Dating

Dear CeCe: I Found My Office Crush on a Dating Site… Help!

January 25 2016 | CeCe Olisa

Dear CeCe,

I love your blog! You really inspire me! I am in need of a little advice.

There is a guy at work, whom I work with closely. Everything he does says he likes me. Even my coworkers say that he has a crush on me. He comes to see me with a huge, enchanting smile on his face almost daily for things that could be handled via email, he calls me nice names like sunshine…he even took me on a nice lunch where he proceeded to tell me intimate-datey details.

I am really falling for this guy and it’s making me crazy.

Why hasn’t he asked me out? Could it be the taboo of office relationships? In an effort to avert my thoughts from him, I signed up for a dating site. To my surprise…he showed up in my daily

To my surprise…he showed up in my daily matches as a 95% match! Needless to say, it is racking my brain once again. Please give me some advice! I don’t know if I should make a move, give an obvious sign of interest..or just give up because he isn’t making any moves! Help me girl!!!

Needless to say, it is racking my brain once again. Please give me some advice! I don’t know if I should make a move, give an obvious sign of interest..or just give up because he isn’t making any moves! Help me girl!!!

Please give me some advice! I don’t know if I should make a move, give an obvious sign of interest..or just give up because he isn’t making any moves! Help me girl!!!

-Work Crushing

Dear CeCe I found my work crush on a dating app

Hey Miss, Work Crushing!

You might remember that I met Robert at work (wootwoot!) and I just ended things with him after three years (womp womp!) so I’m going to give you two sides to this situation.

The Easy Part

Girl, he likes you and you didn’t need a dating app to tell you that!

When guys go out of their way to give us attention, it’s because we’re cute and awesome and they see that. But, I understand how insecurities can make it hard to be confident in what’s going on.

Lucky for you, a dating app gave you even more confirmation– so when it comes to being more forward with him I think you’re good to go!

If it were me, I’d ask him to lunch, bring up the dating app connection and say that if he wants to take me on a date, I’m down! If I were in a really aggressive mood, I’d mention the dating app connection and then ask him out… but there’s one big reason why I might skip that approach, which leads me to…

The Hard Part

It seems like your co-worker crush is doing a tip-toe dance around asking you out. He gets you on a solo lunch date but then doesn’t quite make it clear what he’s looking for from you.

We both know he saw the dating match thing too, so why isn’t he saying something?

It seems like he’s hovering around the soccer goal, but won’t kick the ball in for some reason.

Moving things forward in a relationship takes vulnerability and that’s hard for both men and women. The ideal situation is when both people are willing to risk being vulnerable. I’m the kind of person who sees what she wants and goes after it, I make myself vulnerable and take those awkward risks in relationships and I need a guy who’s the same way (at least when it comes to me *hair flip*).

So, while I totally think you should go for it with your co-worker, I also think you should make sure that if you continue to date, you’re not the only one moving things along… hopefully that makes sense.

Good Luck and Let me know how things progress!

xx,

CeCe

p.s. do any of you ladies have advice for our girl?

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38 responses on “Dear CeCe: I Found My Office Crush on a Dating Site… Help!

  1. mary

    she’s acting very committed to something that has yet to even commence, slow yr roll girl and ask yourself why has he not proceed to ask you out, is he shy? because if not why hasn’t it happened …and does your office have strict policies against co-workers dating?
    or does he just like having the mild flirtation/ office wifey thing…but stays clear & keeps it neutral —- doesn’t want to dip into the office pool for fear of professional or personal repercussions.

    Cool yr jets, yr paying for your dating site, see whats available …go on some dates …sometimes as they say , you have to kiss a couple of frogs to find yr prince,…but don’t put all yr eggs in the basket waiting on this one person…while i believe in being aggressive and asking this person out….but question why he can’t get it together to ask you out, and if you find yourself having to take the lead with this, makes me wonder if its the beginning of a slippery slope , where you’ll always be in this position with him, and thats okay if your into babysitting/ or cheerleading ….but I’m into a “man” strong enough to take charge, with confidence…which to some might border on cockiness- but stops short of arrogance!

    We women already have a history of over compensating for “weak” guys….make sure you don’t …as your sounding a tad too smitten —over nothing -as yet!

    1. SandyNYC

      He’s not “shy” enough to call her sunshine. He’s also on a dating site “looking”. He could also be using her for a confidence boost. Some guys just like the attention. Usually If a guys is really interested in you, you’d know. He’s find a way to ask u out, especially if he’s been digging u for a while-*USUALLY*

      1. mary

        true, but the dating site is his own personal thing outside of work, I’ve found friends on dating sites…heck i found an ex and ridiculed him as he included pics of places we’d been together and mention my fave music and terms i used…i told him his ad read as if i were looking for a girlfriend!

        This guy likes a comfy wifey relationship…at office …souping her up also serves to soup him up…but the biggest distinction is HES NOT ASKED HER OUT!

        He may be a superior, that causes conflict at work..then theres the saying don’t shxt where you eat! i don’t like the idea of dating at work or within immediate neighborhood—if it doesn’t work out you have to see each other all the time or them with the next person they are putting the make on!-no thank you…thinking of getting rid of an ex on Facebook because of that!

        What bothers me the most is that she’s sounds soooooo on it….this is not the only guy on the planet, he may just feel more accessible as she sees him on a everyday….but she’s on a dating site …use it!

        1. CeCe Olisa

          I dont see anything wrong with dating at work if you’re mature enough to date and break up properly.

          I also know that flirting with a coworker 40 hours a week can make it easy to get hyped up. I think decision time is coming and she knows it– she’s getting there.

  2. mschievly@aol.com

    she’s acting very committed to something that has yet to even commence, slow yr roll girl and ask yourself why has he not proceed to ask you out, is he shy? because if not why hasn’t it happened …and does your office have strict policies against co-workers dating?or does he just like having the mild flirtation/ office wifey thing…but stays clear & keeps it neutral —- doesn’t want to dip into the office pool for fear of professional or personal repercussions.

    Cool yr jets, yr paying for your dating site, see whats available …go on some dates …sometimes as they say , you have to kiss a couple of frogs to find yr prince,…but don’t put all yr eggs in the basket waiting on this one person…while i believe in being aggressive and asking this person out….but question why he can’t get it together to ask you out, and if you find yourself having to take the lead with this, makes me wonder if its the beginning of a slippery slope , where you’ll always be in this position with him, and thats okay if your into babysitting/ or cheerleading ….but I’m into a “man” strong enough to take charge, with confidence…which to some might border on cockiness- but stops short of arrogance!

    We women already have a history of over compensating for “weak” guys….make sure you don’t …as your sounding a tad too smitten —over nothing -as yet!

    1. Ivie123@yahoo.com

      He’s not “shy” enough to call her sunshine. He’s also on a dating site “looking”. He could also be using her for a confidence boost. Some guys just like the attention. Usually If a guys is really interested in you, you’d know. He’s find a way to ask u out, especially if he’s been digging u for a while-*USUALLY*

      1. mschievly@aol.com

        true, but the dating site is his own personal thing outside of work, I’ve found friends on dating sites…heck i found an ex and ridiculed him as he included pics of places we’d been together and mention my fave music and terms i used…i told him his ad read as if i were looking for a girlfriend!
        This guy likes a comfy wifey relationship…at office …souping her up also serves to soup him up…but the biggest distinction is HES NOT ASKED HER OUT!

        He may be a superior, that causes conflict at work..then theres the saying don’t shxt where you eat! i don’t like the idea of dating at work or within immediate neighborhood—if it doesn’t work out you have to see each other all the time or them with the next person they are putting the make on!-no thank you…thinking of getting rid of an ex on Facebook because of that!

        What bothers me the most is that she’s sounds soooooo on it….this is not the only guy on the planet, he may just feel more accessible as she sees him on a everyday….but she’s on a dating site …use it!

        1. nycece@gmail.com

          I dont see anything wrong with dating at work if you’re mature enough to date and break up properly.
          I also know that flirting with a coworker 40 hours a week can make it easy to get hyped up. I think decision time is coming and she knows it– she’s getting there.

  3. Lissa Mathieu

    I think you should just ask him if he is interested in dating you. Point blank. A Yes would be beautiful, and a No wouldn’t kill you. Good luck!

  4. chocoaulait6@gmail.com

    I think you should just ask him if he is interested in dating you. Point blank. A Yes would be beautiful, and a No wouldn’t kill you. Good luck!

  5. Nikki Favours

    I’m sorry, maybe it’s the old-head in me. What’s the rush? Yes, it’s great that he’s shown an interest but could it just be that he’s trying to get to know you better? She should take the time to get to know him past the work arena. There are times when we as women look more into things than they really are too soon. There has to be a reason why he hasn’t asked her out, it could be that he’s just not ready. Again I ask, what’s the rush? The last thing she should want is a man who’s not mature enough to speak what he wants, decisive enough to pull the trigger, consistent enough to follow through and strong enough to make it work. I say stop reading a novel in a first page. Just get to know him and see where it goes.

  6. nicole.favours@gmail.com

    I’m sorry, maybe it’s the old-head in me. What’s the rush? Yes, it’s great that he’s shown an interest but could it just be that he’s trying to get to know you better? She should take the time to get to know him past the work arena. There are times when we as women look more into things than they really are too soon. There has to be a reason why he hasn’t asked her out, it could be that he’s just not ready. Again I ask, what’s the rush? The last thing she should want is a man who’s not mature enough to speak what he wants, decisive enough to pull the trigger, consistent enough to follow through and strong enough to make it work. I say stop reading a novel in a first page. Just get to know him and see where it goes.

  7. Nancy Clark

    Hey Cece, and everyone else that has shared their thoughts!

    Cece, I am sorry to hear about you and Robert! I didn’t realize..

    Thank you all for the help. Most of what everyone had to say affirmed what I was feeling. In December I decided that I was not going to let this control my thoughts. I have moved on and I am just doing me for now, I have gone on two dates..not what I was looking for! Lol but this is dating for you.

    I agree that he has not asked me out for a reason, reasons unkown. I still have to see him almost daily and I am cordial,we are friends and get along well. However, it is hard not to get sucked back in because he is just so charming and sweet! But I am holding my own. I have decided that I won’t just be his ego boost and that I would prefer a guy that doesn’t tip toe so much.

    Not to say if he ever did get around to asking me out that I would decline, unless I was already dating. Most of what was said were things I had already asked myself. Its nice to have some like minded suggestions from you all. Thanks again everyone!
    -Miss Work Crush

  8. nancyclark46@yahoo.com

    Hey Cece, and everyone else that has shared their thoughts!
    Cece, I am sorry to hear about you and Robert! I didn’t realize..

    Thank you all for the help. Most of what everyone had to say affirmed what I was feeling. In December I decided that I was not going to let this control my thoughts. I have moved on and I am just doing me for now, I have gone on two dates..not what I was looking for! Lol but this is dating for you.

    I agree that he has not asked me out for a reason, reasons unkown. I still have to see him almost daily and I am cordial,we are friends and get along well. However, it is hard not to get sucked back in because he is just so charming and sweet! But I am holding my own. I have decided that I won’t just be his ego boost and that I would prefer a guy that doesn’t tip toe so much.

    Not to say if he ever did get around to asking me out that I would decline, unless I was already dating. Most of what was said were things I had already asked myself. Its nice to have some like minded suggestions from you all. Thanks again everyone!
    -Miss Work Crush

  9. garnerstyle

    I’ve always had the experience that men are generally very clear on what they want. From experience, I have had guys flirt with me, but not ask me out. One in particular, we were friends, and I knew that I wasn’t his type. Although, I think he did find things about me that were attractive, I knew that he had a particular type. Guys can flirt, but that doesn’t necessity mean they want to date. If a guy likes you, he will find a way to get to know you.

  10. garnerstyle@gmail.com

    I’ve always had the experience that men are generally very clear on what they want. From experience, I have had guys flirt with me, but not ask me out. One in particular, we were friends, and I knew that I wasn’t his type. Although, I think he did find things about me that were attractive, I knew that he had a particular type. Guys can flirt, but that doesn’t necessity mean they want to date. If a guy likes you, he will find a way to get to know you.

  11. Maria

    Do not ask a man out. I know it sounds antiquated-but if a man wants you/wants to go out with you -he will ask / do whatever it takes to make it happen. Continue being your awesome self and other men who are clear in their intentions will come your way.

    1. A LICENSED Therapist

      Hi there, I agree. I hate to say this, but I am because it must be said, he may just see you as a friend/confidant. A man that’s interested in a relationship takes you to dinner, not lunch. He doesn’t ask for dating advice from you, he’s more interested in YOUR dating life (e.g., is she single, dating, etc.). This man has had plenty of intimate moments with you, including matching on a dating site which indicates he IS actively looking for Ms. Right, and he hasn’t made a clear/distinguishing move? Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who’s so indecisive or lukewarm about you???

  12. mariadanielle08@gmail.com

    Do not ask a man out. I know it sounds antiquated-but if a man wants you/wants to go out with you -he will ask / do whatever it takes to make it happen. Continue being your awesome self and other men who are clear in their intentions will come your way.

    1. srcunningham2010@gmail.com

      Hi there, I agree. I hate to say this, but I am because it must be said, he may just see you as a friend/confidant. A man that’s interested in a relationship takes you to dinner, not lunch. He doesn’t ask for dating advice from you, he’s more interested in YOUR dating life (e.g., is she single, dating, etc.). This man has had plenty of intimate moments with you, including matching on a dating site which indicates he IS actively looking for Ms. Right, and he hasn’t made a clear/distinguishing move? Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who’s so indecisive or lukewarm about you???

  13. FinesseCurves

    I would schedule some time to hang out as friends, or invite him out to something. He’s gotta bite sometime; and, if he doesn’t, that’s cool, too! He may not be a good match, so just continue to ask the questions to figure out if he is. You guys are coworkers – you don’t want things to get too tense, right?

  14. finessecurves@gmail.com

    I would schedule some time to hang out as friends, or invite him out to something. He’s gotta bite sometime; and, if he doesn’t, that’s cool, too! He may not be a good match, so just continue to ask the questions to figure out if he is. You guys are coworkers – you don’t want things to get too tense, right?

  15. Katts Eye

    Okay, once upon a time (back in college then university, I had an intense crush (completely head-over-heels) for this one young man. He drove me to school twice a week, we had classes together, he got protective when he knew I was dating a player… And the more I liked him, the more my courage failed me. I never said anything – just longed for him for 5 years until he moved to the other side of the country.
    Fast-forward 10 years, we got back in touch, he was married with 3 children and I was in a relationship and had a toddler. Went to visit the family and his wife (a gorgeous and confident woman) and I were talking and suddenly she was like: “Yes! I know you now!” And she pulled out a coffee mug which had a picture of all his friends back home on it. She pointed at me in the picture and said, “Oh, he was so in love with you back then.”
    She was totally cool about it and we are all still friends, but just goes to show, if I had just been courageous enough to just check … Well, things could have been very different .

  16. kattrillion@gmail.com

    Okay, once upon a time (back in college then university, I had an intense crush (completely head-over-heels) for this one young man. He drove me to school twice a week, we had classes together, he got protective when he knew I was dating a player… And the more I liked him, the more my courage failed me. I never said anything – just longed for him for 5 years until he moved to the other side of the country.Fast-forward 10 years, we got back in touch, he was married with 3 children and I was in a relationship and had a toddler. Went to visit the family and his wife (a gorgeous and confident woman) and I were talking and suddenly she was like: “Yes! I know you now!” And she pulled out a coffee mug which had a picture of all his friends back home on it. She pointed at me in the picture and said, “Oh, he was so in love with you back then.”
    She was totally cool about it and we are all still friends, but just goes to show, if I had just been courageous enough to just check … Well, things could have been very different .

  17. BuffyDawn Summers

    I have negative self steem (long story). When i read this girl tale it reminded me of a time long ago when i thought that guys were around me because they were intrested. That was until i realized that they just found it easy to relate to me so that they could meet my friends. I was such a great cupid (hated it). Never found a guy that was interested in me. So, i do find hard to believe this guy is interested in her. If he was he would have done something. The only time i followed an advice such as the one you gave the girl i was laughed at and lost someone i considered a friend.

  18. bran.junk13@gmail.com

    I have negative self steem (long story). When i read this girl tale it reminded me of a time long ago when i thought that guys were around me because they were intrested. That was until i realized that they just found it easy to relate to me so that they could meet my friends. I was such a great cupid (hated it). Never found a guy that was interested in me. So, i do find hard to believe this guy is interested in her. If he was he would have done something. The only time i followed an advice such as the one you gave the girl i was laughed at and lost someone i considered a friend.

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