me back to reality.

Very few of the guys that go to DIVAS are looking for anything more than one night, so what is the point of the gorgeous plus size princesses who go to DIVAS pitting themselves up against each other? So, Newsboy liked me and not Paige– that didn’t mean I’d have a chance at a relationship, a date or even a connection… the only thing that insured was that he was going to try and have sex with me and that’s not worth any competition.

I grabbed my purse and jumped out of the car. “Have a good night okay?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ll call you later.”

It wasn’t until my elevator doors closed behind me that I realized he didn’t even have my phone number.