Last week, I was standing on the subway platform at 8:30 in the morning half asleep and in my own world. As the 3 train rolled into my station, I began to scan the cars to see if there would be any available seats. The train slowed to a crawl and when the doors opened my eyes fell onto a guy that was “my type”, very corporate in a suit with broad shoulders, facial hair and a soft leather messenger bag sitting on his lap.
I stepped into the train and realized that he was looking at me too. I glanced away and when I looked back, his eyes were still locked on mine, then he gave me a smile and a little wave. After a few seconds, I realized it was Owen… a guy I used to date.
“CeCe, good morning…”
“Hey Owen, how are you?”
“Good… good… you’re looking beautiful, as always”
I laughed, “thanks”
“Here, sit down,” he said, offering me his seat.
As I sat down, I felt really uncomfortable. Looking at Owen, I couldn’t figure out why we stopped dating. We never “broke up” we just kind of “broke off” from each other over time. As we began to catch up about work and how we’d spent our summers, it all came back to me slowly.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Owen. He is a well-traveled CPA who takes his little brother to Knicks games a few times a year. He’s funny and smart and would probably be considered a catch by most girls. I just don’t feel anything for him. I think we’re both confused by our lack of chemistry because we continued to date on and off for a year. Every few months, he would call and ask me out… I would go, but eventually things just kind of… fizzled.
We’ve all had guys who just vanished and didn’t call us back, and we cared because we were into them… but when two people just kind of stop calling eachother even though there’s nothing wrong, it can create a grey area that’s odd to navigate.
I think that’s why I was so uncomfortable running into him, I think it would have been easier if Owen and I had a bad break-up because then I’d know how to treat him! As most of you know, I have some pretty crazy dating stories (remember the guy with no teeth? or the dude who lived in a shelter? *shakes head*) when I’ve run into those guys or guys that I’ve officially broken up with, I’ve known what to do, I’ve been able to dodge them or give a curt hello and keep it moving and that made sense to me.
But because Owen and I stopped dating for no particular reason, I found myself feeling unresolved. Also, because he would still reach out from time to time I never felt that we were ever completely “over”. Apparently, he felt the same way because I got a text message from him a few days later asking if I wanted to have dinner. I explained that I was seeing someone and we left it at that.
When it comes to dating, I feel like I hear people (myself included) classify their dating history as a series of awful endings. But sometimes there are people who we just date… and then we stop for whatever reason. Owen isn’t “the one that got away”, “my crazy ex”, “that jerk I dated” or anything. He’s just a guy I used to date but didn’t have chemistry with, so we just let things fizzle. Oddly enough that was very hard for me to wrap my head around.
Have any of you had a dating situation just fizzle out?