I could feel him falling for me.
I’d been feeling it since our first brunch date. It was one of those perfect days when autumn is coming but summer is still holding on, so the weather was perfect. I jumped out of my uber and although he was 6’4, he always seemed to stand up a tiny bit taller when he saw me.
I felt it during that first dinner when we talked about where our lives were going and I let it slip that I want to move back to California. He frowned a bit “oh, really? like … how soon?” I laughed and assured him that even though my heart is back in California, my work would keep me in NYC for the foreseeable future. He seemed pleased.
I felt it a while later when we met for drinks after work one day. He asked what I wanted and I gave him two options of red and when he came back with my first choice, a Malbec, he asked me what it tasted like.
We hadn’t kissed yet, so he wasn’t on that “you can drink after me” level, but I offered him a sip anyway. Maybe that’s what gave him the courage to kiss me, his hand softly placed on the side of my neck, his fingertips in my hair, his thumb somewhere between the corner of my mouth and my cheek.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” he said.
“I know” I replied, with a smile but my stomach was in knots.
This was going well, so why did I feel so unsettled?
I don’t do well when I’m unsettled, so I quickly tried to figure out what was going on. That’s when it hit me, maybe I was hyper aware of his strong feelings because I felt so neutral about him. I could tell he had decided that I was what he wanted. I, on the other hand was still slowly trying to figure if he was what I wanted. Every time we spoke on the phone or spent time together I learned new things about him. Some made me more interested, some made me feel like we really weren’t a match. But at the swift pace he was moving, he wasn’t giving me enough time to learn how I felt.
One night as we walked through Washington Square Park, holding hands I wondered if there was a way for me to slow him down without making him feel rejected.
He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it, “small hands” he said (I’m a big girl, but I have randomly small hands). He held my arm in the air by my wrist, inspecting my hand.
While he inspected my hands, I felt like I was inspecting him, us, our dates so far…
My mind started to wander a bit, when he took his thumb and index finger and ran them up and down my ring finger, “what size are you like a seven?” he asked.
What’s that break screeching noise they make in the hip hop songs right now? *Scrrrrrrrrrr*
There’s only one reason for a man to ask for your ring size. And if he’s asking your ring size, “ummm….” shouldn’t be your response. You should be like “I’m a SIZE SEVEN! Unless I’ve had a lot of salt in which case I hover around an 7.5… oh and when it’s cold, my hands shrink up a little bit so…”
I should have had an excited answer but, “ummm…” was all I managed to get out as I laughed awkwardly and pulled my hand away.
Too soon, sir… too soon.
If you’ve followed my writing for a while I used to share every little detail of my dating life on this blog weekly. You should read those archives. (seriously start all the way at the beginning, I know you’ll love them).
I get emails all the time asking me to write about my love life like I used to and all I can say is that I’ll share things how and when I want to… like I’m doing today.
By now you know that my love life isn’t the bulk of who I am and what I have to share with you. You see me stepping up my Girl Boss game, you see me trying to help you level up too. Yup, I’ve got other goals to slay before I figure out who is going to fertilize these eggs.
Fun fact: After spending years dating the wrong person, I’m in no rush to make the same mistakes twice.
I’m learning lessons. Rough, intense, scary, beautiful lessons, about what I want and need from a partner and more importantly what I need from myself.
I’m also at a point in my life where turning my dating life into hilarious or entertaining blog posts doesn’t resonate with me like it used to (remember the guy with no teeth? augh!). I’ll always write about dating and relationships, but it’s going to be on my terms.
So today I’ll share the lessons I learned when a guy asked for my ring size and left me speechless… and not in a good way.
1.)Click to Tweet This: I can compromise, I can’t settle.
2.) For me, intimacy is something that can’t be forced or rushed.
3.) Just because someone offers you something you may want, doesn’t mean you have to accept it.
4.) If I have the strength to turn down a man who is 6’4 and wants to put a ring on it… I can do anything!
Those are my lessons for today. How’s your dating/marriage/love life going… any lessons you’d like to share?