I came home with the intention of making a omelet for diner.
When I walked into the kitchen, took a spoon full of peanut butter and ate it.
Then I spotted my favorite whole wheat cookies and ate four of them (… or was it six?)
While eating the cookies I poured myself a glass of soy milk.
Then I turned on the skillet to make my omelet.
While reaching for the eggs in the fridge, I noticed my left over Thai food from the night before.
I ate the leftovers while making my omelet.
Then I ate my omelet.
I don’t know why I realized I was binging on that particular day, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. Almost as if I was having an outer-body experience. Watching myself eat multiple meals at one time.
How long have I been doing this? I wondered… knowing that I was uncovering a pattern that was cemented in my routine to the point that I didn’t even know it was happening.
It was terrifying and liberating all at once.
I think I’m… a binge eater.
I remembered a girlfriend commenting to me that I “didn’t eat that much” once. Technically, she was right. I began to monitor my food intake and realized the bulk of it happened when I would binge. Although my binging didn’t happen every day; (it would happen on like, a random Saturday afternoon, a Thursday night after cocktails or after a stressful day at work) it happened enough to make me wonder if this was the key to unlocking some of my weight loss struggles.
My binge eating epiphany happened three months ago.
Since then, my main focus has been awareness. Knowing that one binge can easily undo a weeks worth of good eating/exercise is scary, but the knowledge is powerful. It helps me feel a binge coming, see it happening and stop it as best I can. But I know I may need to take more steps towards breaking this habit.
Remember when I threw away that Jar of Red Velvet cake? and everyone in the comments section was telling me that it was a “great chance to practice willpower!” or that I should have “saved it overnight and brought it into work”. Well… I wasn’t ready to talk about it then, but my extreme decision was based on my binge tendencies.
As I’m making discoveries about my binging, willpower isn’t something I like to gamble with. Sometimes I have it, sometimes I don’t and that day… I just didn’t have it.
The definition of binge is “A period of unrestrained, immoderate self-indulgence”. I know for some, those periods of unrestrained, immoderate self-indulgence with food happen daily. At this time for me, my periods of unrestrained, immoderate self-indulgence can range from once a week to once a month, but they still happen.
Do any of you deal with Binge Eating? What has helped you to stop?