-Hey beautiful what are you doing tonight?, the text from Daniel read. It was 5pm on a Friday and I was settling into a hair appointment.
-About to get my hair cut, I replied
–I’m at a lounge on 25th street, you should stop by!
Daniel and I had met online and after 10 days of chatting on the computer and the phone, it was time to meet. Daniel suggested that we meet for ice-cream on Saturday and then see a movie. Today was not Saturday, it was Friday so I tossed my phone back into my bag without responding. Daniel had made solid plans with me for Saturday; ice-cream and a movie… today was Friday and suddenly he wants to meet up? No bueno.
In my experience there is a bait and switch that guys tend to do in online dating. They will get you to agree to a nice sensible date and then change the plan at the last-minute and suggest something quick and casual. This last-minute change is often due to a change in their family or work schedule. Something that as a potential girlfriend, you will not want to argue with. Suddenly you go from say… a leisurely bike ride through central park to meeting them for a drink at 11pm near your apartment.
This bait and switch usually has two parts: A.) stroking your ego by saying the rushed date is because they really want to see you B.) Timing last-minute change also lands on a day that forces you to choose between seeing them quickly and right away or waiting another week or two to meet them.
So when Daniel sent a last-minute invitation to “stop by” on Friday even though we already had plans to go on a date Saturday, I saw the writing on the wall. A few minutes later another text came in from Daniel. I take a deep breath and decide to play along, our exchange goes like this…
-Hey, I’m off tonight… I hope I get to see you
-I’m getting my hair done. I’ll just see you tomorrow, cool?
-No sweetie, I work tomorrow night
-When did that change?
-My schedule got mixed up. I’m working all weekend.
-Its still early….. think you can make it down here?
-I’m in a hair appointment
-We may have to reschedule then. Too bad… I really wanted to see you.
It was like a script! Tactics A and B were both being used on me, but I wasn’t falling for either one. I eventually wrote back to Daniel saying that we could reschedule whenever he was free and (shocker) I never heard back from him.
I can never figure out why guys do this, but I assume they’re either trying to do a cheap date that ends in a hook-up or do a “dating drive-by” and just get a look at me without actually taking me out. I will never trust a man who changes our plans at the last-minute, so I don’t think I’ll ever really find out what the end-game is. I’ve just had this happen to me more than once, so I figured I’d mention it. It’s an easy trap to fall into, especially if you just want to go on a date!
Have you ever had a guy plan a great date and then change everything at the last-minute? Did you go? If so, what happened?