I’ve Been “Outed” as Fat!!

I jumped out of the shower, and danced down the hallway to my bedroom. I had just purchased a new shade of eyeshadow, Beyonce was blaring from my speakers and my curling iron was heating up next to a glass of wine… I was going out!

It had been ages since Dana and I been to any clubs on The Scene. Tonight we were going to DIVAS and I was ready to dance and get my mind off of Jeremy. As I snapped my fingers and hummed along with Beyonce, my phone rang. It was my best friend, Adam.

“Hey, do you have plans tonight?”

My stomach tightened a bit. Adam and I had been friends since forever, I told him everything… everything except that I sometimes went to clubs for big girls and the guys who are attracted to them. I keep this from him because, that’s what closeted fat girl‘s do.

“Tonight? Um… I told my friend I’d go to a party with her,” I said, pleased that I was able to answer that question truthfully.

“Oh, cool… where?” He asked.

“Um, somewhere downtown… I need to look up the address.”

I wasn’t exactly lying to Adam, but I was withholding information, which I hated. I quickly got off the phone with him before he could ask more questions and went back to getting ready. Its funny, when I go out to mainstream clubs, I often feel like I put a whole bunch of effort into looking cute, only to be ignored. While my skinny friends can go out in dirty jeans and an old t-shirt and get approached by guys all night. So when I get dressed to go out on The Scene, it feels like there’s actually a means to an end when I get dolled up.

For this particular evening I kept it simple: Light-wash jeans (tucked into black Ugg boots) a black off the shoulder top, and a purple shoulder bag with a big bow on the front. It was warm but NYC winter standards, so I covered up with my leather motorcycle jacket and a paisley pashmina.
I walked into DIVAS, paid the cover charge (augh!) and got in line to check my coat.

“CeCe?” I heard a male voice say.

I turned around and froze. It was Matthew… Matthew lived with my friend Jason… and Jason is a CLOSE friend of… ADAM… my best friend! I was being outed. All I could think was “damage control”, so I jumped right in:

“Hey!”

“Wow, good to see you!” he said, hugging me.

“Yeah, um– you too,” my voice was a few octaves higher than usual.

“I’ve never seen you here before… do you come here often?”

“Nope, this is my first time…” I lied.

I felt like I was regaining control of the situation, by pretending that I was new to The Scene. Then, as if on cue; Maggie and Jane (regulars at DIVAS with whom I have become friendly) entered the club, when they saw me at coat check, they came at me shrieking simultaneously:

“Oh my GAWD!” “CeCe!” “We’ve missed you!!!” “Where have you been?” “You never called me back!”

I could feel my face getting hot. “I’m sorry, I have to go to the ladies room!” I blurted out. I pushed past them, saw Dana at the bar and motioned for her to follow me into the bathroom.

“What’s wrong?” Dana asked as she rushed in after me.

I explained everything.

“BAHAHAHA!!!” Dana has a habit of laughing in my face about things that stress me out and in this case I couldn’t blame her. The way we approached our weight and our lives as PSP’s was very different. She was forthright about her size and had told most of her friends and family about the BBW parties, while I chose it keep it a secret. It seemed like my silence was catching up to me and she was enjoying every minute of it.

I, on the other hand was freaking out, until I remembered something: The first time I met Matthew, I could have sworn that he was attracted to me by the way he interacted with me. Of course I have a big girl complex where I assume men are never attracted to me, so I pushed the thought aside quickly, but apparently, I was right. I knew I needed to get over being discovered at a big girl club and I had already paid the cover (augh!), so I wasn’t going home. I decided to make the most of the night. I composed myself and went out on the dance floor where I caught a glimpse of Matthew grinding on a hefty woman in a green dress. A short man with nicely toned arms grabbed Dana and they began dancing. I couldn’t let this situation keep me from doing my thing on the dance floor, so I too began to move and spent the night dancing and flirting.

Soon I found myself at the bar, needing a bottle of water but ordering a french martini. A hand, holding a $20 bill slid onto the bar on my left side. I turned around and it was Matthew, “I’ve got it” he said. I thanked him and began to explain my awkward behavior. I was searching for the words to politely beg him not to “out” me to my friends when he leaned in and whispered in my ear.

“Listen, I don’t want to be weird or anything but… I love this club. I love the women here, I think they are so sexy… but its something I do on my own time, do you know what I mean? and now that I’m dating Lisa, I just don’t think my coming here is something she’d be too happy…”

Before he could finish his sentence, the hefty girl in the green dress came up over and wrapped her arms around him. “Hey sexy” he said, giving her a squeeze. I smiled to hide my disbelief. Lisa was a girl I had met a few times and she could not have been more than a size 6. He was in a relationship with Lisa, but spent “his time” hugged up with a woman three times her size.

“So,” he continued. “Can we keep this between us?”

It was then that I realized… I wasn’t the only one scared of being outed.

“Sure, its between us.”

21 thoughts on “I’ve Been “Outed” as Fat!!”

  1. wow I can understand why you are a little apprehensive to let people know you go to bbw parties. I mean at one point and time I thought about going and even the thought I kept secret but my boyfriend has never really been into smaller girls and he’s pretty open about that hmmmm couldnt imagine someone thinking I was hot but just couldn’t say it or date me openly because of my jean size hmm go figure I blame the media yeah thats right the media lol who knows I guess everyone really just has to take a moment to breathe and feel good in their own skin

  2. I too have a touch of the dreaded “Big Girl Complex”. It’s funny though I mask it well. I am the only PSP in my circle of friends so I can fully relate to the way you feel when you go out when your skinny friends and they get all the attention from the men when you spent hours getting ready in your best only to be ignored. It’s especially trips me out when my male friends tell me your are beautiful but I never seen any of them with a women my size and if they ever dated a psp I never seen her! I agree with princessvalecia you just have to feel good in your own skin. I would like to send a special shootout to all the respectable men that love us psp’s OPENLY!:)

  3. You were outed!! HAHA!

    I know how you feel; I didn’t start doing the BBW parties until this past summer mainly because I didn’t have any BBW friends. I was never apprehensive about telling people that I go, I mean I want to dance and flirt too and if the guys in the “normal” clubs won’t bite then I’ll go where my size is the standard!

    As for your friend- I’ve met alot of guys like him, who love us undercover while their “public love” is a skinny chick. I don’t understand why a guy can’t be forthcoming and secure in the kind of woman he likes.

  4. Hey there, You have performed a great job. I will certainly digg it and in my opinion suggest to my friends. I am confident they’ll be benefited from this site.

  5. Thanks a bunch for your fantastic write-up! I definitely enjoyed learning about.I will make certain to bookmark the website and will often come back in the future. I want to suggest you to definitely keep going with your nice writing, possibly blog about leather sofa cleaning service too, have a great afternoon!

  6. You’re definitely correct, I’d really enjoy to learn more info on this issue! I’m also fascinated by how to use excel because I believe it really is very cool lately. Thanks!

  7. I was discussing with a friend of my own on this article and also regarding excel for dummies too. I believe you made a number of good points in this case, we are looking forward to keep reading stuff from you.

  8. We really adore your website and find a majority of the content to be just what I am in need of. Would you offer guest writers to write material for you? I wouldn’t mind publishing a story relating to mounting systems or perhaps on a lot of the things you write about here. Nice place!

  9. There are certainly remarkable improvements on the style of this webpage, I honestly enjoy this. My own is regarding Ethereum wallet online and generally there are quite a lot of stuff to be done, I am still a newbie in website development. Cheers!

  10. The subsequent time I read a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I imply, I know it was my option to read, however I really thought youd have one thing attention-grabbing to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about one thing that you would repair for those who werent too busy in search of attention.

  11. Hey! This is my first comment on your site so I really wanted to give a fast shout out and say I really enjoy reading your articles. Can you suggest any other websites which deal with traffic violation? I’m as well extremely keen on this! Thank you so much!

  12. I felt amazing to read this article and I believe you’re totally correct. Inform me in the event that you are curious about red light ticket, that’s my principal competency. I’m hoping to hear from you in the near future, take good care!

  13. ANPC is a free nation for and by the living men and women of the earth. This Private Nation is a grassroots association based out of Indonesia having its own International Charter, Peace Treaty, Constitution, Rules of conduct and has adopted the Declaration of Human Rights. These Treaties have been Registered by International Notice to the Hague and World Court as well as other agencies worldwide. The entire goal and mission of ANPC is WORLD PEACE and freedom for all the nationals of the world, focusing on a peaceful gathering together of all tribes and nations. Our living men and women are to live as Peaceful Inhabitants on the land, striving always to create a better world today and for future generations.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top