IT HAPPENED TO ME: I’M A BIG BLACK GIRL AROUND SMALL WHITE PEOPLE & I’M SUDDENLY FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT (a response to Jen Caron & xoJane.com)

AMEN! I too have been the big, black fat woman only in my case it was a pilates class and that look on my face wasn’t sue to any anger at the skinny women in the class with me, it was concentration as I tried to do the moves & allow my body to adjust to new and strange positions.

http://www.thefrisky.com/2014-01-29/frisky-rant-on-that-white-woman-who-saw-a-black-woman-at-yoga-and-wrote-an-embarrassingly-tone-deaf-essay-about-it-for-xojane/#more-3295438

I think it’s worth a read.

It’s weird when people make comments like that. Another comment that gets me is when people say you’re prove to wear that. *Stops music*. Excuse me come again,lol. You’re then ofen made to feel like you’re solely representing the whole “black” and or “plus size” nation.

this. was. awesome. definitely sharing!

CeCe, your side plank is perfect–and this post is even better.

Thanks for posting your experience. For some readers this is the first time this experience has ever been brought to their attention.

Tell it! I think when people see plus size women working out they feel a certain way with their attitude and mannerisms. No, I won’t know every move, but yes I will try and yes, I may have to stop and rest, but I’m going to keep doing it.

I read the chick’s article and she may as well titled it “Carrie Bradshaw meets Precious”. What was the black woman’s response supposed to be? Surely she didn’t think she would get an invite to speak to us “big black guls” at a self esteem camp. More than that, I’m pretty tired of them using disrespectful tactics towards the black community for attention. It’s getting really old really quickly.

oh but this was fun to read. And I say fun, meaning funny and refreshing because you’re so, so right but yet you don’t seem super angry about this ridiculousness, which is very cool of you. Also, jealous of your side-plank skills.

“Over the course of the next hour, I watched as her despair
turned into resentment and then contempt. I felt it all directed toward
me and my body.”

So let me get this straight, she could feel despair, resentment and contempt toward her–this must be some woo-woo yoga class to get all that from a woman in the class. Who know what she would have gotten if I had been there!

“The answer to that is easy, I don’t need your help… I’m good!” *deathdrop*
This is awesome. Thanks for writing it.

Color has nothing to do with size. Being overweight is not healthy.

PREACH! This is why I’m never willing to entertain those “After-gym” conversations with White people that just happened to notice me and assume I need reassurance or help. I’m quick to let them know I can’t even imagine what they’re apologizing for and why they’re so self-conscious that they’re projecting that onto me. All smiles & all shade for people like Jen Caron.

I love this response! I think this girl should focus more on her own mat during yoga.

The original article just kind of sounds like the woman is a TERRIBLE YOGA INSTRUCTOR. Instead of focusing on a struggling student, she was all wah wah #whitepeopleproblems. Wish my plank could be that good!

Thank you for your response! I just want to be me, and I find it exhausting to be everyone’s image of whom they think I am.

Thank you, CeCe. I am a “not small” yoga instructor and tend to get judged for not looking “the part”.

You look so radiant. Spot on reply and awesome Vasistasana! xx

Thank you for that!!!

Love this!!

Check out my “response” lol

It Happened To Me: There Are No White People In My Twerk-Out Class And I’m Suddenly Feeling Uncomfortable With It

http://www.kazzledazz.com/it-happened-to-me-there-are-no-white-people-in-my-twerk-out-class-and-im-suddenly-feeling-uncomfortable-with-it/

What did she go to class for? Why was she paying so much attention to the black woman in class. Why was she so mesmerized that a heavy black woman would come to work out? DUH!! Every person needs some kind of cardio exercise!

I watched as her despair turned into resentment and then contempt. I felt it all directed toward me and my body.
It amazes me how people can look at you an literally INTERPRET your thoughts and feelings. How can you feel someone else’s resentment and contempt? I am so tired of non-black people thinking that all black people want to do is be like them!! Newsflash: some of us are very comfortable in our own skin!! Big, small, medium or whatever. Get a life and stop trying to interpret what we think or feel! And NOBODY is trying to be like YOU!!!!

The sad truth is the black woman could have been ill. Maybe she had a cramp. I’ve been to a class and done the same thing she did because I couldn’t get a cramp to go away.

as a student there’s nothing you can do about it. What could I do to help her?

Actually there was something she could do: Mind your own damn business and stop staring at her making her even more comfortable!!

When my brother was in law school he encountered a situation I’ll never forget. Let me give the year so there is no misunderstanding. The year is 1997. My brother competed in a Moot Court competition in Law School which had a prize award of $500 to the winner only. My brother is 6′ tall and weighs about 150. He is a very slim guy but also very dark complexioned. Actual sitting judges are the judges for the competition. My brother made it to the final round and his final competitor was a white girl about 5’2″ about 100 lbs. My brother tore her up in his final analysis and she seemed almost afraid of him while they were discussing the issues. It was obvious to everyone present who had one. I even heard his opponent say, “He won.” My brother had faced better competition in the previous round. When the judges took a break to make their decision, the alumni of the school met briefly. This was a big event and many important people at the law school were present. Two things happened that struck me. First, before they announced the winner, the alumni association asked if they could speak. They announced that they were going to give the runner up a prize of $250. Now this was spur of the moment, the last round after all of the other students had been eliminated. Never in the history of the school had this been done! After that announcement we KNEW who won. They had a consolation prize for the cute little white girl that everybody pitied. Even the white students were mad!! Also, each person was given a critique. One judge said to my brother, “Be careful with how you express yourself. You manner can be taken to be violent or too aggressive.” He then added, “You’re already a BIG guy.” Now my brother is literally a stick man (straight up and down) and not much taller than most men but he was seen as a threat, an aggressive, forceful man. And of course, the little princess walked away with the consolation prize just as happy as she could be. This reminded me of your situation because of what you said. It wasn’t that you were so big and black, it was that SHE was so white and small. It wasn’t’ that my brother was so big and black, it was that his opponent was so small and white.

I totally concur with your sentiments except I’ll expand your context to include all of us and say, “We’re good!!”

Finally, let me say that you are a beautiful woman. I don’t think you do, but don’t let other people’s idiosyncrasies about you, affect you. When we begin to define ourselves and who we are, we are less affected by other people’s sicknesses. I wish my plank looked as good as yours!! You go CECE!!!

Cece – I applaud you so much for this post. It was extremely powerful, especially the mention of size and race entering the room before we as people do. Thank you for writing such a powerful response.

I think some people are so unaware of the fact that their remarks are insensitive and insulting. They can’t comprehend that being black or being fat is not a handicap. This is probably the result of having a very limited life experience with others, yes even here in the melting pot that is NYC.

“…The answer to that is easy, I don’t need your help… I’m good!”

YESSSSS! TWO CIRCLES AND A SNAP

thank you for writing this response! you are awesome.

Lovely! The post, the photo and you!

You are doing a good job Cece, keep working on the things you notice. Your awareness is appreciated and I am taking your blog to heart. BTW, that is one nice side plank you got there!

I found your blog thanks to that idiots article, & I think you’re freakin great! I’m happy that something good (finding your blog) could come from something bad, & let me say your ending response & picture were the icing on the cake 🙂

it’s truly a sad and misguided to me that white and/or fit people think that they need to “save” or “encourage” people of other races and body types. like… who the eff made you the high moral ground of driving good behavior into people? I blame Hollywood and dumb ass movies where white women save black people like Gangster’s Paradise and other one with Sandra Bullock and the football player dude. stop “saving” people you have already judged as needing to be saved.
1) you’re not Jesus and 2) Jesus wasn’t even white. (not that I’m religious at all, but it seemed fitting to bring this up in this context for those who may be).

Snaps. Snaps all around.

I don’t really read blogs much, I’ve never written a blog post, and I’ve never even commented on someone else’s blog. But I felt compelled to tell you that you are awesome, and this post made my day.

I actually don’t feel the need to read the original post. I like this one all by itself and I’d rather use my click here, than there. 🙂

Rock on!

I have so much to say but basically…. YASSS GAWD!!!

I totally get the whole “girl” thing. I am an “obviously” gay man well past 40. I get so tired of women addressing me as “boy” as in “you boys are so hip” and “boy you look good”. Ugh, nothing is more demeaning than being addressed as a child because that’s what makes you comfortable.

As far as yoga is concerned, countless times I’ve been told by yoga instructors: your yoga would be so much better if you had fewer muscles. It’s my body, I’m happy with it, and yes I’m big, and my yoga practice, and my body, is my own.

You go, CeCe!!! (Not guuuurl)

Cece! I was appalled at the original article. I actually started to think to myself, is this girl for real? UGH. and I don’t even do Yoga. One of my best friends loves yoga and tries her hardest to get me to go… You look like you love it and do it well! I’m so glad you had your own response and I hope that Jen Carsons reads it. Because she’s ridiculous.

firstly- great post but wow, what an eye opener – I grew up in little old New Zealand, and am from Auckland its largest city where even 20 years ago I went to a (intermediate) school of 340 odd students with approx 120 different cultures…. (now I do know the South Island hasn’t quite the same diversity- or at least didn’t then) but I am constantly amazed at attitudes in other countries, and sadly even those that seem to be showing up more frequently back at home re: what I call ‘culture blinkers’ when you are talking about someone by name and they (who ever you are talking to) is trying to figure out who you are talking about- so I respond with what I assume is more information: surname:age: job etc only to have finally say something like ‘oh the lesbian’ or ‘oh the wog’. They don’t seem to absorb any information about a person other than an assumed stereo-type- black/asian/fat/gay/dim etc. I mean I work in fashion so I’m plenty used to having to deal with the shallow end of things but, I don’t let it become apart of me (well except for the occasional days where it all makes me feel pretty shitty about myself) and it amazes me how people can be like this to others… yet by the sheer response: both to the original post, and here on your post Cece, it obviously is hugely prolific behaviour/attitudes

you go gurl!

Great job!

Yess!! 🙂

Gorgeous, babe. I MEAN CECE!!!

YES. Thank you for this! I absolutely identify with you about being a bigger woman around skinnier people… It’s like first I’m plus-sized and second I’m a person. Even people who have known me for a while are sometimes surprised to hear I date or go to the gym!

THIS! Best response to this nonsense I’ve read all day!

Loved, loved, loved this. Great response, thank you. You make me want to get back to doing yoga.

Great side plank!

Great pose, Cece! I wish my side plank looked like yours! Hugs to you, from an overweight while woman, struggling with her yoga poses for the last three years!

you guys know the article was from the onion right?

love love love this – especially the ending… BOOM!

right on! oh, how i hate when white women try to bond with me by calling me “girl”. in spite of the perception that yoginis work to seek their higher selves, yoga culture is uber competitive. thank you for writing this!

Beautiful side plank! I’m jealous–I have a birth defect of the foot that means I can’t put any pressure on the sides of my feet like that.

Oh no–Jen Caron would be made uncomfortable by the reminder that not all bodies are able! 😀

I went to a Pilates studio so enthusiastically, prepaid for a series, and was discouraged when this woman was dismissive, encouraged competition and body-shaming, and, when one other black woman joined the classes, couldn’t tell us apart.

YEEESSSSSSS!!!!

CeCe, you are my new hero!

best closing line ever! great response!

I literally LOLed at the last line: “The answer to that is easy, I don’t need your help… I’m good!”

Nice.

So well said!

Beautifully stated.

Hooray for CeCe!

Cece did you ever correct the instructor by saying, “My name is CeCe”?

You rock my socks! Any chance you might ever do a speaking tour? Would SO LOVE to invite you to come and speak at my plus size lingerie store in San Jose, CA. Our store tele is 408-264-4227

What she posted was absolutely unnecessary, she should’ve kept that ignorant thought to herself. She will never know what it’s like to be really overweight in a gym full of skinny people watching you as you get onto the treadmill or elliptical as if they’re waiting for it to break once you step on it. I can’t believe she said that she had no choice but to look at the woman, I guess she forgot that eyeballs aren’t stationary. If anything she made the “heavy black woman” uncomfortable from the start, from the moment she walked in the class she was labeled as different from every one else.

Small correction to your otherwise excellent response: the author’s name is Jen Polachek. XOJane’s clumsy attempts to edit her name out notwithstanding.

My response to Jen Carons:

“perhaps self-importantly believing myself to be…is largely my own psychological projection…” You hit THAT nail on the head (though you could have omitted the “perhaps”).

I think the woman in your class (the object of your scrutiny in this entire write-up) was probably watching your despair turn into resentment and then contempt, all directed toward her and her body. Psychological projection indeed!

Fantastic response, CeCe! There are so many problems with Caron’s piece that I wouldn’t know where to begin but I’ll try. In know particular order: First, I wonder how it is possible to live in NYC and manage to find a yoga studio – or any other establishment, for that matter – that no or very few black people patronise. (Perhaps that tells us something about Caron’s own choices? By the way, a studio where either instructors ostensibly see participants struggling yet ignore them or don’t even notice that someone in their class is not following sounds like an awful place.) Second, the first time at yoga can, and tends to, be awkward – for most anyone, regardless of race. Thus, I wonder how Caron’s reaction to a yoga neophyte became, in her own little mind, a reaction to said neophyte’s race. In my opinion, it reveals more about the author’s own unexplored (?) racism than it does about society’s supposed inability to make yoga accessible to “everybody and every body,” as she writes. On that same note, did Caron ever stop to consider other possibilities? Say, how it may be a matter of individual preference, and how perhaps this woman had never tried yoga because she was happy doing something else, like tap dancing, prancercising, knitting, insert activity-of-choice? Also, in regards to Caron’s need/desire to “save” this woman, how about trying to “help” her – not to be less black, less furious and/or jealous of skinny white bodies, less whatever it was Caron believed this woman’s issue was, but to feel more comfortable as she attempts a new activity for the first time – with a sympathetic look/smile or a subtle “do you need a hand” type of comment? Neither you, CeCe, nor the woman in Caron’s class need to be saved but a bit of acknowledgement and reassurance – even unspoken – usually make stuff easier, be it mastering downward dog or deciding which new yogurt flavour to buy at the supermarket.
One last thing! CeCe, maybe the instructor who kept calling you “girl” – while addressing the other women in the class by their names – forgot yours and was ashamed to ask again?? Just a thought!

Best response ever & regarding your points about Incubus(loves them), Tyler Perry references, and being called girl/girlfriend–I concur wholeheartedly.

xxHaley

As a white, not too skinny-but-yet-in-good-shape girl, I think writing something like that is just not right… Jen’s side I mean. If I was in her shoes I wouldn’t even notice or mention the skin colour of the girl. As for the size – I would admire her being there willing to do something nice for her soul and body, just like the rest of the group.

Or at least how about instead of making racist assumptions and then writing a blog about it, she could have just checked in with the woman. You know, it’s called caring. This crap is called racism.

I can’t even handle Jen Carons “article”… It is so racist, although I bet she’d say it was inadvertent. Why does she believe a heavy person needs a skinny person’s help? And a black person need a white person’s help? Unless someone is directly asking you for help, MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS! CeCe, your blog post is dead on, and even as a “white girl” I find issue in Jen’s way of thinking (or lack thereof). She is 100% broadcasting her own insecurities and close-mindedness for the rest of the world to see, and luckily there are strong-minded, educated “guuurrrls” (ugh) like yourself to call her out on it! Thanks for the humorous reality check! I just hope Jen and other women like her are able to read your post and learn to think before writing!

Wow….I felt like I was reading my own story. Remove yoga and add Barre Amp class, in Brentwood, tn. Despite my fair complexion I am recognized as a black “gurrrl” also when in a crowd as you’ve described.

So true, yet so shameful. Thanks for sharing.

CeCe your side plank is awesome! You look strong and happy and beautiful! Thanks for writing this!

I’m someone who might look like a skinny white girl, but I feel awkward as hell in yoga classes. I feel messy, clumsy, lumpy, inept, and deeply different from all the perfectly attired Namaste-breathers around me. Not to argue with anything in this article, which has given me a lot of food for thought, but the feeling of alienation in a yoga class doesn’t always stem from obvious differences in race and size or how the instructor treats you. There’s something about yoga culture itself that makes anyone who doesn’t fit into an extremely narrow mold feel “other.”

Another point I want to make that, again, isn’t meant to argue with anything here, is that white women are constantly objectifying each other the way they objectify black women. “You’re so thin,” “You have a vegetarian’s body,” “Your boobs are bigger than mine,” etc. It’s what women DO. I wish we wouldn’t.

While I call people of all colors “girl” every now and then in convo that is gossipy and campy, if someone called me “girl” and everyone else by their mama given name, I would be a little put out too. Your response could not have been better, or more poised and profound. You go, CeCe! You’re an awesome human!

Hi CeCe,

I loved reading your post. I am Indian, and I confess to loving it when there are other people of color in yoga class with me because so often I am the only Indian (and only guy but that’s another thing). One thing Jen said that really bugged me was when she talked about “a (yoga) system that by all accounts seems unable to accommodate her body” because yoga actually wasn’t devised with “skinny” bodies (especially skinny white bodies!) in mind at all– it is meant as a practice for all people and for all bodies and there are also a myriad different yoga systems (both here and in India) for all different bodies, ages and physical abilities. Anyhow, thanks for speaking up and explaining a few things. I hope to hear more from you about your yoga practice!

This! All day, every day!