I came across an old picture this weekend. The photo was taken when Robert and I were just starting to talk at work events (for those of you are new to TBGB, Robert and I met at work and had a slow progression from coworkers, to friends, to dating which you can scroll through here). Anyway, looking at the photo I’m sitting on a barstool and holding my purse in my lap.
If anyone had seen me in the bar that night, they would have assumed that I was just making sure my purse wasn’t stolen, but I know the truth. I was using one of my Plus Size Princess diversion techniques… holding my purse in my lap, to hide my stomach. Thinking back, if I’m feeling self conscious about my body especially around a guy I will grab something and hold it in front of me… a purse, a pillow, a coat… I’ll even sit side-saddle on a bar stool, putting the back of the bar stool between me and the rest of the bar because it makes me feel more comfortable.
Even though in the moment, I feel like these body covering moves help… they really don’t. A pillow in front of my stomach makes me feel better but it doesn’t make me any smaller and if you saw the photo of me clutching my purse for dear life, you’d see how little it was really covering my trouble spots.
I have to remind myself that when I do crazy things to “cover” myself, I often end up calling more attention to myself. If I wear a big t-shirt in the pool, its way more obvious than if I just wear a bathing suit and keep it moving. If I wear a shrug to cover my arms, it takes away from my sleeveless dresses and tells the world, “I hate my arms! See! I’m covering them up!!”. Like the time I decided to just get naked at the gym, when I remember that its impossible to hide my fat… life becomes more simple.
Thankfully, I’ve become more comfortable with Robert and I can sit around him with nothing in my lap to cover me, but I wonder if those habits would come back if I were to start dating someone new. Hopefully not!
Do you do weird things to cover/hide your body in different situations?