Dating

No, My Boyfriend Isn’t “Settling” For A Plus-Size Girl

July 7 2014 | CeCe Olisa

So, my boyfriend is skinny and I’m definitely not. But, one of the hardest things about being in a “mixed weight” relationship is other people and their opinions (and projections). While I don’t often hear comments about my weight when I’m alone, I do get a very strong message about my weight in the context of my dating life. The message comes in many forms, but it’s always the same: “You do not deserve to be with him.”

Sometimes, the message is delivered via a flirty waitress at a restaurant who smiles at him while scribbling my order — it’s straight out of a movie. Other times, the message comes from a smiling face that says, “You’re a VERY lucky girl…” Is that a backhanded compliment?

Before I met him, people warned me — both implicitly and outright — that because I opted to only date the men I found attractive (novel idea, right?), that I was a “superficial fat chick.” They said if a guy was attracted to me, I should be grateful! But, I didn’t listen. I kept my standards high started dating a Dwyane Wade look-a-like.

No, My Boyfriend Isn't Settling For A Plus-Size Girl

Body politics and dating are very tricky because people have opinions on who should be dating whom, but most of these opinions are often built on myths and judgments they subscribe to — even though they’d be too embarrassed to say them out loud. One myth is that only thin people are attractive. For some people, “fat” is synonymous with “ugly,” — I’ve been called “fatandugly” before, almost as if it was one word.

Another one? That a woman must be smaller than the man she’s with. If he’s dating a big girl, he’s settling. Why don’t we ever give big men a hard time for dating slender women? Or vice-versa? What if he’s head-over-heels attracted to her? What if their emotional connection and understanding of each other is breathtaking? Should he pass that all up because she’s fat?

These crazy myths will have us thinking we don’t “match” with certain people even if they’re interested in us — what does that even mean? As a big girl, I work so hard to manage my body image issues and I work even harder not to let those issues ruin my relationships. 

I’ve seen too many of my Plus-Size Princesses convince themselves that they’re not worthy of certain types of guys, when that’s just not true. I don’t care what you look like, if Channing Tatum is interested in you, there is something attractive about you, so please grab a dress that hugs your curves and do what you need to do. 

Most of us are sitting here with so much love and positivity to give, but instead of focusing on our beauty, wherever it lies, we absorb all the snide remarks and snickers from insecure people and let that dictate our dating decisions. When a girl tries to hit on my boyfriend right in front of my face, I can internalize it and say it’s because I’m too fat for him. Or, I can understand that women who go after other peoples boyfriend’s — right in front of them, no less — might be insecure that they don’t have someone of their own.

As I mentioned in this post, some of us have a bad habit of embracing the negative things we hear about ourselves. It’s easy to listen to the single people yapping about who we shouldn’t be dating because of how we look, but when we find someone who embraces us as we are, we owe it to ourselves to embrace them back.

I brought this topic up to my Dwyane Wade doppleganger the other day — in the context of us as a couple. “You know some people think we… don’t match,” I said. “Yeah,” he replied, “they’re probably wondering how I convinced you to date me.”

no, my boyfriend isnt settling for a plus size girl PLUSSIZEPRINCESS.COM

My original post can be found on Refinery29.com

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213 responses on “No, My Boyfriend Isn’t “Settling” For A Plus-Size Girl

  1. Valerie

    This is so true. Don’t even bother with those types of comments those kind of people make… I’ve been told also that once I’d be at a regular size, I could date anyone I like.

  2. mistyblue8570@hotmail.com

    This is so true. Don’t even bother with those types of comments those kind of people make… I’ve been told also that once I’d be at a regular size, I could date anyone I like.

  3. Karina

    I gave into this self depreciation. I convinced myself that I would be “worthy” of being with this guy that I liked once I was skinnier like he was so that we would “match”. I was blind to the fact that he really liked me as I am now, curvy and all. Now he is dating someone else. *sigh*

    1. CeCe Olisa

      *sigh* sometimes we get in our own way with that kind of thinking– hopefully when the next guy comes along you’ll be in a better place 😉

  4. kprado220@gmail.com

    I gave into this self depreciation. I convinced myself that I would be “worthy” of being with this guy that I liked once I was skinnier like he was so that we would “match”. I was blind to the fact that he really liked me as I am now, curvy and all. Now he is dating someone else. *sigh*

    1. nycece@gmail.com

      *sigh* sometimes we get in our own way with that kind of thinking– hopefully when the next guy comes along you’ll be in a better place 😉

  5. Robin Michael Rush

    I like what your boyfriend said. Most men I’ve dated wouldn’t say that. After many dates and two failed marriages, I gave up on men. I’m much older (and wiser) now, able to recognize the ‘be grateful I’m even talking to you’ attitude from men. So I bypass them. I am truly happy for you. A lot of available men like women who are plus size not because of their size but because they are able to see so much more in us.

  6. robindrush@netzero.com

    I like what your boyfriend said. Most men I’ve dated wouldn’t say that. After many dates and two failed marriages, I gave up on men. I’m much older (and wiser) now, able to recognize the ‘be grateful I’m even talking to you’ attitude from men. So I bypass them. I am truly happy for you. A lot of available men like women who are plus size not because of their size but because they are able to see so much more in us.

  7. Tamara

    First things first….
    1) girl you look gorgeous! (seriously)
    2) In the words of the wise girl group from the early 2000’s, haters gon’ hate.
    3) I hate society’s definition of *matching*. Irritates me. I struggled for years with an eating disorder and I wish someone would open their mouth about whether I physically match my significant other.
    4) Your Dwayne Wade boo is a genius for saying what he said!

    1. Daptate2

      I totally get this conversation I also get I’m dark and he’s well put it like this a man was walking pass me in the grocery store and out the corners of my eye I saw my husban well I thought it was him it was a white man and this is added to me pleasantly fabulous and my husband 6″4 ” and thin I get a lot of bad looks

  8. tfw7s@virginia.edu

    First things first….1) girl you look gorgeous! (seriously)
    2) In the words of the wise girl group from the early 2000’s, haters gon’ hate.
    3) I hate society’s definition of *matching*. Irritates me. I struggled for years with an eating disorder and I wish someone would open their mouth about whether I physically match my significant other.
    4) Your Dwayne Wade boo is a genius for saying what he said!

    1. tatedaphney@gmail.com

      I totally get this conversation I also get I’m dark and he’s well put it like this a man was walking pass me in the grocery store and out the corners of my eye I saw my husban well I thought it was him it was a white man and this is added to me pleasantly fabulous and my husband 6″4 ” and thin I get a lot of bad looks

  9. Cat

    This couldn’t have come at a better time. I have just begun my journey to loving exactly who I am now. The other day I found myself saying to my beautiful, loving, supportive and always positive man – “you could do so much better” – I realized what I was really saying was “you could do thinner” – and right there I realized I needed to work on me. That is how I found this blog. Oh, and his response “yes you could, but don’t”
    Thank you so much CeCe

  10. catherinekloepfer@gmail.com

    This couldn’t have come at a better time. I have just begun my journey to loving exactly who I am now. The other day I found myself saying to my beautiful, loving, supportive and always positive man – “you could do so much better” – I realized what I was really saying was “you could do thinner” – and right there I realized I needed to work on me. That is how I found this blog. Oh, and his response “yes you could, but don’t”Thank you so much CeCe

  11. Grunts&Glam

    I love this story. You’re so right about people absorbing negativity. What’s sad is, so many of us are so unhappy that we take it out on other people. It could be anything. If it’s not that you’re too fat then you’re too skinny or in my case I got that I was too shapely or it’s you’re ugly or too short, etc. It’s annoying but I’m glad that I’ve learned not to internalize people negativity. It sucks for them that they’re so insecure that they have to go out of their way to be nasty to someone else. Smh. Anyway, I’m glad that you are keeping it moving with your fierceness.

  12. Starr@gruntsandglam.com

    I love this story. You’re so right about people absorbing negativity. What’s sad is, so many of us are so unhappy that we take it out on other people. It could be anything. If it’s not that you’re too fat then you’re too skinny or in my case I got that I was too shapely or it’s you’re ugly or too short, etc. It’s annoying but I’m glad that I’ve learned not to internalize people negativity. It sucks for them that they’re so insecure that they have to go out of their way to be nasty to someone else. Smh. Anyway, I’m glad that you are keeping it moving with your fierceness.

  13. Gabrielle Hudson

    So this stems to an issue I’ve been meaning to email you about. A long lost friend of mine who I used to have a big crush on in high school reconnected with me recently. He told me that I was beautiful and said any guy would be lucky to have me. I realized that I had never heard either one of those things from ANY man before. So long story short I asked my fiancé if he thought I was beautiful and his response was that he didn’t think anything was beautiful because something had to be perfect in order for it to be considered beautiful by him. So all those times through my life when I was called fatandugly and I had to console myself with the thought of my future husband at least thinking I was beautiful came back. I feel shallow saying this when I know I have so much to offer as a person and that’s why he’s with me but I felt so unattractive when I knew he would never think that I was beautiful. It hurt and has had a negative affect on me. I guess the problem is even though other people may say I’m beautiful, I know he never will. That feels so bleak to me cause him telling me I’m cute isn’t cutting it anymore. What are your thoughts?

    1. HisHandmaiden

      Gabrielle,
      You are beautiful, and your fiance saying that nothing is, is untrue. The choice is yours but believe what the long lost friend told you because that my “beautiful” plus size sister is the TRUTH…

    2. Lisa Mendez

      Gabrielle,
      Think long and hard about this. Is this the person you want to spend your life with? Someone with whom you will never truly measure up to? I am not saying break it off…..what I am saying is maybe its time to step back and get some perspective on things. You are beautiful the way you are.

    3. Kimberly Kirk Openo

      Gabrielle,
      I am curious about other things with your fiance…does he show that you are beautiful with his actions, but he just can’t express himself with words? If so, then you might be OK in the long run. But, if not, that “something has to be perfect to be beautiful” is C.R.A.P. & a terrible excuse to get away from true closeness & intimacy. And human creatures are made to feel DESIRED by someone. If your fiance doesn’t desire you now BEFORE you get married, what about after a few crises and kids and house and, and, and… All those stressors really eat into a relationship & without a strong communication & intimate bond NOW, those times will be more difficult. Perhaps seeing a counselor would help you make a decision about what to do next? Good luck, but don’t sell yourself short. LISTEN to that long lost friend!

    4. CeCe Olisa

      My first thoughts are:
      1.) Be mindful of letting outside men make you question what you have. Any guy can roll through and drop compliments… it takes a special guy to commit

      2.) If you could choose between everything your fiance does/says now vs. him telling you you’re beautiful, which would you choose?

      I’ll respond in more detail later… xx

    5. Zazzles

      so does this mean he won’t think any of his future children are beautiful? (if you guys are choosing to have children that is) I feel like that can cause issues for future kids too… your man and his idea of beauty are the ones with the problem, not you.
      if feeling beautiful is a priority for you, than don’t let it go. Seek counseling, express how hurtful those words are to you and what feelings they bring up.
      Hugs!!!

  14. gabby62885@yahoo.com

    So this stems to an issue I’ve been meaning to email you about. A long lost friend of mine who I used to have a big crush on in high school reconnected with me recently. He told me that I was beautiful and said any guy would be lucky to have me. I realized that I had never heard either one of those things from ANY man before. So long story short I asked my fiancé if he thought I was beautiful and his response was that he didn’t think anything was beautiful because something had to be perfect in order for it to be considered beautiful by him. So all those times through my life when I was called fatandugly and I had to console myself with the thought of my future husband at least thinking I was beautiful came back. I feel shallow saying this when I know I have so much to offer as a person and that’s why he’s with me but I felt so unattractive when I knew he would never think that I was beautiful. It hurt and has had a negative affect on me. I guess the problem is even though other people may say I’m beautiful, I know he never will. That feels so bleak to me cause him telling me I’m cute isn’t cutting it anymore. What are your thoughts?

    1. brumuk@hotmail.com

      Gabrielle,You are beautiful, and your fiance saying that nothing is, is untrue. The choice is yours but believe what the long lost friend told you because that my “beautiful” plus size sister is the TRUTH…

    2. gillusmendez@yahoo.com

      Gabrielle,Think long and hard about this. Is this the person you want to spend your life with? Someone with whom you will never truly measure up to? I am not saying break it off…..what I am saying is maybe its time to step back and get some perspective on things. You are beautiful the way you are.

    3. kimopeno@gmail.com

      Gabrielle,I am curious about other things with your fiance…does he show that you are beautiful with his actions, but he just can’t express himself with words? If so, then you might be OK in the long run. But, if not, that “something has to be perfect to be beautiful” is C.R.A.P. & a terrible excuse to get away from true closeness & intimacy. And human creatures are made to feel DESIRED by someone. If your fiance doesn’t desire you now BEFORE you get married, what about after a few crises and kids and house and, and, and… All those stressors really eat into a relationship & without a strong communication & intimate bond NOW, those times will be more difficult. Perhaps seeing a counselor would help you make a decision about what to do next? Good luck, but don’t sell yourself short. LISTEN to that long lost friend!

    4. nycece@gmail.com

      My first thoughts are:1.) Be mindful of letting outside men make you question what you have. Any guy can roll through and drop compliments… it takes a special guy to commit

      2.) If you could choose between everything your fiance does/says now vs. him telling you you’re beautiful, which would you choose?

      I’ll respond in more detail later… xx

    5. apherditie@hotmail.com

      so does this mean he won’t think any of his future children are beautiful? (if you guys are choosing to have children that is) I feel like that can cause issues for future kids too… your man and his idea of beauty are the ones with the problem, not you.if feeling beautiful is a priority for you, than don’t let it go. Seek counseling, express how hurtful those words are to you and what feelings they bring up.
      Hugs!!!

  15. HisHandmaiden

    I may not let others know, but the negativity I receive from women, “…so are you still not dating anyone?” as though I have no right to NOT to accept whatever comes my way. This is the truth, I know someone who said I was TOO picky because I didn’t want to date a man who was in jail! What?!?
    And then there is the negativity that I receive from men. I’m usually very shy (even when I was smaller in size!), so it is very difficult for me to approach a guy. At the urging of friends, let me tell you the three scenarios that happened in one night:
    a) I started dancing in front of a guy who I had watched and knew that he was not there with anyone (he walked away). How rude is that?
    b) I started dancing in front of another guy who I had watched dance with another (smaller sized) woman who did the exact thing I did (he moved away).
    And as if that wasn’t enough:
    c) I went up to a man (after much false starts and many conversations with myself to muster up the courage!) and he said he wasn’t much for dancing. In a club, really?
    And the kicker is: I like BIG guys! Teddy bear lover, that’s me! 🙂
    So when you match the overall systemic negativity with the individual people messing with the self esteem you’re trying to build, it is no wonder women shut down. We play the, “I don’t like/need/want you either” game, when we know deep down nothing could be further from the truth.

    Not everyone can be small, and so we pray that those “special” men (designed to be attracted to us, and us to them) would want to show us love too…

    1. Zazzles

      I used to get that too, or “you’ll meet someone if you loose weight” Had a very good friend tell me I wasn’t going to find anyone while I was fat…flat out suggested that the guy I was interested in was not interested in me because of my size. The thought hadn’t even occurred to me before she said it, I was offended for me AND for the guy.
      I’m attracted to all kinds of shapes and sizes, my ex is a big huggy teddybear and my best guy friend, my current guy works out for 2hrs a day and is rather fit.. but he LOVES me and my big body.
      I didn’t settle. I refuse to settle. I don’t think anyone should ever. fat or thin. We all deserve love: to love and be loved.

    2. sheneeee

      Oh, I am so guilty of doing this.

      Shutting down and giving off the impression that I don’t need ANYONE because I don’t want to feel hurt or like I am exposing myself or letting myself be vulnerable.

  16. brumuk@hotmail.com

    I may not let others know, but the negativity I receive from women, “…so are you still not dating anyone?” as though I have no right to NOT to accept whatever comes my way. This is the truth, I know someone who said I was TOO picky because I didn’t want to date a man who was in jail! What?!?And then there is the negativity that I receive from men. I’m usually very shy (even when I was smaller in size!), so it is very difficult for me to approach a guy. At the urging of friends, let me tell you the three scenarios that happened in one night:
    a) I started dancing in front of a guy who I had watched and knew that he was not there with anyone (he walked away). How rude is that?
    b) I started dancing in front of another guy who I had watched dance with another (smaller sized) woman who did the exact thing I did (he moved away).
    And as if that wasn’t enough:
    c) I went up to a man (after much false starts and many conversations with myself to muster up the courage!) and he said he wasn’t much for dancing. In a club, really?
    And the kicker is: I like BIG guys! Teddy bear lover, that’s me! 🙂
    So when you match the overall systemic negativity with the individual people messing with the self esteem you’re trying to build, it is no wonder women shut down. We play the, “I don’t like/need/want you either” game, when we know deep down nothing could be further from the truth.

    Not everyone can be small, and so we pray that those “special” men (designed to be attracted to us, and us to them) would want to show us love too…

    1. apherditie@hotmail.com

      I used to get that too, or “you’ll meet someone if you loose weight” Had a very good friend tell me I wasn’t going to find anyone while I was fat…flat out suggested that the guy I was interested in was not interested in me because of my size. The thought hadn’t even occurred to me before she said it, I was offended for me AND for the guy.I’m attracted to all kinds of shapes and sizes, my ex is a big huggy teddybear and my best guy friend, my current guy works out for 2hrs a day and is rather fit.. but he LOVES me and my big body.
      I didn’t settle. I refuse to settle. I don’t think anyone should ever. fat or thin. We all deserve love: to love and be loved.

    2. sheneehoward@gmail.com

      Oh, I am so guilty of doing this.
      Shutting down and giving off the impression that I don’t need ANYONE because I don’t want to feel hurt or like I am exposing myself or letting myself be vulnerable.

  17. Maribel M.

    Go girl!!! I wish I had your confidence! I’m not totally there yet…
    Just when I thought I was getting to the point of loving myself just the way I am… I’m now having confidence issues with a guy I’m crushing on. He’s super nice and we get along great and we have quite a lot in common. Certain comments he makes my friends believe are flirtatious (and they do appear to me too) but he hasn’t made a move on me and I haven’t either with him. Also, a lot of these comments are made online and not in person. He’s much quieter in person for some reason. My friends say I should flirt back just to get an idea of how he’d react but I don’t feel comfortable doing that unless I have a good idea that a guy likes me and isn’t just being nice. It’s not that I don’t think I’m worthy of HIM per se, but I do have an overall discomfort at putting myself out there only to be rejected. Another thing is, I’m almost convinced that he doesn’t like me that way because well, he’s Filipino and Asian guys in general have never expressed any interest in me out right (I’m Filipino btw) in my 33 years of existence, and it’s been kind of a sore spot for me.

  18. maribelmalit@gmail.com

    Go girl!!! I wish I had your confidence! I’m not totally there yet…Just when I thought I was getting to the point of loving myself just the way I am… I’m now having confidence issues with a guy I’m crushing on. He’s super nice and we get along great and we have quite a lot in common. Certain comments he makes my friends believe are flirtatious (and they do appear to me too) but he hasn’t made a move on me and I haven’t either with him. Also, a lot of these comments are made online and not in person. He’s much quieter in person for some reason. My friends say I should flirt back just to get an idea of how he’d react but I don’t feel comfortable doing that unless I have a good idea that a guy likes me and isn’t just being nice. It’s not that I don’t think I’m worthy of HIM per se, but I do have an overall discomfort at putting myself out there only to be rejected. Another thing is, I’m almost convinced that he doesn’t like me that way because well, he’s Filipino and Asian guys in general have never expressed any interest in me out right (I’m Filipino btw) in my 33 years of existence, and it’s been kind of a sore spot for me.

  19. Kay Elizabeth Kerns

    A great topic I have struggled with some of these issues too. I know for a fact though that couples don’t have to ‘match’ in size! Sometimes opposites do attract…don’t think you have to ‘settle’ for a man you’re not truly attracted to.

  20. kay_elizabeth_1@hotmail.com

    A great topic I have struggled with some of these issues too. I know for a fact though that couples don’t have to ‘match’ in size! Sometimes opposites do attract…don’t think you have to ‘settle’ for a man you’re not truly attracted to.

  21. wilcoxk22@yahoo.com

    You should really start going around and speaking to groups of women. So young, but full of Godly wisdom!

  22. Inspector33

    That line is the sweetest… It’s amazing that with all the fat-bashing I took growing up I can look at myself and see beauty. I too have heard that fat=ugly and that can take a long time to shake off. I’ve definitely turned down men because I didn’t feel secure about myself and even though my current man thinks I’m just the bees knees it’s taken a while to believe him. Thanks for sharing your experience. A lot of women need help realizing that there are handsome men who don’t see the fat but the fabulous women we are and that we deserve them.

  23. allana@inspector33.com

    That line is the sweetest… It’s amazing that with all the fat-bashing I took growing up I can look at myself and see beauty. I too have heard that fat=ugly and that can take a long time to shake off. I’ve definitely turned down men because I didn’t feel secure about myself and even though my current man thinks I’m just the bees knees it’s taken a while to believe him. Thanks for sharing your experience. A lot of women need help realizing that there are handsome men who don’t see the fat but the fabulous women we are and that we deserve them.

  24. gracekelle

    You are worthy of his love and affection, girl! Your man clearly understands that the shine of a “thin” girl wears off. Cuz at the end of the day when I think of who I want to end up with, I think about what’s on the inside…cuz that’s what we’ll have to live with day in and day out. Relationships are about the long distance – who are you going to still want to talk to after being together 10, 20, 30+ years? Someone with substance! That’s what makes people attractive in my opinion. Cuz internal ugliness has a way of showing itself on the exterior in my opinion 🙂

  25. gracekim.nyc@gmail.com

    You are worthy of his love and affection, girl! Your man clearly understands that the shine of a “thin” girl wears off. Cuz at the end of the day when I think of who I want to end up with, I think about what’s on the inside…cuz that’s what we’ll have to live with day in and day out. Relationships are about the long distance – who are you going to still want to talk to after being together 10, 20, 30+ years? Someone with substance! That’s what makes people attractive in my opinion. Cuz internal ugliness has a way of showing itself on the exterior in my opinion 🙂

  26. irresistibleicing

    This post is brilliant! Your last sentence about your Dwayne Wayde just sums it all up. You are both amazing people that deserve each other’s love. Haters and miserable people are jealous of anyone in a good relationship, thick or thin. I actually just finished watching Mad Fat Diary (yes, all of them lol) and this was one of the major topics. xoxo

  27. irresistibleicing@yahoo.com

    This post is brilliant! Your last sentence about your Dwayne Wayde just sums it all up. You are both amazing people that deserve each other’s love. Haters and miserable people are jealous of anyone in a good relationship, thick or thin. I actually just finished watching Mad Fat Diary (yes, all of them lol) and this was one of the major topics. xoxo

  28. Cate

    Thanks, Cece. I really needed this right now. I’m not as bothered by it when I’m actually with someone but when I’m navigating the online dating world or overanalyzing things after dates (either alone or with my girlfriends) I let those insecurities and self-doubts creep in. I hate that when I don’t know why a guy isn’t interested I automatically assume it has something to do with how I look and that I can still feel self-conscious even when a guy has never expressed a negative sentiment about my body and is actively telling me how much he enjoys spending time with me. I’m the one going, I’m lucky someone wants to be with me. And sometimes even if I don’t like a guy, I tell myself that I should “settle” because I’m lucky that someone fit and athletic is willing to settle for me. Thankfully it’s never gone past a few dates.

  29. tansd4646@aol.com

    Thanks, Cece. I really needed this right now. I’m not as bothered by it when I’m actually with someone but when I’m navigating the online dating world or overanalyzing things after dates (either alone or with my girlfriends) I let those insecurities and self-doubts creep in. I hate that when I don’t know why a guy isn’t interested I automatically assume it has something to do with how I look and that I can still feel self-conscious even when a guy has never expressed a negative sentiment about my body and is actively telling me how much he enjoys spending time with me. I’m the one going, I’m lucky someone wants to be with me. And sometimes even if I don’t like a guy, I tell myself that I should “settle” because I’m lucky that someone fit and athletic is willing to settle for me. Thankfully it’s never gone past a few dates.

  30. Fl

    You are such an intelligent young lady, I really love reading your blog. I had the same problem you did, when I first started dating my bf (still together 2 yrs later), women did hit on him in front of my face. He’s an attractive man. I am not a plus size princess, and it didn’t matter, some women are just insecure, and if they find a man attractive, will just hit on him regardless. It used to bother me a lot, and it made me think there was something wrong with me, that i wasn’t good enough or pretty enough, but it wasn’t. It was because of the competitiveness women are driven to in our society. I started realizing why so many R & B songs say “it doesn’t matter what people say,” because people do have a tendency to say things when someone is happy. Don’t let anyone take away your happiness! you deserve it, you’re hot, you’re awesome, and you’re inteligent.

  31. gjela.prenga@gmail.com

    You are such an intelligent young lady, I really love reading your blog. I had the same problem you did, when I first started dating my bf (still together 2 yrs later), women did hit on him in front of my face. He’s an attractive man. I am not a plus size princess, and it didn’t matter, some women are just insecure, and if they find a man attractive, will just hit on him regardless. It used to bother me a lot, and it made me think there was something wrong with me, that i wasn’t good enough or pretty enough, but it wasn’t. It was because of the competitiveness women are driven to in our society. I started realizing why so many R & B songs say “it doesn’t matter what people say,” because people do have a tendency to say things when someone is happy. Don’t let anyone take away your happiness! you deserve it, you’re hot, you’re awesome, and you’re inteligent.

  32. Autumn

    I’ve always been a plus-sized girl and at one time I was dating a fellow much bigger than myself. He was someone I’d worked with, a really sweet guy whose life had been really tough and (like me) he found comfort in food. I brought him with me to a family Christmas party one year and before ever bothering to have a conversation with him, my aunt told me “Oh honey, you could do so much better.” In the end, he wasn’t the right match for me, but definitely not for any reason so shallow. It opened my eyes to the type of person my aunt is though. To this day, I still feel angry when I think about it. So many humans lack the ability to put themselves in others’ shoes and would show judgement before compassion. It’s unfortunate, but like you said, those kinds of comments stem from their own insecurities. I’ve always heard that, but it’s taken a long time to finally believe it.

  33. autumnmhammer@gmail.com

    I’ve always been a plus-sized girl and at one time I was dating a fellow much bigger than myself. He was someone I’d worked with, a really sweet guy whose life had been really tough and (like me) he found comfort in food. I brought him with me to a family Christmas party one year and before ever bothering to have a conversation with him, my aunt told me “Oh honey, you could do so much better.” In the end, he wasn’t the right match for me, but definitely not for any reason so shallow. It opened my eyes to the type of person my aunt is though. To this day, I still feel angry when I think about it. So many humans lack the ability to put themselves in others’ shoes and would show judgement before compassion. It’s unfortunate, but like you said, those kinds of comments stem from their own insecurities. I’ve always heard that, but it’s taken a long time to finally believe it.

  34. nicthommi

    It can be really hard to find good dating advice, mainly because it is REALLY hard to find people who don’t believe this.

    I’ve seen this with women who have managed to lose weight, and it’s commonly mentioned on dating blogs. It’s kind of something you have to steel yourself for b/c it is RARE to find people who don’t promote and project this idea that your stock is way lower (in addition to the incredulous women who don’t understand why staying “fit”-skinny in their heads means they should be getting as much attention as they want. (I remember one lady even going to the whole “well, I just happen to be someone who values “perfection and high standards” as if I couldn’t possibly relate to that;I did not return to that comment thread).

    As much as I enjoy seeing people discussing their fitness journeys, one thing that turned me off from more than a few blog or vlog channels is the insistence that losing weight meant access to “higher quality” men. I’m not even sure I believe anymore that it means more men, since the women I know who are frequently single like me have all kinds of body types. Sucks for those of us who want to change it but seeing that it’s not really true that skinny doesn’t mean 50 first dates a month is a good dose of reality. And it’s nice to have seen the history of your own story didn’t involve becoming a size 8 and then meeting the man of your dreams, b/c tha’ts how a lot of people’s fitness stories go. (I often wonder if they realize that it’s not the most helpful way to to).

    it is really irritating because if you are unsure about to approach things, most “experts” usually subscribe to this line of thinking, so you are doing a lot of people a really good favor by reminding them of this.

    I’d put my own friends in two categories. Ones who hae always seen me as their equal (or maybe even better), despite being the “fat” once. And there are always a few who at least when younger (like college age), would be the ones to push you towards whatever/whoever was leftover and be surprised that you’d decline to go there.

    It is REALLY hard not to internalize things. But I realized that most of my friends who have been the most forward about expressing their interest in men get shot down plenty. And since there is no weight issue for them to fall back on and they are happy with their looks, they accept it and move on.

    It takes a LOT of practice I think to just try and not act like the reason you aren’t successful or the reason the guy you REALLY liked said no has said no to plenty of other women who weren’t fat.
    But I say this all to say beautifully said. As soon as I saw the title I knew I’d have to comment but you also kind of covered everything, and some of the commenters have too (like letting insecurity make you doubt a guy’s interest so much that he backs off, or that you back off even if he’s dropped that hint 10x. I often joke that I require and engraved invitation that says “Yes, I like you” before I believe it).

    I definitely absorbed the idea that looking at or for men was not something I should do until I was able to get close to “average” weight. Well, my fitness journey has been successful in my opinion, long term (so really a lifestyle at this point), I’m strong and fit…but I’ve not gotten skinny desipte losing weight. So probably important for a lot of ppl to remember and to tell them not to save themselves b/c the result of your journey may be a better you that is still shopping in the plus section. And I’ll go ahead and brag and say that seeing the things that I’m able to do that a lot of my friends that I always assumed were “fit” cannot has been a big ego boost (like the ones who can’t do a push up oe plank or a burpee or even a regular sit up).

  35. athomasz@umich.edu

    It can be really hard to find good dating advice, mainly because it is REALLY hard to find people who don’t believe this.

    I’ve seen this with women who have managed to lose weight, and it’s commonly mentioned on dating blogs. It’s kind of something you have to steel yourself for b/c it is RARE to find people who don’t promote and project this idea that your stock is way lower (in addition to the incredulous women who don’t understand why staying “fit”-skinny in their heads means they should be getting as much attention as they want. (I remember one lady even going to the whole “well, I just happen to be someone who values “perfection and high standards” as if I couldn’t possibly relate to that;I did not return to that comment thread).

    As much as I enjoy seeing people discussing their fitness journeys, one thing that turned me off from more than a few blog or vlog channels is the insistence that losing weight meant access to “higher quality” men. I’m not even sure I believe anymore that it means more men, since the women I know who are frequently single like me have all kinds of body types. Sucks for those of us who want to change it but seeing that it’s not really true that skinny doesn’t mean 50 first dates a month is a good dose of reality. And it’s nice to have seen the history of your own story didn’t involve becoming a size 8 and then meeting the man of your dreams, b/c tha’ts how a lot of people’s fitness stories go. (I often wonder if they realize that it’s not the most helpful way to to).

    it is really irritating because if you are unsure about to approach things, most “experts” usually subscribe to this line of thinking, so you are doing a lot of people a really good favor by reminding them of this.

    I’d put my own friends in two categories. Ones who hae always seen me as their equal (or maybe even better), despite being the “fat” once. And there are always a few who at least when younger (like college age), would be the ones to push you towards whatever/whoever was leftover and be surprised that you’d decline to go there.

    It is REALLY hard not to internalize things. But I realized that most of my friends who have been the most forward about expressing their interest in men get shot down plenty. And since there is no weight issue for them to fall back on and they are happy with their looks, they accept it and move on.

    It takes a LOT of practice I think to just try and not act like the reason you aren’t successful or the reason the guy you REALLY liked said no has said no to plenty of other women who weren’t fat.
    But I say this all to say beautifully said. As soon as I saw the title I knew I’d have to comment but you also kind of covered everything, and some of the commenters have too (like letting insecurity make you doubt a guy’s interest so much that he backs off, or that you back off even if he’s dropped that hint 10x. I often joke that I require and engraved invitation that says “Yes, I like you” before I believe it).

    I definitely absorbed the idea that looking at or for men was not something I should do until I was able to get close to “average” weight. Well, my fitness journey has been successful in my opinion, long term (so really a lifestyle at this point), I’m strong and fit…but I’ve not gotten skinny desipte losing weight. So probably important for a lot of ppl to remember and to tell them not to save themselves b/c the result of your journey may be a better you that is still shopping in the plus section. And I’ll go ahead and brag and say that seeing the things that I’m able to do that a lot of my friends that I always assumed were “fit” cannot has been a big ego boost (like the ones who can’t do a push up oe plank or a burpee or even a regular sit up).

  36. sheneeee

    I am new here and so glad I made it here! I NEEDED to read this. I feel so hopeless most of the time because of this. I look at a guy I like and my friends are all like “go for it” and I never do because I know he can find someone “better” AKA “skinnier.” I gotta work on my mindset around it.

    I have so many awesome things about me that I need to stop taking for granted because I am not the right “size.”

  37. sheneehoward@gmail.com

    I am new here and so glad I made it here! I NEEDED to read this. I feel so hopeless most of the time because of this. I look at a guy I like and my friends are all like “go for it” and I never do because I know he can find someone “better” AKA “skinnier.” I gotta work on my mindset around it.

    I have so many awesome things about me that I need to stop taking for granted because I am not the right “size.”

  38. Laura Zamora

    !!! How Dr.Ukaka Save My Broken Heart Of Marriage Today !!!

    My name is Laura Zamora, and I base in Taxes city in usa…My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr ukaka, which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Sonia,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr ukaka’s e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before Dr ukaka, is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man… If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try High freedomlovespell@hotmail.com any time, he might be the answer to your problems. Here also contact him on his web site: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com

  39. laurazamora011@gmail.com

    !!! How Dr.Ukaka Save My Broken Heart Of Marriage Today !!!
    My name is Laura Zamora, and I base in Taxes city in usa…My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr ukaka, which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Sonia,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr ukaka’s e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before Dr ukaka, is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man… If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try High freedomlovespell@hotmail.com any time, he might be the answer to your problems. Here also contact him on his web site: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com

  40. Kayla

    OMG Cece the last line made me smile SO HARD!!! Love his response, what a sweetie!
    This is something I’ve struggled with in all of my relationships to date. It is so hard to keep those insecurities in check but like you said if a guy is interested, he obviously sees something in you! Learning to celebrate my good qualities instead of questioning his choice to date me. Thank you so much for this post!

  41. kayfirst1@gmail.com

    OMG Cece the last line made me smile SO HARD!!! Love his response, what a sweetie!This is something I’ve struggled with in all of my relationships to date. It is so hard to keep those insecurities in check but like you said if a guy is interested, he obviously sees something in you! Learning to celebrate my good qualities instead of questioning his choice to date me. Thank you so much for this post!

  42. LC Henry

    HEY MS CECE….your words are always sooo rite & on time it never fails. I am 44yrs of age the mother of a 21yr old and I dont have half of the confidence that you possess. I hope one day that I can find happiness and NOT WORRY@negativity. Thanks so much for just being you…lots of luv:)

  43. boshagirl22@gmail.com

    HEY MS CECE….your words are always sooo rite & on time it never fails. I am 44yrs of age the mother of a 21yr old and I dont have half of the confidence that you possess. I hope one day that I can find happiness and NOT WORRY@negativity. Thanks so much for just being you…lots of luv:)

  44. Janice Leighton Craft

    Perfectly said! My hubby and I will have our 20th Anniversary in December. When I met him I was a curvy size 20 and his jeans were a 28×34. And no that’s not backwards. 28 waist and 34 inseam. I had a “friend” tell me that we looked like Laurel and Hardy. I didn’t care…he didn’t care. That’s all that matters!!!

  45. lincolnpondlover@gmail.com

    Perfectly said! My hubby and I will have our 20th Anniversary in December. When I met him I was a curvy size 20 and his jeans were a 28×34. And no that’s not backwards. 28 waist and 34 inseam. I had a “friend” tell me that we looked like Laurel and Hardy. I didn’t care…he didn’t care. That’s all that matters!!!

  46. Bren

    Thank you so much for writing this. I have been struggling through this for almost all of my adult life and up until recently I am ashamed to admit that I let others’ opinions of me almost totally dictate my level of self-worth. I feel like I am waking up out of a coma…a coma of self-doubt, worthlessness and general lack of confidence. I’m through giving others that kind of power over me. You are beautiful, you write beautifully, and anyone would be lucky to have you in their life in any capacity.

  47. heartbeattheory@gmail.com

    Thank you so much for writing this. I have been struggling through this for almost all of my adult life and up until recently I am ashamed to admit that I let others’ opinions of me almost totally dictate my level of self-worth. I feel like I am waking up out of a coma…a coma of self-doubt, worthlessness and general lack of confidence. I’m through giving others that kind of power over me. You are beautiful, you write beautifully, and anyone would be lucky to have you in their life in any capacity.

  48. Mahogany

    It does go both ways though…I’m athletic, my husband is chubby, and I often get comments from other women like “girl, why did you settle?”, “You could have done so much better”, “I would never date a fat guy!” and other similar comments. I don’t get why someone’s choice of partner is other people’s business. Some people date for personality, not necessarily looks! I wouldn’t have married someone that I was “settling” for, or was unhappy with.

    1. J Wensell

      It caused me a divorce after a fifteen year attempt at forever, settling that is. I settled for the short sexy type when I should have been looking on the inside…. she was a rotten apple. Terrible scars are left… my new new is wonderful and a plus sized woman, kind and sweet and so wonderful to be around.

  49. mitsuneko@gmail.com

    It does go both ways though…I’m athletic, my husband is chubby, and I often get comments from other women like “girl, why did you settle?”, “You could have done so much better”, “I would never date a fat guy!” and other similar comments. I don’t get why someone’s choice of partner is other people’s business. Some people date for personality, not necessarily looks! I wouldn’t have married someone that I was “settling” for, or was unhappy with.

    1. jlwensell@windstream.net

      It caused me a divorce after a fifteen year attempt at forever, settling that is. I settled for the short sexy type when I should have been looking on the inside…. she was a rotten apple. Terrible scars are left… my new new is wonderful and a plus sized woman, kind and sweet and so wonderful to be around.

  50. Jen Baker

    I’ve been with my partner for almost 6 years, and I’ve had my fair share of this type of thing; the looks, the smiles, the flirting.. my partner is oblivious, though sometimes I feel a lot of men are, but I am not. It’s taken me a long time to get passed the looks of others, and allow myself to be free with my partner, and now our little family ( little dude was added) and be myself. Sure, I still catch myself from time to time, trying to hide something about me (Especially eating in public) but now I can shake myself of the need to hide, and be me. Sadly, it’s taken me the majority of the length of our relationship, for me to get this far, but I am still here. I still catch the looks, or sneers, or pointing/laughter, but instead of getting upset, I blow them a kiss, or give them a wink, and let them deal with their reaction to me and my partner, and our absolute happiness and adoration for each other. Thank you for your post! It’s nice to read similar experiences that you’ve gone through when they are such a positive experience. It’s…pretty much reinforcing the “Ok to be myself” thing.

  51. gorythegift@gmail.com

    I’ve been with my partner for almost 6 years, and I’ve had my fair share of this type of thing; the looks, the smiles, the flirting.. my partner is oblivious, though sometimes I feel a lot of men are, but I am not. It’s taken me a long time to get passed the looks of others, and allow myself to be free with my partner, and now our little family ( little dude was added) and be myself. Sure, I still catch myself from time to time, trying to hide something about me (Especially eating in public) but now I can shake myself of the need to hide, and be me. Sadly, it’s taken me the majority of the length of our relationship, for me to get this far, but I am still here. I still catch the looks, or sneers, or pointing/laughter, but instead of getting upset, I blow them a kiss, or give them a wink, and let them deal with their reaction to me and my partner, and our absolute happiness and adoration for each other. Thank you for your post! It’s nice to read similar experiences that you’ve gone through when they are such a positive experience. It’s…pretty much reinforcing the “Ok to be myself” thing.

  52. Ivery

    I agree wholeheartedly. It’s all about confidence. Waking up and deciding that you’re beautiful no matter what anyone else thinks. Period.

  53. msbarnett3rd@yahoo.com

    I agree wholeheartedly. It’s all about confidence. Waking up and deciding that you’re beautiful no matter what anyone else thinks. Period.

  54. Cassie

    I have been told by countless family members that if I hope to find a husband someday I need to loose weight, since age 8. That has lead to me feeling like anyone who is interested has an ulterior motive or really isn’t into me. Almost 20 years of being fed this BS and this year instead of wasting my life on failed diets I am just living and embracing myself and what Life has to offer. Thanks for sharing!

  55. caigbogun@gmail.com

    I have been told by countless family members that if I hope to find a husband someday I need to loose weight, since age 8. That has lead to me feeling like anyone who is interested has an ulterior motive or really isn’t into me. Almost 20 years of being fed this BS and this year instead of wasting my life on failed diets I am just living and embracing myself and what Life has to offer. Thanks for sharing!

  56. Lena

    I used to date someone who was big and people came up to me and asked me “if I could not do any better” and wanted to sort out my self esteem issues (because I must have had some kind of issues if I was dating a fat guy, duh). The worst thing was that those people even included his friends. It was an awful and shocking look into peoples’s mind.
    They would count how much he was eating at parties and tell me exactly what he had. Always making sure to mention that he wouldn’t be able to lose any weight if he ate “all this”.
    Those are definitly not the kind of people I want to name “friends”.

  57. lena-kochbau@live.de

    I used to date someone who was big and people came up to me and asked me “if I could not do any better” and wanted to sort out my self esteem issues (because I must have had some kind of issues if I was dating a fat guy, duh). The worst thing was that those people even included his friends. It was an awful and shocking look into peoples’s mind.They would count how much he was eating at parties and tell me exactly what he had. Always making sure to mention that he wouldn’t be able to lose any weight if he ate “all this”.
    Those are definitly not the kind of people I want to name “friends”.

  58. Sarah-Jane

    I love this–so eloquently written and such a powerful message! I’ve definitely felt the same feelings and been in the same situations as some you’ve described. All I have to say is, go mixed weight relationships!! Happy to say that my mine blossomed into a mixed weight marriage! Couldn’t be happier about our decision to shake off the negativity of others and just focus on each other.

  59. sarahjaneurbane@gmail.com

    I love this–so eloquently written and such a powerful message! I’ve definitely felt the same feelings and been in the same situations as some you’ve described. All I have to say is, go mixed weight relationships!! Happy to say that my mine blossomed into a mixed weight marriage! Couldn’t be happier about our decision to shake off the negativity of others and just focus on each other.

  60. CF Sista

    I know this blog entry is almost a year old, but it is one with which I can relate. I added a comment in the previous blog entry “What Does Your BF Look Like?” that when my husband and I first met and began dating, some people judged us as mismatched bookends, that we shouldn’t be together. Well, when we decided to get married, it pissed more people off further. Now, my husband is significantly smaller than I, and though we’ve been together for 15 years, I’m sure we still get the “He’s with HER?’ looks/questions. Oh, well – too bad, so sad.

  61. vlm123@gmail.com

    I know this blog entry is almost a year old, but it is one with which I can relate. I added a comment in the previous blog entry “What Does Your BF Look Like?” that when my husband and I first met and began dating, some people judged us as mismatched bookends, that we shouldn’t be together. Well, when we decided to get married, it pissed more people off further. Now, my husband is significantly smaller than I, and though we’ve been together for 15 years, I’m sure we still get the “He’s with HER?’ looks/questions. Oh, well – too bad, so sad.

  62. Hayley

    I know that feeling. My fiance is 6’5″ and extremely thin, so we’ve always gotten the comments. When we started dating my own mother had the audacity to say he must be a chubby chaser, and even accused him of trying to make me fatter by taking me out to eat. People want to assume there must be something wrong with a skinny guy that would cause him to date a fat woman, and it’s sickening. They can’t accept that a tall, skinny man would date a fat girl because he thinks she’s pretty, smart, sweet, funny, etc.They can’t accept that he could possibly be attracted to a fat chick. And it’s the worst.

  63. hayleyplyvers@gmail.com

    I know that feeling. My fiance is 6’5″ and extremely thin, so we’ve always gotten the comments. When we started dating my own mother had the audacity to say he must be a chubby chaser, and even accused him of trying to make me fatter by taking me out to eat. People want to assume there must be something wrong with a skinny guy that would cause him to date a fat woman, and it’s sickening. They can’t accept that a tall, skinny man would date a fat girl because he thinks she’s pretty, smart, sweet, funny, etc.They can’t accept that he could possibly be attracted to a fat chick. And it’s the worst.

  64. Mr. Po Po

    I am forever trying to improve myself. Out of nowhere, there she was… my answer to a prayer, my girlfriend. I was married at the time and never once strayed, that said my girl and I hit it off. Okay don’t rip me up ladies… Here is what happened my ex-wife has a degree and teaches kindergarten, great right she does something that allows her to build self esteem and make good money, right? Well, this is 3 weeks after we divorced, the fifteen years previous she laid around telling me that it was God’s will to be a stay at home mother. For years I waited and waited, begged and pleaded and always eating TUMS, I was stressed and did not know it. It was not just the working aspect but the whole sha-bang, lazy I think, not real sure. The ex-wife was “sexy as hell, short little round assed, spinner type” <— guy talk. Fast forward to today, my girlfriend is 5'5" 240lbs that is in contrast to the 4'11" 105lbs. I have never been so filled with joy and I love her. The ex with her flat belly, sexy ass, and B cups…. can go pound sand, she was all about me working my ass off and not helping me out in life. I had no idea that this would happen to me. Today I am at peace (that was the prayer) today I still work as a Law Enforcement Supervisor and workout for that reason… I am a health food kinda guy (no pig or red meat) and love to run. My girlfriend, not a runner and not athletic but that is who she is. I love who she is and I love that she is hypersexual, like no other. I guess it helps that I am well endowed (I did not know this until she was all wide eyed and talking about it, to me) and that my running, I suppose, has increased my stroking times into the 4-6 hour range. She squirts and was embarrassed… I was and am still thinking "that is so great" (I guess you ladies cannot fake the squirting and that lets us know we are doing it right)… she is coming around about the being embarrassed and we are buying lots of puppy pads (beats washing sheets all the time.) Its not just the awesome sex it the whole thing the hand holding the long talks the texting the connection over all. I love being around her and I love that we are different sizes (oh yea I am 160lbs and 5'7" and super lean and well defined.) In short, ladies we are who we are and we like what we like. I encourage you ladies to quit being so damn mean to each other and guys stop with all the bullsqueeze about what is hot and what is not. If we don't stop we miss out on what I have and what my girl has. I have a best friend and really wonderful partner in all kinds of ways and I hope she thinks the same about me. My ex, as wrong as she was I hope she was wrong when she told her attorney that my "new new" was not my type and it would never last…. I take solace in that she was wrong about God's will for her and that she opened my eyes the night I hit the wall in that relationship when she told me (this was before anything with my "new new") "Well, you just had it the other night" Finally let me say, I only regret not filing for divorce soon and not being more available to my girlfriend.

  65. jlwensell@windstream.net

    I am forever trying to improve myself. Out of nowhere, there she was… my answer to a prayer, my girlfriend. I was married at the time and never once strayed, that said my girl and I hit it off. Okay don’t rip me up ladies… Here is what happened my ex-wife has a degree and teaches kindergarten, great right she does something that allows her to build self esteem and make good money, right? Well, this is 3 weeks after we divorced, the fifteen years previous she laid around telling me that it was God’s will to be a stay at home mother. For years I waited and waited, begged and pleaded and always eating TUMS, I was stressed and did not know it. It was not just the working aspect but the whole sha-bang, lazy I think, not real sure. The ex-wife was “sexy as hell, short little round assed, spinner type” <— guy talk. Fast forward to today, my girlfriend is 5'5" 240lbs that is in contrast to the 4'11" 105lbs. I have never been so filled with joy and I love her. The ex with her flat belly, sexy ass, and B cups…. can go pound sand, she was all about me working my ass off and not helping me out in life. I had no idea that this would happen to me. Today I am at peace (that was the prayer) today I still work as a Law Enforcement Supervisor and workout for that reason… I am a health food kinda guy (no pig or red meat) and love to run. My girlfriend, not a runner and not athletic but that is who she is. I love who she is and I love that she is hypersexual, like no other. I guess it helps that I am well endowed (I did not know this until she was all wide eyed and talking about it, to me) and that my running, I suppose, has increased my stroking times into the 4-6 hour range. She squirts and was embarrassed… I was and am still thinking "that is so great" (I guess you ladies cannot fake the squirting and that lets us know we are doing it right)… she is coming around about the being embarrassed and we are buying lots of puppy pads (beats washing sheets all the time.) Its not just the awesome sex it the whole thing the hand holding the long talks the texting the connection over all. I love being around her and I love that we are different sizes (oh yea I am 160lbs and 5'7" and super lean and well defined.) In short, ladies we are who we are and we like what we like. I encourage you ladies to quit being so damn mean to each other and guys stop with all the bullsqueeze about what is hot and what is not. If we don't stop we miss out on what I have and what my girl has. I have a best friend and really wonderful partner in all kinds of ways and I hope she thinks the same about me. My ex, as wrong as she was I hope she was wrong when she told her attorney that my "new new" was not my type and it would never last…. I take solace in that she was wrong about God's will for her and that she opened my eyes the night I hit the wall in that relationship when she told me (this was before anything with my "new new") "Well, you just had it the other night" Finally let me say, I only regret not filing for divorce soon and not being more available to my girlfriend.

  66. Mehgan

    Thank you so much for this. I just got married last month to my vary thin husband. (We have been together for 14 years and have 2 babies.
    I love him to death and he constantly tells me he loves me too. I have such a hard time believing him because if our differance in size. I get down on my self for my weight constantly and he is so adamant that im beautiful and sexy. I dont see it.) Anyway…
    I was looking at my photos from the wedding and im just mortified. All my handsome, thin husband can say is “your gorgeous”.
    Im so lucky to have found a man that loves me inside and out. Good luck to all of you!!

  67. mcasilla711@gmail.com

    Thank you so much for this. I just got married last month to my vary thin husband. (We have been together for 14 years and have 2 babies.I love him to death and he constantly tells me he loves me too. I have such a hard time believing him because if our differance in size. I get down on my self for my weight constantly and he is so adamant that im beautiful and sexy. I dont see it.) Anyway…
    I was looking at my photos from the wedding and im just mortified. All my handsome, thin husband can say is “your gorgeous”.
    Im so lucky to have found a man that loves me inside and out. Good luck to all of you!!

  68. Kathy Lee

    First of all, you are amazing! I fell upon your fb page through a fitness video I found of you. I am in awe of all the confidence you project and I’m working on that. I’m currently going thru separation, soon divorce, because my partner was only looking at the outside. Just because he was athletic and skinny he and his family expected me to be just as fit as him. I’ve been emotionally scarred but I’m trying to work really hard on myself. I’ve been working out and dieting since November and I feel good. Hopefully I will have the confidence and sexiness you project. Puerto Rico is full of curvy but slim women so Plus isn’t quite acceptable but I’m hopeful that I’ll find the love I truly deserve. Now what I would like to know is that was it my fault to involve myself with a skinny guy? Should I not be attracted to slim guys because I’m plus? Once again thank you amazing videos! Loved your story!

    1. blue8011

      Now, I’m not the owner of this blog nor writer of the post so not sure if my comment will be of any help or not but I’ll try.

      Sorry to hear about the separation, it seems like a shallow thing to do after you are married if it’s just based on appearance alone, which means he may never have been attracted to plus size women in the first place or that he somehow changed his preference. Either way it’s something that a grown up person should sort out _before_ serious involvement and marriage. I don’t think you did anything wrong, if an athletic/skinny guy is your preference that’s all that matters and you have no responsibility for what he prefers (that’s something he must sort out for himself in advance of having serious relationships). The fact that you are honest about what you like is an advantage.

      I’m a very fit guy in a mixed size relationship myself and would never break up because of her “plus size” appearance, nor would I use her preference against her. We both knew what we liked _before_ getting involved and that’s all that matters, because, choosing a partnership constellation that sort of go against what’s considered normal (i.e. a thin/fit woman and a guy who’s not fit) without being ridiculed or accused of settling is exactly what this post is about.

  69. wildkat_ny@hotmail.com

    First of all, you are amazing! I fell upon your fb page through a fitness video I found of you. I am in awe of all the confidence you project and I’m working on that. I’m currently going thru separation, soon divorce, because my partner was only looking at the outside. Just because he was athletic and skinny he and his family expected me to be just as fit as him. I’ve been emotionally scarred but I’m trying to work really hard on myself. I’ve been working out and dieting since November and I feel good. Hopefully I will have the confidence and sexiness you project. Puerto Rico is full of curvy but slim women so Plus isn’t quite acceptable but I’m hopeful that I’ll find the love I truly deserve. Now what I would like to know is that was it my fault to involve myself with a skinny guy? Should I not be attracted to slim guys because I’m plus? Once again thank you amazing videos! Loved your story!

    1. villogglad@gmail.com

      Now, I’m not the owner of this blog nor writer of the post so not sure if my comment will be of any help or not but I’ll try.
      Sorry to hear about the separation, it seems like a shallow thing to do after you are married if it’s just based on appearance alone, which means he may never have been attracted to plus size women in the first place or that he somehow changed his preference. Either way it’s something that a grown up person should sort out _before_ serious involvement and marriage. I don’t think you did anything wrong, if an athletic/skinny guy is your preference that’s all that matters and you have no responsibility for what he prefers (that’s something he must sort out for himself in advance of having serious relationships). The fact that you are honest about what you like is an advantage.

      I’m a very fit guy in a mixed size relationship myself and would never break up because of her “plus size” appearance, nor would I use her preference against her. We both knew what we liked _before_ getting involved and that’s all that matters, because, choosing a partnership constellation that sort of go against what’s considered normal (i.e. a thin/fit woman and a guy who’s not fit) without being ridiculed or accused of settling is exactly what this post is about.

  70. Ashlea

    Girl! EVERYTHING you have said in this post.. hit me so hard! I’ve been focusing on dating now that I have finished school and have my career, it is so hard for me to feel confident about dating. Even as I continue to lose weight (down 30lbs), I still have so many insecurities. I have tried the traditional method of the “bar scene” and guys who flirt there, I just assume that they were settling for a hook-up. The online dating scene, if a good-looking, athletic man liked me or messaged me, I just assumed that I was/am still so far out of his league. I must say, I found your blog on accident, but I am happy that I did come across it!

  71. ashleadawn2006@aol.com

    Girl! EVERYTHING you have said in this post.. hit me so hard! I’ve been focusing on dating now that I have finished school and have my career, it is so hard for me to feel confident about dating. Even as I continue to lose weight (down 30lbs), I still have so many insecurities. I have tried the traditional method of the “bar scene” and guys who flirt there, I just assume that they were settling for a hook-up. The online dating scene, if a good-looking, athletic man liked me or messaged me, I just assumed that I was/am still so far out of his league. I must say, I found your blog on accident, but I am happy that I did come across it!

  72. Me

    I’m dating a guy younger and smaller than me. He has washboard abs that I love to rub and touch. We were introduced through a mutual friend and we’ve been together for 2 years now. The funny thing is, I was smaller but still plus sized when I met him and I thought to myself what the hell?! I know he’s not gonna want me?” But you know what? Even with our other issues my weight has never been a problem with him and it still hasn’t been. Now we argue and fight like most other couples, but he’s never ever once made an ugly or unkind remark about my weight. I know people look at us like the odd couple, my own family does. But he hasn’t not even once. I love him for that. Now I’m on a weight loss journey for myself and I feel good.

  73. missvah03@live.com

    I’m dating a guy younger and smaller than me. He has washboard abs that I love to rub and touch. We were introduced through a mutual friend and we’ve been together for 2 years now. The funny thing is, I was smaller but still plus sized when I met him and I thought to myself what the hell?! I know he’s not gonna want me?” But you know what? Even with our other issues my weight has never been a problem with him and it still hasn’t been. Now we argue and fight like most other couples, but he’s never ever once made an ugly or unkind remark about my weight. I know people look at us like the odd couple, my own family does. But he hasn’t not even once. I love him for that. Now I’m on a weight loss journey for myself and I feel good.

  74. Justme

    As a young curvy woman I felt misplaced in the dating arene. I hoped things would get better if I lost some weight. Now I am 40, still curvy, and things are much better. I didn’t loose any weight, but I gained a whole lot of confidence. I’ve learned that nothing is or ever was wrong about how I look – the only thing that needed a little work was my self perception.

  75. justme@gmail.com

    As a young curvy woman I felt misplaced in the dating arene. I hoped things would get better if I lost some weight. Now I am 40, still curvy, and things are much better. I didn’t loose any weight, but I gained a whole lot of confidence. I’ve learned that nothing is or ever was wrong about how I look – the only thing that needed a little work was my self perception.

  76. jane luis

    URGENT LOVE-SPELL TO GET YOUR EX BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND BACK FAST
    My girlfriend and I were happy as far I could tell and I never thought that we would break up. When her cousin died in a tragic car accident she went to her family in Mexico for a week. I couldnt go because I was in the middle of entertaining out of town clients for work. She did not seem to be upset that I could not go so I let her be. The next thing I knew, she reconnected with an old friend from high school that she had a crush on years back and they started to have an affair! I had no clue what was going on until she came back from Mexico. She proceeded to see this old friend and I caught her and her old friend one night hugging each other. I confronted her and she told me the truth about what happened. We broke up and went our separate ways. Neither of us fought for our relationship. I was angry and decided not to be upset about it and just keep it moving. Then after about few months of no contact with her I became sad. I wanted her to tell me she wanted to be with me and not her old friend. I contacted Dr.bante for a love spell and he truly helped me! he was able to get her to miss me she wanted us to get back together again. She had lot of regrets and felt bad for not fighting to keep me and for cheating in generally. she cherish our relationship so much more now and we are together now! You can also get your lover back with the help of Dr.bante reach him on email: bantespelltemple@gmail.com add him on whatsapp on +2347059073543

  77. SHELLY DENT

    After being in relationship with him for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that ,.,.could help me cast a spell to bring him back,..,.,. but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, ,.,..,I was so surprised, I answered the call and all ,.he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM

  78. lois

    My husband ran away from our matrimonial home and left me and our 3kids and run after another woman with two kids without a husband. and started to live with her, as her husband and a father to the children that are not his of his flesh and blood. He abandoned us almost a year without a dime from him. Ever since he left, no news from him, he doesn’t even call to ask of his kids not to talk of hearing my voice. And at times I called, he holds my call and times he won’t even answer. I have been struggling for our children education and to feed and it has really not been easy for me. It got to a time that we hardly feed a day as I don’t have a good job and i’ve been struggling, praying, and waiting for his return till jai Maa Sunlight came to my rescue. She is indeed a mother because she was able to see the pains and agony I was going through. And when she told me you will have him back, I did not doubt it. Infact.. I want more of her words because it makes me strong and also bring back my dead hope back to life. I was gingered up, and I became desperate to know what must be done because I knew something must have to be done spiritually so I can have him back. And then again she replied and asked of his name, and picture and told me the amount the spell would cost. I provided everything in a hurry just like I knew it…that Maa Sunlight was my last bus stop for the solution of my problems. After the casting the spell, jai mata sunlight told me to bath without soap and sponge. I did.” the next morning, behold brethren… my husband came in a hurry wearing an overall like he just woke up. He came and lie down holding my legs for forgiveness. Infact, I was too shut to say word. Because everything happens too fast just like a dream. So I as a woman who needs her husband back I wanted to know if it was for real so I pretend like what any other woman who would have husband to treat her like a baby. After a while I held him, kissed him, and I forgive him. That was how we settled and that was how I got my man back. I really, really thank mother Sunlight for her goodness, and kindness. For helping me solve my problems that no one…even my father couldn’t help me. And so I am glad and indeed filled with joy and happiness sharing you this testimony because I want you to know that you are not alone.there is help for you in any of the problems you might be facing. All you need to do is contact Sunlightmata@gmail.com with your story. Don’t just share and leave. She won’t help you that way. Wait to receive your own testimonies and as you do follow her instructions, she will help you and restore back whatever you might have lost in the past. I thank once again mother Sunlight. I give praise. and my special thanks to God for linking me to a true goddess that you are because I was not been deceived. As I know there are people out there who only cares about your money not to help solve your problems. Thanks to you Maa Sunlight for being truthful to me and anyone else. Indeed, you are worthy been the queen of the universe, mother of the world. Thanks to you.

  79. forrest jessee

    I was hurt and heart broken when a very big problem occurred in my marriage seven months ago, between me and my husband . so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce. he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn’t love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the Email address of the spell caster whom he visited. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day. What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me, and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn’t call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and our children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of drlyeyesolutionhome@gmail. So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact him, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you..visit his Web site or whastAPP him with this number more about him: or call +2349067451571 Thank you sooooo

  80. SHELLY DENT

    After being in relationship with him for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I,.. mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him,,.,..,. that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such ,.,..person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM

    M

  81. Hayden

    After examine a couple of of the blog posts in your web site now, and I really like your manner of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark website checklist and will likely be checking again soon. Pls try my site as effectively and let me know what you think.

  82. Lin Carlos

    Good day everyone, I’m here to share my unexpected miracle that had happened to me through the help of Dr. Todd. I was happily married with two kids; we lived together as one because we both loved each other. All of a sudden, my husband started acting funny and started keeping late night. I took out time to know what was actually going on and realized that he was cheating on me. Later on, he told me that he cannot continue with me, I even pleaded with him but he never listened. The worst part of it was that he left me and my two kids with noting to hold on to. But there was nothing I could do to stop him or bring him back to me. I work so hard to pay the kids school fees and other responsibilities for good three years. I cry all day and night because I didn’t know what to do to have my husband back to me until this fateful day I read the post from one Mrs. Victoria testifying how the great spell caster helped her to get her ex back. I just wanted to try my luck because I never believe it will work but I said let me give it a try. I contacted the great spell caster and he told me not to worry that my husband will return to me in no distance time after he must have finished casting the spell, which I will get back my husband. The unbelievable happened on Sunday when I got a call and I was so surprised to hear my husbands voice apologizing to me that he is so sorry for all his Wrong did, telling me he is coming back home to fix all the pains and hardship he brought upon me. Wow! I really appreciated the great work of Dr. Todd. I will always acknowledge your “FABULOUS WORKS” and there is nothing I could say than to tell the whole world about my miracle. So, if anyone is out there reading this post and you have similar issue like this, worry no more Dr. Todd is there for you, he can also offer any type of
    help like Reuniting of marriage and relationship, Curing of genital herpes and all types of Diseases, Court Cases, Pregnancy Spell, Spiritual protection and lot’s more. E-mail: manifestspellcast@gmail.com

  83. Find My Summons

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  84. NYC Summon

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  85. American National

    ANPC is a free nation for and by the living men and women of the earth. This Private Nation is a grassroots association based out of Indonesia having its own International Charter, Peace Treaty, Constitution, Rules of conduct and has adopted the Declaration of Human Rights. These Treaties have been Registered by International Notice to the Hague and World Court as well as other agencies worldwide. The entire goal and mission of ANPC is WORLD PEACE and freedom for all the nationals of the world, focusing on a peaceful gathering together of all tribes and nations. Our living men and women are to live as Peaceful Inhabitants on the land, striving always to create a better world today and for future generations.

  86. monica brown b

    After being in relationship with him for 3 years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all other ones out there. Anybody who need his help, should contact his email, DROGBEMUDIANSPELLHOME@GMAIL.COM.

  87. Lourens harverd

    Hi everyone…..
    This spell caster is great, Thanks to Dr.Manbela for bringing back my wife after she left me for another Man. My Names is Lourens Harverd from Scotland a banker by Profession, After being in relationship with Susan for 3 years, she broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring her back but all was in vain, I wanted her back so much because of the love I have for her, I begged him with everything, I made promises but she refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring her back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I search for real and powerful spell caster and i came across a website that suggested that Dr.Manbela can help get ex back fast and stop a divorce or breakup and so on , So I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (return Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my wife ( Susan )came back to me crying and begging for my forgiveness. Today I’m so happy and i want to recommend this great spell caster to anyone that truly needs an urgent solution to his or her broken relationships and marriage. Simply contact the great “Dr.Manbela” If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you., email him at: manbelaspelltemple1@gmail.com ,
    you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348112060023.

  88. franca

    HOW I GOT BACK MY EX BOYFRIEND
    Hello,Am franca I’m the most happiest person on the face of the earth, after 6 months of sadness and sorrow without being with the one i love, i tried all my possible best to make sure i make my lover happy but it never seems to work out well it was like am doing everything in vain but all thanks goes to BABA SAMBOLA for coming to change all my worries and sadness to Joy. I knew the great man when i read some wonderful testimony about BAB SAMBOLA how he has helped lots of people on their relationship problems i was reading a magazine when i saw great testimonies, as well my predicament then i decided not to waste time because i have missed my lover so much i decided to contact him and share all my problem with him which he told me not to worry that he is assuring me that within 48 hours everything would be sorted out i believed BABA SAMBOLA so much because of how he has been helping many people, my boyfriend who left me for good suddenly replied my text and returned my calls and asked me to please forgive him i was so happy am so grateful to BABA SAMBOLA for what he has done for me and i promise to testify his goodness all through my life. If you are there passing the same problem or any kinds of problem contact this great man on his email address:babasambolaherbalhome@gmail.com or contact him on +2349073889037
    1. Getting your lover back
    2. Money spell/ good luck spell
    3. Prosperity spell
    4. Protection spells/supernatural power
    5. Get a job spell
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  89. lacy bern

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