Dating

I Lost Weight and Now He Likes Me: Curvy Conversations

July 2 2012 | CeCe Olisa
Dear CeCe,
 
I’m not sure if this question is appropriate for The Big Girl Blog but I’ve been reading your blog since 2009 and I trust you’ll give me good advice. I guess you can say that I am now no longer a Plus Size Princess. Through a strict diet (read: chocolate deprivation) and exercise I’ve gone from a size 24 to a size 10/12. I should be happy, right? I thought all of these fantastic men would come out of the wood works to want to date me but it hasn’t happened. Instead, I find a lot of guys that have always put me in the “friend” category trying to approach me differently. I want to give them chance but I have trouble forgiving their inability to see me for the person I am instead of finding me unsuitable to date because of my (former) size. What should I do? I’m 28 and have only had one boyfriend my whole life. I’m a great person! Am I wrong for feeling the way I do?
 
Warmly,
 
Weighed and Confused

Hey Weighted and Confused,

Here I am patting myself on the back for losing 30 pounds and it sounds like you’ve cut your size in half… Very impressive! Hopefully some PSPs (or “ex-PSPs”) can shed some light on how they’ve dealt with this issue In the meantime I’ll give my thoughts (although I haven’t lost enough weight to have gone through this myself).

I feel like there are two factors in a situation that we should consider. Us (Plus Size Princesses) and Them (Men).

Us:
Remember when I dated Kevin, the guy who I grew up with? Kevin liked me since elementary school. But as young PSP, I convinced myself that there was no way on Gods green earth that a guy like him would like a fat girl like me. Even though all signs pointed to him liking me, I did everything in my power to push him away. Fast forward to 2010, when we dated and I wasn’t skinner, but I was just a *tiny* bit more secure in myself. I was open to guys being attracted to me at any weight and once that happened, it’s almost as if I moved myself out of the friend zone.

My point is, being a size 10/12 when you used to be a size 24 has got to be a confidence booster. I imagine you’re walking into rooms with a different air because of your accomplishment (and if you’re not, you should be!). Maybe you’re letting your walls down a little more and men are picking up on it? Maybe they’re like “whoa” not because of how you look now, but because of how you feel and the energy you’re giving. That may sound far-fetched, so I’ll just let you think about that possibility while I move right along to my next thought…

Them:
I’m learning that men are pretty simple, so I’ll do my best not make this part complicated. Men are physical creatures and from what I hear, physical attraction must be there in order for them to go any further with a woman. Women can grow to become attracted to a guy over time, or see the person they are and fall for that instead of their looks. Guys aren’t wired that way.

Some guys have a range of “types” so they could date Beyonce in high school and Jennifer Hudson (circa Dreamgirls) in college. Some guys are attracted to PSPs but don’t want to deal with the social stigmas that go with having a fat girlfriend. Some guys just like skinny girls.

So, knowing that… the real thing we have to figure it is how YOU feel. You’re the one going through changes, you’re the one who works hard and you’re the one who deserves a dating situation that makes you feel good! It’s easy for me to shrug my shoulders and say, “men are just like that” but if it doesn’t sit well with you, then maybe those aren’t the guys you should be dating. I don’t want you harboring negative feelings when dating someone, because that’s no fun at all. How you handle these men is your choice and as long as you’re being true to yourself, you’re making the right decision.

Lastly, I’d suggest that you watch one of my favorite movies of all time “The Mirror Has Two Faces” there’s a scene in that movie, that I detail here. You can read my account of the scene and then rent the movie, if you can.

(Do any of YOU have advice for Miss. Weighed and Confused?)

xoxo,
CeCe
CeCe@thebiggirlblog.com

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137 responses on “I Lost Weight and Now He Likes Me: Curvy Conversations

  1. originalsasha@gmail.com

    That’s definitely a frustrating situation, Weighted and Confused. I would feel as you do and have a hard time forgiving men who only seem to be romantically interested in a skinnier version of the original (and still great!) woman. But I see CeCe’s point too. Perhaps the way you carry yourself now is different. Perhaps you’re more confident or open or flirtatious. But if you feel that you’d always second guess his true intentions (since he was only interested in being friends when you were heavier) then don’t put yourself in that situation.

  2. originalsasha@gmail.com

    That’s definitely a frustrating situation, Weighted and Confused. I would feel as you do and have a hard time forgiving men who only seem to be romantically interested in a skinnier version of the original (and still great!) woman. But I see CeCe’s point too. Perhaps the way you carry yourself now is different. Perhaps you’re more confident or open or flirtatious. But if you feel that you’d always second guess his true intentions (since he was only interested in being friends when you were heavier) then don’t put yourself in that situation.

  3. Originalsasha

    That’s definitely a frustrating situation, Weighted and Confused. I would feel as you do and have a hard time forgiving men who only seem to be romantically interested in a skinnier version of the original (and still great!) woman. But I see CeCe’s point too. Perhaps the way you carry yourself now is different. Perhaps you’re more confident or open or flirtatious. But if you feel that you’d always second guess his true intentions (since he was only interested in being friends when you were heavier) then don’t put yourself in that situation.

  4. Originalsasha

    That’s definitely a frustrating situation, Weighted and Confused. I would feel as you do and have a hard time forgiving men who only seem to be romantically interested in a skinnier version of the original (and still great!) woman. But I see CeCe’s point too. Perhaps the way you carry yourself now is different. Perhaps you’re more confident or open or flirtatious. But if you feel that you’d always second guess his true intentions (since he was only interested in being friends when you were heavier) then don’t put yourself in that situation.

  5. Vanessawhiteny

    I can understand Weighted and Confused’s feelings. Its great to be the size you’ve been pushing for but hard to think that if you’re good enough now, why weren’t you then? However, I believe CeCe is correct, it’s about your own self-image and self-worth in yourself, that other guys pick up on. I’ve recently lost weight and have felt my confidence boost tremendously. I’m definitely not a 12, but I’ve lost enough to fit into some of my old clothes and I’m feeling free and powerful for doing that…in turn I’ve also noticed increased attention from the opposite sex. Was it there before? Maybe. The point is, now that I’ve lost the weight, I’m confident enough to BELIEVE that when they look at me they’re not finding me lacking, but finding me desirable. They might be changing they’re perspective of me, but I’m also changing my perspective of myself, and I know that that above anything has made the difference. W&C – be proud of yourself and realize that you ARE different from who you were all those pounds ago, there was nothing wrong then, and there’s nothing wrong with you now, you’re just different and that’s what the guys are seeing. Enjoy it and relish it and you’ll find what you’re looking for.

  6. Vanessawhiteny

    I can understand Weighted and Confused’s feelings. Its great to be the size you’ve been pushing for but hard to think that if you’re good enough now, why weren’t you then? However, I believe CeCe is correct, it’s about your own self-image and self-worth in yourself, that other guys pick up on. I’ve recently lost weight and have felt my confidence boost tremendously. I’m definitely not a 12, but I’ve lost enough to fit into some of my old clothes and I’m feeling free and powerful for doing that…in turn I’ve also noticed increased attention from the opposite sex. Was it there before? Maybe. The point is, now that I’ve lost the weight, I’m confident enough to BELIEVE that when they look at me they’re not finding me lacking, but finding me desirable. They might be changing they’re perspective of me, but I’m also changing my perspective of myself, and I know that that above anything has made the difference. W&C – be proud of yourself and realize that you ARE different from who you were all those pounds ago, there was nothing wrong then, and there’s nothing wrong with you now, you’re just different and that’s what the guys are seeing. Enjoy it and relish it and you’ll find what you’re looking for.

  7. vanessawhiteny@yahoo.com

    I can understand Weighted and Confused’s feelings. Its great to be the size you’ve been pushing for but hard to think that if you’re good enough now, why weren’t you then? However, I believe CeCe is correct, it’s about your own self-image and self-worth in yourself, that other guys pick up on. I’ve recently lost weight and have felt my confidence boost tremendously. I’m definitely not a 12, but I’ve lost enough to fit into some of my old clothes and I’m feeling free and powerful for doing that…in turn I’ve also noticed increased attention from the opposite sex. Was it there before? Maybe. The point is, now that I’ve lost the weight, I’m confident enough to BELIEVE that when they look at me they’re not finding me lacking, but finding me desirable. They might be changing they’re perspective of me, but I’m also changing my perspective of myself, and I know that that above anything has made the difference. W&C – be proud of yourself and realize that you ARE different from who you were all those pounds ago, there was nothing wrong then, and there’s nothing wrong with you now, you’re just different and that’s what the guys are seeing. Enjoy it and relish it and you’ll find what you’re looking for.

  8. vanessawhiteny@yahoo.com

    I can understand Weighted and Confused’s feelings. Its great to be the size you’ve been pushing for but hard to think that if you’re good enough now, why weren’t you then? However, I believe CeCe is correct, it’s about your own self-image and self-worth in yourself, that other guys pick up on. I’ve recently lost weight and have felt my confidence boost tremendously. I’m definitely not a 12, but I’ve lost enough to fit into some of my old clothes and I’m feeling free and powerful for doing that…in turn I’ve also noticed increased attention from the opposite sex. Was it there before? Maybe. The point is, now that I’ve lost the weight, I’m confident enough to BELIEVE that when they look at me they’re not finding me lacking, but finding me desirable. They might be changing they’re perspective of me, but I’m also changing my perspective of myself, and I know that that above anything has made the difference. W&C – be proud of yourself and realize that you ARE different from who you were all those pounds ago, there was nothing wrong then, and there’s nothing wrong with you now, you’re just different and that’s what the guys are seeing. Enjoy it and relish it and you’ll find what you’re looking for.

  9. ShoeJunkie

    I can completely understand where W&C is coming from. While I have not yet reached my goal weight, I have lost 52lbs and my body has transformed sooner than I would have imagined (and apparently more noticeable than I imagined too!). With that has come attention from men who I know would have completely ignored me before. I’ve tried to have this same conversation with some of my friends but they have never been overweight so they don’t really understand and tend to side with the fact that my confidence has drastically improved and so this is what the men are now seeing. While I agree with them on that to a certain degree, I still get annoyed that I ‘wasn’t date-able’ before even though I was the same awesome person on the inside as I am now.
    I honestly wish I had a solution as to how to make you feel better about this but the best advice I could give is to go with your instinct. Women’s intuition is strong for a reason. If you are uncomfortable entertaining someone who only has eyes for the skinnier you , then don’t date them.(Caveat: Unless……you want a temporary ego boost, then go for it then 🙂
    The other piece of advice that I’ve learned from someone who has lost 80lbs was to let this new attention be a reward for all of your hard work. You don’t have to date these men that are noticing you now, but take their attention as a true compliment….and continue to look for someone with more depth.

      1. ShoeJunkie

        I must say that I do too! It really helped me get rid of the anger I was feeling about all of this. Dating is hard enough as it is! lol I needed to hear that to help me put things into perspective. Thanks for posting this email CeCe, I feel like this is something that doesn’t get a lot of discussion.

    1. Lusty Sagittarian

      Besides CeCe’s “be sure you’re confident inside, ShoeJunkie’s advice is absolutely the best advice here. Shine and sparkle all you want from that newfound attention, but don’t become a whore for it. There are real gems further on up the road worth cherishing who will want you for who you are not what you look like.

  10. ShoeJunkie

    I can completely understand where W&C is coming from. While I have not yet reached my goal weight, I have lost 52lbs and my body has transformed sooner than I would have imagined (and apparently more noticeable than I imagined too!). With that has come attention from men who I know would have completely ignored me before. I’ve tried to have this same conversation with some of my friends but they have never been overweight so they don’t really understand and tend to side with the fact that my confidence has drastically improved and so this is what the men are now seeing. While I agree with them on that to a certain degree, I still get annoyed that I ‘wasn’t date-able’ before even though I was the same awesome person on the inside as I am now.
    I honestly wish I had a solution as to how to make you feel better about this but the best advice I could give is to go with your instinct. Women’s intuition is strong for a reason. If you are uncomfortable entertaining someone who only has eyes for the skinnier you , then don’t date them.(Caveat: Unless……you want a temporary ego boost, then go for it then 🙂
    The other piece of advice that I’ve learned from someone who has lost 80lbs was to let this new attention be a reward for all of your hard work. You don’t have to date these men that are noticing you now, but take their attention as a true compliment….and continue to look for someone with more depth.

      1. ShoeJunkie

        I must say that I do too! It really helped me get rid of the anger I was feeling about all of this. Dating is hard enough as it is! lol I needed to hear that to help me put things into perspective. Thanks for posting this email CeCe, I feel like this is something that doesn’t get a lot of discussion.

    1. Lusty Sagittarian

      Besides CeCe’s “be sure you’re confident inside, ShoeJunkie’s advice is absolutely the best advice here. Shine and sparkle all you want from that newfound attention, but don’t become a whore for it. There are real gems further on up the road worth cherishing who will want you for who you are not what you look like.

  11. tytayl@gmail.com

    I can completely understand where W&C is coming from. While I have not yet reached my goal weight, I have lost 52lbs and my body has transformed sooner than I would have imagined (and apparently more noticeable than I imagined too!). With that has come attention from men who I know would have completely ignored me before. I’ve tried to have this same conversation with some of my friends but they have never been overweight so they don’t really understand and tend to side with the fact that my confidence has drastically improved and so this is what the men are now seeing. While I agree with them on that to a certain degree, I still get annoyed that I ‘wasn’t date-able’ before even though I was the same awesome person on the inside as I am now.I honestly wish I had a solution as to how to make you feel better about this but the best advice I could give is to go with your instinct. Women’s intuition is strong for a reason. If you are uncomfortable entertaining someone who only has eyes for the skinnier you , then don’t date them.(Caveat: Unless……you want a temporary ego boost, then go for it then 🙂
    The other piece of advice that I’ve learned from someone who has lost 80lbs was to let this new attention be a reward for all of your hard work. You don’t have to date these men that are noticing you now, but take their attention as a true compliment….and continue to look for someone with more depth.

      1. tytayl@gmail.com

        I must say that I do too! It really helped me get rid of the anger I was feeling about all of this. Dating is hard enough as it is! lol I needed to hear that to help me put things into perspective. Thanks for posting this email CeCe, I feel like this is something that doesn’t get a lot of discussion.

    1. girltrueheart@yahoo.com

      Besides CeCe’s “be sure you’re confident inside, ShoeJunkie’s advice is absolutely the best advice here. Shine and sparkle all you want from that newfound attention, but don’t become a whore for it. There are real gems further on up the road worth cherishing who will want you for who you are not what you look like.

  12. tytayl@gmail.com

    I can completely understand where W&C is coming from. While I have not yet reached my goal weight, I have lost 52lbs and my body has transformed sooner than I would have imagined (and apparently more noticeable than I imagined too!). With that has come attention from men who I know would have completely ignored me before. I’ve tried to have this same conversation with some of my friends but they have never been overweight so they don’t really understand and tend to side with the fact that my confidence has drastically improved and so this is what the men are now seeing. While I agree with them on that to a certain degree, I still get annoyed that I ‘wasn’t date-able’ before even though I was the same awesome person on the inside as I am now.I honestly wish I had a solution as to how to make you feel better about this but the best advice I could give is to go with your instinct. Women’s intuition is strong for a reason. If you are uncomfortable entertaining someone who only has eyes for the skinnier you , then don’t date them.(Caveat: Unless……you want a temporary ego boost, then go for it then 🙂
    The other piece of advice that I’ve learned from someone who has lost 80lbs was to let this new attention be a reward for all of your hard work. You don’t have to date these men that are noticing you now, but take their attention as a true compliment….and continue to look for someone with more depth.

    1. girltrueheart@yahoo.com

      Besides CeCe’s “be sure you’re confident inside, ShoeJunkie’s advice is absolutely the best advice here. Shine and sparkle all you want from that newfound attention, but don’t become a whore for it. There are real gems further on up the road worth cherishing who will want you for who you are not what you look like.

  13. Karen Mirabilis

    I can so relate to this after losing over 100 pounds. Men that had never shown the least bit of interest (or were downright rude) came crawling out of the woodwork. Although it might seem like it might be fun I found that I still thought that they were completely shallow jerks whose number one criteria was my ass. I ended up letting those ones pass by and married a guy that had a crush on me when I was wearing a 3X. Luckily he still liked me when I got down to a size 8. The attention is nice but the men didn’t get any smarter or classier just because I got thin. (And I was almost arrogantly confident at a size 3X too, just for different reasons.)

  14. Karen Mirabilis

    I can so relate to this after losing over 100 pounds. Men that had never shown the least bit of interest (or were downright rude) came crawling out of the woodwork. Although it might seem like it might be fun I found that I still thought that they were completely shallow jerks whose number one criteria was my ass. I ended up letting those ones pass by and married a guy that had a crush on me when I was wearing a 3X. Luckily he still liked me when I got down to a size 8. The attention is nice but the men didn’t get any smarter or classier just because I got thin. (And I was almost arrogantly confident at a size 3X too, just for different reasons.)

  15. Anonymous

    I can so relate to this after losing over 100 pounds. Men that had never shown the least bit of interest (or were downright rude) came crawling out of the woodwork. Although it might seem like it might be fun I found that I still thought that they were completely shallow jerks whose number one criteria was my ass. I ended up letting those ones pass by and married a guy that had a crush on me when I was wearing a 3X. Luckily he still liked me when I got down to a size 8. The attention is nice but the men didn’t get any smarter or classier just because I got thin. (And I was almost arrogantly confident at a size 3X too, just for different reasons.)

  16. Anonymous

    I can so relate to this after losing over 100 pounds. Men that had never shown the least bit of interest (or were downright rude) came crawling out of the woodwork. Although it might seem like it might be fun I found that I still thought that they were completely shallow jerks whose number one criteria was my ass. I ended up letting those ones pass by and married a guy that had a crush on me when I was wearing a 3X. Luckily he still liked me when I got down to a size 8. The attention is nice but the men didn’t get any smarter or classier just because I got thin. (And I was almost arrogantly confident at a size 3X too, just for different reasons.)

  17. Meg

    This a great topic for discussion! I’m a PSP myself and I used to wonder sometimes if my weight was the reason that I wasn’t being approached by guys. I still wonder sometimes but very seldomly. My thoughts are, just like CeCe said, maybe they see you with a better confidence in yourself. Good guys don’t like a woman who can’t see themselves as awesome, they won’t see you that way either! Maybe with your new lifestyle, they can appreciate the things that you’re willing to do for yourself. Unfortunately, if they are only after you because you’re a smaller size, the only way to find out is to ask. When you do, be VERY attentive to body language to determine if you think they’d be lying or not. Either way, enjoy yourself! You’ve made a great accomplishment and whether or not guys are chasing you out the wazoo shouldn’t even bother you because you’re awesome! Live like a Princess!

  18. Meg

    This a great topic for discussion! I’m a PSP myself and I used to wonder sometimes if my weight was the reason that I wasn’t being approached by guys. I still wonder sometimes but very seldomly. My thoughts are, just like CeCe said, maybe they see you with a better confidence in yourself. Good guys don’t like a woman who can’t see themselves as awesome, they won’t see you that way either! Maybe with your new lifestyle, they can appreciate the things that you’re willing to do for yourself. Unfortunately, if they are only after you because you’re a smaller size, the only way to find out is to ask. When you do, be VERY attentive to body language to determine if you think they’d be lying or not. Either way, enjoy yourself! You’ve made a great accomplishment and whether or not guys are chasing you out the wazoo shouldn’t even bother you because you’re awesome! Live like a Princess!

  19. megamiddleton@gmail.com

    This a great topic for discussion! I’m a PSP myself and I used to wonder sometimes if my weight was the reason that I wasn’t being approached by guys. I still wonder sometimes but very seldomly. My thoughts are, just like CeCe said, maybe they see you with a better confidence in yourself. Good guys don’t like a woman who can’t see themselves as awesome, they won’t see you that way either! Maybe with your new lifestyle, they can appreciate the things that you’re willing to do for yourself. Unfortunately, if they are only after you because you’re a smaller size, the only way to find out is to ask. When you do, be VERY attentive to body language to determine if you think they’d be lying or not. Either way, enjoy yourself! You’ve made a great accomplishment and whether or not guys are chasing you out the wazoo shouldn’t even bother you because you’re awesome! Live like a Princess!

  20. megamiddleton@gmail.com

    This a great topic for discussion! I’m a PSP myself and I used to wonder sometimes if my weight was the reason that I wasn’t being approached by guys. I still wonder sometimes but very seldomly. My thoughts are, just like CeCe said, maybe they see you with a better confidence in yourself. Good guys don’t like a woman who can’t see themselves as awesome, they won’t see you that way either! Maybe with your new lifestyle, they can appreciate the things that you’re willing to do for yourself. Unfortunately, if they are only after you because you’re a smaller size, the only way to find out is to ask. When you do, be VERY attentive to body language to determine if you think they’d be lying or not. Either way, enjoy yourself! You’ve made a great accomplishment and whether or not guys are chasing you out the wazoo shouldn’t even bother you because you’re awesome! Live like a Princess!

    1. Black Barbie 125

      I think most of you are missing the point. (except Kitty Bradshaw)

      The poster is coming from a place of pain, she was treated like furniture at one size and now is suddenly being seen.

      And please don’t tell me that everything revolves around confidence, if that was the case then every guy would ONLY like confident woman and no one would talk to shy girls.

      I have gained and lost 100 lbs and let me tell you my insides haven’t changed once, what has changed is how men view me and I am suddenly considered dateable where as before I was only consider a friend.

      But at the end of the day, there is NO WAY you can know if the new guys talking to you would of liked you before. Chances are that they wouldn’t. The only difference between guys you used to know asking you out and new guys is that you have a history with the old guys.

      But don’t think for a moment that the current guys would of approached you in your past, if that was the case you would have more than 1 bf.

      My advice, treat men like they have treated you, love is not real, and know in your heart if you gain 20 lbs they will leave you. Sorry to be so bitter, but I had to learn the truth the hard way.

      1. Lynn

        Yes she is right. I have gained and lost 35 pounds and the charming and rich men that were professing their undying love for me at 130 pounds wouldn’t return a call or text when I got back to 165 pounds. Don’t fee so bitter wih the men. Just understand that that is the way that the world works. I’m losing weight again and again people’s attitudes are changing toward me. Don’t take it to personal. It’s he way that we are hard wired due to society. Men and women do it. When I gained 35 pounds my guy athe time stopped having sex with me, started cheating on me, started teasing me about my “Popeye’s” arms, and eventually left me for someone younger and thinner. When you understand this, you can make it work for you rather than against you. I say that pretty girls don’t necessarily HAVE to be smart. But smart girls know that being pretty is helpful and gives you power in this society. Why not lose a few pounds and beat these jerks at their own game? We’re the smart ones right?

        On another note, men tend to like women in a certain weight range because of health and reproductive reasons. Many men have said to me that they want a thinner woman because their incredibly nervous about what you will look like in a few years or after you’ve had a baby. They figure if you’re thin now, then I’d you gain a few pounds then you’ll still be curvy and attractive. BUT if you’re already on the thicker side, you’ll be really big after children. Men also tend to like women with proportional waist to hip ratios. .7 is the ideal waist hip ratio (divide your waist measurement by your hip measurement to get this ratio). The higher the ratio is, the less attractive men find women. Lower waist hip ratios are linked to healthier offspring while women wih higher waist hip ratios have more instances of complications during pregnancy. It’s supposed to be an instinctual

  21. Kitty Bradshaw

    What if she gains 3 lbs tomorrow?! Will he dump her until she works those pounds off? I say screw him… get someone who loves you for you…

    1. Black Barbie 125

      I think most of you are missing the point. (except Kitty Bradshaw)

      The poster is coming from a place of pain, she was treated like furniture at one size and now is suddenly being seen.

      And please don’t tell me that everything revolves around confidence, if that was the case then every guy would ONLY like confident woman and no one would talk to shy girls.

      I have gained and lost 100 lbs and let me tell you my insides haven’t changed once, what has changed is how men view me and I am suddenly considered dateable where as before I was only consider a friend.

      But at the end of the day, there is NO WAY you can know if the new guys talking to you would of liked you before. Chances are that they wouldn’t. The only difference between guys you used to know asking you out and new guys is that you have a history with the old guys.

      But don’t think for a moment that the current guys would of approached you in your past, if that was the case you would have more than 1 bf.

      My advice, treat men like they have treated you, love is not real, and know in your heart if you gain 20 lbs they will leave you. Sorry to be so bitter, but I had to learn the truth the hard way.

      1. Lynn

        Yes she is right. I have gained and lost 35 pounds and the charming and rich men that were professing their undying love for me at 130 pounds wouldn’t return a call or text when I got back to 165 pounds. Don’t fee so bitter wih the men. Just understand that that is the way that the world works. I’m losing weight again and again people’s attitudes are changing toward me. Don’t take it to personal. It’s he way that we are hard wired due to society. Men and women do it. When I gained 35 pounds my guy athe time stopped having sex with me, started cheating on me, started teasing me about my “Popeye’s” arms, and eventually left me for someone younger and thinner. When you understand this, you can make it work for you rather than against you. I say that pretty girls don’t necessarily HAVE to be smart. But smart girls know that being pretty is helpful and gives you power in this society. Why not lose a few pounds and beat these jerks at their own game? We’re the smart ones right?

        On another note, men tend to like women in a certain weight range because of health and reproductive reasons. Many men have said to me that they want a thinner woman because their incredibly nervous about what you will look like in a few years or after you’ve had a baby. They figure if you’re thin now, then I’d you gain a few pounds then you’ll still be curvy and attractive. BUT if you’re already on the thicker side, you’ll be really big after children. Men also tend to like women with proportional waist to hip ratios. .7 is the ideal waist hip ratio (divide your waist measurement by your hip measurement to get this ratio). The higher the ratio is, the less attractive men find women. Lower waist hip ratios are linked to healthier offspring while women wih higher waist hip ratios have more instances of complications during pregnancy. It’s supposed to be an instinctual

  22. kitty@kittybradshaw.com

    What if she gains 3 lbs tomorrow?! Will he dump her until she works those pounds off? I say screw him… get someone who loves you for you…

    1. lovelybwneyes@yahoo.com

      I think most of you are missing the point. (except Kitty Bradshaw)
      The poster is coming from a place of pain, she was treated like furniture at one size and now is suddenly being seen.

      And please don’t tell me that everything revolves around confidence, if that was the case then every guy would ONLY like confident woman and no one would talk to shy girls.

      I have gained and lost 100 lbs and let me tell you my insides haven’t changed once, what has changed is how men view me and I am suddenly considered dateable where as before I was only consider a friend.

      But at the end of the day, there is NO WAY you can know if the new guys talking to you would of liked you before. Chances are that they wouldn’t. The only difference between guys you used to know asking you out and new guys is that you have a history with the old guys.

      But don’t think for a moment that the current guys would of approached you in your past, if that was the case you would have more than 1 bf.

      My advice, treat men like they have treated you, love is not real, and know in your heart if you gain 20 lbs they will leave you. Sorry to be so bitter, but I had to learn the truth the hard way.

      1. Lynn312chi@gmail.com

        Yes she is right. I have gained and lost 35 pounds and the charming and rich men that were professing their undying love for me at 130 pounds wouldn’t return a call or text when I got back to 165 pounds. Don’t fee so bitter wih the men. Just understand that that is the way that the world works. I’m losing weight again and again people’s attitudes are changing toward me. Don’t take it to personal. It’s he way that we are hard wired due to society. Men and women do it. When I gained 35 pounds my guy athe time stopped having sex with me, started cheating on me, started teasing me about my “Popeye’s” arms, and eventually left me for someone younger and thinner. When you understand this, you can make it work for you rather than against you. I say that pretty girls don’t necessarily HAVE to be smart. But smart girls know that being pretty is helpful and gives you power in this society. Why not lose a few pounds and beat these jerks at their own game? We’re the smart ones right?
        On another note, men tend to like women in a certain weight range because of health and reproductive reasons. Many men have said to me that they want a thinner woman because their incredibly nervous about what you will look like in a few years or after you’ve had a baby. They figure if you’re thin now, then I’d you gain a few pounds then you’ll still be curvy and attractive. BUT if you’re already on the thicker side, you’ll be really big after children. Men also tend to like women with proportional waist to hip ratios. .7 is the ideal waist hip ratio (divide your waist measurement by your hip measurement to get this ratio). The higher the ratio is, the less attractive men find women. Lower waist hip ratios are linked to healthier offspring while women wih higher waist hip ratios have more instances of complications during pregnancy. It’s supposed to be an instinctual

    1. lovelybwneyes@yahoo.com

      I think most of you are missing the point. (except Kitty Bradshaw)
      The poster is coming from a place of pain, she was treated like furniture at one size and now is suddenly being seen.

      And please don’t tell me that everything revolves around confidence, if that was the case then every guy would ONLY like confident woman and no one would talk to shy girls.

      I have gained and lost 100 lbs and let me tell you my insides haven’t changed once, what has changed is how men view me and I am suddenly considered dateable where as before I was only consider a friend.

      But at the end of the day, there is NO WAY you can know if the new guys talking to you would of liked you before. Chances are that they wouldn’t. The only difference between guys you used to know asking you out and new guys is that you have a history with the old guys.

      But don’t think for a moment that the current guys would of approached you in your past, if that was the case you would have more than 1 bf.

      My advice, treat men like they have treated you, love is not real, and know in your heart if you gain 20 lbs they will leave you. Sorry to be so bitter, but I had to learn the truth the hard way.

      1. Lynn312chi@gmail.com

        Yes she is right. I have gained and lost 35 pounds and the charming and rich men that were professing their undying love for me at 130 pounds wouldn’t return a call or text when I got back to 165 pounds. Don’t fee so bitter wih the men. Just understand that that is the way that the world works. I’m losing weight again and again people’s attitudes are changing toward me. Don’t take it to personal. It’s he way that we are hard wired due to society. Men and women do it. When I gained 35 pounds my guy athe time stopped having sex with me, started cheating on me, started teasing me about my “Popeye’s” arms, and eventually left me for someone younger and thinner. When you understand this, you can make it work for you rather than against you. I say that pretty girls don’t necessarily HAVE to be smart. But smart girls know that being pretty is helpful and gives you power in this society. Why not lose a few pounds and beat these jerks at their own game? We’re the smart ones right?
        On another note, men tend to like women in a certain weight range because of health and reproductive reasons. Many men have said to me that they want a thinner woman because their incredibly nervous about what you will look like in a few years or after you’ve had a baby. They figure if you’re thin now, then I’d you gain a few pounds then you’ll still be curvy and attractive. BUT if you’re already on the thicker side, you’ll be really big after children. Men also tend to like women with proportional waist to hip ratios. .7 is the ideal waist hip ratio (divide your waist measurement by your hip measurement to get this ratio). The higher the ratio is, the less attractive men find women. Lower waist hip ratios are linked to healthier offspring while women wih higher waist hip ratios have more instances of complications during pregnancy. It’s supposed to be an instinctual

  23. Leann

    I am similar to Weighted and Confused in that I went from a size 20 to a size 8, I am 28 and have only ever had one boyfriend. I also have my guy friends giving me more attention in a flirty/sexual manner. However, I’d like to bring a different perspective to this than the rest of these commenters. I am SOOOO happy I did not meet someone in my overweight state, because that person very likely would not have fit my life now. I am now a very active person/healthy eater. My active lifestyle is so important to me that I am not interested in dating someone without the same lifestyle/ priorities, and as superficial as it sounds, I want someone who is fit. I work hard to keep fit and I want my partner to do the same. I do not judge those men who passed me up before, I would not have wanted me either. I would be interested to know, once a PSP gets thin, lets see how many of them would date a guy who is 100+ pounds overweight. I very much doubt most of them would. As with all things in life, put yourself in the other person’s shoes!

    1. Sherry

      I’m going to agree with Leann. I’m in the middle of my journey having lost 50lbs so far (with up to 100 more to go) and I know that I want someone who likes to eat healthy and exercises. My last boyfriend was overweight, ate terribly and hated the thought of exercise. And while he liked the way I looked, it would have been a miserable life if I stayed with him. I don’t want someone to hold me back, I want someone who will help and encourage me. I don’t know how I would feel about someone I already know starting to show me attention, but I think I would tell them to go f*ck themselves. Regardless of who it is, they have to be amazing and love me for who I am…..flaws and all.

  24. Leann

    I am similar to Weighted and Confused in that I went from a size 20 to a size 8, I am 28 and have only ever had one boyfriend. I also have my guy friends giving me more attention in a flirty/sexual manner. However, I’d like to bring a different perspective to this than the rest of these commenters. I am SOOOO happy I did not meet someone in my overweight state, because that person very likely would not have fit my life now. I am now a very active person/healthy eater. My active lifestyle is so important to me that I am not interested in dating someone without the same lifestyle/ priorities, and as superficial as it sounds, I want someone who is fit. I work hard to keep fit and I want my partner to do the same. I do not judge those men who passed me up before, I would not have wanted me either. I would be interested to know, once a PSP gets thin, lets see how many of them would date a guy who is 100+ pounds overweight. I very much doubt most of them would. As with all things in life, put yourself in the other person’s shoes!

    1. Sherry

      I’m going to agree with Leann. I’m in the middle of my journey having lost 50lbs so far (with up to 100 more to go) and I know that I want someone who likes to eat healthy and exercises. My last boyfriend was overweight, ate terribly and hated the thought of exercise. And while he liked the way I looked, it would have been a miserable life if I stayed with him. I don’t want someone to hold me back, I want someone who will help and encourage me. I don’t know how I would feel about someone I already know starting to show me attention, but I think I would tell them to go f*ck themselves. Regardless of who it is, they have to be amazing and love me for who I am…..flaws and all.

  25. leannokie@gmail.com

    I am similar to Weighted and Confused in that I went from a size 20 to a size 8, I am 28 and have only ever had one boyfriend. I also have my guy friends giving me more attention in a flirty/sexual manner. However, I’d like to bring a different perspective to this than the rest of these commenters. I am SOOOO happy I did not meet someone in my overweight state, because that person very likely would not have fit my life now. I am now a very active person/healthy eater. My active lifestyle is so important to me that I am not interested in dating someone without the same lifestyle/ priorities, and as superficial as it sounds, I want someone who is fit. I work hard to keep fit and I want my partner to do the same. I do not judge those men who passed me up before, I would not have wanted me either. I would be interested to know, once a PSP gets thin, lets see how many of them would date a guy who is 100+ pounds overweight. I very much doubt most of them would. As with all things in life, put yourself in the other person’s shoes!

    1. red_headed_virgo@hotmail.com

      I’m going to agree with Leann. I’m in the middle of my journey having lost 50lbs so far (with up to 100 more to go) and I know that I want someone who likes to eat healthy and exercises. My last boyfriend was overweight, ate terribly and hated the thought of exercise. And while he liked the way I looked, it would have been a miserable life if I stayed with him. I don’t want someone to hold me back, I want someone who will help and encourage me. I don’t know how I would feel about someone I already know starting to show me attention, but I think I would tell them to go f*ck themselves. Regardless of who it is, they have to be amazing and love me for who I am…..flaws and all.

  26. leannokie@gmail.com

    I am similar to Weighted and Confused in that I went from a size 20 to a size 8, I am 28 and have only ever had one boyfriend. I also have my guy friends giving me more attention in a flirty/sexual manner. However, I’d like to bring a different perspective to this than the rest of these commenters. I am SOOOO happy I did not meet someone in my overweight state, because that person very likely would not have fit my life now. I am now a very active person/healthy eater. My active lifestyle is so important to me that I am not interested in dating someone without the same lifestyle/ priorities, and as superficial as it sounds, I want someone who is fit. I work hard to keep fit and I want my partner to do the same. I do not judge those men who passed me up before, I would not have wanted me either. I would be interested to know, once a PSP gets thin, lets see how many of them would date a guy who is 100+ pounds overweight. I very much doubt most of them would. As with all things in life, put yourself in the other person’s shoes!

    1. red_headed_virgo@hotmail.com

      I’m going to agree with Leann. I’m in the middle of my journey having lost 50lbs so far (with up to 100 more to go) and I know that I want someone who likes to eat healthy and exercises. My last boyfriend was overweight, ate terribly and hated the thought of exercise. And while he liked the way I looked, it would have been a miserable life if I stayed with him. I don’t want someone to hold me back, I want someone who will help and encourage me. I don’t know how I would feel about someone I already know starting to show me attention, but I think I would tell them to go f*ck themselves. Regardless of who it is, they have to be amazing and love me for who I am…..flaws and all.

  27. Big Sista Gorgeous 1

    Hey sis…as someone that has lost 200lbs…I know that feeling of newness that comes with realizing that your outside appearance has changed…that doesn’t mean that who you were at your core has changed. Happiness radiates from the outside in. I was happy before and I’m happy and healthier now…my weight loss journey is about me…everything else is an externality.

    You are a beautiful woman and seeking validation from male attention or lack thereof…is a most dangerous game. I refuse to date anyone that I knew 200lbs that is just now paying attention to me. The woman hasn’t changed just the weight. You can’t have me at my perceived best…if you didn’t want me at what you perceived to be my worst. Boy bye. LOL.

  28. Big Sista Gorgeous 1

    Hey sis…as someone that has lost 200lbs…I know that feeling of newness that comes with realizing that your outside appearance has changed…that doesn’t mean that who you were at your core has changed. Happiness radiates from the inside out. I was happy before and I’m happy and healthier now…my weight loss journey is about me…everything else is an externality.

    You are a beautiful woman and seeking validation from male attention or lack thereof…is a most dangerous game. I refuse to date anyone that I knew 200lbs that is just now paying attention to me. The woman hasn’t changed just the weight. You can’t have me at my perceived best…if you didn’t want me at what you perceived to be my worst. Boy bye. LOL.

  29. syasminr@gmail.com

    Hey sis…as someone that has lost 200lbs…I know that feeling of newness that comes with realizing that your outside appearance has changed…that doesn’t mean that who you were at your core has changed. Happiness radiates from the inside out. I was happy before and I’m happy and healthier now…my weight loss journey is about me…everything else is an externality.
    You are a beautiful woman and seeking validation from male attention or lack thereof…is a most dangerous game. I refuse to date anyone that I knew 200lbs that is just now paying attention to me. The woman hasn’t changed just the weight. You can’t have me at my perceived best…if you didn’t want me at what you perceived to be my worst. Boy bye. LOL.

  30. Anonymous

    Hey sis…as someone that has lost 200lbs…I know that feeling of newness that comes with realizing that your outside appearance has changed…that doesn’t mean that who you were at your core has changed. Happiness radiates from the outside in. I was happy before and I’m happy and healthier now…my weight loss journey is about me…everything else is an externality.
    You are a beautiful woman and seeking validation from male attention or lack thereof…is a most dangerous game. I refuse to date anyone that I knew 200lbs that is just now paying attention to me. The woman hasn’t changed just the weight. You can’t have me at my perceived best…if you didn’t want me at what you perceived to be my worst. Boy bye. LOL.

  31. Bree

    Am I the only person that looked up “chocolate deprivation” and couldn’t find anything? Someone help me out here.

  32. Bree

    Am I the only person that looked up “chocolate deprivation” and couldn’t find anything? Someone help me out here.

  33. bran.f@live.com

    Am I the only person that looked up “chocolate deprivation” and couldn’t find anything? Someone help me out here.

  34. bran.f@live.com

    Am I the only person that looked up “chocolate deprivation” and couldn’t find anything? Someone help me out here.

  35. Kimmy B

    Shoe Junkie said “Women’s intuition is strong for a reason”

    OK so I haven’t read all of the comments here. But I have to say, it’s hard for me to read the responses that so confidently declare what this guys intentions are and how this girl should be feeling…isn’t that a little presumptuous?

    But Shoejunkie took the words right out of my mouth. I am a strong believer that we know the answer to our life situations, but most of the time we’re too scared to go there or that we don’t trust our judgement.

    If he’s a good guy and you like him too then go for it! If you’re always going to be questioning his intentions then move on. But you can’t keep living life wondering if every guy you meet would date you at a size 24. That’d be like me wondering if a guy would date me if I was a blonde.

    I don’t know. It just seems a shift in mentality needs to be made.

  36. Kimmy B

    Shoe Junkie said “Women’s intuition is strong for a reason”

    OK so I haven’t read all of the comments here. But I have to say, it’s hard for me to read the responses that so confidently declare what this guys intentions are and how this girl should be feeling…isn’t that a little presumptuous?

    But Shoejunkie took the words right out of my mouth. I am a strong believer that we know the answer to our life situations, but most of the time we’re too scared to go there or that we don’t trust our judgement.

    If he’s a good guy and you like him too then go for it! If you’re always going to be questioning his intentions then move on. But you can’t keep living life wondering if every guy you meet would date you at a size 24. That’d be like me wondering if a guy would date me if I was a blonde.

    I don’t know. It just seems a shift in mentality needs to be made.

  37. mylittlesis@gmail.com

    Shoe Junkie said “Women’s intuition is strong for a reason”
    OK so I haven’t read all of the comments here. But I have to say, it’s hard for me to read the responses that so confidently declare what this guys intentions are and how this girl should be feeling…isn’t that a little presumptuous?

    But Shoejunkie took the words right out of my mouth. I am a strong believer that we know the answer to our life situations, but most of the time we’re too scared to go there or that we don’t trust our judgement.

    If he’s a good guy and you like him too then go for it! If you’re always going to be questioning his intentions then move on. But you can’t keep living life wondering if every guy you meet would date you at a size 24. That’d be like me wondering if a guy would date me if I was a blonde.

    I don’t know. It just seems a shift in mentality needs to be made.

  38. mylittlesis@gmail.com

    Shoe Junkie said “Women’s intuition is strong for a reason”
    OK so I haven’t read all of the comments here. But I have to say, it’s hard for me to read the responses that so confidently declare what this guys intentions are and how this girl should be feeling…isn’t that a little presumptuous?

    But Shoejunkie took the words right out of my mouth. I am a strong believer that we know the answer to our life situations, but most of the time we’re too scared to go there or that we don’t trust our judgement.

    If he’s a good guy and you like him too then go for it! If you’re always going to be questioning his intentions then move on. But you can’t keep living life wondering if every guy you meet would date you at a size 24. That’d be like me wondering if a guy would date me if I was a blonde.

    I don’t know. It just seems a shift in mentality needs to be made.

  39. HP

    To play devil’s advocate here. Yes, the fact of the matter is, these friends may not have been physically attracted to you when you were heavier. You literally lost HALF of your body mass, which is amazing, but it means that you were a lot bigger to start with. I know that I’m not attracted to men who are so much as chubby, it’s personal preference. I know that I will not be everyone’s cup of tea and I accept that.

    Either way, these guys still wanted to be around you and considered you a friend. What is a friend really but someone we are not sexually attracted to? Hell, most people have better relationships with their friends than they do with their boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s still a bond and still a relationship, just minus the sex/intimacy.

    Were YOU ever physically attracted to these men? Did you ever try to make a move? In your note you said that you figured once you got down to a certain size, that men would be falling all over themselves to date you. But as I’m sure everyone reading this blog can attest to, you don’t need to be a certain size to find love. And if you’re basing your attractiveness solely on your physical appearance, than that’s a whole issue that needs to be dealt with. If you can’t love yourself, flaws and all, then why should you expect someone else to do the same? Maybe that’s the key to this situation, you didn’t find yourself worthy of love so no one else did either.

    1. Lynn

      I’m gonna agree a bit on this one. I say give your friends who you hit it off wih before a chance. I’d they we’re your friend doesn’t that mean that they liked you for the person you were inside anyway? Don’t discount them just because they didn’t want to screw you when you were bigger. Men are visual. The way you look now messes with their hormones. This is instinctual, involuntary. Pure animal instinct and lust.

      And to counter that post about finding someone that wants you for “who you are, not what you look like”, I get it. Yes. That is the goal. HOWEVER, your appearance is the way to drum up interest in a person and entice people to find out what’s inside. And very frankly, our outside appearance is a clear manifestation of what is going on with us inside. Anytime I start looking better on the outside, it’s because I’m in a good place in my life. More organized, more focused. Wanting to honor my body by preserving it and only putting the best in it. More spritually grounded. Etc. I gain weight and start getting bad acne when I get depressed, have money issues, experience deaths of lived ones, get overwhelmed and stressed with work and school. During head times, I’ll let myself have chipped fingernails, maybe will skip ironing, won’t keep
      my hair touched up etc. My outward appearance shows exactly what’s happening inside. So to that effect, should we really penalize some men (not talking about the douchie jerks here) for making an initial judgement based on what we look like? Really think about that. Would you want to go into a restaurant with a big D rating on he door or would you want to find out what’s inside that shiny well kept restaurant with a big A on the door?

  40. HP

    To play devil’s advocate here. Yes, the fact of the matter is, these friends may not have been physically attracted to you when you were heavier. You literally lost HALF of your body mass, which is amazing, but it means that you were a lot bigger to start with. I know that I’m not attracted to men who are so much as chubby, it’s personal preference. I know that I will not be everyone’s cup of tea and I accept that.

    Either way, these guys still wanted to be around you and considered you a friend. What is a friend really but someone we are not sexually attracted to? Hell, most people have better relationships with their friends than they do with their boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s still a bond and still a relationship, just minus the sex/intimacy.

    Were YOU ever physically attracted to these men? Did you ever try to make a move? In your note you said that you figured once you got down to a certain size, that men would be falling all over themselves to date you. But as I’m sure everyone reading this blog can attest to, you don’t need to be a certain size to find love. And if you’re basing your attractiveness solely on your physical appearance, than that’s a whole issue that needs to be dealt with. If you can’t love yourself, flaws and all, then why should you expect someone else to do the same? Maybe that’s the key to this situation, you didn’t find yourself worthy of love so no one else did either.

    1. Lynn

      I’m gonna agree a bit on this one. I say give your friends who you hit it off wih before a chance. I’d they we’re your friend doesn’t that mean that they liked you for the person you were inside anyway? Don’t discount them just because they didn’t want to screw you when you were bigger. Men are visual. The way you look now messes with their hormones. This is instinctual, involuntary. Pure animal instinct and lust.

      And to counter that post about finding someone that wants you for “who you are, not what you look like”, I get it. Yes. That is the goal. HOWEVER, your appearance is the way to drum up interest in a person and entice people to find out what’s inside. And very frankly, our outside appearance is a clear manifestation of what is going on with us inside. Anytime I start looking better on the outside, it’s because I’m in a good place in my life. More organized, more focused. Wanting to honor my body by preserving it and only putting the best in it. More spritually grounded. Etc. I gain weight and start getting bad acne when I get depressed, have money issues, experience deaths of lived ones, get overwhelmed and stressed with work and school. During head times, I’ll let myself have chipped fingernails, maybe will skip ironing, won’t keep
      my hair touched up etc. My outward appearance shows exactly what’s happening inside. So to that effect, should we really penalize some men (not talking about the douchie jerks here) for making an initial judgement based on what we look like? Really think about that. Would you want to go into a restaurant with a big D rating on he door or would you want to find out what’s inside that shiny well kept restaurant with a big A on the door?

  41. jlv1117@yahoo.com

    To play devil’s advocate here. Yes, the fact of the matter is, these friends may not have been physically attracted to you when you were heavier. You literally lost HALF of your body mass, which is amazing, but it means that you were a lot bigger to start with. I know that I’m not attracted to men who are so much as chubby, it’s personal preference. I know that I will not be everyone’s cup of tea and I accept that.
    Either way, these guys still wanted to be around you and considered you a friend. What is a friend really but someone we are not sexually attracted to? Hell, most people have better relationships with their friends than they do with their boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s still a bond and still a relationship, just minus the sex/intimacy.

    Were YOU ever physically attracted to these men? Did you ever try to make a move? In your note you said that you figured once you got down to a certain size, that men would be falling all over themselves to date you. But as I’m sure everyone reading this blog can attest to, you don’t need to be a certain size to find love. And if you’re basing your attractiveness solely on your physical appearance, than that’s a whole issue that needs to be dealt with. If you can’t love yourself, flaws and all, then why should you expect someone else to do the same? Maybe that’s the key to this situation, you didn’t find yourself worthy of love so no one else did either.

    1. Lynn312chi@gmail.com

      I’m gonna agree a bit on this one. I say give your friends who you hit it off wih before a chance. I’d they we’re your friend doesn’t that mean that they liked you for the person you were inside anyway? Don’t discount them just because they didn’t want to screw you when you were bigger. Men are visual. The way you look now messes with their hormones. This is instinctual, involuntary. Pure animal instinct and lust.
      And to counter that post about finding someone that wants you for “who you are, not what you look like”, I get it. Yes. That is the goal. HOWEVER, your appearance is the way to drum up interest in a person and entice people to find out what’s inside. And very frankly, our outside appearance is a clear manifestation of what is going on with us inside. Anytime I start looking better on the outside, it’s because I’m in a good place in my life. More organized, more focused. Wanting to honor my body by preserving it and only putting the best in it. More spritually grounded. Etc. I gain weight and start getting bad acne when I get depressed, have money issues, experience deaths of lived ones, get overwhelmed and stressed with work and school. During head times, I’ll let myself have chipped fingernails, maybe will skip ironing, won’t keep
      my hair touched up etc. My outward appearance shows exactly what’s happening inside. So to that effect, should we really penalize some men (not talking about the douchie jerks here) for making an initial judgement based on what we look like? Really think about that. Would you want to go into a restaurant with a big D rating on he door or would you want to find out what’s inside that shiny well kept restaurant with a big A on the door?

  42. jlv1117@yahoo.com

    To play devil’s advocate here. Yes, the fact of the matter is, these friends may not have been physically attracted to you when you were heavier. You literally lost HALF of your body mass, which is amazing, but it means that you were a lot bigger to start with. I know that I’m not attracted to men who are so much as chubby, it’s personal preference. I know that I will not be everyone’s cup of tea and I accept that.
    Either way, these guys still wanted to be around you and considered you a friend. What is a friend really but someone we are not sexually attracted to? Hell, most people have better relationships with their friends than they do with their boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s still a bond and still a relationship, just minus the sex/intimacy.

    Were YOU ever physically attracted to these men? Did you ever try to make a move? In your note you said that you figured once you got down to a certain size, that men would be falling all over themselves to date you. But as I’m sure everyone reading this blog can attest to, you don’t need to be a certain size to find love. And if you’re basing your attractiveness solely on your physical appearance, than that’s a whole issue that needs to be dealt with. If you can’t love yourself, flaws and all, then why should you expect someone else to do the same? Maybe that’s the key to this situation, you didn’t find yourself worthy of love so no one else did either.

    1. Lynn312chi@gmail.com

      I’m gonna agree a bit on this one. I say give your friends who you hit it off wih before a chance. I’d they we’re your friend doesn’t that mean that they liked you for the person you were inside anyway? Don’t discount them just because they didn’t want to screw you when you were bigger. Men are visual. The way you look now messes with their hormones. This is instinctual, involuntary. Pure animal instinct and lust.
      And to counter that post about finding someone that wants you for “who you are, not what you look like”, I get it. Yes. That is the goal. HOWEVER, your appearance is the way to drum up interest in a person and entice people to find out what’s inside. And very frankly, our outside appearance is a clear manifestation of what is going on with us inside. Anytime I start looking better on the outside, it’s because I’m in a good place in my life. More organized, more focused. Wanting to honor my body by preserving it and only putting the best in it. More spritually grounded. Etc. I gain weight and start getting bad acne when I get depressed, have money issues, experience deaths of lived ones, get overwhelmed and stressed with work and school. During head times, I’ll let myself have chipped fingernails, maybe will skip ironing, won’t keep
      my hair touched up etc. My outward appearance shows exactly what’s happening inside. So to that effect, should we really penalize some men (not talking about the douchie jerks here) for making an initial judgement based on what we look like? Really think about that. Would you want to go into a restaurant with a big D rating on he door or would you want to find out what’s inside that shiny well kept restaurant with a big A on the door?

  43. Michael

    Two things:

    1. Men who didn’t find you physically attractive before may find you so now… and vise versa. This doesn’t make either set of men bad peiple, or overly shallow…

    2. You ARE a different persin with different prioritiez… the old you would not have deprived herself of chocolate. The new you has. Choosing a healthy lifestyle says a lot about the new you. Some people will be attra ted to that, others will prefer the type of person who is more ruled by a need to indulge.

    You said yourself that you expected to encounter more atrention from men everywhere… why wouldyou expect the men already in your life to be any different from random men you haven’t met yet.

    Take this new attention for what it is. An acknoledgement of a FYNDAMENTAL change in who you are physically and mentally and if you’re happy with that change, be happy with the attention that comea with it.

  44. Michael

    Two things:

    1. Men who didn’t find you physically attractive before may find you so now… and vise versa. This doesn’t make either set of men bad peiple, or overly shallow…

    2. You ARE a different persin with different prioritiez… the old you would not have deprived herself of chocolate. The new you has. Choosing a healthy lifestyle says a lot about the new you. Some people will be attra ted to that, others will prefer the type of person who is more ruled by a need to indulge.

    You said yourself that you expected to encounter more atrention from men everywhere… why wouldyou expect the men already in your life to be any different from random men you haven’t met yet.

    Take this new attention for what it is. An acknoledgement of a FYNDAMENTAL change in who you are physically and mentally and if you’re happy with that change, be happy with the attention that comea with it.

  45. michael.nurse@gmail.com

    Two things:
    1. Men who didn’t find you physically attractive before may find you so now… and vise versa. This doesn’t make either set of men bad peiple, or overly shallow…

    2. You ARE a different persin with different prioritiez… the old you would not have deprived herself of chocolate. The new you has. Choosing a healthy lifestyle says a lot about the new you. Some people will be attra ted to that, others will prefer the type of person who is more ruled by a need to indulge.

    You said yourself that you expected to encounter more atrention from men everywhere… why wouldyou expect the men already in your life to be any different from random men you haven’t met yet.

    Take this new attention for what it is. An acknoledgement of a FYNDAMENTAL change in who you are physically and mentally and if you’re happy with that change, be happy with the attention that comea with it.

  46. michael.nurse@gmail.com

    Two things:
    1. Men who didn’t find you physically attractive before may find you so now… and vise versa. This doesn’t make either set of men bad peiple, or overly shallow…

    2. You ARE a different persin with different prioritiez… the old you would not have deprived herself of chocolate. The new you has. Choosing a healthy lifestyle says a lot about the new you. Some people will be attra ted to that, others will prefer the type of person who is more ruled by a need to indulge.

    You said yourself that you expected to encounter more atrention from men everywhere… why wouldyou expect the men already in your life to be any different from random men you haven’t met yet.

    Take this new attention for what it is. An acknoledgement of a FYNDAMENTAL change in who you are physically and mentally and if you’re happy with that change, be happy with the attention that comea with it.

  47. Goldeelocks

    Hi Dear. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and you’re not wrong for feeling that way. I completely understand what you’re going through. I went from an 18 to 10 and was getting way more stares after I dropped the weight than when I was fluffier. All those guys that didn’t even bother to turn a head or blink twice at you while you were chunky clearly didn’t see you for who you are. If they couldn’t see how amazing you truly were with the weight, they’ll certainly be more preoccupied with other things than what is really important. What happens if you get married and get pregu and then can’t shake the weight as easily as before? Will you be worried in the back of your mind that they’ll leave you for their original preference?

    My vote is to still keep those guys in the “friend” zone as you clearly had some kind of common ground but keep them there and just be sweet and kind as you seem to be and they’ll just be kicking themselves for not scooping you up when they had the chance before everyone else noticed.

    As far as the men coming out of the wood works for you, they will. Just frequent other places outside of your comfort zone. Think about the kind of man you want to meet. Is he into the arts? Try a museum . Is he into church?Try the singles ministry etc. You’ve come too far to just stay in the same place you were before. Good Luck!

  48. Miss Goody 2 Shoes

    Hi Dear. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and you’re not wrong for feeling that way. I completely understand what you’re going through. I went from an 18 to 10 and was getting way more stares after I dropped the weight than when I was fluffier. All those guys that didn’t even bother to turn a head or blink twice at you while you were chunky clearly didn’t see you for who you are. If they couldn’t see how amazing you truly were with the weight, they’ll certainly be more preoccupied with other things than what is really important. What happens if you get married and get pregu and then can’t shake the weight as easily as before? Will you be worried in the back of your mind that they’ll leave you for their original preference?

    My vote is to still keep those guys in the “friend” zone as you clearly had some kind of common ground but keep them there and just be sweet and kind as you seem to be and they’ll just be kicking themselves for not scooping you up when they had the chance before everyone else noticed.

    As far as the men coming out of the wood works for you, they will. Just frequent other places outside of your comfort zone. Think about the kind of man you want to meet. Is he into the arts? Try a museum . Is he into church?Try the singles ministry etc. You’ve come too far to just stay in the same place you were before. Good Luck!

  49. ncollins1908@gmail.com

    Hi Dear. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and you’re not wrong for feeling that way. I completely understand what you’re going through. I went from an 18 to 10 and was getting way more stares after I dropped the weight than when I was fluffier. All those guys that didn’t even bother to turn a head or blink twice at you while you were chunky clearly didn’t see you for who you are. If they couldn’t see how amazing you truly were with the weight, they’ll certainly be more preoccupied with other things than what is really important. What happens if you get married and get pregu and then can’t shake the weight as easily as before? Will you be worried in the back of your mind that they’ll leave you for their original preference?
    My vote is to still keep those guys in the “friend” zone as you clearly had some kind of common ground but keep them there and just be sweet and kind as you seem to be and they’ll just be kicking themselves for not scooping you up when they had the chance before everyone else noticed.

    As far as the men coming out of the wood works for you, they will. Just frequent other places outside of your comfort zone. Think about the kind of man you want to meet. Is he into the arts? Try a museum . Is he into church?Try the singles ministry etc. You’ve come too far to just stay in the same place you were before. Good Luck!

  50. Anonymous

    Hi Dear. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and you’re not wrong for feeling that way. I completely understand what you’re going through. I went from an 18 to 10 and was getting way more stares after I dropped the weight than when I was fluffier. All those guys that didn’t even bother to turn a head or blink twice at you while you were chunky clearly didn’t see you for who you are. If they couldn’t see how amazing you truly were with the weight, they’ll certainly be more preoccupied with other things than what is really important. What happens if you get married and get pregu and then can’t shake the weight as easily as before? Will you be worried in the back of your mind that they’ll leave you for their original preference?
    My vote is to still keep those guys in the “friend” zone as you clearly had some kind of common ground but keep them there and just be sweet and kind as you seem to be and they’ll just be kicking themselves for not scooping you up when they had the chance before everyone else noticed.

    As far as the men coming out of the wood works for you, they will. Just frequent other places outside of your comfort zone. Think about the kind of man you want to meet. Is he into the arts? Try a museum . Is he into church?Try the singles ministry etc. You’ve come too far to just stay in the same place you were before. Good Luck!

  51. Nina

    As much as society wants us to believe that a man is going to see past the layer of fat and see the awesome chick inside, it’s unrealistic. Men are very much visual creatures. It’s not them necessarily being superficial but just knowing what they are attracted to visually and hoping the insides match or exceed the outside. Like CeCe said, some LOVE PSPs while some don’t. Now that you aren’t anymore, guys that friend zoned you will come out of the wood works. It happened as I dropped from a 18/20 to a 10/12. Don’t feel confused. If you want to date any of them, go for it. Consider you hard work showing dividends besides the health benefits.
    On another note I would LOVE if a 10/12/14 made a blog! I’m a in-between gal too and it’s weird. Not a skinny yet not a PSP :/ Weird because I could literally shop ANYWHERE and would love to see fashion from everywhere put in ONE place. Just putting it out there 😉

  52. Nina H.

    As much as society wants us to believe that a man is going to see past the layer of fat and see the awesome chick inside, it’s unrealistic. Men are very much visual creatures. It’s not them necessarily being superficial but just knowing what they are attracted to visually and hoping the insides match or exceed the outside. Like CeCe said, some LOVE PSPs while some don’t. Now that you aren’t anymore, guys that friend zoned you will come out of the wood works. It happened as I dropped from a 18/20 to a 10/12. Don’t feel confused. If you want to date any of them, go for it. Consider you hard work showing dividends besides the health benefits.
    On another note I would LOVE if a 10/12/14 made a blog! I’m a in-between gal too and it’s weird. Not a skinny yet not a PSP :/ Weird because I could literally shop ANYWHERE and would love to see fashion from everywhere put in ONE place. Just putting it out there 😉

  53. nnhouston@gmail.com

    As much as society wants us to believe that a man is going to see past the layer of fat and see the awesome chick inside, it’s unrealistic. Men are very much visual creatures. It’s not them necessarily being superficial but just knowing what they are attracted to visually and hoping the insides match or exceed the outside. Like CeCe said, some LOVE PSPs while some don’t. Now that you aren’t anymore, guys that friend zoned you will come out of the wood works. It happened as I dropped from a 18/20 to a 10/12. Don’t feel confused. If you want to date any of them, go for it. Consider you hard work showing dividends besides the health benefits.On another note I would LOVE if a 10/12/14 made a blog! I’m a in-between gal too and it’s weird. Not a skinny yet not a PSP :/ Weird because I could literally shop ANYWHERE and would love to see fashion from everywhere put in ONE place. Just putting it out there 😉

  54. Anonymous

    As much as society wants us to believe that a man is going to see past the layer of fat and see the awesome chick inside, it’s unrealistic. Men are very much visual creatures. It’s not them necessarily being superficial but just knowing what they are attracted to visually and hoping the insides match or exceed the outside. Like CeCe said, some LOVE PSPs while some don’t. Now that you aren’t anymore, guys that friend zoned you will come out of the wood works. It happened as I dropped from a 18/20 to a 10/12. Don’t feel confused. If you want to date any of them, go for it. Consider you hard work showing dividends besides the health benefits.On another note I would LOVE if a 10/12/14 made a blog! I’m a in-between gal too and it’s weird. Not a skinny yet not a PSP :/ Weird because I could literally shop ANYWHERE and would love to see fashion from everywhere put in ONE place. Just putting it out there 😉

  55. Jay A.

    “Women can grow to become attracted to a guy over time, or see the person they are and fall for that instead of their looks”

    Now, that is some major BS. Men have emotions, as well, in case you never noticed that. And it really annoys me whenever a woman says that men choose a lover based solely/mostly on appearance while women don’t. That is widely irrational. I’ve noticed the same attitude (and in even worse ways) in women. Apart from that, I’ve been overweight myself so I partially agree with your post.

  56. anddim4@hotmail.com

    “Women can grow to become attracted to a guy over time, or see the person they are and fall for that instead of their looks”
    Now, that is some major BS. Men have emotions, as well, in case you never noticed that. And it really annoys me whenever a woman says that men choose a lover based solely/mostly on appearance while women don’t. That is widely irrational. I’ve noticed the same attitude (and in even worse ways) in women. Apart from that, I’ve been overweight myself so I partially agree with your post.

  57. Amber Dawn Pullen

    I want to mention that the confidence you now have in yourself may impact *your* perception of what others think about you. As a plus size woman only just making progress toward a healthier life, I have had experiences when I was sure a guy was just being friendly and later realized, mostly through the observations of mutual friends, he was being flirtatious and interested. There’s a chance some of your guy friends were interested in more than friendship early on and you unwittingly friend zoned them because you were convinced guys that nice couldn’t be interested in you as more than a friend. (I assume they’re nice if you would be long term friends with them) Maybe you would have admitted to an agressive, predatory asshole being interested in you, since its hard to ignore that, but nice guys like your friends were probably “too good” for you according to your past self. Now that you believe you deserve better, you’re willing to admit they’re interested.

  58. missamberdawn@gmail.com

    I want to mention that the confidence you now have in yourself may impact *your* perception of what others think about you. As a plus size woman only just making progress toward a healthier life, I have had experiences when I was sure a guy was just being friendly and later realized, mostly through the observations of mutual friends, he was being flirtatious and interested. There’s a chance some of your guy friends were interested in more than friendship early on and you unwittingly friend zoned them because you were convinced guys that nice couldn’t be interested in you as more than a friend. (I assume they’re nice if you would be long term friends with them) Maybe you would have admitted to an agressive, predatory asshole being interested in you, since its hard to ignore that, but nice guys like your friends were probably “too good” for you according to your past self. Now that you believe you deserve better, you’re willing to admit they’re interested.

  59. jessa

    I think they can kindly fuck off.
    I would have nothing against strangers who approach more if I were to lose a significant amount of weight. But friends? These male friends who have known me my entirely life who only just NOW have the balls to come up to me and voice that they like me and how they “have always been attracted to me”. Nah they can fuck off. What they mean to say is “I have always liked you more than a friend but now that you are at an acceptable weight for me to avoid the social humiliation of my girl being fat, I can now appoach you romantically and not feel like shit about it.”
    Confidence doesn’t have shit to do with it. I personally know so many women with banging bodies and gorgeous faces who have shit confidence. I mean the whole ‘skipping a day of meals. I-can’t-leave-the-house-without-make-up-on type confidence. I mean the low low self-esteem confidence but they have men falling all over them left and right despite how fuckin awkward they are when the come in contact with a man. Confidence helps but trust me, confidence is not why these men now approach a thinner women. I’m so tired of that dumb ass excuse. It’s such a cop-out.

  60. flyajess@gmail.com

    I think they can kindly fuck off.I would have nothing against strangers who approach more if I were to lose a significant amount of weight. But friends? These male friends who have known me my entirely life who only just NOW have the balls to come up to me and voice that they like me and how they “have always been attracted to me”. Nah they can fuck off. What they mean to say is “I have always liked you more than a friend but now that you are at an acceptable weight for me to avoid the social humiliation of my girl being fat, I can now appoach you romantically and not feel like shit about it.”
    Confidence doesn’t have shit to do with it. I personally know so many women with banging bodies and gorgeous faces who have shit confidence. I mean the whole ‘skipping a day of meals. I-can’t-leave-the-house-without-make-up-on type confidence. I mean the low low self-esteem confidence but they have men falling all over them left and right despite how fuckin awkward they are when the come in contact with a man. Confidence helps but trust me, confidence is not why these men now approach a thinner women. I’m so tired of that dumb ass excuse. It’s such a cop-out.

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