This post is sponsored by Lane Bryant.
You should probably know something about me– I enjoy dating. I want to be a wife and a mom and I date with that in mind. Each date I go on teaches me something about myself and what I want. When I know what I don’t want, it’s much easier to identify what I do want.
What I want is the north star for every decision that I make, including how I choose a partner, so I don’t shy away from the dating process.
I’m often asked where I meet the men I date. I’ve dated guys that I met at charity events, work, church, the gym, the club and online.
If you want to date right now, online is the way to go. There’s nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about– everyone is doing it!
Online dating is more popular now than ever. Some sources say that there’s been a 300% increase in the use of dating apps recently.
I’m not here to convince you to try online dating, that decision is up to you. But I thought it might be helpful for me to give you a glimpse inside my virtual dating process right now.
In the past, when I met someone the dating process consisted of texts and phone calls followed by a steady progression of coffee, drinks, meals, activities, etc.
Things are a bit different now, so here my suggestions on how to virtual date successfully.
Become the Bachelorette
Here’s how things work in my world: I am the bachelorette and I will take my time getting to know any man who is interested in me and meets my standards. I’ve only watched one season of the Bachelorette (Rachel Lindsay’s season, duh!) but one season was enough for me to feel comfortable following a Bachelorette format in my own dating life. This means I am dating multiple guys at once and I have been doing this for a while now.
If you listen to the “I’m a virgin who can’t drive” episode of my podcast, you know the tea on how I date with confidence.
What I want is my north star, so I set the terms for who I date and how.
Spending time together in-person is not an option, period. I will not meet a man for a “social distance” walk in the park, I will not choose a man to be my quarantine bae, nothing. I’ve had men promise me the world, until they find out they can’t come over– they don’t get a rose from me.
Side note: I understand that there are certain *ahem* needs that can’t be met over the phone. If this is a challenge for you, I understand. My suggestion is that you download my How to Spend a Day in Bed guide. It’s quite popular these days *wink*
The men who are ready to date with purpose understand a woman’s right to choose her partner. I’m vetting them, they’re vetting me… these things take time and this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me to relax into it. We talk, we vibe and I let them lead the way.
Get a Tripod for your virtual date
Because of my work, I have a cell phone tripod that I use to chat with you guys on instagram. This tripod has come in super handy for virtual dating!
Putting my phone on a tripod allows me to sit still and be in the moment. I like to have my hands free so I feel more at ease to be myself, take a sip of wine and relax.
This is a personal thing, but as someone who gets severe motion sickness, if I’m on a video call with someone who moves around while holding the phone, I sometimes get a bit nauseous. So a tripod is also my way of making sure I’m not the person spastically jerking my arm around and making the person on the other end sick to their stomach. But, that’s just me.
The other reason I like to get a tripod is because it’s helpful to know (and keep) your angles. Nothing is worse than when you know you look cute on camera but your arm is hurting and you can’t keep the angle that you prefer (don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about! lol)
With a tripod you can set it and forget it. I’ve done virtual dates standing in my kitchen, sitting on my balcony and sitting on my couch. I simply set the tripod on my coffee table for this angle:
Don’t be afraid to take time and figure out your angles and locations in your home. I like to sit near a window so the sun can shine on my face– its better than any snapchat filter, I promise! Be intentional about your background and what area of your home is behind you. Also, don’t be afraid to put your camera on selfie mode and figure out your perfect angle before your date calls. It’s all about putting your best foot forward. You can practice your virtual dating angles by having face-time happy hour or zoom brunch with your girlfriends, this way they can tell you what looks good and what doesn’t. Make it a team effort!
Treat your virtual dates like a real dates
I like when guys treat virtual dates like real dates.
Every guy is different and creative in his own way, so I try not to have expectations beyond setting a time and honoring that time. But in my experience, if a guy is trying to win the final rose from you, he will get more and more creative with his virtual dates.
For example, one very sweet guy I’m talking to asked me on a virtual pizza and movie date. He paid for the date by sending me pizza money via venmo, then we ate pizza on zoom and watched a movie together. I had so much fun!
One guy was 15 mins late for our first (and last!) virtual date and I was turned off immediately.
I had a virtual date night where I learned how to play chess using a virtual chess website.
I did a wine happy hour on a another virtual date.
I let them set a time to call me and I honor that time. If I’m chatting with a girlfriend on the phone and it’s getting close to the scheduled time of my virtual date, I will say something like “I have a date in 10 minutes, let me pull myself together” and my girls understand.
I find that most guys will confirm the virtual date ahead of time with a text like “are we still on for drinks at 4?” or something like that.
So 5-10 minutes before my date, I’ll pour a glass of wine, take a quick look in the mirror, grab my airpods and get comfortable.
My initial virtual dates are 30-45 minutes.
Dress to impress
If you watch my instagram stories, you know that I made an intentional decision to shower and get dressed every day. I love leggings like everyone else, but I enjoy putting together outfits each day, so I kept that part of my lifestyle going. I can’t say I get super glam for virtual dates, but I am mindful of what I wear when I know I have a virtual date later in the day. Here are a few looks that work for my virtual dating style
What do you think about virtual dating? Did you find this post helpful?
Leave your comments down below or send me a DM on instagram!