“Do you say you love each other?” Dean asked, while taking a long sip of his Tequilla Sunrise.
“Um… we’ve kind of said it. I dunno…” Jay seemed a little uncomfortable with the question as he looked to his friend Omar for a rescue. Omar quickly chimed in, “well, they haven’t been boyfriends for very long… only a few months, right?”
It was Sunday Brunch at Papasito, a restaurant I discovered on the Upper West Side. Papasito does an all you can eat/drink brunch buffet featuring unlimited mimosa, Bellini, tequilla sunrise etc. and an endless supply of traditional Spanish food, an omlette station and the best french toast I’ve ever had… not weight loss friendly, but DELISH! Oh, and its only $20!
5 Gay men + 1 Plus Size Princess + Unlimited cocktails = lots of girl talk… or as we like to call it “gurl talk”.
Dean motioned for another round of drinks for the table, “but if they’re boyfriends, doesnt that mean they love each other?”
“Not necessarily,” Adam chimed in.
“I don’t make someone my boyfriend unless I love them,” Dean said. “I date them and once I know that I love them, we make it official… exclusive… or whatever.”
The table was quiet for a moment while everyone pondered that statement.
“I feel like, having a boyfriend means exclusivity more than anything else,” I said through bites of my juevos rancheros. “If I decide to date someone exclusively it’s because I like them the best out of everyone I’m seeing, so I want to devote 100% of my dating energy to figuring out if I could love them and see a future with them.”
“Right,” Adam continued, “you make someone your boyfriend and then hopefully you grow to love each other.”
“Interesting,” Dean said. “I didn’t know people did that.”
Once I got home and the alcohol wore off, Dean’s theory was still in the forefront of my mind. I’ve had girl friends who felt that after ___ months it was time to say “I love you”. I’ve always felt that love was something that grew with time, but based on what Dean was saying, every boyfriend he’s ever had has been a time he was in love.
Robert and I were such close friends when we started dating, that I already loved him. With Robert its been more about watching that love change/grow/evolve. But in general, I’m guarded and very slow to say “I love you” so the idea of having a boyfriend that I don’t love is fine with me.
I’m wondering if that’s not normal, though… do most girls automatically love their boyfriends?