Tag Archives: A Single Girl Rant

Coffee Dates (an Online Dating Rant)

“I would love to meet you in person, are you free this Friday?” Tom asked over the phone.

We’d met online (pre Robert) and had been talking on the phone for about a week. It was definitely time for a face-to-face, in order to see what our true chemistry/attraction was.

“Sure… what did you have in mind?”

“There’s a Starbucks in Times Square, lets meet there for coffee,” Tom said.

***Tires Screeching***

Starbucks?

on a Friday Night?

…in Times Square??

You know those dating commercials that say “Actual First Date” on the bottom, when the two people awkwardly meet in front of a restaurant and then laugh and flirt over sushi and drinks? Yeah. That hardly ever happens to me when I meet guys online. The guys I meet are all about the coffee date.

When did coffee become every guys idea of a perfect date? I have no idea… I mean– get it, a coffee date is cheap and can end quickly if needed. But lately guys seem to feel like they’re really “doing something” if they ask to meet you for coffee (mind you, most guys who have asked me to coffee don’t even drink coffee) augh!

Anyway, I feel like  if a guy is going to use the “lets meet coffee” approach, he absolutely cannot try to book it on a Friday or Saturday night… that’s prime weekend time! If I’m a single girl, my Friday and Saturday Nights are for going out with my girls to meet new guys or for dates that are based around meals, activities or maybe a cocktail. Not paper cups with plastic lids and cardboard slip covers!

Okay, so back to Tom… I hesitated trying to figure out a way to say how I felt about his proposed date.

“I’d love to meet you, but maybe we can do something else? There has to be something else we can do on a Friday night in New York City,” I cooed.

“Well, I really want to talk and get to know you, I think Starbucks is nice and quiet. We can talk over a cup of coffee” he said. He sounded pleased with himself.

“There are lots of restaurants that are nice and quiet too,” I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

As much as I love Starbucks, it is not a quiet french cafe. Between the espresso machine, the frappuccino blender, the baristas yelling out orders and the “artist of the month” playing over the speakers… that place can be far from romantic. Not to mention he wanted to meet at the Starbucks in Times Square. (For those of you who don’t live in NYC, Times Square is like Disneyland)

I could hear in his voice that he was trying to romanticize the starbucks thing, when at the end of the day he just wanted a cheap date (which again, I have no problem with just NOT on a Friday night!). I was backed into a corner because I’d already said I was free, but I refused to waste my Friday night in Times Square drinking coffee. Ultimately, I gave him 24 hours notice that I’d have to cancel our coffee date. Maybe I’m too high maintenance, but I just couldn’t do it…

How do YOU feel about coffee dates? Love ’em? Hate ’em?

A Single Girl Rant: Stop Telling Your Boyfriend My Secrets!

As Robert and I continue to date, I’ve started thinking about the type of girlfriend I want to be. Not to him, but to my female friends. There are so many annoying things my friends do when they’re in relationships, but I don’t think they notice it because they’re not single. So in the spirit of last months Big Girl Rant, today I give you: A Single Girl Rant.

Because TBGB is such a personal blog, I didn’t tell very many people about it when I first started. As time went by, I decided to share it with three close friends. All three of these friends were in serious relationships and although I was very specific about not wanting everyone to know about and/or read my blog… all three of them told their boyfriends.

Of course, they told their boyfriends about TBGB because they were excited about it, proud of my writing and wanted to be the bearer of good news; but it wasn’t their news to tell. If I wanted their boyfriends to know what I was doing, I would have told them myself!

Sometimes I feel like people in relationships need to be reminded of a few things:

  • You are an individual!
  • You are my friend/confidant, your boyfriend is not
  • You are in a relationship with your boyfriend, but I am not
  • You may feel the need to tell your boyfriend everything, but I don’t
  • You may trust your boyfriend, but I don’t (I barely know him!)

It takes a lot to build a friendship. Trust, vulnerability and sharing aren’t things that happen over night. Those are things you earn, and sleeping with my friends isn’t a quick pass into my personal life.

Its frustrating because once I figured out that my friends were sharing things I asked them not to with their boyfriends, I suddenly had to reevaluate what I decided to share with them moving forward and that was awful. I had to accept the fact that things that used to be sacred, weren’t anymore.

The crazy part is, now that Robert and I are dating I find myself wanting to update him on my friends lives. I feel like such a hypocrite, but he knows a lot of them, has met their boyfriends and sometimes I want to mention things that are going on, but then I remind myself what it feels like. I know when my friends confide in me, they don’t expect things to go farther than me, and if course… I know how it feels.

I don’t know… maybe my expectations are too high and this is just what happens when people are in relationships.

Has this happened to you? What do you think?