Dating

Dating Pet Peeve: Guys Who Can’t Make Decisions

December 1 2013 | CeCe Olisa

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Since iPhones archive everything, its easy to scroll through my texts and see what guys I was talking to at different points in my dating life. I did a search for “thanksgiving” in my texts and came across this conversation that illustrates something guys do that drives me nuts: Forcing me to make alllllll the decisions.

I understand that no one wants to date the “she’ll have the steak” type of guy, but there’s got to be a happy medium between overbearing and no effort at all.

The texts in white are him, the texts in green are me, this is our first conversation after I gave him my number:

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Alright, mister I’m giving you major points for trying to arrange a date during our first text conversation, because dudes out here love to text “good morning”, “wyd”, and “happy thanksgiving” for months without setting up an actual date. But why ask me when I’m free if you already know you’re only available on Tuesdays and Wednesdays?

A simple “Hey, CeCe are you free on Tuesday or Wednesday? Maybe we can grab a drink…” would have been perfect. But you’re trying, so I’ll meet you halfway:

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Hmmm as a girl, “what would you like to do?” is such a hard question to answer. I never want to choose a dating activity that’s out of your price range. I mean, my favorite first dates have always been activities (i.e. bowling, arcades, scavenger hunts), but for some guys that’s too much. Again, why not throw out some ideas and let me choose my favorite instead of making me come up with everything.

Side note: what’s with all the commas “,,,,,,,” from this guy?

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Sir, do you realize that I have planned this entire first date so far? I’ve set the day, the activity and now the time. But before I get myself worked up, let me just be honest with you, you’re not a mind reader. So maybe I should just tell you that I’d like you participate in the decision making, duh…

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*Drops phone and slides to the floor*

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I’m going to make this hard? Okay…

Have you ever had a guy plan a date for the two of you where every detail was taken care of? I have and its such an awesome feeling to know that he took the time to think through a fun night for both of us… even if the date isn’t perfect, that type of investment and planning speaks volumes!

Am I asking for cinderella treatment from day one? No… I have no problem making decisions together– but when a guy can’t seem to make any decisions at all it comes off as kind of, I dunno… lazy.

What do you think? How do you deal with guys that refuse to make decisions?

***Due to a site glitch, some of your comments were deleted, I’m copy/pasting them below, you can add additional comments in the comment box***

  • AroundHarlem

    my only response would have been any thing but sea food. You pick the time and place. I don’t pay for first dates so I don’t plan them.

  • Avatar
    doofla

    oh man, my boyfriend still does this! I try to give him a break because it really is just part of his easy-going personality, but he knows when I say “I WANT YOU TO PLAN THIS TIME” he actually has to plan it instead of being “nice” by asking a million times what I want to do. I might’ve had to send him the link to the wikipedia “decision fatigue” entry a few times before he got it though. 🙂

  • Avatar
    Lona nods

    i had an ex that did this and it was aggravating and exhausting. what was even more aggravating was to get to a resturant and he not eat anything because he didn’t like that particular cuisine. it was like that with movies and anything else that happened outside of the house. glad he’s an ex.

  • Avatar
    nicthommi

    One nice thing though is their failure to make a decision makes it easy for you to make a decision…
    to not speak with this person ever again. That guy was just demonstrating that he was not boyfriend material and never would be .
    Also do not know what is up with people that try to send random texts or even have multiple conversations without making a plan to meet. If you aren’t asking me out the first time (or second, depending on whether we met in real life on online) I hear your voice, we aren’t going to speak again. It’s pretty simple.

  • Avatar
    Curvily NYC

    When I was dating, I was happy to give suggestions if they had something in mind, but I was not trying to plan the entire first date. So annoying!

  • Avatar
    AroundHarlem

    I’m a big believer of how a relationship starts is how it will be so if you start a relationship with someone who can’t be responsible for decisions, all future decisions will fall on you as well.

  • Avatar
    BlueIris

    This happens to me all the time and it’s so incredibly annoying. To me, it doesn’t just seem lazy, but it also seems like he doesn’t care about the date at all. I feel like I’m forcing him into going out with me.

  • Avatar
    Sonya Mann

    this would annoy the heck out of me =P

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2 responses on “Dating Pet Peeve: Guys Who Can’t Make Decisions

  1. peccadillo

    I know you wrote this a long time ago, but it’s totally relevant. I had a guy say that he was interested in me and then proceeded to make me plan the date. He also complained that I was making it hard on him when I asked him to figure out some details. The entire experience was insanely painful. The actual date turned out pretty badly. The man hardly talked to me despite me trying many different conversation topics.
    “Do you have a favorite part of your job?”
    “I don’t know.”
    “Okay, well. What’s your least favorite part?”
    *shrug*

    The dude was not helping me out. First dates can be difficult enough sometimes, but you gotta have someone who’s actually interested in hanging out with you!

  2. espanol16chica@yahoo.com

    I know you wrote this a long time ago, but it’s totally relevant. I had a guy say that he was interested in me and then proceeded to make me plan the date. He also complained that I was making it hard on him when I asked him to figure out some details. The entire experience was insanely painful. The actual date turned out pretty badly. The man hardly talked to me despite me trying many different conversation topics.”Do you have a favorite part of your job?”
    “I don’t know.”
    “Okay, well. What’s your least favorite part?”
    *shrug*

    The dude was not helping me out. First dates can be difficult enough sometimes, but you gotta have someone who’s actually interested in hanging out with you!

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