This week, I got a note from the Mom of an 18 year old plus size girl. I can tell that the mom really wants the best for her daughter and maybe wants to try and shield her from the hurt that the world can bring.
The subject of parents wanting their kids to lose weight is never going to go away.
One of my more popular posts is Should I Tell My Plus Size Daughter to Lose Weight. I wrote that post a few years ago and today I’d like to re-visit it (we’ll call today’s post Part 2 of this conversation).
I firmly believe that I should be the person I needed when I was younger.
Thankfully, I have amazing parents that gave me confidence in myself and my abilities. There’s so much in my life that I’ve done because I believed I could… I owe that to them.
Unfortunately, I had lots of teachers and adults outside of my family who body shamed me and made me feel less valuable because of my size.
I firmly believe that we should be the person we needed when we were younger.
So, as you engage with the young kids in your life give them an extra dose of body positivity. Maybe that means mentioning how beautiful they are, maybe that means not complimenting their looks at all but focusing on how smart or talented they are. Maybe it means not talking negatively about your own body in their presence.
If you’re not sure where to begin, I’d like to ask you to leave a comment after you watch today’s video and leave a comment for your younger self. I have lots of young readers and I know they could use your encouragement.
I’m really looking forward to what you have to share.
Links to all of the beauty products I used are below!
Dear CeCe: Should I Tell my Plus Size Daughter to Lose Weight? (Part 2)
Absolutely NOT! Talk to her about looking good, dressing appropriately or fashionably, participating it sports. I think it’s better to encourage girls to be active in sports and activities than to focus on the weight. The weight will take care of itself. When I was growing up, I was shamed for my weight by my mother and just about every aunt in my family. And yet, when I wanted to do something sports related, like softball, cheer squad, tennis, as examples, there was not one word of encouragement. As a family, parents need to prepare healthy meals and healthy snacks. If family time includes movement, children will be likely to move around. You can do something simple like taking a walk together after school/work. All families seem to have weight patterns. In mine, the oldest daughter is the heavy, the youngest is the anorexic/bulimic. All of us oldest are still around (and still heavy!), while we have buried the youngests by the time they reached 30 years old. It has taken me a long time to accept who I am and look the best I can. I do what ever activity I can, but as I get older, it is more limited. When I look back on my experiences with family and weight, I would have liked to be cheered on to be competitive in sports and to be part of other activities. Instead, I was an unhappy child always afraid to eat something because I just wanted to be accepted and the messages I got were: “we don’t accept fat kids.”
Absolutely NOT! Talk to her about looking good, dressing appropriately or fashionably, participating it sports. I think it’s better to encourage girls to be active in sports and activities than to focus on the weight. The weight will take care of itself. When I was growing up, I was shamed for my weight by my mother and just about every aunt in my family. And yet, when I wanted to do something sports related, like softball, cheer squad, tennis, as examples, there was not one word of encouragement. As a family, parents need to prepare healthy meals and healthy snacks. If family time includes movement, children will be likely to move around. You can do something simple like taking a walk together after school/work. All families seem to have weight patterns. In mine, the oldest daughter is the heavy, the youngest is the anorexic/bulimic. All of us oldest are still around (and still heavy!), while we have buried the youngests by the time they reached 30 years old. It has taken me a long time to accept who I am and look the best I can. I do what ever activity I can, but as I get older, it is more limited. When I look back on my experiences with family and weight, I would have liked to be cheered on to be competitive in sports and to be part of other activities. Instead, I was an unhappy child always afraid to eat something because I just wanted to be accepted and the messages I got were: “we don’t accept fat kids.”
She is beautiful and talented already, right? So why bother her about her weight? She cries in the dressing room because she needs a bigger size……so what! Go get the bigger size, put it on, and strut your diva self! Your weight, nor dress size define who you are! You want her to succeed in college, and find a nice man……uh……ok! So what does her weight have to with it? If we are going to see a positive change in society, we need to start with our kids and teach them to accept everyone as they are! And anyone else who wants to come after me and get all preachy with your health B-S, know that it will be ignored! Leave the young lady alone about her weight and encourage her talents and success! Let her be one of many who will be successful, despite being overweight! It is time for a new revolution……let it begin with her generation!
She is beautiful and talented already, right? So why bother her about her weight? She cries in the dressing room because she needs a bigger size……so what! Go get the bigger size, put it on, and strut your diva self! Your weight, nor dress size define who you are! You want her to succeed in college, and find a nice man……uh……ok! So what does her weight have to with it? If we are going to see a positive change in society, we need to start with our kids and teach them to accept everyone as they are! And anyone else who wants to come after me and get all preachy with your health B-S, know that it will be ignored! Leave the young lady alone about her weight and encourage her talents and success! Let her be one of many who will be successful, despite being overweight! It is time for a new revolution……let it begin with her generation!
I think it’s more important to encourage positivity and uplifting self esteem than focusing on weight. You can definitely encourage the importance of overall health and eating clean, but there are skinny people with zero confidence too. Our society does a poor job of explaining the reality that just because you are bigger than a size 6 you’re life DOES have meaning and can be fabulous. In the same regard just because you are a size 2 doesn’t mean you have zero issues. Live your best life in the skin your in.
I think it’s more important to encourage positivity and uplifting self esteem than focusing on weight. You can definitely encourage the importance of overall health and eating clean, but there are skinny people with zero confidence too. Our society does a poor job of explaining the reality that just because you are bigger than a size 6 you’re life DOES have meaning and can be fabulous. In the same regard just because you are a size 2 doesn’t mean you have zero issues. Live your best life in the skin your in.
I hate the focus on “weight”. Why the number on the scale concerns people so much baffles me. The question should be health. No matter what weight she is, is she happy and healthy. I definitely think her mother should address her father’s treatment of their daughter. He has obviously instilled some horrible self esteem issues in his daughter and as the first man in her life that is a terrible precedent to set. I think her mom should care way more about how her daughter feels and less about how it effects her. It sounds to me like she needs encouragement, there are so many successful talented plus size women for her to look up to who defy society’s standards. I grew up plus size with two parents who were exceptionally fit my whole life and I wish they knew how to encourage me and teach me how to accept myself, but I don’t blame them they just were trying to teach me from what they had been taught. The most helpful thing her parents can do is reevaluate themselves and how they have been conditioned by society’s standards. And if her daughter wants to lose weight, then support her along her weight loss journey, there is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight, if that is what she wants to do, but I don’t think the parents really know what she wants because they are too consumed what they want for her.
I hate the focus on “weight”. Why the number on the scale concerns people so much baffles me. The question should be health. No matter what weight she is, is she happy and healthy. I definitely think her mother should address her father’s treatment of their daughter. He has obviously instilled some horrible self esteem issues in his daughter and as the first man in her life that is a terrible precedent to set. I think her mom should care way more about how her daughter feels and less about how it effects her. It sounds to me like she needs encouragement, there are so many successful talented plus size women for her to look up to who defy society’s standards. I grew up plus size with two parents who were exceptionally fit my whole life and I wish they knew how to encourage me and teach me how to accept myself, but I don’t blame them they just were trying to teach me from what they had been taught. The most helpful thing her parents can do is reevaluate themselves and how they have been conditioned by society’s standards. And if her daughter wants to lose weight, then support her along her weight loss journey, there is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight, if that is what she wants to do, but I don’t think the parents really know what she wants because they are too consumed what they want for her.
Hi CeCe,
This is a hard one for me because I was the fat daughter and now I am a mother of 3 beautiful girls. According to society they are all probably overweight. 2/3 are heavier than they should be. I would like them to lose weight to prevent future health issues that are a part of our family ie: diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure. The best that I can do is to try to be the example which is very hard. I am curious if the mother of this daughter is overweight. For me it has been very difficult for me to be the example for them. I recently have started exercising and eating well some days which has allowed me to drop a dress size but it’s an ongoing battle.
Hi CeCe,This is a hard one for me because I was the fat daughter and now I am a mother of 3 beautiful girls. According to society they are all probably overweight. 2/3 are heavier than they should be. I would like them to lose weight to prevent future health issues that are a part of our family ie: diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure. The best that I can do is to try to be the example which is very hard. I am curious if the mother of this daughter is overweight. For me it has been very difficult for me to be the example for them. I recently have started exercising and eating well some days which has allowed me to drop a dress size but it’s an ongoing battle.
Man, I could fill your comments section on this topic, but I’ll try to stick to advice for a young me:
You only have a short time to experience as much of this vibrant world as you can, don’t waste it worrying about your appearance. People will love you no matter what you look like because you are loving and sincere. Eat veggies at least once a day to remind yourself that the earth is life-giving, and for the practical purpose to keep your body regular. Walk often so you can interact with the world and to have endurance to go wherever you want. You will be stressed and busy sometimes, and you might forget the veggies or stay inside and watch tv sometimes….just forgive yourself and move on. People will judge you, but they judge everyone, and are judged themselves. Read and be creative, but also try active hobbies, you will be surprised at what your body can do at any size….how graceful and strong and sensual it can be, and you will love it all the more for it.
Man, I could fill your comments section on this topic, but I’ll try to stick to advice for a young me:You only have a short time to experience as much of this vibrant world as you can, don’t waste it worrying about your appearance. People will love you no matter what you look like because you are loving and sincere. Eat veggies at least once a day to remind yourself that the earth is life-giving, and for the practical purpose to keep your body regular. Walk often so you can interact with the world and to have endurance to go wherever you want. You will be stressed and busy sometimes, and you might forget the veggies or stay inside and watch tv sometimes….just forgive yourself and move on. People will judge you, but they judge everyone, and are judged themselves. Read and be creative, but also try active hobbies, you will be surprised at what your body can do at any size….how graceful and strong and sensual it can be, and you will love it all the more for it.
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