Dating

5 Things I Learned from my Cousins Wedding

November 27 2018 | CeCe Olisa

Can I share something with you?

Life is good right now… like REALLY good!

Are there things I wish were different? Absolutely. But the blessings in my life are so abundant that I’m FINALLY starting to understand all that stuff the elders say in church like “I can’t complain, He’s been too good!” or  “I’m glad I don’t look like what I’ve been though…” (anybody else grow up hearing that stuff? haha)

Right now, my focus is 100% on gratitude. I am thankful everyday for the things I have and the things that are on the way.

That being said– as a single girl there’s nothing like a wedding to make you feel a little… restless.

My cousin William got married in Mexico last week. Here’s what I wore:

Dress: Here | Shoes: Here

Earlier this month I moved into my dream apartment (yes, there’s an apartment tour coming, don’t worry). Because of the move, I cancelled a LOT of my travel plans but there was no way I was going to miss William II’s wedding.

So, the morning after my Tedx talk, my Mom and I hopped on the plane to Mexico. You can watch the video below to see our trip and some additional personal updates from me.

Usually when I attend weddings, I’m close to the bride so I’m watching things from her perspective. This year I’ve been to two weddings where I was closer to the groom. Watching the wedding as a friend of the groom can be fascinating, so after the video keep reading as I share 5 Thing I Learned from my Cousins Wedding

Lesson One: Watch the Throne

The reason I’m fond of my cousin William is that he’s bold and laid back at the same time. When someone doesn’t always speak, its best to watch what they do. If you’re watching a groom during his wedding weekend, you’ll learn a lot.

My cousin made sure all of us were happy and having a great time all weekend. He also kept a loving and watchful eye on three specific people: his fiance, Erika, his Mom (my aunt) and his son William III. In any given moment it was never about him… it was always about them.

Sometimes when you watch the throne, you’ll notice a man is always sitting there. Sometimes when you watch the throne, you’ll notice that’s where he seats the people who are precious to him.

Lesson Two: Life Comes at You Fast

My new cousin Erika is a boss, she’s a hairstylist who runs her own business and has loyal clients in LA. We were chatting over dinner about how we both quit our 9-5 office jobs so that we could chase our dreams. She casually mentioned that she remembers watching the “higher ups” at her old company taking their kids on beach vacations during the winter while the employees were stuck in the office barely making it.

The minute she said it I got chills… I looked at her and said:

“Wait a minute– ten years ago you watched your boss take his kids on beach vacations in winter. Now here YOU are taking YOUR kids on a beach vacation in winter… GIRL!”

Life comes at you fast… and that’s good news!

There are so many things I have now that I used to pray for. There are things Erika has now that she used to pray for. I’m grateful in advance for the things I’m praying for now… good and better things are always on the way!

Lesson Three: Mute R. Kelly

This is just a note to myself for the future.

Whenever I start planning a wedding I must tell the DJ that R. Kelly is NOT to be played.

Between the wedding reception and my aunts 90th birthday party in LA a few days later, I heard more R. Kelly music than a little bit.

I’ll be the first to admit that R. Kelly writes perfect songs to dance to and it’s hard to let a good bop go… but R.Kelly is nasty and each time his music was played half the crowd would sit down and refuse to dance and the other half was confused about why no one else was dancing.

It’s not anyone’s fault that the DJ played awesome songs written by a sick individual and it is clearly an easy thing to overlook or not even think about.

But I think it’s important to be intentional with DJ’s and tell them not to play R.Kelly’s music (in the same way you’d specify no cursing) because it makes people uncomfortable. *shrugs*

Lesson Four: “The One” has to be Fun

The day after Erika and WIll got married, they went riding on ATV’s in the sand dunes and got all dirty together. Erika is a glam girl, so when I saw the pics of her hugged up on her new hubby with sand all over her face, it was adorable!

I’ve definitely dated people who were less adventurous than me… I wont be doing that anymore haha

Lesson Five: Love is still a Thing

My parents have been married over 40 years.

Having a good relationship model is a blessing, but it can sometimes feel like I grew up with a unicorn in my home (i.e. something people have never seen or don’t think exists). I walk around with an idea of this unicorn type of relationship because that’s what my parents have. But when I take my unicorn beliefs into the dating world, it can feel like I’m the only believer.

Sometimes I get nervous that the rock solid, team us type of love isn’t a thing anymore.

So glad Will and Erika proved me wrong.

 

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10 responses on “5 Things I Learned from my Cousins Wedding

  1. Christine in DC

    Great post, CeCe! So many great points! Only one counterpoint—I am WAY less adventurous than my husband of 6 months. But he gets me to expand my risk tolerance and I ground him from time to time…I think it’s about finding the right person and right combo. I am wary of saying “opposites attract” because I don’t think we are opposites in all ways but we definitely complement each other to arrive at something greater—like your cousin and his glam wife! Okay, now I’m feeling sappy!!!

  2. Pamela

    Oh that vlog just choked me up…I also lost an uncle this year and it’s tough going through that when so many other things are going on (I’m about to move into my own “dream” home)…your uncle Arthur seems like a lovely man and what a sweet tribute to him Xx

  3. Brianne

    This is GREAT! I love the throne lesson. I’ll keep that one in my pocket! Also, I promise, the “Team Us” love is still a real thing. You can and will absolutely find it. And when you do, I’ll be there cheering you on!

  4. Michelle

    I couldn’t agree more with everything!! Lesson Five is the reason that I ended a 6 year relationship a couple of weeks ago. Like you, I watched my parents model a healthy, happy, “team us” love. My “the one” will want the same thing.

  5. Phatchik

    This is awesome!! You find lessons in your adventures and share. No two people see things the same. It is always awe inspiring to see through the lenses of others.

  6. jenni

    First off congrats to your cousin and your new cousin also yes I have to remember that too no R Kelly it’s not even my thing. Also, I had a very good friend of mine get married march ( on of three male friends I have), and he did the same thing. My S.O. Couldn’t make it, so he made sure I didn’t feel alone. (which I didn’t lol ) But whats so funny is that I felt like where I sat and how I was treated singled out in a good way. All of his close friends felt this, and I will keep note because that’s how I want to be even though im the bride, our personalities are very similar. I’ve also learned about the whole being your own boss thing. I take it at ease at times cus sometimes I need the structured setting ( I do fed contracting), and then I work on my own, and it’s a great balance. I have the best of both worlds, and it took me ten years just to get to that point lol Anyway you looked fab as always, and the bride’s dress was bomb. Matter a fact everyone was very well dressed. Oh, a new apartment tour I am hyped. I want an invitation to your housewarming lol.

  7. Kristen Guest

    Just so awesome CeCe. You are such an inspiration. As a social worker, I deal with all types of grief on so many different fronts, and I am still working on balancing my empowerment of others with my own grief and needs management. This was an amazing video and reflection, as well as an amazing tribute to love and life, lost or gained or all in between.

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