Dating

Eye Contact

June 21 2011 | CeCe Olisa

I’ve heard it said that humans have more than five senses. Along with sight, touch, taste, smell and hearing there are things like balance and temperature. One additional sense that has always fascinated me is the sense of knowing when someone is looking at you.

We’ve all had that moment where we feel someones eyes on us before we actually see them looking. Or we suddenly look up instinctively only to find someone staring right at us.

Of course, if we’re not interested in the person who’s eyes are locked on us, this can be creepy. But for those of us who are single and looking, these instincts can come in pretty handy. The problem is knowing what do do with them….

Sunday afternoon as I was leaving the gym, I felt one of the trainers looking at me from the moment I walked out of the women’s locker room. At least, I thought he was looking at me, but I wasn’t sure. Actually, I was sure but as I’ve discussed before being a plus size princess in a gym isn’t always the easiest thing. So, I convinced myself that the trainer couldn’t be looking at me. I pulled my sunglasses over my eyes, turned the music up in my headphones and walked by him with my eyes averted to the ground.

Last night, I was back at the gym for kickboxing. After class, I was speaking to one of the girls that I’ve become friendly with and the trainer from the day before approached her to say hello. They hugged, made a little small talk (apparently he’s her trainer) and then she turned to me. “Do you know CeCe?” she asked. I reached my hand out to shake his and he gave me a little grin. “I saw you yesterday… I tried to say hello to you, but you ignored me.”

My face burned with embarrassment. Not only had he seen me, but he was trying to speak. “Oh… I must have been in my own world,” I lied.

He nodded, “Yeah, I guess so– you had your sunglasses on and everything, so I was like ‘okay, nevermind'”

Even though I knew that my insecurities had kept me from making eye contact, the trainer didn’t. From his perspective I was pretty sure I came off as a snobby b*tch, which was not my intention.

A lot of times people ask me about dating in the city and one of the main things I suggest is eye contact.

To be honest, eye contact is easier said than done, but looking someone in the eyes can be the catalyst for connections galore! (especially if you follow up with a smile).

I thought what happened to me this weekend is a good example of potential missed opportunity. I’m not interested in the trainer, but imagine if I was. Or if the same scenario happened with a cute guy on the train, or a hot bartender. My senses were telling me that he was interested (even, if just to say hello) but I let my insecurities kill the moment!

If your sixth sense is telling you that someone has their eyes on you, look around and find out who it is. If you think they’re cute, don’t shy away… listen to your instincts and hopefully you wont make my mistakes!

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63 responses on “Eye Contact

  1. Stephintoronto

    I am told constantly that I don’t miss opportunities exactly like the one that you just described. I sense that when I am in a situation where people may be staring or noticing me in not the most positive way, I ignore everyone. sad but true.

  2. stephintoronto@gmail.com

    I am told constantly that I don’t miss opportunities exactly like the one that you just described. I sense that when I am in a situation where people may be staring or noticing me in not the most positive way, I ignore everyone. sad but true.

  3. Mari

    Oh! I’m the queen of ignoring looks! Hahaha My self-esteem is so low, that even when my friends say “oh he’s looking at you” I don’t believe them and let the moment pass by. I know, I have to change…

    I’m trying, though! When I’m abroad (I think I tell you that already) I can relax and flirt back. I just feel like Brazilian guys (I’m from Rio de Janeiro) only look to make fun. yeah, that’s the perfect body culture…

    I can’t even imagine a gym guy trying to flirt with me here. It’s just crazy! Hahaha

    🙂

  4. mari.almeida@gmail.com

    Oh! I’m the queen of ignoring looks! Hahaha My self-esteem is so low, that even when my friends say “oh he’s looking at you” I don’t believe them and let the moment pass by. I know, I have to change…
    I’m trying, though! When I’m abroad (I think I tell you that already) I can relax and flirt back. I just feel like Brazilian guys (I’m from Rio de Janeiro) only look to make fun. yeah, that’s the perfect body culture…

    I can’t even imagine a gym guy trying to flirt with me here. It’s just crazy! Hahaha

    🙂

  5. Ariana

    Hey CeCe! It was great meeting you (however quickly) in Forever21 on Saturday! When Kim introduced me to you I didn’t recognize you (obviously!) but as soon as you handed me your card I knew exactly who you were! And you looked fabulous, loved your hat especially! Keep doing what you’re doing 🙂

  6. fatfatalefashion@gmail.com

    Hey CeCe! It was great meeting you (however quickly) in Forever21 on Saturday! When Kim introduced me to you I didn’t recognize you (obviously!) but as soon as you handed me your card I knew exactly who you were! And you looked fabulous, loved your hat especially! Keep doing what you’re doing 🙂

  7. Joe Jay

    Yes eye contact is important. I love PSP woman and I do look and you are right if I don’t get a smileor eye contact I don’t bother.PSP woman are so attractive i wish more would know that yes we are looking at you and intrested. And yes men that workout in gyms like PSP.

  8. Brok1les@yahho.com

    Yes eye contact is important. I love PSP woman and I do look and you are right if I don’t get a smileor eye contact I don’t bother.PSP woman are so attractive i wish more would know that yes we are looking at you and intrested. And yes men that workout in gyms like PSP.

  9. HP

    I think guys that are into PSP women need to realize that for most of them (obviously not all) we don’t think we’re being looked at and if we are we’ve come to find through societal conditioning that it’s more often negatively. So you boys need to take the initiative especially in places (like the gym) where most of us wouldn’t dream of getting picked up at.

    I am totally guilty of being in my own little world all the time. I always have my headphones on so loud I can’t hear the person talking next to me so I’m totally oblivious to if someone is interested in me. I have a BF anyway so I don’t care but even if I didn’t I still wouldn’t notice.

  10. jlv1117@yahoo.com

    I think guys that are into PSP women need to realize that for most of them (obviously not all) we don’t think we’re being looked at and if we are we’ve come to find through societal conditioning that it’s more often negatively. So you boys need to take the initiative especially in places (like the gym) where most of us wouldn’t dream of getting picked up at.
    I am totally guilty of being in my own little world all the time. I always have my headphones on so loud I can’t hear the person talking next to me so I’m totally oblivious to if someone is interested in me. I have a BF anyway so I don’t care but even if I didn’t I still wouldn’t notice.

  11. Joe Jay

    well when I started training in the gyms there where never woman in them. So for me the gym was never a pickup enviroment.I once approached a PSP jsut to compliment and she thought I was going to attack her.I was like excuse me and she was all jumpy I felt like a total creep. Well I work in downtown manhatten so if any psp ladies see a man looking at them take it for a positive.

  12. Brok1les@yahho.com

    well when I started training in the gyms there where never woman in them. So for me the gym was never a pickup enviroment.I once approached a PSP jsut to compliment and she thought I was going to attack her.I was like excuse me and she was all jumpy I felt like a total creep. Well I work in downtown manhatten so if any psp ladies see a man looking at them take it for a positive.

  13. Marrie

    Fantastic post!
    In reality I think most of us {us meaning women} are guilty of avoiding eye contact due to our self talk. “He can’t be looking at me” “He’s just judging me for my bad hair day” Whatever the internal voice is telling us at that moment. If we just turn down the volume in our heads, look up and smile we may see a friendlier world filled with people who just want to say “Hi” and don’t even notice the zit in the middle of our forehead!

  14. marrie@dirtyinpublic.com

    Fantastic post!In reality I think most of us {us meaning women} are guilty of avoiding eye contact due to our self talk. “He can’t be looking at me” “He’s just judging me for my bad hair day” Whatever the internal voice is telling us at that moment. If we just turn down the volume in our heads, look up and smile we may see a friendlier world filled with people who just want to say “Hi” and don’t even notice the zit in the middle of our forehead!

  15. Cassaundra Bourne

    Cece,

    I really enjoy your post. I think eye contact is so important but it can be scary when you are around strangers. I am married so I am cautious about making contact with men that seem to be interested in me. I walk the fine line of being polite without being misleading. Eye contact is a powerful form of communication, it’s a form of intimacy and makes me feel vulnerable.

    When I feel someone looking at me I am tempted to feel insecure about my size or what I am wearing but than I remember that I am not defined by what other people think of me (good or bad), I am defined but what I believe about myself.

    -Cassaundra

  16. fit_girl36@yahoo.com

    Cece,
    I really enjoy your post. I think eye contact is so important but it can be scary when you are around strangers. I am married so I am cautious about making contact with men that seem to be interested in me. I walk the fine line of being polite without being misleading. Eye contact is a powerful form of communication, it’s a form of intimacy and makes me feel vulnerable.

    When I feel someone looking at me I am tempted to feel insecure about my size or what I am wearing but than I remember that I am not defined by what other people think of me (good or bad), I am defined but what I believe about myself.

    -Cassaundra

  17. Psych Single Girl

    This is so important and I totally agree! I must admit, it happened to me once with a James Dean type (leather jacket and all) on the N train. He was obviously interested, and I tried to be cool with the look-back, but then turned away and burst into a fit of laughter. Then I got embarrassed and thanked god the next stop was my destination. Missed connection? Totally. And so, so cute. Lesson learned. Never-again!

  18. millen@psychandthesinglegirl.com

    This is so important and I totally agree! I must admit, it happened to me once with a James Dean type (leather jacket and all) on the N train. He was obviously interested, and I tried to be cool with the look-back, but then turned away and burst into a fit of laughter. Then I got embarrassed and thanked god the next stop was my destination. Missed connection? Totally. And so, so cute. Lesson learned. Never-again!

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  27. Anonymous

    […] we’re out. We’ve talked about the importance of eye contact in the past (read that post here), but today I thought we could chat about some habits that make Men and Women seem unapproachable. […]

  28. Alicia Lowe

    I love this article. This is so me. I would of avoided the trainer too. Eye contact is a great tip to implement in my dating life.

  29. a2lowe@hotmail.com

    I love this article. This is so me. I would of avoided the trainer too. Eye contact is a great tip to implement in my dating life.

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