Dating

What Happened When I Used A Full-Body Pic On A Dating Site

December 15 2014 | CeCe Olisa

It took months for me to finally upload a full-body photo to my online-dating profile. Because I’m plus-sized, I figured that a head-to-toe picture would prevent men from messaging me; I assumed cute, up-close selfies would work in my favor — but, boy, did I misjudge that one.

I had heard people say I have a pretty face (the classic “big girl” compliment), so in the beginning, my dating profile pictures highlighted my face — and cut off my body. I usually made sure to include my chest, since, well, that was another area that usually got attention. You know the photo I’m talking about: the selfie taken from a perfect, slightly raised, double-chin-hiding angle — cropped just below the chest.

Putting those assets proudly out there felt like I was presenting the best version of myself — not unlike the way we put our best foot forward when interviewing for a job, right? Could what I was doing really be considered lying if my (innocent) goal was to give a strong first impression?

At first, this approach seemed fine. Many guys messaged me, and while we were flirting I’d always send over a head-to-toe photo of me in a cute outfit — so I wouldn’t shock them when we met in person. That’s when things would get awkward. Some guys would stop texting me; the others made it obvious that they only wanted to hook up. I’d been chatting with one guy regularly, but after I sent the full-body photo, he went from calling me every night (to ask how my day was) to sending messages at 1 a.m. (to ask whether I was dominant in bed).

Related: Is Dating As A Plus-Size Princess A Blessing Or A Curse?

What Happened When I Used A Full-Body Pic On A Dating Site

I was frustrated beyond belief. It became exhausting to sense chemistry with someone and then have to wonder if everything would change once he saw my body. It almost made me want to stop dating online altogether. But, that was before I stopped to consider: Was I doing this right?

To find out, I decided to re-do my profile. I was still eager to present my best self, but this time with honesty and integrity. So, I added five full-body photos to my dating profile, and the results were somewhat surprising: The overall number of guys messaging me decreased, and the number of men with a so-called “fat fetish” quadrupled, their messages growing more and more vulgar as they asked me if I’d put on more weight for them. I ignored these fetishists, of course, and focused on the remaining (thoughtful, and sincerely interested in me) messages that were coming through.

My updated profile caught the eyes of a nice selection of guys who expressed interest in going out and getting to know me. They knew what I looked like from the get-go, which made me feel at ease. I was able to avoid those awkward moments (guys going MIA after I sent a full-body photo). Now, the messages I got — every day — seemed to be coming from sincere dudes who wanted to go out on actual dates.

Truthfully, I can’t believe I waited so long to make this liberating move. After all, I’m comfortable with my figure and with the work I’m doing on my healthy-living journey, and any man I date must be comfortable with it, too. Putting up photos that represented all of me led to lots of in-person dates. Many of the guys I went out with paid me the ultimate compliment: “You look even prettier in person!”

Next: Am I Dating All Wrong?

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25 responses on “What Happened When I Used A Full-Body Pic On A Dating Site

  1. katiehippie

    I think I will do that if I decide to reactivate my profile. The lack of any response (other than guys half a world away) was getting me down so I’m taking a break.

  2. katiehippie@yahoo.com

    I think I will do that if I decide to reactivate my profile. The lack of any response (other than guys half a world away) was getting me down so I’m taking a break.

  3. AstarteOurania

    I don’t like surprising people, I prefer to be upfront and it cuts down on time wasted. I found it really funny, after being “too fat” for many guys, to run into the one guy who likes fatter women. Go figure! 🙂 I am not a fetish but a human being. Unfortunately the fetishists do come out of the woodwork, plus those guys from far off places but they are easily ignored. I think of it as even if I were meeting people at cafes, bars, events, volunteering, etc. I’d still have to separate the wheat from the chaff so it’s the same with online dating. There are a lot of “not the best fits” until you find a good match for yourself.

  4. evangelia@aol.com

    I don’t like surprising people, I prefer to be upfront and it cuts down on time wasted. I found it really funny, after being “too fat” for many guys, to run into the one guy who likes fatter women. Go figure! 🙂 I am not a fetish but a human being. Unfortunately the fetishists do come out of the woodwork, plus those guys from far off places but they are easily ignored. I think of it as even if I were meeting people at cafes, bars, events, volunteering, etc. I’d still have to separate the wheat from the chaff so it’s the same with online dating. There are a lot of “not the best fits” until you find a good match for yourself.

  5. just reading

    I always use a full – body picture on my profile that way there’s no confusion on what you’er getting. Yet I still you get guys that have no idea that I am a big girl. If you cant tell the difference between a size 8 and a size 22 well that’s on you buddy.

  6. sn_22@yahoo.com

    I always use a full – body picture on my profile that way there’s no confusion on what you’er getting. Yet I still you get guys that have no idea that I am a big girl. If you cant tell the difference between a size 8 and a size 22 well that’s on you buddy.

  7. Pinterestfreak

    I always think it’s best to be upfront and honest. I have several full body pictures of me in every angle possible. I don’t play lol! No confusion. We grown and if the ever meet you in person they going to see your size anyway, so why cheat yourself and hide.

  8. beyondls102@gmail.com

    I always think it’s best to be upfront and honest. I have several full body pictures of me in every angle possible. I don’t play lol! No confusion. We grown and if the ever meet you in person they going to see your size anyway, so why cheat yourself and hide.

  9. Kimberely Sullivan

    Your dating right, now. A full body photo expresses I’m confident , beautiful, sexy and this is Me! Men love confidence. That’s what I’ve been told. Congratulations!

  10. kimberelysullivan3318@hotmail.com

    Your dating right, now. A full body photo expresses I’m confident , beautiful, sexy and this is Me! Men love confidence. That’s what I’ve been told. Congratulations!

  11. Cherylspeaks

    Thanks for this post. I love the way you write, so real, so relatable. On this subject, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I can so relate.

  12. cheryltspeaks@gmail.com

    Thanks for this post. I love the way you write, so real, so relatable. On this subject, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I can so relate.

  13. carol

    I loved this post, when I re open my tinder I will do post full body pics. I am dedicated to love and accept myself as I am, I have done some changes, like buying cloth that doesn’t make me look like a nun and other things… I love this idea.

  14. anacapenados@gmail.com

    I loved this post, when I re open my tinder I will do post full body pics. I am dedicated to love and accept myself as I am, I have done some changes, like buying cloth that doesn’t make me look like a nun and other things… I love this idea.

  15. Merlin

    fantastic post, very informative. I’m wondering why the other experts of this sector do not notice this. You must continue your writing. I’m confident, you’ve a huge readers’ base already!

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