Dating

Why Do we Love Getting Dating Advice from Single Men?

June 22 2014 | CeCe Olisa

Question: Why do we love to get dating advice from single men?

Why Do we Love Getting Dating Advice from Single Men.jpg

I feel like we’ve all seen too many episodes of The Bachelor because somehow, we’ve put guys who can’t commit on a pedestal. Suddenly it feels like the dating scene is full of this 25 to 1 ratio of women are clamoring to unlock the hearts of the nearest man and when these men decide they’d rather keep sewing wild oats, we walk around like its our fault. We weren’t “something” enough to make them commit.

In general, it seems like we blame women for being single but we never blame men for not growing up/settling down– why?

A lot of this is happening on the internet, where there is a trend of random single men who love to dish harsh dating advice to women. Mostly saying what women are doing wrong in their dating life. These men say things like “How a woman dresses determines how I’ll treat her!”, “Don’t expect a man to pay for your dates!”, “Only loose women carry condoms!” and then there are those who reminisce publicly about their cheating. Its often posed as a cautionary tale, but I think they just enjoy reliving past conquests.

From what I observe, women eat this advice up. Its constantly being shared and retweeted and I’m not sure why.

I see dating panels and advice columns from of single men, “reformed players”, men who have never been married, men who have caused the break up of their families and then found love agan, etc. and for some reason we have a laundry list of questions for them as if what they have to say is the holy grail of dating advice.

Meanwhile, I’m thinking– aren’t these the very same types of men we’ve all been hurt by?

Men who can’t commit have somehow set things up so that women feel we’re not good enough to lock them down. Instead of thinking, hmmm maybe he needs to grow up and get it together. I refuse to believe that these men have never met a woman who was relationship/marriage material, but for some reason they keep letting those girls get away. But that’s shouldn’t be our problem!

Maybe listening to single men and reformed players makes us feel like we’re getting inside the heads of the men who we couldn’t make it work with in the past, but I’m wondering why we want to figure those men out in the first place.

To me this is like taking a class on how to befriend a bully. If someone is a bully, I have no interest in seeing what makes them tick or what I did to make them treat me badly. Instead, I’d go in search of kind hearted people and befriend them.

When a woman is single and has an opinion on dating we’re quick to shut her down, but some of my best dating advice has come from single women who have been hurt before. I’ve listened to some of the mistakes/missteps they’ve made and have been able to avoid the same heartaches that they endured.

When it comes to relationships, I tend to listen to married women more, but I don’t think we should discount the advice of single women when we’re dating… especially if we’re going to hang on every word that single men say.

…Thoughts???

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37 responses on “Why Do we Love Getting Dating Advice from Single Men?

  1. Darybelle

    This is the honest truth right here and I’m glad someone shed some light on this issue. I mean who cares what these commitment phobic men think anyway. I’m sure and I have seen guys who want relationships and marriage and they don’t have a list of ridiculous demands like single guys who never want to settle down.

  2. daryenehansraj@gmail.com

    This is the honest truth right here and I’m glad someone shed some light on this issue. I mean who cares what these commitment phobic men think anyway. I’m sure and I have seen guys who want relationships and marriage and they don’t have a list of ridiculous demands like single guys who never want to settle down.

  3. Michelle

    I hate taking dating advice from men, except from my dad! I really don’t care about changing my behaviors to please a man. So many men have so many different preferences, anyway.

  4. defining_gravity@ymail.com

    I hate taking dating advice from men, except from my dad! I really don’t care about changing my behaviors to please a man. So many men have so many different preferences, anyway.

  5. Deni

    I will rarely listen to a man’s advice. Most of the advice comes from former cheaters who are now ready to settle down since they are old and have already taken their poor women through the ringer.

    I agree with you, I listen to married women to learn what to avoid, but honestly just knowing what you want will help that.

    I think it’s a mistake for a woman to ever feel that she can get inside a man’s head. It will never happen. I’ve learned that over time.

    Great article, CeCe.

  6. hbogirl@gmail.com

    I will rarely listen to a man’s advice. Most of the advice comes from former cheaters who are now ready to settle down since they are old and have already taken their poor women through the ringer.
    I agree with you, I listen to married women to learn what to avoid, but honestly just knowing what you want will help that.

    I think it’s a mistake for a woman to ever feel that she can get inside a man’s head. It will never happen. I’ve learned that over time.

    Great article, CeCe.

  7. T.R.

    I kind of think it’s the insecure attracting the insecure. I tend to listen to men AND women who are emotionally mature/honest (or doing work in that direction) whether married or single. I’ve always thought “shouldn’t you take advice from people who have the kind relationships you want, even with yourself”. So all these “single men” who are dishing out advice, there is NO way I’m interested in them. You’ve been married 3, 4, 5 times or not at all and you’re trying to tell someone how to do relationship….Geeeet outta here.

    Actually if you think about it, they AREN’T giving advice on how to have a healthy mature loving relationship but how to “get” them. Which is basically cater to their needs and insecurities. Do we really want an insecure little boy or a grown man who doesn’t just SAY he’s grown but BEHAVES as if he is.

  8. tdavis9060@aol.com

    I kind of think it’s the insecure attracting the insecure. I tend to listen to men AND women who are emotionally mature/honest (or doing work in that direction) whether married or single. I’ve always thought “shouldn’t you take advice from people who have the kind relationships you want, even with yourself”. So all these “single men” who are dishing out advice, there is NO way I’m interested in them. You’ve been married 3, 4, 5 times or not at all and you’re trying to tell someone how to do relationship….Geeeet outta here.
    Actually if you think about it, they AREN’T giving advice on how to have a healthy mature loving relationship but how to “get” them. Which is basically cater to their needs and insecurities. Do we really want an insecure little boy or a grown man who doesn’t just SAY he’s grown but BEHAVES as if he is.

  9. Curvily NYC

    RIGHT? And most of the “advice” is pure sexist garbage. Please GTFOH with that stuff, dudes.

    Although he’s not single, I feel like thrice-married Steve Harvey having the gall to act like a relationship authority is another instance of this misogynist “men know best” attitude.

    1. Gail Anderson

      Curvily, I totally agree with you. I do not understand why anyone would take Steve Harvey’s relationship advice seriously. Not only is it sexist, but Harvey is an entertainer best known for TV game shows and for screwing up on the Miss Universe pageant awhile back. He is not a psychologist or have any special training in relationships. Neither does Greg Behrendt, but that doesn’t stop people from taking his book “He’s Just Not That Into You” seriously. Hell, even Oprah praised his relationship advice and disappointed me in the process. (I’ve been an Oprah fan for years, and frankly I thought that she would know better than to take this thing seriously.)

      Some may find comedians like these guys entertaining (I don’t, their humor is too sexist for my taste) but again, they aren’t professionals. A comedian is probably the worst person in the world to take relationship advice from. Most of the time they are on the road, living out of a suitcase, and performing in a different city every night. That isn’t exactly conducive to a relationship and may explain why Steve Harvey has been married three times and why Greg Behrendt is a recovering alcoholic.

  10. curvily@gmail.com

    RIGHT? And most of the “advice” is pure sexist garbage. Please GTFOH with that stuff, dudes.

    Although he’s not single, I feel like thrice-married Steve Harvey having the gall to act like a relationship authority is another instance of this misogynist “men know best” attitude.

    1. lubbock_gail@yahoo.com

      Curvily, I totally agree with you. I do not understand why anyone would take Steve Harvey’s relationship advice seriously. Not only is it sexist, but Harvey is an entertainer best known for TV game shows and for screwing up on the Miss Universe pageant awhile back. He is not a psychologist or have any special training in relationships. Neither does Greg Behrendt, but that doesn’t stop people from taking his book “He’s Just Not That Into You” seriously. Hell, even Oprah praised his relationship advice and disappointed me in the process. (I’ve been an Oprah fan for years, and frankly I thought that she would know better than to take this thing seriously.)
      Some may find comedians like these guys entertaining (I don’t, their humor is too sexist for my taste) but again, they aren’t professionals. A comedian is probably the worst person in the world to take relationship advice from. Most of the time they are on the road, living out of a suitcase, and performing in a different city every night. That isn’t exactly conducive to a relationship and may explain why Steve Harvey has been married three times and why Greg Behrendt is a recovering alcoholic.

  11. Cee Jay

    Yes. Women eat this up. My timeline is often filled with shares from Dr. So and So, and this etiquette person, or a buzzfeed-like list of reasons why women aren’t marriage material. I don’t get it. I am over it.

  12. bigpretty1977@yahoo.com

    Yes. Women eat this up. My timeline is often filled with shares from Dr. So and So, and this etiquette person, or a buzzfeed-like list of reasons why women aren’t marriage material. I don’t get it. I am over it.

  13. A.J.

    As you mentioned, these are the same men who gripe about how women are so fickle and how they can’t find a “good woman” because we all apparently want jerks. But is it that they can’t find a nice woman, or that there have been nice women in front of them (sometimes for years) that they’ve turned down because she wasn’t their “type”, or because of something like her size, which is something that I hear often? These fellas act like they are prizes when they’re not. And they make it harder for the men who don’t share their views and are drying to find that special lady.

  14. zambarau98@yahoo.com

    As you mentioned, these are the same men who gripe about how women are so fickle and how they can’t find a “good woman” because we all apparently want jerks. But is it that they can’t find a nice woman, or that there have been nice women in front of them (sometimes for years) that they’ve turned down because she wasn’t their “type”, or because of something like her size, which is something that I hear often? These fellas act like they are prizes when they’re not. And they make it harder for the men who don’t share their views and are drying to find that special lady.

  15. Peyton

    I think it has something to do with women feeling like they have to be the one to engage the other in a relationship. How many articles do you see in woman’s magazines or online about keeping your man interested? They may not be titled exactly that, but articles like ‘decode what your man is really thinking!” and “35 ways to be the best sex hes ever had!” are all over place. Its like women are being told that THEY have to constantly be the fun, sexy, laid back girl or hes going to go find some who will be that. men aren’t told how to keep women interested. Its also a problem that men aren’t always expected to grow up like women are; holly wood is full of examples of blundering dads that need the parental figure, or mom, to clean up their messes like the man child that they are. Were being told that its OK for men to be sexist, childish and single at a later age because men are children who never grow up, but women are expected to take care of themselves and their man, so if he leaves its essentially their fault for not being the girl HE deserved.

  16. peytonbc@gmail.com

    I think it has something to do with women feeling like they have to be the one to engage the other in a relationship. How many articles do you see in woman’s magazines or online about keeping your man interested? They may not be titled exactly that, but articles like ‘decode what your man is really thinking!” and “35 ways to be the best sex hes ever had!” are all over place. Its like women are being told that THEY have to constantly be the fun, sexy, laid back girl or hes going to go find some who will be that. men aren’t told how to keep women interested. Its also a problem that men aren’t always expected to grow up like women are; holly wood is full of examples of blundering dads that need the parental figure, or mom, to clean up their messes like the man child that they are. Were being told that its OK for men to be sexist, childish and single at a later age because men are children who never grow up, but women are expected to take care of themselves and their man, so if he leaves its essentially their fault for not being the girl HE deserved.

  17. ThisIsWhyUsGoodMenAreSingle

    Well with the kind of women that are out there these days is a very Excellent Reason why many of us Good Men are still Single today which they’re very much to Blame since it does take two to tangle. Now with so many women that have their Careers are so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, and so very power money hungry which really speaks for itself since Most of these women carry too much Drama with them Everywhere they go with their very Bad Attitude Problem that they have also which is a real shame how the women of today have really Changed for the Worst Unfortunately. What makes it real sad is that many women will Curse at us men when we will try to start a Normal Conversation with them which i will Never understand that at all when i have friends of mine that had this happened to them as well. Well that is Not lady like at all which these women must be very Dysfunctional to begin with and should seek some kind of Professional Help too. So you can really see why many of us men have a problem meeting a Good Woman today since we really Can’t Blame ourselves at all. Quite a Change in the women of today compared to the women in the old days that Most of the women back then were so much Nicer and much Easier to meet the way our family members had it which it Certainly came very Easy for them. Too bad that many of us men Weren’t Born back then since we Could Have Avoided this mess and Would Have been all Settled Down by now ourselves with our own Good Wife And Family that many of us still Don’t have today.

  18. anonymous@aol.net

    Well with the kind of women that are out there these days is a very Excellent Reason why many of us Good Men are still Single today which they’re very much to Blame since it does take two to tangle. Now with so many women that have their Careers are so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, and so very power money hungry which really speaks for itself since Most of these women carry too much Drama with them Everywhere they go with their very Bad Attitude Problem that they have also which is a real shame how the women of today have really Changed for the Worst Unfortunately. What makes it real sad is that many women will Curse at us men when we will try to start a Normal Conversation with them which i will Never understand that at all when i have friends of mine that had this happened to them as well. Well that is Not lady like at all which these women must be very Dysfunctional to begin with and should seek some kind of Professional Help too. So you can really see why many of us men have a problem meeting a Good Woman today since we really Can’t Blame ourselves at all. Quite a Change in the women of today compared to the women in the old days that Most of the women back then were so much Nicer and much Easier to meet the way our family members had it which it Certainly came very Easy for them. Too bad that many of us men Weren’t Born back then since we Could Have Avoided this mess and Would Have been all Settled Down by now ourselves with our own Good Wife And Family that many of us still Don’t have today.

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