Did They GHOST you? You’re Not Alone: Here’s how to handle it

I’ve been hesitant to write about my dating life lately for a variety of reasons. But I’ve had experiences dating in New York City that have taught me a lot and changed my mindset around dating and relationships. I feel that it might be helpful if we talk about it together, sound good?

 

If you’re new here, something you should know about me is that I do my best to live a life of excellence. I have a supportive family, my friends are all winners, I’m able to support myself in the most expensive city in the world (while keeping my monthly spa appointment, amen!) I’m happy and (thank God!) I’m healthy.

 

I want to be a wife and a mom, but those things haven’t happened for me yet.

 

I’m reading some of the DMs that you send to me and I understand that for my single ladies, dating is complicated right now. I understand.

 

 

View this post on Instagram

 

I definitely sent this to my therapist 😂 via: @newyorkermag

A post shared by CeCe Olisa (@ceceolisa) on

I feel that it is important for you to know that there are many gorgeous, talented, successful women JUST LIKE YOU who are having a complicated time with dating.

 

We’ve leveled up. We’re doing all of “the things” the self love, the self care and The Therapy. But it sometimes feels like our dating life doesn’t match all of the other lovely things in our lives. 

 

If this is happening to you, you are not alone. I promise.

 

So, when your dating life isn’t popping– what should you do?

 

I can’t tell you what to do, but I can show you how I’m handling it. Let’s Begin…

 

I was ghosted this weekend *clutches pearls* here’s how it went down: 

 

I was supposed to have a date on Sunday afternoon.

 

When I hadn’t heard from him by Saturday morning, I won’t lie, I was bummed. But I made the decision that the date was officially cancelled. Even if he called, I wouldn’t have gone because less than 24 hours notice doesn’t work for me.

 

Here’s how I spent my Sunday instead:

 

I Enjoyed my Early Morning

 

I woke up at 5:45am, no alarm.

 

I started the “Self Clean” cycle in my oven. Have you ever done it? Running the Self Clean cycle on an oven allows it to get super hot and burn off anything that’s stuck to the bottom and sides. It’s like 3 hour magical heat. Have you ever done it? It’s truly one of my favorite “grown up” things to do.

 

For safety, I first opened the door to my balcony and all of the windows for ventilation while my oven cleaned itself.

 

Then I sat on my balcony and journaled for a while.

 

My bathrobe is sold out, but I researched a few reasonably priced bathrobes from the same store, in a variety of styles and sizes, up to a 4X. If you click on any of the links below, I will get a small commission on anything you buy. I hope this is helpful and that you find something that works for you!

 

I RECOMMEND THESE PLUS SIZE BATHROBES

 

 

I Accomplished Something

 

Around 7:30am I had a work session with TEAM CECE. I gained clarity on some crucial elements of the new product I’ve created for you. The new product is almost ready to launch. You’ll hear me talking about it more when it goes on sale in the coming days!

Join my mailing list here and I’ll be sure to send you a note when it’s live. 

I’m smiling, just thinking about it. 

 

After my TEAM CECE meeting ended, I was feeling hungry, so I made myself some breakfast, grabbed a magazine and went back onto the balcony.

Outside of being a wife and a mom, I pretty much have everything I want. Of course, this can make dating downers hurt even more. So, I want to two changes I made a few years back that have really helped.

1.) I got into therapy 2.) I got a life.

Actually I didn’t get a life– I created a life.

 

Yes, there have been boyfriends and breakups along the way.

After my last big breakup, I was WRECKED. I remember sobbing to my Mom asking “Do you think its EVER going to happen for me?” Thankfully, my mom is supportive and always has faith when I don’t.

After I calmed down, I started reading, praying and meditating and I realized something. Every guy I’ve dated has been better than the last. Breakups are tough, but if history tells me anything I’ll be grateful for all of this heartbreak one day.

I Read Something

 

When I looked at the cover of my Essence Magazine, I was so pleased to see my dear friend Rachel Cargle’s name on the cover! I adore her, she is a good friend and I love seeing her shine! She did a great interview with Rapsody and Nikki Giovanni. I love Rapsody’s style! She calls it “tomboy femininity” and I think it’s so dope. I adore Nikki Giovanni and I just found out in Rachel’s interview that Nikki Giovanni’s poetry is now available on spotify! I can’t wait to listen.

For breakfast, I just made a quick LAZY avocado toast. Here’s how I’m making it these days:

 

CeCe Olisa’s LAZY Avocado Toast

 

  • 1 piece of Daves Killer Bread
  • Pre-packaged guacamole from the super market (this is the Lazy part, please don’t judge me! When I have fresh avocados I definitely use them)
  • A pinch of Morton’s Sea Salt Flakes (this is the only salt I use!)
  • Drizzles and Drizzles of my Homemade Chile Oil (I’m so proud of this! Should I share the recipe?)
  • Crumbled Feta

What do you think? If you’d like me to share the recipe I used for my yummy homemade chile oil, send me a DM on instagram! If you’re judging me for using guac, you can send me a DM too haha

 

Around 10:30am I sent some silly texts to my group chat and laughed with my homegirls.

 

I Created Something

 

I spent the rest of the afternoon writing, including todays blog post. 

When I close my computer, I’m going to get into Lovecraft Country on HBO because my friend recommended it.

Sure, I got ghosted but today has been an amazing day! God bless that man for giving me a refund on my time!

Anyway, if you’ve been ghosted or your dating life isn’t going the way you’d like it to, I just want to remind you that there are plenty of other things you can do with your time. 

 

No matter the circumstance, time alone is always a gift to me.

 

Ever been stood up? How’d you handle it?

 

xx

 

8 thoughts on “Did They GHOST you? You’re Not Alone: Here’s how to handle it”

  1. I love how you emphasize *creating* the life you seek, rather than being passive and hoping that someone else gives you what you want. I also appreciate that you acknowledge the support you receive from friends, your therapist, and God. It is really inspiring to see a woman utilize her power and talent to being happiness into her life. I truly believe that when you do that, your happiness radiates outward, and you attract happy, healthy people towards you.

    What I like best about your story is that you *show* your readers how you did/do it, not just telling us with empty words. I have read your blog for a few years, and I follow you on the ‘gram, too. I feel inspired by your actions and stories. The ways in which you have documented your journey as a self actualized person really put into practice what you say about creating the life you want. You are not just talking, you are really living your philosophy with authenticity, and the evidence of your life reflects your efforts. Thank you!

    (I know that social media is selective, so I cannot pretend to know your whole story–and I do not need to, you deserve your privacy!–but I am impressed and inspired by what you choose to share with your followers.)

  2. Hi CeCe:
    Before I was married I was stood up … before “ghosting” was a thing. 😆. This is a great post that I can use to help my sisters and friends. Your approach is exactly what self love is all about. A lot of men also need to grow up and learn how to communicate. Thank you!

  3. I was ghosted Sunday as well by someone who I’d recently starting date (we made the relationship official 8/12 /20) however the lack of his presence these last couple of days made me realize just how stressed I was when around him. He was very jealous of me and my time, expecting my life to revolve around him and him alone. We were just together Friday night and Saturday morning but I think what took him over the edge was me not returning a missed phone call from him Saturday afternoon until about 4 hours later (yes missing his calls always pissed him off). He blocked my number either Saturday night or Sunday, not knowing I was blocked, I was worried about him being MIA because he’s usually in CONSTANT contact with me, so I was calling and texting asking if he was okay and where was he. It dawned on me yesterday that I was probably blocked and when I saw that I could no longer see his FB, I knew for sure. HOWEVER, I take his ghosting as God looking out for me because I see now that his possessiveness would have only gotten worse. You can’t continue to reassure someone that you’re only interested in them if they’re insecure with themselves and make up scenarios and assumptions. I feel so free and back to myself. CeCe take that ghosting as a gift from God ‘cause clearly home boy was not ready for your magnificence! ❤️❤️❤️

  4. The guy who baked me snickerdoodles for my 16th birthday was the first guy who came to mind reading this. He is still the only guy who comes to mind when talking to friends about the “man who isn’t officially your man”. We talked and saw each other on and off for years but nothing official. In college one day he was supposed to come over to my apartment for some of my homemade chicken lasagna. He never showed and I didn’t have a name for what happened, so I devoured half that lasagna alone.

    I wish I could say I stopped giving him time and attention that night, but it would be a total lie. It’s been a decade since he gave me those burnt cookies, and I’m just now getting over him. He was the first guy to make me feel wanted when so many different sources in life were telling me that men would never like me for me. The truth is he liked the attention I gave him more than he liked me, and that’s okay! Luckily I love myself enough now to put that in the past and find someone to grow with.

    I’m finally starting to create my own life too, after blowing it to bits last year. Can’t wait to see what you create next 🥰

  5. All the best Cece, glad that you created the perfect day for yourself! I would do the same. But… at the same time I feel that it does not work in our favour.

    I’m 45, married, but have quite a few girlfriends who are currently dating (age 35-45), they all found out that more successful and happy with their life aremen are less interested in dating them. My advice to them was to show a bit of their vulnerability. I think that men unconsciously are looking for women who have some empty space in their life and even the really decent and confident guys are worried that if the woman if sooo happy with her current life there is nothing they could do to improve it.

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