Curvy Conversations

Dear CeCe: How do I Love Myself?

November 10 2014 | CeCe Olisa

Hello Cece!

I want to first and foremost tell you that I love your blog. I always look forward to reading your posts. I’m writing because I am in a crisis; been so for years. Looking back at my life, I realize I never loved myself. I’ve been overweight all my life and never looked at myself and thought I was amazing. It’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s true. At one point I lost 80lbs, everyone said I looked fine but I never felt that way. Thus, I’ve gained most of that weight back. I have been depressed since I’ve been in middle school, I’m 28 now. I feel like a loser and I know I have a lot of potential and talent.

I’ve been trying to get out of this but no matter how hard I try I really can’t. I’m in so much pain that I don’t ever think I will know what happiness feels like. Do you have any advice for me? How do I love myself?

-L

Hi L,

The longest relationship we’ll ever be in with ourselves, so I think we should try to make that relationship healthy and full of love. It sounds like you’re trying to do that, but I know its not easy.

Does anyone remember the band DC Talk from back in the day? Well, they had a song called “Luv is a Verb” and they’re totally right. Its so easy to think of love as an emotion, but love is an action word– its something we do.  I always have to remind myself that even if I don’t love certain aspects of my life, I can still love me. I think this is especially important when it comes to body image. Wanting to make some weight changes is one thing, but feeling unworthy if those changes haven’t happened is another. Our weight does not make us any less deserving of love. We deserve love– especially from ourselves. (hint: often times, loving ourselves is the key to health from the inside out).

Body Love Quote Deserve Love CeCe Olisa

I may not always feel love for myself, but I try to always show love to myself and that usually sets me back on a positive self love path, which is way more productive than the “I hate my (insert body parts here) path”.

Related: I’ve Lost Weight & Still Feel Like a Big Girl

For example, last week was a really hard week for me and by the time Friday came along, I felt depleted, drained and my head was full of negative self-talk. It wasn’t pretty. So, when I left work on Friday, I got a massage. On Saturday, someone offered me free tickets to a play and although I didn’t have time– I made time to attend. On Sunday I went to church, swam and painted my nails.

When the weekend began, I didn’t feel much love for myself, but after showing love to myself through activities that nourish me and make me happy, I went to bed last night feeling a lot better. The circumstances that had me feeling crummy are still there, but a dose of self love helped me put things into perspective. Check out my video for more thoughts…

xx,

CeCe

 How Do I Love Myself? (Video)

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12 responses on “Dear CeCe: How do I Love Myself?

  1. naomi

    It can be hard to love ourselves, especially when you have people constantly trying to tear you down. People don’t understand the damage they do to other by treating them unfairly. The bigger we are, does not mean the more we don’t deserve love. I also believe that if we can’t love ourselves, how can we love someone else. It needs to start with you. Love yourself, because you are worth it!!

  2. nhines0430@gmail.com

    It can be hard to love ourselves, especially when you have people constantly trying to tear you down. People don’t understand the damage they do to other by treating them unfairly. The bigger we are, does not mean the more we don’t deserve love. I also believe that if we can’t love ourselves, how can we love someone else. It needs to start with you. Love yourself, because you are worth it!!

  3. KL Woodsy

    Hi CeCe! I love your Youtube Video and you are SO RIGHT! I’d like to offer your readers the POV of a slightly older plus size girl.

    I moved to NYC from Indiana when I was just 22. Back then it seemed like the entire city was long and lean. I’m short and not lean. My ENTIRE family was hysterical that I had moved and were 100% convinced that i’d be raped/killed and worse. They told me this on a near constant basis. Their doubt in my ability to “make it” in the big city saddened me and honestly weighed heavily on me.

    What’s more, ALL of my friends back home were getting married, having babies and buying homes. I was single, mostly dateless and (clutch the pearls) a renter! For the longest time I faked the funk. That is to say, that no matter what other people told me I refused to let their doubt be my doubt. They could doubt me if they wanted to. I acted like I had nothing but faith in myself until I actually HAD faith in myself.

    My NYC friends dated every hot guy in the city. I went on maybe 5 dates from ages 22-28. Meanwhile I dressed cute, I carried myself with confidence and I treated myself well. I refused to be a sad sack. I made the most of whatever I had. I told myself that I would not be single forever so i’d better enjoy it now and I did!

    Here’s the funny thing – my self love grew and so did my good luck! I walked the city with confidence. I purchased my first apartment at 30. The same year I met a nice guy who loves me just the way I am. We got married when I was 32. We sold the apartment, moved to the burbs and had a bunch of babies (and a cute dog named Daisy).

    Now I get it that not everybody wants to do the family thing and that’s just fine. For me, I accentuated whatever was working for me and gave up focus on the things that I didn’t love so much. Today i’m the 44 year old mom of 4 amazing sons. I’m still plus size. I still dress cute. My husband still adores me and I’ve made a life that I LOVE!

    To answer the question “How Do I Love Myself?” Pick any spot and start there! If you have cute feet, work those feet in fab shoes! If you have great eyes, make it all about that! You can start anywhere – Just START. And if you must – fake it till you feel it! Rock on Plus Size Princesses, Rock ON!

    1. CeCe Olisa

      KL!!!!!! OMG your comment has me tearing up for so many reasons… thank you thank you for sharing your story. Your happy ending sounds perfect to me lol

  4. contactcottontails@gmail.com

    Hi CeCe! I love your Youtube Video and you are SO RIGHT! I’d like to offer your readers the POV of a slightly older plus size girl.
    I moved to NYC from Indiana when I was just 22. Back then it seemed like the entire city was long and lean. I’m short and not lean. My ENTIRE family was hysterical that I had moved and were 100% convinced that i’d be raped/killed and worse. They told me this on a near constant basis. Their doubt in my ability to “make it” in the big city saddened me and honestly weighed heavily on me.

    What’s more, ALL of my friends back home were getting married, having babies and buying homes. I was single, mostly dateless and (clutch the pearls) a renter! For the longest time I faked the funk. That is to say, that no matter what other people told me I refused to let their doubt be my doubt. They could doubt me if they wanted to. I acted like I had nothing but faith in myself until I actually HAD faith in myself.

    My NYC friends dated every hot guy in the city. I went on maybe 5 dates from ages 22-28. Meanwhile I dressed cute, I carried myself with confidence and I treated myself well. I refused to be a sad sack. I made the most of whatever I had. I told myself that I would not be single forever so i’d better enjoy it now and I did!

    Here’s the funny thing – my self love grew and so did my good luck! I walked the city with confidence. I purchased my first apartment at 30. The same year I met a nice guy who loves me just the way I am. We got married when I was 32. We sold the apartment, moved to the burbs and had a bunch of babies (and a cute dog named Daisy).

    Now I get it that not everybody wants to do the family thing and that’s just fine. For me, I accentuated whatever was working for me and gave up focus on the things that I didn’t love so much. Today i’m the 44 year old mom of 4 amazing sons. I’m still plus size. I still dress cute. My husband still adores me and I’ve made a life that I LOVE!

    To answer the question “How Do I Love Myself?” Pick any spot and start there! If you have cute feet, work those feet in fab shoes! If you have great eyes, make it all about that! You can start anywhere – Just START. And if you must – fake it till you feel it! Rock on Plus Size Princesses, Rock ON!

    1. nycece@gmail.com

      KL!!!!!! OMG your comment has me tearing up for so many reasons… thank you thank you for sharing your story. Your happy ending sounds perfect to me lol

  5. Turkeylady

    Such a good question. And there’s a lot of great advice here. I would like to add this, courtesy of Eleanor Roosevelt (and copied and pasted from Goodreads):
    “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
    This is how you love yourself. You’re much more powerful than you think.

  6. nlmbrown@gmail.com

    Such a good question. And there’s a lot of great advice here. I would like to add this, courtesy of Eleanor Roosevelt (and copied and pasted from Goodreads):“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
    This is how you love yourself. You’re much more powerful than you think.

  7. Christine

    Great response! So true–it’s important to act how you want to be. Positive action brings positive belief. That’s something participating in #PSPfit has taught me. Believe me, I am no poster child for self confidence…at least when it comes to dating and body image (which shouldn’t go hand in hand but do in my mind). I’m 38, and my favorite thing CeCe says is don’t wait on your weight…because that is what I’ve done since I was eight years old and chubby. THIRTY years! I’d say “when I lose weight, I’ll date more” or “when I lose weight, I’ll buy that dress” or “when I lose weight, I’ll feel better about myself,” but none of that is true. You have to treat yourself well to prove to yourself that you are worth your time and energy. I’m not preaching, because like I said–body image issues abound!–but I know even small steps take me closer to the goal of bring happier with who I am!

  8. cmgraziano@gmail.com

    Great response! So true–it’s important to act how you want to be. Positive action brings positive belief. That’s something participating in #PSPfit has taught me. Believe me, I am no poster child for self confidence…at least when it comes to dating and body image (which shouldn’t go hand in hand but do in my mind). I’m 38, and my favorite thing CeCe says is don’t wait on your weight…because that is what I’ve done since I was eight years old and chubby. THIRTY years! I’d say “when I lose weight, I’ll date more” or “when I lose weight, I’ll buy that dress” or “when I lose weight, I’ll feel better about myself,” but none of that is true. You have to treat yourself well to prove to yourself that you are worth your time and energy. I’m not preaching, because like I said–body image issues abound!–but I know even small steps take me closer to the goal of bring happier with who I am!

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