Dating

HELP! The Guys That Hit me up, are NOT my type! #PSPlove

June 20 2013 | CeCe Olisa

Before we jump into today’s question, I’ll be appearing on AriseTV today at 1pm discussing plus size dating. It live streams at 1pm you can tweet questions to @OurTakeAriseTV and follow along via the #ourtakearise hashtag. 

Today’s question comes from Twitter:

Oh, @Prime_Bee… I know how you feel.

Mutual attraction is one of the hardest parts about dating as a Plus Size Princess, in my opinion. I go through phases where I swear I’m just a magnet for weirdos and when I started dating online, it was all laid out in my inbox.

The first time I opened an online dating account, I was so hopeful. All of my girlfriends were going on dates with cool guys they had met online. These guys were taking them on creative dates, putting in effort to get to know them, you know… actually courting them! So when I opened my account and the messages started pouring in, I was almost giddy– until I read the messages:

50% of them were blatant sex propositions

25% of them were from men who lived in third world countries

Then there’s the other 25% who were actually interested in dating me, the problem was I was 100% NOT interested in dating them. Some were too old, some were too obsessed with my body size and some were too unfamiliar with the English language (If your message says “wassup sxy u look gud” I will delete it).

Let’s face it, for whatever reasons dating a big girl is still considered a big deal to many people and because of that, there are men who aren’t secure enough to holler at a Plus Size Princess, no matter how attracted he is to her. As I mentioned in “Plus Size Dating: A Blessing or a Curse?”, we have to be honest with ourselves and just accept the fact that there are men who are totally into PSPs, but will NEVER admit it *shrugs*

On one hand that’s an awful thought… on the other hand, if something like our weight makes a guy punk out, that’s not the guy we want anyway!

Okay, so you’re online and you’re not having much luck… here are my thoughts on shaking up your luck:

  1. Get offline – No, I don’t mean delete your account. I mean get up, walk away from your computer, get dressed and go out! Online dating is a great way to meet people, but it shouldn’t be the only way. Before I met Robert, online dating was a subsidy for my dating life, so if I only met one guy online in a month it was okay, because I was also meeting guys around the city and dating them too. If you put pressure on your online dating accounts to find dates, its too much… mix things up.
  2. Send Messages – I will often send a simple “Hi, How are you?” to guys I think are attractive. If they message me back, we chat a bit and sometimes they’ve said they were glad I hit them up because they didn’t think they were my type. You never know!
  3. Remember You – What do you like to do? What are you interested in? Go do those things… I always say that dry spells are the best time to get in touch with who we are. That sense of self, shifts our focus away from the “man hunt” and then we relax and hopefully become content/confident with our lives… which is always attractive.
  4. Date Outside of Your Type – If a man approaches you online and he’s not what you think you’re looking for physically, but he’s respectful… I’d go out with him. I’ve had great dates with guys I didn’t think I’d be “into”. Take a look at your non-negotiables, if your list of things a man must have/be is really outrageous, reassess your needs vs. your wants. (My list of non-negotiables is: Taller than me, Smart, Christian… that’s it!)
  5. Don’t take it personal – For a long time I internalized the weirdo’s that were approaching me. I wrote about it in “Are the Men I Attract a Reflection of Me?” and the answer is, NO!

Ladies, do you find you’re approached by guys you’re not interested in? How do you meet guys you’re actually into?

Chime in below…

Facebook Comments

29 responses on “HELP! The Guys That Hit me up, are NOT my type! #PSPlove

  1. Kayleigh

    I have another little piece of advice…try something new that is typically a “guy thing” — like get a few single girl friends together and go to sporting events…even some sports bars, anywhere that quality men might congregate together. You don’t have to enjoy the game, but be open minded, you never know. And you can strike up a conversation with a guy and ask him to explain things about the sport to you. Or, you could even take up a new sport yourself. What guy worth his salt wouldn’t want his ass kicked in a game by a pretty girl, lol?

    Hang in there…I believe there’s enough people in this world that there’s someone for everyone 🙂

  2. fashionably.later@yahoo.com

    I have another little piece of advice…try something new that is typically a “guy thing” — like get a few single girl friends together and go to sporting events…even some sports bars, anywhere that quality men might congregate together. You don’t have to enjoy the game, but be open minded, you never know. And you can strike up a conversation with a guy and ask him to explain things about the sport to you. Or, you could even take up a new sport yourself. What guy worth his salt wouldn’t want his ass kicked in a game by a pretty girl, lol?
    Hang in there…I believe there’s enough people in this world that there’s someone for everyone 🙂

  3. Jessica

    The sex propositions drive me insane! At one point I had “don’t message me asking for sex” listed on my dating profile. Why do men think its okay to do that? Do they do it to skinny girls?! I’m sure they do, I mean we are talking about men here. When I take a second and think about online dating and the guys I see on there, I think wow, we are living in a single world!!

  4. jm96@iupui.edu

    The sex propositions drive me insane! At one point I had “don’t message me asking for sex” listed on my dating profile. Why do men think its okay to do that? Do they do it to skinny girls?! I’m sure they do, I mean we are talking about men here. When I take a second and think about online dating and the guys I see on there, I think wow, we are living in a single world!!

  5. Ana

    When I was on a dating website most of the guys who messaged me were not my type at all. It was a bit crazy, but I finally stepped out of my comfort zone. I went to a date auction, yes a real date auction. I bought one of the guys there and we have been together for almost 8 months, but the craziest thing was that he was on the same dating site as me. He even remembered seeing my profile and was afraid to message me! I guess when the right person is out there you do find them eventually.

  6. ana.linger@yahoo.com

    When I was on a dating website most of the guys who messaged me were not my type at all. It was a bit crazy, but I finally stepped out of my comfort zone. I went to a date auction, yes a real date auction. I bought one of the guys there and we have been together for almost 8 months, but the craziest thing was that he was on the same dating site as me. He even remembered seeing my profile and was afraid to message me! I guess when the right person is out there you do find them eventually.

  7. Nessa

    You always have great topics. I’ve tried the online dating and had my share of 3rd world con artist. I did meet a great guy I’ve been cyberdating for a year. We live in separate states but we enjoy the conversation and friendship we’ve developed. I’m a tall 5’10” PSP so most men I attract seem to be shorter and that’s a non-negotiable. Right now I’m devoted to praying about my mate. I’m working on preparing myself and I know when he does show up I’ll recognize him. I think sometimes because of the seriousness of my facial expression that I’m unapproachable so I’m working on smiling more. I read recently that guys are just as afraid as we are of being rejected. When you smile, or speak they know its okay to approach. I’ve even gone so far as leaving a note on a guys car because I would see him watching me but he would never say anything. The note simply said – it’s okay to speak, I’m really a nice person, say hi next time…and he did. So….

  8. notherblessing@yahoo.com

    You always have great topics. I’ve tried the online dating and had my share of 3rd world con artist. I did meet a great guy I’ve been cyberdating for a year. We live in separate states but we enjoy the conversation and friendship we’ve developed. I’m a tall 5’10” PSP so most men I attract seem to be shorter and that’s a non-negotiable. Right now I’m devoted to praying about my mate. I’m working on preparing myself and I know when he does show up I’ll recognize him. I think sometimes because of the seriousness of my facial expression that I’m unapproachable so I’m working on smiling more. I read recently that guys are just as afraid as we are of being rejected. When you smile, or speak they know its okay to approach. I’ve even gone so far as leaving a note on a guys car because I would see him watching me but he would never say anything. The note simply said – it’s okay to speak, I’m really a nice person, say hi next time…and he did. So….

  9. BAC

    I’ve had the exact same issues with online dating. I met one guy who seemed like my dream come true, but was still cautious. Good thing because he ended up being married and with a child. I’m so thankful that I figured it out very early on before things progressed. There was another guy I gave me cell number to and we started texting. In the middle of a discussion about our favorite vacation locations, he sent me a picture of his member because he wanted to make sure I could “handle his size.” Seriously?!! Ugh. My biggest issue with dating is all of my friends are married or living with their significant other and they’ve gotten to that comfortable, don’t want to really go out stage. So I’ve started building some new friendships with singles gals like myself who want to actually leave the house on a Saturday night.

  10. rac5@mac.com

    I’ve had the exact same issues with online dating. I met one guy who seemed like my dream come true, but was still cautious. Good thing because he ended up being married and with a child. I’m so thankful that I figured it out very early on before things progressed. There was another guy I gave me cell number to and we started texting. In the middle of a discussion about our favorite vacation locations, he sent me a picture of his member because he wanted to make sure I could “handle his size.” Seriously?!! Ugh. My biggest issue with dating is all of my friends are married or living with their significant other and they’ve gotten to that comfortable, don’t want to really go out stage. So I’ve started building some new friendships with singles gals like myself who want to actually leave the house on a Saturday night.

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