This post is sponsored by Lane Bryant
A few things you should know about me before we begin:
I’m a single girl. I live in New York City. I live alone. I’m a solo-entrepreneur. My family lives thousands of miles away from me. I’ve been in my apartment for over a month due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
I know what it’s like to be alone. I know what it’s like to feel lonely.
Yesterday morning, I woke up naturally at 5:30am and began my morning routine. I curled up near my window with my favorite coffee, in my favorite mug, with my favorite oat milk creamer. I took a deep breath, then I blurted out “God, I feel so alone.” and burst into tears.
I sobbed long and hard. I finished my tissue box and had to grab a new one. Then I cried some more.
And that was my morning prayer.
In 2015, I started therapy and began doing the work to level my life up. I found the courage to walk away from the people and things that didn’t serve me.
Since then, I’d been so happy following my heart and creating the life I wanted that even though I was often alone, I never felt lonely. Am I ready for my perfect love? Yes! But until he finds me, I’m cool being solo, happy and fulfilled.
But I must say, this COVID19 situation is making me feel lonely for the first time in a long time.
Feeling lonely is not new for me. Over the course of my life, I have been lonely in a house full of people. I have been lonely while in a relationship. I have been lonely during major successful moments.
I thought it might be helpful for me to share my tips on how to deal with loneliness. Let’s begin!
Say the words “I feel lonely”
When I felt lonely in the past, I never told a soul. I suffered in silence. Admitting I was lonely made me feel scared, ashamed, and a little embarrassed. I’ve learned that expressing my feelings verbally (using my vocal chords, not social media) can be the beginning of releasing them.
I’ve said “I feel lonely” to friends and family, but the most productive conversations were when I said “I feel lonely” to my therapist and when I say “I feel lonely” out loud to myself.
When you feel lonely and you use your voice to say it, you may find that it’s not the big scary monster you think it is. When I said it outloud yesterday morning, I was able to cry and get the release I needed to have a successful and productive day! (remember, I’m a cancer so crying my superpower! lol). Figure out how you need to say the words, who you’re going to say them to and then say them. You can do it!
Do something creative, no matter how simple
This is me, after my epic I feel lonely sobbing session the other day. Once I pulled myself together, I took out my pens and pencils and began to draw. I used to sketch all the time, I don’t know when or why I stopped.
Being creative need not be earth-shatteringly artistic. Try a coloring book or a jigsaw puzzle, make a vision board, or experiment with needlework of some kind. Or think outside the box and come up with something that is fun and soothing for you to do.
Side note– what do you think about this plus size sleep set? I’m serious about my pajamas and loungewear now more than ever. As a tall girl, I LOVE the length of these PJ pants too! Lane Bryant always has the best plus size pajamas, click here to see their current selection and sales!
Do not go back to your ex
Guys from my past hit me up from time to time. I have love for all of them, but I don’t have room for them in my life. I believe that when a good thing comes to an end, God always has something greater in store for me. I want to date in alignment with who I am today, not who I was before.
I know you want to feel safe and loved. I know attention feels like the perfect remedy for loneliness, but my advice is that you reach higher and expect more for yourself. Good and better things are always on the way!
Yes, I’m still single, but I’m also not in a bad relationship and that’s something I’m extremely proud of.
Make time for the “friends in your head”
Over the weekend a man in my neighborhood climbed onto the roof and sang at the top of his lungs as the sun set. It was awesome! It’s almost impossible to feel lonely when you’re singing. I’ve tried it, and it feels so good. I spent the afternoon with TLC the other day, while wearing this adorable plus size swing top from lane bryant Sing solo or let your favorite artists keep you company as you sing together.
Do something for someone else
My dear friend, Keemya from church started this thing where she didn’t pray for herself, she only prayed for others. Her idea was that if we all prayed for everyone else, we’d all be covered! I think we can apply that idea to many things. During this time I’m sending flowers and care packages to the people I love. I’m calling old friends just to see how they’re doing. So, if you’re feeling lonely… do unto others as you’d like them to do to you. Be a friend! Check in! Send a note! Whenever I do this, it always comes back to me ten-fold.
There’s something I’ve wanted to do for you for a while and with your help, its happening! Last fall, you guys started sending me SUPER GENEROUS donations via venmo/cashapp/paypal thanking me for my content on instagram (or for just being me!). Your incredible donations have been enough for me to pay a small team to help me launch my very first FREE course, How to Start a Successful Blog (available July 2020!).
If you’d like to take my course when it drops, join the waiting list here. If you’d like to support the work I’m doing, you can make a donation here.
Things will get better!
Love you lots,
2 thoughts on “I feel lonely – what to do when you’re feeling alone”
Thank you for sharing this. I can relate to feeling lonely even in a house full of people. This crisis has definitely resurfaced moments of feeling lonely which is different than alone. Lonely almost feels like a physical ache. It’s definitely tough but we will get through it.
My way coping for loneness is to try new food, series and I think sometimes I pick a book or workout 😉