I absolutely love your blog! I’ve recently began reading it and actually went all the way to the beginning and read it through! I thought I’d share with you an experience I had today and possibly get your reaction/advice.
Today at work I was approached by an assistant I’ve only spoken to a few times. She asked me to stop by her desk later because she had something to share with me. A few hours later I stopped by. She handed me an invitation and said, “please don’t be offended, but I’d like to invite you to our meeting.” I was confused but thanked her and left. When I got back to my desk I saw that it was an invitation to a weight loss group that she hosted.
I wasn’t offended, but sometimes I wonder why everyone thinks that overweight people are just searching for a weight loss group to join. I personally am happy with the way I look. (ironically at the bottom of the letter it read, “refreshments will be served.”)
I did not take anything personally because I realize I am overweight, and she probably assumed I was unhappy with that and felt the same way she did.
I wish people would recognize that not all overweight people are unhappy with themselves. I know people mean well, but I don’t need my mother telling me about the newest fad diet, or a coworker inviting me to a weight loss meeting. I would like respect and for people to accept me just as I accept myself.
When I got your letter, I was actually working on a entry about weight related run-ins at work, so you are not the only one dealing with this issue! Just because I spend 40 hours a week with you doesn’t mean you get to ju– wait… let me stop. This is about you and your entry, I will save my rant for another day.
When it comes to friends and family, tell them what you told me! Explain that you know they’re coming from a place of love but that you “would like respect and for people to accept you just as you accept yourself”.
Honestly, the answer on how to deal with your co-worker is also in what you wrote to me. You’re right when you say that people shouldn’t assume that all big girls are dying to be thin. Also, when you said that you were okay with your weight, I sat up a little straighter in my chair. Reading that statement was very empowering for me.
What’s clear to me is that your self-assurance/confidence/happiness with who you are is a lesson for PSP’s everywhere. Perhaps this is an opportunity for you to share some of what you’ve got with your co-worker. Shoot her an email: Thanks for the invite, I’m happy with my current size, but if I ever want to drop a few pounds I’ll check out your meeting (I’ll even bring carrot sticks!).
Maybe you can follow up with a lunch date, I’m sure the two of you would have some interesting dialog about body image and you can share your personal size acceptance journey if it feels appropriate.
It might be good for her to know that there are big girls who are happy in their own skin.
Just a thought.
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16 thoughts on “Curvy Conversations: I Dont Want To Lose Weight”
I can understand loving yourself for who you are and being comfortable in your own skin, and I'm definitely not knocking that. (Some skinny girls still haven't reached that level of acceptance, so it's not size specific.)
But I cannot understand not having a desire to lose weight, especially if you really do "love yourself". Being overweight is unhealthy. Even if you eat well and exercise, carrying around extra weight is a huge stress on your heart, especially.
So, while I say AMEN! for being comfortable with yourself– I also wouldn't entirely discount the advice of someone who might not be saying, "Wouldn't you be happier if you were skinny?" but actually, "Wouldn't you be happier if you were healthy?"
ARE YOU SURE that overweight is unhealthy?
At this point of my overweighted and healthy life I get angry with this topic and people who repeat it.
This post I read some time ago explains so well what I think about that:
And, whats more:
Darn you Eponine! You just had to do it-being overweight is not "unhealthy". Just stop.
More and more doctors are coming out saying that we have to look at health holistically.
It's not just about weight. This type of thinking is why people ASSUME that they are "healthy" just b/c of how much they weigh.
I never thought that people might not want to lose weight…
There is so much focus on body size and image. I have found many smaller/skinny people are not as comfortable in their own skin as I am. That is baffling to me.
I am over-weight and comfortable with me and my size. I do hate those who want to push their eating habits on me, because they feel I need to lose weight.
I am a grown woman and if I want to do those things I know where to go and what to do. Let me live my life to my desire.
Oh, look. I can post relevant links too. Weee.
Notice also, that I didn't say that all "skinny" people were necessarily healthy, either. There are definitely unhealthy skinny people everywhere as well.
Great blog post! I have a curvy protagonist in my mystery series who is a bit of a man magnet, and I've gotten hilarious feedback from readers who just can't wrap their heads around that notion. (Comments like, "An overweight woman who attracts men? Dream on!"). But in fat, if you're well-proportioned and not in the unhealthy range, it is not only possible but commonplace for attractive, heavier women to attract men in droves. We just don't usually see it portrayed that way in the media.
I join to this "link" exchange:
When I am down I usually look at Hips and curves. These women are so beautiful and so sexy that I realize that weight is not an issue at all.
Besides, there is a reasonable doubt about that myth about that fat people are not healthy and the explanation about that saying that carrying extra weight can not be good on a fat person´s heart is not correct. What happens then with, for example, the basketball players? Are they unhealthy because they are carrying extra weight? I do not think so.
I do not want to lose weight too. All the women around me want to do it, no matter their weight. So, it does not matter how skinny women are, it looks like the most part of us wants to lose weight.
When I realized that it does not matter the weight, I would still want to be losing weight, I changed my mind. I began to save my time wasted on worrying about losing weight to use it in things more important to me.
As a curvy girl myself, I can appreciate how both of you feel. I haven't had the encounter at work but I have certainly had it.
I'd like to be healthier (I'm bad about getting my excercise in) but if I'm never skinny – I'm cool with that. I'm happy with who I am and that is most important to me.
"I wish people would recognize that not all overweight people are unhappy with themselves"
Who says wanting to lose weight means that you're unhappy with yourself. I've been in a deep depression for years in which I put on a lot of weight and I'm now only doing something about it because I feel upbeat and I have a zest for life. If you're unhappy with yourself you will NEVER succeed at weight loss because your motivation is coming from a place of sadness and self hatred. As soon as you lose the little bit of weight and you become a little happier, that motivation is gone and the weight comes right back
I personally think its easier beng big in USA than being big in Asia. All the girls here are short and petite, and we stand out even more. Plus, its nearly impossible to get affordable nice clothes here.
as a tall man who takes care of his appearance (and teeth!) I just can't take seriously a women who is overweight…I would never ever date a women who is overweight… poor men date overweight women, attractive men with means chose the hot ones.
Thats your preference bro, you dont speak for everyone. Ive literally had men offer me thousands of dollars to be with me and im not an escort what so ever.
I am always browsing online for tips that can facilitate me. Thx!
Thanks for the sensible critique. Me and my neighbor were just preparing to do some research on this. We got a grab a book from our local library but I think I learned more from this post. I am very glad to see such wonderful information being shared freely out there.