I was in church a few months ago and one of the eligible bachelors in the congregation brought his new girlfriend to service. This guy is shorter than me, probably like 5’8 and his girlfriend was probably 5’11 with body for DAYS. One of my female friends leaned over to me and said “Um, she looks like she would break him in HALF!”
Last week I read an article written by a woman who is dating someone with a disability. In it she mentioned that people regularly ask them how things work in the bedroom. This got me to thinking about “unconventional” relationships and how the first thing people do is imagine you having sex.
I broached that subject on twitter and got some interesting responses…
Cuz we’re human RT @thebiggirlblog: When we see “unconventional” couples, why do we immediately wonder about their sex lives?
— Moonwalk Jenkins (@MoonwalkJenkins) March 22, 2013
Yes, I agree it is human nature, I guess I just wonder why we do that. If we see a Barbie/Ken type couple do we wonder how they do it? or make comments about how Barbie must really put it down on Ken in the bedroom? No. But when we see couples that aren’t cookie cutter, we immediately analyze their intimacy… hmmmm.
I think my first question is why do we decide which couples “match” based on looks?
Being a Plus Size Princess who dates attractive men, I walk around knowing that people wonder how I end up with such “catches”. I even had a man drunkenly tell me that I was a “very lucky girl”, to be with Robert. I just looked at him and said, “and Robert is a VERY lucky guy…”. When I dated bean-pole skinny dudes, I’d get comments about how I probably hurt them in bed, or that I probably wear the pants in the relationship and that was frustrating. People are constantly projecting their own prejudices onto relationships that they’re not a part of.
We all walk around with this measurement of who can date whom and a good portion of it is based on looks. I say we, because we’ve all done it from time to time, myself included– but if we start thinking about why we decide certain couples “match” and others don’t maybe we’ll realize how silly our rules actually are and let people date/be attracted to whoever they want without criticism.
I’m guilty of saying that, but to each his own. RT @thebiggirlblog: “Can you believe HE is with HER?” (yes, actually I can!)
— Lovely Sunshine(@egyptsgoddess1) March 22, 2013
What we don’t realize is all those snide remarks, rude comments and jokes can make a girl think she doesn’t deserve to be with the guy who is showing interest. It also makes it hard for the guy who might be attracted to girls who don’t look like Barbie/Beyonce, to actually go after the types of girls they like. We make it hard for the tall girl to date a short guy, we make it hard for the hot guy to date big girls and we make hard for the big girl to date… well anyone!
Also, do you even notice that the rules we set up contradict themselves? If a Plus Size Princess dates a hot guy, everyone has something to say about it, but if a PSP dates a Plus Size Prince, people STILL have something to say about it…
@thebiggirlblogor if it’s 2 big people, others always question how they accomplish having sex. -_- lol
— Mean Queen Okerlund (@TheKillerQueen) March 22, 2013
Like I said on twitter, when Beyonce first hooked up with Jay-Z everyone had jokes, but years later its clear they have something. Of course we’re always more forgiving of an attractive woman dating a man she doesn’t “match” with, but when a man decides to date a woman he doesn’t “match” with we tear that woman to shreds… but that’s another blog post for another day.
When I look around at the successful couples in my life, they’re all unconventional or don’t “match” by society’s standards in some way. Some are interracial, some have extreme age differences, some are different sizes, some are same-sex… but they all pushed past who society said they should be with and found who makes them happy– and isn’t that the most important thing?
Don’t let your friends or strangers on the street make you feel like you can’t date who you want to. If you’re a hot guy and you like someone who isn’t the Barbie/Beyonce type, date her confidently! If you’re a Plus Size Princess and a hot guy is checking for you, go for it… you “deserve” him just as much as the next girl (see Superficial Fat Chicks & Other Myths if you need more of a pep talk).
At then end of the day, I’d rather spend time looking for my “perfect match” than someone I “match” with.
P.S. #PSPfit Bootcamp registration is coming up! Be the first to find out when the list opens up by registering here