The following post is an elaboration on something I mentioned briefly at the beginning of this post in 2011. Very few of you caught what I mentioned, but those who did wished me well and that meant so much to me. I was pretty much traumatized by what happened and haven’t been able to blog about it until now. I shared this story briefly during Love Songs & Curvy Conversations on Saturday and so I will go into detail here for those of you who missed it. -CeCe
Climbing a short flight of stairs at work, I was winded. Like, really winded… my heart was racing and I couldn’t catch my breath. Once I got to the top of the stairs, I slowly walked to my desk to rest. Yes, one flight of stairs caused me to sit down and rest at my desk.
I knew something was wrong but I couldn’t figure out what.
I had been taking vigorous classes at the gym that lasted an hour and had no problems getting through them, so why was a single flight of stairs suddenly a problem for me?
Later that evening, the walk from the train to my house was also very difficult. I was trying to walk at my usual brisk pace, but it felt like I was running a marathon. The more I thought about it, the only time I’d ever felt like this was in 2006 when I was taking birth control to regulate my period. As most of you know, I have PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome. Birth control/metformin is a common prescription combination upon PCOS diagnosis. While taking birth control, I developed a blood clot in my leg (you know those fast warnings they list at the end of prescription drug commercials? yeah, those things actually happen). Anyway, we caught the clot early and after taking blood thinners for six months, I was given a clean bill of health and instructions to NEVER take birth control again, which I adhered to.
When I got home I called my Mom. I was due to fly home to California a few days later and I was scared I’d have to cancel my trip.
“Something’s wrong with me,” I said, then I gave her the rundown of what I’d been experiencing.
“CeCe, that doesn’t sound good at all. Can you get an appointment with your doctor tomorrow?”
“I can, but I don’t want to,” I replied.
“…why?” my Mother asked.
“If I go to the doctor and tell her that I’m out of breath when I go up a flight of stairs, she’s just going to tell me to lose weight.”
My Mom sighed deeply, “She might say that, but that’s not a reason to not go. You have to make an appointment tomorrow” I heard in her voice that this was non-negotiable, so I agreed and hung up with her.
My experience with doctors is that “lose weight” is their advice for anything I bring up to them. Even though I never had “fat person” health issues… no high blood pressure or cholesterol, etc. I felt like doctors never dug deeper when it came to my health, they just looked at me and the number that came up on the scale and felt that they saw the root all of my problems.
The next day, I went to see my doctor as promised. I told her what was happening to me, she took all of the initial reads of blood pressure, heart rate and temperature.
“I’m getting winded really easily and that’s not normal for me,” I said, “the only other time I’ve felt like this is when I had a blood clot in my calf from taking birth control.”
She asked me to take off my shoes and climb back onto the doctor bed in the room. The simple energy it took to follow her instructions made my heart race. “See, even doing something as simple as taking off my shoes makes me feel winded,” I told her. She took a look at my legs, “you seem fine… no swelling or tenderness, right?”
“Right.”
“Well, its probably your thyroid,” the doctor said, pumping hand sanitizer into her hands.
“My thyroid?” I said. I’d never been told I had thyroid issues before although I had an inkling that thyroid problems were considered a fat girl health issue, but I wasn’t sure. The doctor didn’t seem to think I was dying, even though the thought had crossed my mind.
“Do you think I’m okay to fly to California tomorrow?”
“You’ll be fine. When you get back, lets make an appointment with a cardiologist too, just to be safe. Of course, if you feel really terrible go to the ER.”
I feel really terrible now I thought to myself, but I didn’t fight her to do more. She was the doctor right? Even though my body was talking to me, the doctors voice rang louder. To be completely honest, I didn’t want anything to be wrong with me, which is probably why I accepted the doctors casual diagnosis. A girl in her 20’s shouldn’t be having crazy health issues and I’ve always been healthy and active despite my weight. I was fine… just my thyroid… I’d deal with everything after I flew to California and back.
“Okay,” I said and left her office.
Do any of you feel like your doctor can’t see past your weight?
(You ca read part two here…)
Omg. The exact same thing happened to me in October 2010. I had clots in my leg that had traveled to my lung. I also went on a business trip right before I finally decided that I needed to see a specialist. My doctor had been diagnosing me with bronchitis!
Omg. The exact same thing happened to me in October 2010. I had clots in my leg that had traveled to my lung. I also went on a business trip right before I finally decided that I needed to see a specialist. My doctor had been diagnosing me with bronchitis!
When I was 29, I had a massive 45-inch blood clot and pulmonary embolism after a prolonged bout of pneumonia that had kept me bedridden. I went to the doctor for my symptoms and was told I had ovarian cysts and that I should be able to tolerate the pain (read: don’t be a wimp, it’s just a cyst). Two days of excruciating pain later, I couldn’t stand or walk and spent over a month in the hospital. The ER docs couldn’t believe I hadn’t come in earlier. Listen to your body, indeed.You know when something is wrong.
When I was 29, I had a massive 45-inch blood clot and pulmonary embolism after a prolonged bout of pneumonia that had kept me bedridden. I went to the doctor for my symptoms and was told I had ovarian cysts and that I should be able to tolerate the pain (read: don’t be a wimp, it’s just a cyst). Two days of excruciating pain later, I couldn’t stand or walk and spent over a month in the hospital. The ER docs couldn’t believe I hadn’t come in earlier. Listen to your body, indeed.You know when something is wrong.
Yes, I feel exactly this way! In early August, I fell while on my dream vacation in HI. I dislocated my right knee – basically ripping it in half. I was in the middle of the ocean and the doctor on the ship thought I was going to lose the leg because he couldnt get a pulse in my foot. I was rushed to the ER where everything became an extra serious issue because of my size. Every single thing, they would tell me was more difficult because of my size. As in…we cannot get an IV in your hand or arm because you are too fat. They finally stuck a line in my carotid artery (neck!). Later in the hospital, an IV nurse came in and had one in my hand in under a minute. I am rambling here but my point is, yes, my size make things more of a challenge, BUT do not use it as a crutch.
PS – My leg is still intact and I am rehabbing. 🙂
*speechless*
But… I’m glad you’re recovering well! xoxo
Thank you! And thank you for sharing your story. It frightened me so I cannot imagine how you have dealt with it all. I guess we learn how strong we can be during these times.
And the lesson is powerful – why do we trust others with our bodies more than ourselves???
Yes, I feel exactly this way! In early August, I fell while on my dream vacation in HI. I dislocated my right knee – basically ripping it in half. I was in the middle of the ocean and the doctor on the ship thought I was going to lose the leg because he couldnt get a pulse in my foot. I was rushed to the ER where everything became an extra serious issue because of my size. Every single thing, they would tell me was more difficult because of my size. As in…we cannot get an IV in your hand or arm because you are too fat. They finally stuck a line in my carotid artery (neck!). Later in the hospital, an IV nurse came in and had one in my hand in under a minute. I am rambling here but my point is, yes, my size make things more of a challenge, BUT do not use it as a crutch.
PS – My leg is still intact and I am rehabbing. 🙂
*speechless*
But… I’m glad you’re recovering well! xoxo
Thank you! And thank you for sharing your story. It frightened me so I cannot imagine how you have dealt with it all. I guess we learn how strong we can be during these times.
And the lesson is powerful – why do we trust others with our bodies more than ourselves???
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! All the time, I can’t emphasize how much I feel like doctor’s can’t see past my weight and it annoys the hell out of me! With the doctors and my friends. If I complain to a friend about any kind of alignment there first response is just go to the doctor. However, I have to always explain it’s not always that easy. I could have something as simple as a broken finger, or a hangnail and I feel like, the doctor’s remedy would be, “well if you try to lose a few pounds, your hangnail would go always!” when in reality, we all know one has nothing to do with the other. This is my #1 reason why I avoid doctors.
Definitely! I don’t like that I feel this way, but I am always reluctant to go because I feel that it will be the first thing out of his mouth. And he’s not wrong… I do need to lose weight, but I wish it wasn’t the go-to reason for EVERYTHING! 🙁
Thanks for sharing Cece! I am looking forward to part 2.
Definitely! I don’t like that I feel this way, but I am always reluctant to go because I feel that it will be the first thing out of his mouth. And he’s not wrong… I do need to lose weight, but I wish it wasn’t the go-to reason for EVERYTHING! 🙁
Thanks for sharing Cece! I am looking forward to part 2.
Definitely!
I don’t like that I feel this way, but I am always reluctant to go
because I feel that it will be the first thing out of his mouth. And
he’s not wrong… I do need to lose weight, but I wish it wasn’t the
go-to reason for EVERYTHING! 🙁
Thanks for sharing Cece! I am looking forward to part 2.
Definitely! I don’t like that I feel this way, but I am always reluctant to go
because I feel that it will be the first thing out of his mouth. And
he’s not wrong… I do need to lose weight, but I wish it wasn’t the
go-to reason for EVERYTHING! 🙁
Thanks for sharing Cece! I am looking forward to part 2.
I feel like my doctor usually suggests for me to lose weight but she in no way singles it out. She usually asks me about my diet and workout regime, which although I am overweight, I workout 3-5 days a week and have a mostly healthy diet, she usually credits my healthy blood pressure/cholesterol to those habits, and then suggest that I continue so I may lose some weight. The one time I did talk to her about wanting to lose weight, she suggested I join Jenny Craig. I told her I’d been on Jenny, lost weight, then gained it back as soon as I got off, and didn’t know what to do about it, she then replied, “That’s easy… just get back on.” LOL! Thanks, doc! 😐
LOL!
I feel like my doctor usually suggests for me to lose weight but she in no way singles it out. She usually asks me about my diet and workout regime, which although I am overweight, I workout 3-5 days a week and have a mostly healthy diet, she usually credits my healthy blood pressure/cholesterol to those habits, and then suggest that I continue so I may lose some weight. The one time I did talk to her about wanting to lose weight, she suggested I join Jenny Craig. I told her I’d been on Jenny, lost weight, then gained it back as soon as I got off, and didn’t know what to do about it, she then replied, “That’s easy… just get back on.” LOL! Thanks, doc! 😐
LOL!
As a fellow PSP (who also happens to have PCOS) I can definitely relate! I used to feel like this all the time, and it made me think twice before going to the doctor. I would wait as long as I could, hoping that whatever it was would go away on its own and that I could avoid it all together. Ironically, it wasn’t until I was visiting my doctor to talk directly about my weight (I was completing pre-surgical testing for bariatric surgery) that I felt like it wasn’t all about my weight for once. (Does that make sense?) It felt like once I acknowledged the elephant in the room (absolutely no pun intended haha) office visits became much less stressful.
Lindsay
http://thejourneytohalf.blogspot.com/
As a fellow PSP (who also happens to have PCOS) I can definitely relate! I used to feel like this all the time, and it made me think twice before going to the doctor. I would wait as long as I could, hoping that whatever it was would go away on its own and that I could avoid it all together. Ironically, it wasn’t until I was visiting my doctor to talk directly about my weight (I was completing pre-surgical testing for bariatric surgery) that I felt like it wasn’t all about my weight for once. (Does that make sense?) It felt like once I acknowledged the elephant in the room (absolutely no pun intended haha) office visits became much less stressful.
Lindsay
http://thejourneytohalf.blogspot.com/
Thank youf or sharing your story. I am a firm believer in listening to your body not the medical community. That you keep going until someone listens. I thank God for the primary physician I had. Although he would suggest losing weight, he listened to what I said and performed medical tests to be on the safe side. One of those safe side test located a tumor in my liver that caused me to endure an 8 hour surgery where they removed 60% of my liver. These tumors would typically rupture an could cause death. God takes care of us and gives us warnings to see about ourselves. Your sisters travel with you was a blessing and I’m somewhat like you in the sense I don’t like to bother people with my situations. But we must learn that we have to ask for help and share so that we can be taken care of. I’m so happy you’re doing better and God kept you. Continue to take care of yourself and lose weight for you and your health not because the doctor thinks you should. You will definitely feel better. I know I do since losing 32#s this summer. Visit SparkPeople.com its free and plenty of support.
Thank youf or sharing your story. I am a firm believer in listening to your body not the medical community. That you keep going until someone listens. I thank God for the primary physician I had. Although he would suggest losing weight, he listened to what I said and performed medical tests to be on the safe side. One of those safe side test located a tumor in my liver that caused me to endure an 8 hour surgery where they removed 60% of my liver. These tumors would typically rupture an could cause death. God takes care of us and gives us warnings to see about ourselves. Your sisters travel with you was a blessing and I’m somewhat like you in the sense I don’t like to bother people with my situations. But we must learn that we have to ask for help and share so that we can be taken care of. I’m so happy you’re doing better and God kept you. Continue to take care of yourself and lose weight for you and your health not because the doctor thinks you should. You will definitely feel better. I know I do since losing 32#s this summer. Visit SparkPeople.com its free and plenty of support.
Wow! I had shivers reading your story. You really are incredibly lucky to have pulled through. I thank you for sharing your story. I will surely think about you the next time something ails me, and I will remember to use my voice and be heard. I think I have to work on trusting myself, and my intuition about my body. Your story is the incentive I needed. Thank you Cece! And I am relieved that you are okay.
This makes me cry every damn time.
This makes me cry every damn time.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this. It is an amazing story and I hope that many people listen to it and listen to their bodies. I have come to realize that doctor’s are humans, and we need to do our research and listen to ourselves, rather than just going with what they say. That you heard your body in the first place, told the doctor exactly what was going on, and he/she didn’t listen is deeply disturbing. I hope that you will let the doctor know, not to be mean, but just so he/she may not make the same mistake in the future. So glad you are safe and feeling better!
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this. It is an amazing story and I hope that many people listen to it and listen to their bodies. I have come to realize that doctor’s are humans, and we need to do our research and listen to ourselves, rather than just going with what they say. That you heard your body in the first place, told the doctor exactly what was going on, and he/she didn’t listen is deeply disturbing. I hope that you will let the doctor know, not to be mean, but just so he/she may not make the same mistake in the future. So glad you are safe and feeling better!
I also had a blood clot in my calf due to birth conrol. I just finished my blood thinners, and I am fine now. But I’m scared everyday that its going to happen again, and I won’t be okay. Its very hard to deal with. I’m glad you’re okay.
I also had a blood clot in my calf due to birth conrol. I just finished my blood thinners, and I am fine now. But I’m scared everyday that its going to happen again, and I won’t be okay. Its very hard to deal with. I’m glad you’re okay.
Wow, I can see why this was so terrifying to write, or even think about! I seriously hate doctors though. I know they are just regular people but I’ve heard so many stories of people telling their doctors what is up and the doctor brushing it away. They are supposed to know when to listen!
Honestly, even though I am inclined to believe that holistic doctors are all “mumbo jumbo,” it does seem that they are more committed to listening to your body, rather than judging you instantly.
Congratulations on making it through this and on your weight loss!!
Wow, I can see why this was so terrifying to write, or even think about! I seriously hate doctors though. I know they are just regular people but I’ve heard so many stories of people telling their doctors what is up and the doctor brushing it away. They are supposed to know when to listen!
Honestly, even though I am inclined to believe that holistic doctors are all “mumbo jumbo,” it does seem that they are more committed to listening to your body, rather than judging you instantly.
Congratulations on making it through this and on your weight loss!!
Oh my gosh. I’m so glad you’re ok. You are just really lucky. Yes, we all have to be proactive in our own health. Noone knows our bodies like we do.
Thank you for the great post.
Oh my gosh. I’m so glad you’re ok. You are just really lucky. Yes, we all have to be proactive in our own health. Noone knows our bodies like we do.Thank you for the great post.
So grateful that you’re okay! I feel like my doctor now wants to attribute everything to my weight but I try not to let them – even after they take my blood pressure repeatedly because they can’t believe that I don’t have high blood pressure or diabetes or anything. It’s hard to ignore the “professionals” so I’m really glad that you posted this. God bless you in your health journey.
So grateful that you’re okay! I feel like my doctor now wants to attribute everything to my weight but I try not to let them – even after they take my blood pressure repeatedly because they can’t believe that I don’t have high blood pressure or diabetes or anything. It’s hard to ignore the “professionals” so I’m really glad that you posted this. God bless you in your health journey.
EVERY. DARN. TIME. My issues started in 4th grade when I had an unexplained rapid weight gain. I was an active child and due to food allergies my mom kept a close eye on my diet, so my mother knew something was wrong. She took me to the doctor and he gave the answer that my mother and I would soon become very familiar with: “she needs to exercise more and eat better” Despite my mom’s attempts to explain to doctors that I was a very active child and ate very well, they all brushed her off. This would continue well into my teens. I was never able to lose the weight that I had gained and puberty only made it worse. Thyroid issues and the like run in my family so my mom would take me to specialist after specialist to see if that was it. One doctor finally tested me and found out that while I don’t have Thyroid issues there were some abnormalities. She however, like every other doctor explained these away with my weight. But my mom is a fighter. She knew something wasn’t right because she had seen me fight to lose weight, not understand why exercise and diets didn’t work, and become less and less willing to go to doctors. I began to resent them all. However, she pushed me to doctor after doctor, all different kinds, and have countless tests done. While I hated it at the time, now I can only really admire my mom. I remember one time she WENT OFF on one doctor who basically called me a lazy, overeating child. But back to the story. Finally, at age 20 I have been diagnosed. It has taken a decade but I finally have an answer. I not only have severe PCOS (what my mother told doctors she thought I had all along) I also had a Cushing’s syndrome. The amazing doctor who finally listened told me that had I gone into my mid twenties leaving these two conditions un-treated I would have almost certainly developed heart issues, become infertile, and possibly have to have a hysterectomy (IN MY MID TWENTIES). So I completely empathize with you. I can’t tell you how many doctors my mom and I saw, I can only tell you how many listened: ONE. Just one. It’s a shame that doctors, whose sole professional goal is to help people, are so quick to overlook and dismiss people simply because of their weight. Its a shame that could have cost me my health and ability to have children in the future. God bless my mom. So ALWAYS, ALWAYS listen to your body and fight for it.
Great job, Mom! I can totally relate. Thanks for sharing your story.
EVERY. DARN. TIME. My issues started in 4th grade when I had an unexplained rapid weight gain. I was an active child and due to food allergies my mom kept a close eye on my diet, so my mother knew something was wrong. She took me to the doctor and he gave the answer that my mother and I would soon become very familiar with: “she needs to exercise more and eat better” Despite my mom’s attempts to explain to doctors that I was a very active child and ate very well, they all brushed her off. This would continue well into my teens. I was never able to lose the weight that I had gained and puberty only made it worse. Thyroid issues and the like run in my family so my mom would take me to specialist after specialist to see if that was it. One doctor finally tested me and found out that while I don’t have Thyroid issues there were some abnormalities. She however, like every other doctor explained these away with my weight. But my mom is a fighter. She knew something wasn’t right because she had seen me fight to lose weight, not understand why exercise and diets didn’t work, and become less and less willing to go to doctors. I began to resent them all. However, she pushed me to doctor after doctor, all different kinds, and have countless tests done. While I hated it at the time, now I can only really admire my mom. I remember one time she WENT OFF on one doctor who basically called me a lazy, overeating child. But back to the story. Finally, at age 20 I have been diagnosed. It has taken a decade but I finally have an answer. I not only have severe PCOS (what my mother told doctors she thought I had all along) I also had a Cushing’s syndrome. The amazing doctor who finally listened told me that had I gone into my mid twenties leaving these two conditions un-treated I would have almost certainly developed heart issues, become infertile, and possibly have to have a hysterectomy (IN MY MID TWENTIES). So I completely empathize with you. I can’t tell you how many doctors my mom and I saw, I can only tell you how many listened: ONE. Just one. It’s a shame that doctors, whose sole professional goal is to help people, are so quick to overlook and dismiss people simply because of their weight. Its a shame that could have cost me my health and ability to have children in the future. God bless my mom. So ALWAYS, ALWAYS listen to your body and fight for it.
Great job, Mom! I can totally relate. Thanks for sharing your story.
Y.E.S. Even when I just accompany my mom or dad to the see the doctor, the doc always has unsolicited comment/advice for me. “Lose weight.”
I didn’t know you had PCOS because I was diagnosed back in 2010 too. I went back to a routinary check-up with my OB Gyne that time and my doctor was surprised to see in my file that when I didn’t have my period for half a year and had to undergo an ultrasound, she had written down that I had PCOS in 2004 (6 YEARS, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?). She only told me of PCOS last, last year and I did almost all my research online because I felt like she didn’t explain it enough. And they wonder why some people self-medicate.
Abi
http://thebelatedbloomer.blogspot.com
Y.E.S. Even when I just accompany my mom or dad to the see the doctor, the doc always has unsolicited comment/advice for me. “Lose weight.”
I didn’t know you had PCOS because I was diagnosed back in 2010 too. I went back to a routinary check-up with my OB Gyne that time and my doctor was surprised to see in my file that when I didn’t have my period for half a year and had to undergo an ultrasound, she had written down that I had PCOS in 2004 (6 YEARS, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?). She only told me of PCOS last, last year and I did almost all my research online because I felt like she didn’t explain it enough. And they wonder why some people self-medicate.
Abi
http://thebelatedbloomer.blogspot.com
Wow. Thank God, indeed. This just shows you still have more stories to share and people to inspire, Cece. 🙂
Wow. Thank God, indeed. This just shows you still have more stories to share and people to inspire, Cece. 🙂
I had the same thing happen to me over 5 years ago. I knew it was more than they were understanding and left the ER anyway. A week later I stopped breathing in my apartment and spent 14 days in the hospital. I knew better, I will never trust another Dr. unfortunately. Glad to hear you are OK and healthy now.
I had the same thing happen to me over 5 years ago. I knew it was more than they were understanding and left the ER anyway. A week later I stopped breathing in my apartment and spent 14 days in the hospital. I knew better, I will never trust another Dr. unfortunately. Glad to hear you are OK and healthy now.
OMG. I absolutely do not give a crap about what doctors say until I’ve researched it myself. Everyone has a story like this, though not always for something as serious – and that is WRONG. My neighbor, who decided to become a doctor late in life (40 years old), said that the best thing a doctor could do was listen to her patients because most people correctly self-diagnose themselves.
OMG. I absolutely do not give a crap about what doctors say until I’ve researched it myself. Everyone has a story like this, though not always for something as serious – and that is WRONG. My neighbor, who decided to become a doctor late in life (40 years old), said that the best thing a doctor could do was listen to her patients because most people correctly self-diagnose themselves.
What I have learned is that when a doctor see a plus size person the first thing they think is this person has high blood pressure or they have a poor diet, I had they same problem you had in the past with a blood clot in my leg due to the past use of birth control, so when there is a history of clots the doctor you must inform your doctor, My case I was seeing a new doctor and I was having pain in my leg before I could let him know about my history with clots he told me if you lose some weight your leg won’t be swollen, so he gave me some pain meds and sent me on my way. That night all I could think of is how rude he was to me, So I decided to go see him the next day to have a talk with him, so I told him how rude he was toward and how he pre- judged me due to the fact that I am a plus size, I then told him that I realize that doctor that not all doctors are trained to deal with all sizes, I also had to let him know that I don’t tolerate people being rude to me doctor or anybody, and that I came to his office due to a health issue, and that I could take my business somewhere else, I let him know the reason he gets paid is because people need medical help, I didn’t have to raise my voice he sad he was sorry, the doctor said he appreciates me being direct with him and sharing my feelings and now he has a more positive look about plus size. Since then he has a better understanding and he has been my doctor for over 10 years.
What I have learned is that when a doctor see a plus size person the first thing they think is this person has high blood pressure or they have a poor diet, I had they same problem you had in the past with a blood clot in my leg due to the past use of birth control, so when there is a history of clots the doctor you must inform your doctor, My case I was seeing a new doctor and I was having pain in my leg before I could let him know about my history with clots he told me if you lose some weight your leg won’t be swollen, so he gave me some pain meds and sent me on my way. That night all I could think of is how rude he was to me, So I decided to go see him the next day to have a talk with him, so I told him how rude he was toward and how he pre- judged me due to the fact that I am a plus size, I then told him that I realize that doctor that not all doctors are trained to deal with all sizes, I also had to let him know that I don’t tolerate people being rude to me doctor or anybody, and that I came to his office due to a health issue, and that I could take my business somewhere else, I let him know the reason he gets paid is because people need medical help, I didn’t have to raise my voice he sad he was sorry, the doctor said he appreciates me being direct with him and sharing my feelings and now he has a more positive look about plus size. Since then he has a better understanding and he has been my doctor for over 10 years.
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