Dating

Can You Really Find Love in a Bar or Club?

October 10 2011 | CeCe Olisa

Ever notice how songs always promote the same story?

“I spotted you from across the bar… took your hand and led you to the dance floor … and as we danced we fell in love.”

I’ve been getting a lot of emails asking me about the BBW Club scene in New York City and before I tell people where they can go, I always feel the need to tell them not to expect anything. Maybe I’m trying to save them from the rude awakening I had….

Moving to NYC, where the night life is pretty major, I could not wait to start going to clubs so that I could fall in love. When my friends and I scored fake ID’s I knew that it would be a matter of time until I found love in the club. (Gosh, I was so naive!)

After a few weekends partying with the 21+ crowds in Manhattan, reality hit as I watched my skinny girl friends get picked up over and over by different guys while I stood awkwardly watching and trying not to feel uncomfortable. I was so jealous when guys would ask for their numbers. In my mind, they were living the music video dream! Meeting guys in clubs and bars…

I can remember going with Kenzie to a country bar where the girls were encouraged to dance on the bar for free shots. Kenzie and I were moving our hips to “you can leave your hat on” when a gorgeous blue-eyed, curly haired man raised his glass to me from down on the floor. When I jumped down and took my shot, he bought me a drink. Then we danced to country songs and I let him kiss me in the middle of the dance floor. Soon we weren’t even dancing… we were just making out in the middle of the dance floor. “You’re so beautiful”, “I’m so glad I met you,” he would whisper in between kisses. He asked for my number and I stared at my phone for weeks waiting for Heath (that was his name) to call, but he never did.

Two months later, Kenzie and I went back and Heath was there, he barely remembered me and I felt like an idiot.

Fast forward to my time at the BBW clubs. Once I started hitting up the places where my size didn’t matter, I was sure that I would start living my own music video dream. Guys would spot me from across the room… pull me onto the dance floor… I would start to think “this is it”… I would feel the guys warm breath on my neck as he held me close. I would wonder if this would be the moment we would start to feel something for each other, but the only thing I would “feel” would be in the guys pants. Awkward!

The guys who did ask for my number rarely wanted anything more than to “come to my apartment and hang out”. Or to text me randomly at 2am. The guys I met in the club weren’t looking for love, they were looking to fulfill their lust.

Eventually I grew up a little, I stopped looking at bars and clubs as a place to meet men and started seeing them as a place to let loose and have fun. I have a few friends that met their boyfriends/husbands in bars, but from what I can see those girls are the exception, not the rule.

All of the substantial men I’ve dated have been from the internet, at work or through friends… not at clubs. But that’s me!

Have YOU ever found love in the club?

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37 responses on “Can You Really Find Love in a Bar or Club?

  1. apurplebutterfly64@hotmail.com

    no bar love, but fun was #1 in the bar. honestly, i can remember playing games in bars. i used to tell my gf lets’ pick 3 men, flavors of the night lets say and see which one we would potentially end up with at the end of the night. however, keep in mind it was a game, i was mad at men in my twenties and i wanted to see how far a man would go for SEX. let me tell ya,,,pretty far. thats my story.

  2. medii

    i can’t ever recall of a positive meeting with the opposite sex at a bar or a club. they are there for the sex, and that’s about it. if you want to find love, the best way is trough friend, work, a serious dating site… the club thing is just not the way to do it.

  3. medina-ahmic@hotmail.com

    i can’t ever recall of a positive meeting with the opposite sex at a bar or a club. they are there for the sex, and that’s about it. if you want to find love, the best way is trough friend, work, a serious dating site… the club thing is just not the way to do it.

  4. ChptsOfMyLife

    no bar love, but fun was #1 in the bar. honestly, i can remember playing games in bars. i used to tell my gf lets’ pick 3 men, flavors of the night lets say and see which one we would potentially end up with at the end of the night. however, keep in mind it was a game, i was mad at men in my twenties and i wanted to see how far a man would go for SEX. let me tell ya,,,pretty far. thats my story.

  5. Chelle

    I met my husband in a club – introduced by a mutual friend (who I had a crush on at the time). We have been together almost 8 years (almost 4 years married). This was after a long line of loser guys at bars, though.

  6. sidheahna@yahoo.com

    I met my husband in a club – introduced by a mutual friend (who I had a crush on at the time). We have been together almost 8 years (almost 4 years married). This was after a long line of loser guys at bars, though.

  7. Knight

    I was about to say I’ve never met anyone of substance at a bar or club and all worthwhile people came from mutual friends… until I remembered I’m dating a bartender and we have no mutual friends.

  8. carlyrenea@aol.com

    I was about to say I’ve never met anyone of substance at a bar or club and all worthwhile people came from mutual friends… until I remembered I’m dating a bartender and we have no mutual friends.

  9. Kristin

    I’ve never met anyone worth my time in a bar or club, and know only one person who it’s ever worked out for. They’ve been together 12 years!

    Great post though. Something I needed to hear right now as I’m newly single!

  10. coopsmommy07@aol.com

    I’ve never met anyone worth my time in a bar or club, and know only one person who it’s ever worked out for. They’ve been together 12 years!
    Great post though. Something I needed to hear right now as I’m newly single!

  11. Lo

    I reconnected with an old High School chum (aka, crush; unbeknownst to me, he had a crush on me, as well) at a bar – not actually “meeting” but, given that HS was many, MANY moons ago and we are both very different people than we were back then, it was like meeting someone new – for both of us. We’ve been together for a year and a half, so far; and getting stronger with time.

    So maybe meeting a total stranger in a bar/club won’t work out; but there’s always a chance that that HS crush will show up and sparks will fly!

  12. lorlvr@yahoo.com

    I reconnected with an old High School chum (aka, crush; unbeknownst to me, he had a crush on me, as well) at a bar – not actually “meeting” but, given that HS was many, MANY moons ago and we are both very different people than we were back then, it was like meeting someone new – for both of us. We’ve been together for a year and a half, so far; and getting stronger with time.
    So maybe meeting a total stranger in a bar/club won’t work out; but there’s always a chance that that HS crush will show up and sparks will fly!

  13. vonnie

    one of my cousins CONSISTENTLY finds great quality guys at the club, i don’t know how she does it. For every other woman I know (myself included), we just find horn dogs.

  14. A

    Never met anyone in a club. In fact, about 80% of the time, I tend to be the material for peoples’ fat jokes while they’re entertaining their friends. Can’t remember the last time I went out with friends to an environment like that and didn’t have to deal with someone making “moo” sounds or some other ugly comments. That’s why I don’t go to them anymore. Why put myself in that position?

  15. carolinabsky@aol.com

    Never met anyone in a club. In fact, about 80% of the time, I tend to be the material for peoples’ fat jokes while they’re entertaining their friends. Can’t remember the last time I went out with friends to an environment like that and didn’t have to deal with someone making “moo” sounds or some other ugly comments. That’s why I don’t go to them anymore. Why put myself in that position?

  16. Dona

    I meet my partner of 16 years at a bar. It started out casual, but obviously turned serious 🙂 but I think the difference was that it was a neighborhood bar, not a club. we had started to get to know each other’s friends but hadn’t really talked and then he caught my eye by dancing with one of the (older) regulars definitely not the same as meeting a stranger in a club, but I’m sure there must be some club success stories out there.

  17. Dona_gomez@sbcglobal.net

    I meet my partner of 16 years at a bar. It started out casual, but obviously turned serious 🙂 but I think the difference was that it was a neighborhood bar, not a club. we had started to get to know each other’s friends but hadn’t really talked and then he caught my eye by dancing with one of the (older) regulars definitely not the same as meeting a stranger in a club, but I’m sure there must be some club success stories out there.

  18. Melissa

    A few years ago I used to be a big girl to. Every time I went out all of my skinny girlfriends would get picked up except me. After I lost like 40 pounds guys start notice me. Even guys who turned me down when I was fat now wanna date me. But you know what?! Screw them! I’m still the same person. So if you didn’t want me then you won’t get me now sucker!

  19. little-miss_sunshine@live.nl

    A few years ago I used to be a big girl to. Every time I went out all of my skinny girlfriends would get picked up except me. After I lost like 40 pounds guys start notice me. Even guys who turned me down when I was fat now wanna date me. But you know what?! Screw them! I’m still the same person. So if you didn’t want me then you won’t get me now sucker!

  20. Tee

    I did! I met my boyfriend of a year and a half at a club and he was a complete stranger to me at the time. I really thought that was the kind of stuff that only happened in Usher songs but we hooked up (my first hook up ever btw) started dating and the rest was history. I jokingly tell my friends all the time, keep hitting up those “Ladies Free” nights and it could happen to you! Haha.

  21. luxelittlethings@gmail.com

    I did! I met my boyfriend of a year and a half at a club and he was a complete stranger to me at the time. I really thought that was the kind of stuff that only happened in Usher songs but we hooked up (my first hook up ever btw) started dating and the rest was history. I jokingly tell my friends all the time, keep hitting up those “Ladies Free” nights and it could happen to you! Haha.

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  23. M.C

    I used to feel exactly the same as you, like meeting guys at bars and clubs was nothing more than “fun”. And then I met my husband, at a bar. I saw him, he saw me, he smiled, and I knew right there and then that there was something special about him, cheesy I know but that’s what happened.

  24. nia99sa18@outlook.com

    I used to feel exactly the same as you, like meeting guys at bars and clubs was nothing more than “fun”. And then I met my husband, at a bar. I saw him, he saw me, he smiled, and I knew right there and then that there was something special about him, cheesy I know but that’s what happened.

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