If I were the type of person who said things like “This is gonna be my year!” I would have said it on January 1, 2015. But I’m not that kind of person, so I just giddily looked ahead. I was confident that at the end of 2015 I would love myself and my life in a completely different way than I did in 2014.
Welp– I can confidently say that I was right, but… um… my version of 2015 was all roses and what really happened was roses and thorns… lots of thorns (shout out to Brett Michaels, you called it bro).
Loving yourself and living a life you love are beautiful goals. The results are always worth it, but what it takes? Noooo… I wasn’t ready!!!!!!!
Anyway, here are a few crazy ways that I loved myself in 2015, in no particular order…
I Quit My Job
For a long time, I had this blog, my YouTube channel, #PSPfit, friends, family, a boo thang and a full-time job. For about two years I’d work nights and weekends on my passions and then spend Monday-Friday, 9-5 sitting at my day job with my stomach in knots. I had great co-workers and an awesome work environment, but I knew I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do.
A year ago this week I said good-bye my corporate job, my paid vacation and my guaranteed paycheck (!) so that I could go “all in” with the work I do online.
From the moment I moved to NYC, I’d been working for the validation of other people. I’d been hoping and praying for someone to take a chance on me, to choose me, to pick me out from a crowd and say wow that girl has something.
This time, I did that.
I chose me.
I bet on me.
I decided that a steady paycheck was good, but what I had to offer the world was more valuable than a consistent direct deposit.
For the full story of how I quit my job click here
I Stopped Dating Robert
Yes, your girl is back on the market.
Shout out to those of you who figured it out on social media (some of ya’ll don’t miss a beat, sheesh!), Anyway– I’m sorry I ignored your questions– I just wasn’t in the mood to discuss it.
I only have good things to say about Robert and the time I spent with him. Ending things was pretty simple: I needed more than Robert could give me, so it was up to me to tap out.
But here’s the deal– It took me a LONG TIME to get up the courage to call things off.
As women, we talk a lot about finding love/relationships but not a lot about losing love/relationships, so I will definitely be digging more into this topic; but for now, I’ll say that ending a relationship that isn’t serving you is a huge act of self love (especially if the person is awesome, augh!). If you’ve done it, I am giving you the biggest hug and high five. If you know you need to do it, I’m telling you now that it’s painful and annoying, but the life and love you deserve are on the other side, I promise.
I Started Therapy
I’ve always been curious about therapy. I didn’t have a particular reason to go, but once I started? Oh Em Gee! There’s so much to unpack!! It’s been really helpful to explore why I struggle with certain things or why I have certain patterns in relationships with friends and dating. It took me a few tries to find the right therapist for me, but now that I’ve found a good fit I look forward to exploring myself each week and growing up a bit.
Therapy is like the gym… for your heart and soul! #PSPfit
If you’re curious about therapy, I highly recommend InYourCornerOnline.com it’s skype Therapy so you can choose people who specialize in what you need help with and you can do your sessions from anywhere!
I Helped Others
Do you Remember “Dear CeCe: I’m Single, What am I Doing Wrong??” Well, in that post I broke down how to find purpose in your single life.
Not dating Robert anymore meant that suddenly our standing date nights were open on my calendar. I could have “started wearing less and going out more” on those days, but I didn’t.
Okay– I kinda did…
But I ALSO made sure to walk in my purpose and find ways to help people. Instead of having a date night with Robert every Tuesday, I started #PSPfit WERKshop, a Tuesday night workout class for my NYC readers and it was amazing!
The girls that showed up were so beautiful and positive– they had no idea they were helping me through an awkward time in my life. I taught them workouts and they taught me that when you have a purpose, you can fill any void in your life.
I Looked Up, Waaaaaay Up!
*some say Universe, I say God (or Jesusssss *praise break*)
I set out to love myself more in 2015 and I was thinking like massages, manicures and two piece bathing suits in Jamaica would cover it. Little did I know that there were deeper lessons God had on deck for me in 2015.
A huge part of loving myself is my relationship with God. I could preach to you and say we are fearfully and wonderfully made… but instead I’ll just say, God don’t make no junk. God wants the best for me and is always looking out for my best interest even when it doesn’t feel good. Some amazing reminders of this have come from the following religious and non-religious places, No matter what your beliefs are, I think you can find some great inspiration with:
The Alchemist, a Life changing book
Jesus Calling a quick daily devotional that is so beautiful and speaks to my soul every day. It’s basically 365 days of love.
Intentional I think I listened to this song for like three days straight
Keep on Singing My Song Christina at her best singing from the depths of her soul, yes LORD! Lyrics include:
‘Cause I’m about to
Say farewell to every single lie
& All the fears I’ve held too long inside
Every time I felt I couldn’t cry
All the negativity I had inside
For too long I’ve been struggling. I couldn’t go on
But now I’ve found I’m feeling strong and moving on
I Stopped Being Mean to Myself
During all of these wacky loving myself moments, I was still dealing with a multitude of other personal issues, the stress that came in my first year of working for myself aaaand I was signing with a literary agent, starting the process of publishing a book, launching the first ever conference for women size 10+, theCURVYcon, etc. etc.
See, soooo many roses <3
So, instead of knocking out these last few pounds I wanted to drop, I’ve been holding on for dear life to maintain.
I’m nowhere near my starting weight and my body is still operating in the benefits of having lost dozens of pounds, thank God. But instead of hitting my personal goal scale-wise in 2015, I’ve been gaining and losing the same 10 pounds.
For a minute there I was so mean to myself. Everytime I posted an outfit picture, I’d harshly criticize it and tell myself I should be way farther along.
But, I work hard to love myself.
Right now loving myself means that I do the best that I can in a year of transition.
This year, the best that I can do is: following my dreams, letting go of things that weren’t right for me, healing emotional wounds, starting new projects and helping others along the way. Even though changing numbers on the scale didn’t make the cut, I’d still say that 2015 wasn’t too shabby.
Anyway, I often get emails asking How do I Love Myself? Here’s a snapshot of what it looked like for me– I always keep it real with you and this post is no different. All the beautiful rosey things you see me doing are rooted in making decisions out of love for myself (even when they weren’t fun decisions).
I’m grateful for all of it *sigh*
Do you have some “love yourself” tough decisions to make?
I have been loving myself for a long time and I am still INSPIRED by this post. Go and Get yours my dear and we will keep on reading. . . Happy Holidays!
Awww thanks Neti! <3 <3
I have been loving myself for a long time and I am still INSPIRED by this post. Go and Get yours my dear and we will keep on reading. . . Happy Holidays!
Awww thanks Neti! <3 <3
Love. Love. Love.
*smooch*
Love. Love. Love.
*smooch*
Awww Cece! Best post to date! So open and frank. Beautifully written too. I had guessed your status but knew you probably needed time to discuss it yourself (as we all do).
Here’s to an even greater 2016!
Tess x
Yes my dear, thanks for giving me space… xo
Awww Cece! Best post to date! So open and frank. Beautifully written too. I had guessed your status but knew you probably needed time to discuss it yourself (as we all do).
Here’s to an even greater 2016!
Tess x
Yes my dear, thanks for giving me space… xo
Great post. Someone needed to read that. (me)
Me too! lolol
Great post. Someone needed to read that. (me)
Me too! lolol
This was so great. It was a balance representation of how change happens. It was so helpful for me. Thanks for giving it to us girl.
You’re welcome, doll!
This was so great. It was a balance representation of how change happens. It was so helpful for me. Thanks for giving it to us girl.
You’re welcome, doll!
Love this entry. Go Cece! I know after my last relationship, I was single for a long time and I loved it. I think as women something incredible happens when we are able to be man free; some sort of transformative growth. And you quit your job? Jealous! And happy for you! Oh, and I love the new website by the way.
I always share your posts and photos with my dude and we discuss. Keep it coming!
Oooooh a boy reader? I like him already!! xoxo
Love this entry. Go Cece! I know after my last relationship, I was single for a long time and I loved it. I think as women something incredible happens when we are able to be man free; some sort of transformative growth. And you quit your job? Jealous! And happy for you! Oh, and I love the new website by the way.
I always share your posts and photos with my dude and we discuss. Keep it coming!
Oooooh a boy reader? I like him already!! xoxo
this post is seriously inspirational. my goal for 2016 is to learn to really love myself the way you have in 2015. thank you CeCe for being such an good example.
*Hugs* Hope, you’re the best!!!
this post is seriously inspirational. my goal for 2016 is to learn to really love myself the way you have in 2015. thank you CeCe for being such an good example.
*Hugs* Hope, you’re the best!!!
I really love this post. I agree with a previous poster saying that is was the best post to date because it was so open and honest. I feel inspired to looking into reading The Alchemist…seems like a pretty short read. I love how you committed to your dream of the blog and the idea of being a PSP.
I do have some “love yourself” tough decisions to make. Deciding what I am going to do about my professional life, love life, working out, eating habits, and I find myself ridiculously unmotivated to do anything about them. Ugh!
Girl, I 100% get it… the thing that helps for me is not trying to do everything at once. It is wayyyyy too overwhelming that way. Start with one thing (you know I’m going to recommend health because without that, we’ve got nothing *hugs*)
Makes sense. **hugs**
I really love this post. I agree with a previous poster saying that is was the best post to date because it was so open and honest. I feel inspired to looking into reading The Alchemist…seems like a pretty short read. I love how you committed to your dream of the blog and the idea of being a PSP.I do have some “love yourself” tough decisions to make. Deciding what I am going to do about my professional life, love life, working out, eating habits, and I find myself ridiculously unmotivated to do anything about them. Ugh!
Girl, I 100% get it… the thing that helps for me is not trying to do everything at once. It is wayyyyy too overwhelming that way. Start with one thing (you know I’m going to recommend health because without that, we’ve got nothing *hugs*)
Makes sense. **hugs**
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!!! It’s speaks to everything that my mind has been processing for the last two days! I’m looking forward to FLOURISHING in 2016 as I continue to do what You’ve done in 2015! I plan to blog my experiences too so hope you’ll follow along with me. I’ll post the info soon as I get a chance! Thanks CeCe!!!! ??
That’s awesome Nadia, looking forward to ti! xx
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!!! It’s speaks to everything that my mind has been processing for the last two days! I’m looking forward to FLOURISHING in 2016 as I continue to do what You’ve done in 2015! I plan to blog my experiences too so hope you’ll follow along with me. I’ll post the info soon as I get a chance! Thanks CeCe!!!! ??
That’s awesome Nadia, looking forward to ti! xx
You are a SheRo!!!! Sooo happy you loved yourself enough to release all this fabulousness to us! xoxo, T
Thank you boo xo
You are a SheRo!!!! Sooo happy you loved yourself enough to release all this fabulousness to us! xoxo, T
Thank you boo xo
Great post! So glad you are taking care of yourself internally and externally. It is hard to balance it all but you are putting in the effort. Here is another stellar year of growth and progress!
Indeed, doll… Indeed!
Great post! So glad you are taking care of yourself internally and externally. It is hard to balance it all but you are putting in the effort. Here is another stellar year of growth and progress!
Indeed, doll… Indeed!
Ceecee!!!! Girl….I love love this post and you let it all out!!…You’ve had a phenomenal year and I pray for you God’s richest blessings for 2016! Welcome to singleness!!
Thank you so much Tanya
Ceecee!!!! Girl….I love love this post and you let it all out!!…You’ve had a phenomenal year and I pray for you God’s richest blessings for 2016! Welcome to singleness!!
Thank you so much Tanya
So inspiring, thank you. A reminder I’ve need that He never changes, is always faithful and wants and works for the best in us if we let Him. And to focus on that!! So inspiring. Going after what you’re worth.
Amen
So inspiring, thank you. A reminder I’ve need that He never changes, is always faithful and wants and works for the best in us if we let Him. And to focus on that!! So inspiring. Going after what you’re worth.
Amen
Thank you for your transparency! It’s so easy for bloggers to keep a glossy sheen on their lives to make them look effortless and flawless. Your honesty makes your journey of self love relatable and something to strive for.
<3 <3 <3
Thank you for your transparency! It’s so easy for bloggers to keep a glossy sheen on their lives to make them look effortless and flawless. Your honesty makes your journey of self love relatable and something to strive for.
<3 <3 <3
there are seriously not enough words to describe how much this post and your blog in general means to me. you are such an inspiration. your willingness to be completely transparent has been such a needed means of a “you’re not alone” message. You are so amazing and I can’t wait to see what 2016 holds for you.
Wow, Kay T thanks for your kind words… seriously, thank you! xo
there are seriously not enough words to describe how much this post and your blog in general means to me. you are such an inspiration. your willingness to be completely transparent has been such a needed means of a “you’re not alone” message. You are so amazing and I can’t wait to see what 2016 holds for you.
Wow, Kay T thanks for your kind words… seriously, thank you! xo
Oh CeCe! What a year! I totally relate to the relationship struggles and loving yourself enough to know when to walk away. (It’s very difficult to do!) HUGE HUGS to you! I can’t wait to see what 2016 brings.
Girl, yes… thanks for the hugs I need them! xoxo
Oh CeCe! What a year! I totally relate to the relationship struggles and loving yourself enough to know when to walk away. (It’s very difficult to do!) HUGE HUGS to you! I can’t wait to see what 2016 brings.
Girl, yes… thanks for the hugs I need them! xoxo
I <3 this recap and you are one hella bad ass lady! I feel so lucky to have stumbled into your corner of the world! Thanks for sharing and here's to a 2016 that's less transition and more of all the good stuff you've been working on!
Thank you so so much! xo
I <3 this recap and you are one hella bad ass lady! I feel so lucky to have stumbled into your corner of the world! Thanks for sharing and here's to a 2016 that's less transition and more of all the good stuff you've been working on!
Thank you so so much! xo
Cece you’re such an inspiration. One day I hope to have your confidence and outlook on the world.
You have so much positive love for yourself and thats… Just wow.
Merry Christmas from the UK.
Hayley x
Hi, Hayley Doll!!! Merry Christmas to you too xoxo
Cece you’re such an inspiration. One day I hope to have your confidence and outlook on the world.
You have so much positive love for yourself and thats… Just wow.
Merry Christmas from the UK.
Hayley x
Hi, Hayley Doll!!! Merry Christmas to you too xoxo
Hey CeCe! Just wanted to let you know that I really, really appreciated this post. It spoke directly to my heart and soul. It’s been a similar year for me as well in the sense of choosing myself, and it has been….thorny…..but amid so many roses. I love your honesty, vulnerability and willingness to give us all a piece of yourself. Keep on loving yourself! And if you’re ever in Seattle, I’d love the opportunity to meet you!
Hey Becca, thanks– we’re so in this together and I’d love to visit Seattle one day 😀
Hey CeCe! Just wanted to let you know that I really, really appreciated this post. It spoke directly to my heart and soul. It’s been a similar year for me as well in the sense of choosing myself, and it has been….thorny…..but amid so many roses. I love your honesty, vulnerability and willingness to give us all a piece of yourself. Keep on loving yourself! And if you’re ever in Seattle, I’d love the opportunity to meet you!
Hey Becca, thanks– we’re so in this together and I’d love to visit Seattle one day 😀
2015 was tough. But yup, in retrospect, I let go of my 6 year relationship that seemed stagnant, started Overeater’s Anonymous, kicked butt on my new job I started in January, signed up for CurvyCon 2.0, cause I missed #1, and took a few amazing vacations. Huh, not so bad after all! Thank you for perspective. Oh, and therapy rocks, but it may be time for me to explore a new therapist.
Look at you!!! Can’t wait to meet you in June 🙂
2015 was tough. But yup, in retrospect, I let go of my 6 year relationship that seemed stagnant, started Overeater’s Anonymous, kicked butt on my new job I started in January, signed up for CurvyCon 2.0, cause I missed #1, and took a few amazing vacations. Huh, not so bad after all! Thank you for perspective. Oh, and therapy rocks, but it may be time for me to explore a new therapist.
Look at you!!! Can’t wait to meet you in June 🙂
Great post. Yep, I read Jesus Calling devotional.
So good!
Great post. Yep, I read Jesus Calling devotional.
So good!
I’m pretty late reading this but the timing is perfect. Obviously I repeat the sentiments of everyone on here! Great post and so spot on for all of us. I think we know deep down that we all are going through the same issues but it’s such a different and connective experience to hear it/see it. I’m working on making many of the same changes in 2016 that you succeeded in this year. Your inspiration is fuel for me now and I think the one-thing-at-a-time approach is the way to go. I feel like I stalk you now! lol but know I don’t devour anyone else’s posts like I do yours. Happy holidays and here’s looking to a great 2016 for you!
Never too late Alexandra, lol… happy 2016 to you too <3
I’m pretty late reading this but the timing is perfect. Obviously I repeat the sentiments of everyone on here! Great post and so spot on for all of us. I think we know deep down that we all are going through the same issues but it’s such a different and connective experience to hear it/see it. I’m working on making many of the same changes in 2016 that you succeeded in this year. Your inspiration is fuel for me now and I think the one-thing-at-a-time approach is the way to go. I feel like I stalk you now! lol but know I don’t devour anyone else’s posts like I do yours. Happy holidays and here’s looking to a great 2016 for you!
Never too late Alexandra, lol… happy 2016 to you too <3
I love this post, thank you!! I needed to read this today
xoxo
I love this post, thank you!! I needed to read this today
xoxo
Yasss! To everything! That XTina song be having me on bended knee crying & signing off key, but I will never forget how many times it got me thru the worst of times. Bless Up! See you 2016!
Yesss ma’am!!!
Yasss! To everything! That XTina song be having me on bended knee crying & signing off key, but I will never forget how many times it got me thru the worst of times. Bless Up! See you 2016!
Yesss ma’am!!!
I needed this to day!!!! I recently lost my husband ,and I have just been going around in circle. I am a big girl so you know there are so many critics .I want to find myself again in 2016
I needed this to day!!!! I recently lost my husband ,and I have just been going around in circle. I am a big girl so you know there are so many critics .I want to find myself again in 2016
“I do the best that I can in a year of transition.” Yes, exactly. Open hearts, a good-faith effort, and acceptance are all we can ask of ourselves … and others. Thank you, CeCe, for your truth.
“I do the best that I can in a year of transition.” Yes, exactly. Open hearts, a good-faith effort, and acceptance are all we can ask of ourselves … and others. Thank you, CeCe, for your truth.
Terrific post, thank you!!!
Terrific post, thank you!!!
Thank you for sharing. …you are a gift to many!
Thank you for sharing. …you are a gift to many!
Fantastic post! God has been tugging at me to move into a new level as well. Your post along with some other great moments this year have me ready to Jump!
Fantastic post! God has been tugging at me to move into a new level as well. Your post along with some other great moments this year have me ready to Jump!
I was only a youtube subscriber til I came over and read this after watching the ‘Year of loving myself + personal updates’ video, but I am now definitely a blog reader too! You’re amazing, I feel like for me 2015 was the year where I properly started on my self love journey too and reading about yours and all you’ve achieved has made me so excited to see what this year brings for you and me haha. So much love for you beautiful lady xxxxxxx
I was only a youtube subscriber til I came over and read this after watching the ‘Year of loving myself + personal updates’ video, but I am now definitely a blog reader too! You’re amazing, I feel like for me 2015 was the year where I properly started on my self love journey too and reading about yours and all you’ve achieved has made me so excited to see what this year brings for you and me haha. So much love for you beautiful lady xxxxxxx
Thanks for opening up about your life. I personally suffer from so much with myself that I don’t know where to start. I need tips on how to turn my life in a better direction. I’ve been lost for so long well over 10 years and I need to find myself. I’m losing this battle. Please continue to post your progress so that it will help me.
Thanks for opening up about your life. I personally suffer from so much with myself that I don’t know where to start. I need tips on how to turn my life in a better direction. I’ve been lost for so long well over 10 years and I need to find myself. I’m losing this battle. Please continue to post your progress so that it will help me.
I just found your site through YouTube….I was in search of exercise for plus sized girls and…here I am! Thank you for your transparency and commitment to health! We ARE fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image! I want to truly begin to live that out. So thank you CeCe!
I just found your site through YouTube….I was in search of exercise for plus sized girls and…here I am! Thank you for your transparency and commitment to health! We ARE fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image! I want to truly begin to live that out. So thank you CeCe!
Hey, you used to write fantastic, but the last few posts have been kinda boring… I miss your great writings. Past several posts are just a little out of track! come on!
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Try not to laugh!
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These two better settle their score now before everything ends up burnt!
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Nothing makes him more happy than reading a newspaper underneath a tree.