Last week after our office Holiday party, I found myself being cursed out by a drunken coworker. Without getting into too much detail, this coworker can be really hurtful. Yet, somehow every time he causes drama with someone in the office, he manages to get back into our good graces with long heartfelt apologies, explaining that he only acts the way he does because he’s insecure. When this happens, you feel so bad for him, that you let him back in… only for him to do it again.
You know when Puss from Shrek makes that face that melts your heart and then attacks you? He’s kind of like that.
Anyway, after cursing me out on Friday night he spent all of Saturday trying to apologize. I woke up to multiple text messages that said things like I don’t know why I yelled at you like that… I got mad at you for no reason at all… I’m so sorry… please forgive me. I ignored them. A few hours later he called and left me a voicemail: CeCe, I don’t know what happened last night. I’ve spoken to a few people and they said I yelled at you for no reason at all. I never want to disrespect anyone, you didn’t deserve that. Please call me back so I can hear you say that you forgive me. I didn’t call him back.
There is a quote that says “When someone tells you who they are… believe them.” Its simple, but so hard to do. I am always looking for the best in people, assuming (or hoping) that their intentions are good and anything that they do to hurt me is an accident, but that’s not always the case.
After I didn’t return his phone call/voice mail, my coworker called Robert. He told Robert that his insecurities had surfaced after having too much wine and for reasons he didn’t understand, he tried to make me look bad by cursing me out and saying awful things to me in front of our office friends.
This guy has taken his insecurities out on me (and others) for as long as I’ve known him. Its happened in different ways, ranging from a snide remark in the lunch room to emailing someone’s boss to “report” things about them that weren’t true. A few of my friends have speculated that his motives to “play me” stem from his attraction to Robert (yes, my crazy coworker is gay and Robert is definitely his type). Countless times, I’ve told myself to cut this coworker off, to keep it strictly business with him in order to avoid getting burned. But over time, he wears me down with a witty joke, a compliment or a funny story, his own versions of the “Puss face”. Then I think to myself it’s so much easier to be nice… I’m sure he won’t do anything THAT crazy every again…
But the next time he hurts me or tries to make me look bad, it’s always worse than the last.
Since I’ve known him, my coworker has been telling me (and everyone else in the office) that he’s an insecure person who deals with his insecurities by hurting people. He’s shown me that he tries to make himself look good by making others look bad. But it wasn’t until he embarrassed me in front of a group of coworkers that I finally opened my eyes and believed him.
When someone tells you who they are… believe them– This is a lesson I plan to take into ALL of my relationships moving forward.
-If a guy has three kids by three different women and he hasn’t married any of them, he won’t marry me if he gets me pregnant. I Believe!
-If a girl says “I can’t be friends with females”, she won’t be a good friend to me. I Believe!
-If a guy says he’s not looking for a relationship, he won’t change his mind after I hook up with him. I Believe!
I could go on and on, but I think you get my point….
Have YOU ever chosen to ignore the warning signs from a friend/coworker/lover? How do you deal with people once they’ve shown their true colors?