I want to first and foremost tell you that I love your blog. I always look forward to reading your posts. I’m writing because I am in a crisis; been so for years. Looking back at my life, I realize I never loved myself. I’ve been overweight all my life and never looked at myself and thought I was amazing. It’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s true. At one point I lost 80lbs, everyone said I looked fine but I never felt that way. Thus, I’ve gained most of that weight back. I have been depressed since I’ve been in middle school, I’m 28 now. I feel like a loser and I know I have a lot of potential and talent.
I’ve been trying to get out of this but no matter how hard I try I really can’t. I’m in so much pain that I don’t ever think I will know what happiness feels like. Do you have any advice for me? How do I love myself?
The longest relationship we’ll ever be in with ourselves, so I think we should try to make that relationship healthy and full of love. It sounds like you’re trying to do that, but I know its not easy.
Does anyone remember the band DC Talk from back in the day? Well, they had a song called “Luv is a Verb” and they’re totally right. Its so easy to think of love as an emotion, but love is an action word– its something we do. I always have to remind myself that even if I don’t love certain aspects of my life, I can still love me. I think this is especially important when it comes to body image. Wanting to make some weight changes is one thing, but feeling unworthy if those changes haven’t happened is another. Our weight does not make us any less deserving of love. We deserve love– especially from ourselves. (hint: often times, loving ourselves is the key to health from the inside out).
I may not always feel love for myself, but I try to always show love to myself and that usually sets me back on a positive self love path, which is way more productive than the “I hate my (insert body parts here) path”.
For example, last week was a really hard week for me and by the time Friday came along, I felt depleted, drained and my head was full of negative self-talk. It wasn’t pretty. So, when I left work on Friday, I got a massage. On Saturday, someone offered me free tickets to a play and although I didn’t have time– I made time to attend. On Sunday I went to church, swam and painted my nails.
When the weekend began, I didn’t feel much love for myself, but after showing love to myself through activities that nourish me and make me happy, I went to bed last night feeling a lot better. The circumstances that had me feeling crummy are still there, but a dose of self love helped me put things into perspective. Check out my video for more thoughts…