Dating

Stop Asking Me To Cook For You (A Big Girl Rant)

April 16 2012 | CeCe Olisa

As a Plus Size Princess in the dating scene, requests for home cooked meals are something I constantly get from men.

“So, uh… when are you gonna cook for me?”

“I bet you can throw down in the kitchen”

“What do you like to cook?”

I’ve heard it over and over again, always in a husky “I’m being cute” voice and often from men who I’ve just met. I find it annoying and borderline offensive.

Just think about the logistics of me cooking for a man I just met. He’d have to come over to my apartment or I’d have to go to his. Is this something a smart girl would be doing on a 1st or 2nd date? No! But these dudes are constantly throwing out the idea of me cooking for them right away. Sometimes I wonder if the assumption that big girls will just drop everything and cook for any dude who gives them attention is wrapped up in the assumption that big girls will sleep with any dude who gives them attention. We all know that is definitely not the case.

It also becomes clear that some men assume that a Plus Size Princess is coming home and making fried chicken, mashed potatoes, buttered biscuits, gravy and a peach cobbler every night of the week.  We all know that is definitely not the case (although my stomach just growled a little bit).

Cooking is a lot like sex: it’s a very intimate thing and the better you know a person, the better you can give them what they like… also it’s not something that should be done for just anyone.

So please men, stop asking Plus Size Princesses to cook for you… court us and date us like you would a skinny girl. Then maybe if you play your cards right we’ll show you how good we are in the kitchen without you even asking!

Does anyone else hear this question a lot?

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92 responses on “Stop Asking Me To Cook For You (A Big Girl Rant)

  1. Anonymous

    I am always getting asked to cook someone something, granted I do know how to cook really well and LOVE cooking for peope, I have even been propsed to for my cooking lol, but sometimes I do find it offensive. You are completly right about the “Cooking is a lot like sex”. Keep it up girl! I’m seriously in love with your blog lol! 🙂

  2. cckelly101

    I am always getting asked to cook someone something, granted I do know how to cook really well and LOVE cooking for peope, I have even been propsed to for my cooking lol, but sometimes I do find it offensive. You are completly right about the “Cooking is a lot like sex”. Keep it up girl! I’m seriously in love with your blog lol! 🙂

  3. cckelly101@gmail.com

    I am always getting asked to cook someone something, granted I do know how to cook really well and LOVE cooking for peope, I have even been propsed to for my cooking lol, but sometimes I do find it offensive. You are completly right about the “Cooking is a lot like sex”. Keep it up girl! I’m seriously in love with your blog lol! 🙂

  4. Kandicoated

    OMG!!!! I just gave you a standing ovation!!! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this and while I do love to cook, I’m not down to cook for a man I met like 5 minutes ago. Furthermore, I know plenty of plus size woman who couldn’t boil a pot of water without burning the house down, so the misconception that all big woman can cook is just inaccurate…lol.

  5. Kandicoated

    OMG!!!! I just gave you a standing ovation!!! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this and while I do love to cook, I’m not down to cook for a man I met like 5 minutes ago. Furthermore, I know plenty of plus size woman who couldn’t boil a pot of water without burning the house down, so the misconception that all big woman can cook is just inaccurate…lol.

  6. kandicoatedthickness@gmail.com

    OMG!!!! I just gave you a standing ovation!!! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this and while I do love to cook, I’m not down to cook for a man I met like 5 minutes ago. Furthermore, I know plenty of plus size woman who couldn’t boil a pot of water without burning the house down, so the misconception that all big woman can cook is just inaccurate…lol.

  7. kandicoatedthickness@gmail.com

    OMG!!!! I just gave you a standing ovation!!! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this and while I do love to cook, I’m not down to cook for a man I met like 5 minutes ago. Furthermore, I know plenty of plus size woman who couldn’t boil a pot of water without burning the house down, so the misconception that all big woman can cook is just inaccurate…lol.

  8. Missmeandi

    I hear it all the time. I generally counter it with a very honest “Never” or a real truthful “I hate to cook”. Either way, the subject gets changed quickly. I don’t get real offended by things guys say anymore, although,I do wonder if there is a men’s guide on offensive crap to say b/c it seems like EVERY guy says the exact same mess in the exact same way all the time.

  9. Missmeandi

    I hear it all the time. I generally counter it with a very honest “Never” or a real truthful “I hate to cook”. Either way, the subject gets changed quickly. I don’t get real offended by things guys say anymore, although,I do wonder if there is a men’s guide on offensive crap to say b/c it seems like EVERY guy says the exact same mess in the exact same way all the time.

  10. missmeandi@gmail.com

    I hear it all the time. I generally counter it with a very honest “Never” or a real truthful “I hate to cook”. Either way, the subject gets changed quickly. I don’t get real offended by things guys say anymore, although,I do wonder if there is a men’s guide on offensive crap to say b/c it seems like EVERY guy says the exact same mess in the exact same way all the time.

  11. missmeandi@gmail.com

    I hear it all the time. I generally counter it with a very honest “Never” or a real truthful “I hate to cook”. Either way, the subject gets changed quickly. I don’t get real offended by things guys say anymore, although,I do wonder if there is a men’s guide on offensive crap to say b/c it seems like EVERY guy says the exact same mess in the exact same way all the time.

  12. Mike

    Great blog post! So well put. Funny & sad at the same time. Never been there myself, but can well imagine how crass cringe-worthy some men can be. @mikegodleman (Twitter)

  13. Mike

    Great blog post! So well put. Funny & sad at the same time. Never been there myself, but can well imagine how crass cringe-worthy some men can be. @mikegodleman (Twitter)

  14. deafinately@gmail.com

    Great blog post! So well put. Funny & sad at the same time. Never been there myself, but can well imagine how crass cringe-worthy some men can be. @mikegodleman (Twitter)

  15. deafinately@gmail.com

    Great blog post! So well put. Funny & sad at the same time. Never been there myself, but can well imagine how crass cringe-worthy some men can be. @mikegodleman (Twitter)

  16. Molivinlarge

    Bahahahahahahaha! I just recently posted a profile on Plenty of Fish and did mention in it that I like to cook. I had not one but three different guys “suggest” we do dinner at my place and I could cook for them. I emailed them back that as much as I do like to cook, I’d have to get to know them better first so how about brunch or lunch over the weekend? Amazingly, never heard from them again. Gee whiz, wonder why that is?

  17. Molivinlarge

    Bahahahahahahaha! I just recently posted a profile on Plenty of Fish and did mention in it that I like to cook. I had not one but three different guys “suggest” we do dinner at my place and I could cook for them. I emailed them back that as much as I do like to cook, I’d have to get to know them better first so how about brunch or lunch over the weekend? Amazingly, never heard from them again. Gee whiz, wonder why that is?

  18. molivinlarge@yahoo.com

    Bahahahahahahaha! I just recently posted a profile on Plenty of Fish and did mention in it that I like to cook. I had not one but three different guys “suggest” we do dinner at my place and I could cook for them. I emailed them back that as much as I do like to cook, I’d have to get to know them better first so how about brunch or lunch over the weekend? Amazingly, never heard from them again. Gee whiz, wonder why that is?

  19. molivinlarge@yahoo.com

    Bahahahahahahaha! I just recently posted a profile on Plenty of Fish and did mention in it that I like to cook. I had not one but three different guys “suggest” we do dinner at my place and I could cook for them. I emailed them back that as much as I do like to cook, I’d have to get to know them better first so how about brunch or lunch over the weekend? Amazingly, never heard from them again. Gee whiz, wonder why that is?

  20. slavetofashion

    I have never had a guy mention cooking to me. Maybe it’s because I start out with the fact that I am not domestic at all. I would probably kick a guy in the knee that asked me to cook for them. How presumptuous of him!!

  21. slavetofashion

    I have never had a guy mention cooking to me. Maybe it’s because I start out with the fact that I am not domestic at all. I would probably kick a guy in the knee that asked me to cook for them. How presumptuous of him!!

  22. cathy4cc@gmail.com

    I have never had a guy mention cooking to me. Maybe it’s because I start out with the fact that I am not domestic at all. I would probably kick a guy in the knee that asked me to cook for them. How presumptuous of him!!

  23. cathy4cc@gmail.com

    I have never had a guy mention cooking to me. Maybe it’s because I start out with the fact that I am not domestic at all. I would probably kick a guy in the knee that asked me to cook for them. How presumptuous of him!!

  24. Sara E. Brenton

    Well, I do get asked to cook for people all the time, but it is probably more because I am a classically trained chef than a way of hinting at my weight being equated with my cooking skills. I love to cook, so I am happy to oblige, but if we are on a first date, don’t ask me for a 5-course extravaganza! lol

  25. Sara E. Brenton

    Well, I do get asked to cook for people all the time, but it is probably more because I am a classically trained chef than a way of hinting at my weight being equated with my cooking skills. I love to cook, so I am happy to oblige, but if we are on a first date, don’t ask me for a 5-course extravaganza! lol

  26. sarathecook@yahoo.com

    Well, I do get asked to cook for people all the time, but it is probably more because I am a classically trained chef than a way of hinting at my weight being equated with my cooking skills. I love to cook, so I am happy to oblige, but if we are on a first date, don’t ask me for a 5-course extravaganza! lol

  27. Anonymous

    Well, I do get asked to cook for people all the time, but it is probably more because I am a classically trained chef than a way of hinting at my weight being equated with my cooking skills. I love to cook, so I am happy to oblige, but if we are on a first date, don’t ask me for a 5-course extravaganza! lol

  28. Type Thompson

    I am a man and I am surprised. If you have reached his place before the date then there should be no need for one. You can proceed to cooking and all that. I look at it as activities that can be shared. Not necessarily an intimate one. Something is wrong here. You might have spent a long time on the phone the point where they run out of things to say.

  29. Type Thompson

    I am a man and I am surprised. If you have reached his place before the date then there should be no need for one. You can proceed to cooking and all that. I look at it as activities that can be shared. Not necessarily an intimate one. Something is wrong here. You might have spent a long time on the phone the point where they run out of things to say.

  30. type@badromancedating.com

    I am a man and I am surprised. If you have reached his place before the date then there should be no need for one. You can proceed to cooking and all that. I look at it as activities that can be shared. Not necessarily an intimate one. Something is wrong here. You might have spent a long time on the phone the point where they run out of things to say.

  31. type@badromancedating.com

    I am a man and I am surprised. If you have reached his place before the date then there should be no need for one. You can proceed to cooking and all that. I look at it as activities that can be shared. Not necessarily an intimate one. Something is wrong here. You might have spent a long time on the phone the point where they run out of things to say.

  32. dazediva

    I’ve heard this a few times before. Just recently got asked out and the guy thought it was ok for him to suggest that I come over and cook for him ! I was writing a post about it when I read this post. (Will You Cook For Me? http://awe.sm/5xS0c)

    I agree that cooking for someone is quite an intimate affair and I would think that after a few weeks of dating then its ok for either person to ask the other to cook for them / or do it out of your own wish to do it for the other. But on a first or second date – it’s a bit of a no-no (unless you both met a cooking class, and then he/she asks you out to try out the recipes from the class lol)

  33. Anonymous

    I’ve heard this a few times before. Just recently got asked out and the guy thought it was ok for him to suggest that I come over and cook for him ! I was writing a post about it when I read this post. (Will You Cook For Me? http://awe.sm/5xS0c)
    I agree that cooking for someone is quite an intimate affair and I would think that after a few weeks of dating then its ok for either person to ask the other to cook for them / or do it out of your own wish to do it for the other. But on a first or second date – it’s a bit of a no-no (unless you both met a cooking class, and then he/she asks you out to try out the recipes from the class lol)

  34. Monroefrazier

    If you find that offensive, would you rather a guy invite you over for an intimate evening alone? Try asking them the same thing. Give them the option to cook for you. But for some guys food is the way to a mans heart. Not all of the men/guys feel this way but many do.

    1. Anonymous

      Cooking for a man is not a problem. Cooking for them when we’ve just met IS a problem. An intimate evening at home isn’t something I’d do with a guy right away no matter WHO is cooking. 🙂

  35. Monroefrazier

    If you find that offensive, would you rather a guy invite you over for an intimate evening alone? Try asking them the same thing. Give them the option to cook for you. But for some guys food is the way to a mans heart. Not all of the men/guys feel this way but many do.

    1. thebiggirlblog

      Cooking for a man is not a problem. Cooking for them when we’ve just met IS a problem. An intimate evening at home isn’t something I’d do with a guy right away no matter WHO is cooking. 🙂

  36. monroefrazier@gmail.com

    If you find that offensive, would you rather a guy invite you over for an intimate evening alone? Try asking them the same thing. Give them the option to cook for you. But for some guys food is the way to a mans heart. Not all of the men/guys feel this way but many do.

    1. cece@thebiggirlblog.com

      Cooking for a man is not a problem. Cooking for them when we’ve just met IS a problem. An intimate evening at home isn’t something I’d do with a guy right away no matter WHO is cooking. 🙂

  37. monroefrazier@gmail.com

    If you find that offensive, would you rather a guy invite you over for an intimate evening alone? Try asking them the same thing. Give them the option to cook for you. But for some guys food is the way to a mans heart. Not all of the men/guys feel this way but many do.

  38. Dani Faulkner

    YES!!!! THANK YOU! Sir, I barely have the stregnth to cook for myself most nights, what makes you think I have the strength to cook for you?! The nerve of some men!!!!

  39. dandanlynn@yahoo.com

    YES!!!! THANK YOU! Sir, I barely have the stregnth to cook for myself most nights, what makes you think I have the strength to cook for you?! The nerve of some men!!!!

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