Hi, I am seventeen and a plus size princess. Recently I made a decision to lose my virginity to a boy who I wasn’t even dating but I was upset from a breakup and not really thinking. After we did the deed he said that after we hung out some more that maybe we could become more. I know this is backwards and not how things should go, but I wanted to be more with him even if it was backwards. We’ve texted some but it’s not really a conversation and we try to hang out. Recently though I saw a status online about how the girl he loves he’ll never get back and if she’s reading this he’s so sorry. I don’t know if I should keep wanting to hang out with him and trying to be more or if I should stop talking to him and move on. (If you can’t reply I understand :))
Thanks so much for writing to me, it seems like you’re going through a rough time. Something in your letter stuck out to me– it’s not necessarily what you were asking about, but I think its important to discuss.
In your letter you said that you gave up your virginity because you were “upset from a breakup and not really thinking.”
As women, sometimes when a man upsets us we decide to do outrageous things to punish them. We go out and get drunk… we hook up with a random guy… we pour our hearts out on facebook… all in the hopes that we can hurt him as much as he’s hurt us.
Guess what? It doesn’t work.
If a guy has gone as far as to hurt you, break up with you, or make you feel bad about yourself he’s already moved towards not caring about you. So you making a rash decision will only hurt one person– you.
Using your story, it sounds like your ex-boyfriend really broke your heart. So, you slept with another guy (lost your virginity to him and understandably got attached) but neither of these guys were as invested in your actions as you were. Guy #1 probably isn’t in a corner crying because you slept with guy #2 and guy #2’s heart seems to belong to someone else. Instead of feeling better, it seems to me that you feel worse and all because you let the way a guy treated you dictate your actions.
You’re not the only girl who has ever done this, I know I’ve done this plenty of times. But every single time, the pain I intended for someone else ended up in my own heart.
Should you move on from the guy who you slept with? Probably… but the bigger lesson is to value yourself, your body and as painful as it is when a guy hurts you, remember that it’s better to sit with that pain (and that pain will subside) than to try to do something crazy to get back at him. It NEVER works and you only end up feeling worse.
Any one else have advice for our little PSP?