It was 6:00pm last Friday night and I stood dripping wet in front of my gym locker holding a gym towel 3/4 of the way around my body. I had an event to attend right after work. It wasn’t feasible to run home and “get pretty”, so I decided to pack a bag and get dressed at the gym across the street from my office.
As the women around me rushed to get ready for their workouts I was pulling clothes out of my locker with one hand while using the other to hold my teeny tiny gym towel up. Although I’m always bigger than the other girls at the gym, I’ve never had a problem being naked in the locker room. I can easily whisk my bra off and pull on a sports bra or peel off a dress in exchange for gym shorts and a t-shirt without a second thought. But as I prepared for my event, I felt completely uncomfortable.
Then it hit me; there’s a big difference between doing a quick change in public and getting dressed in public.
Getting dressed is more intimate. It involves more personal maintenance; applying lotions, creams, deodorants, powders etc. (and as a big girl with extra
rolls nooks and crannies, I have to follow slightly different rules of hygiene to make sure I stay fresh like a daisy!)
I had a decision to make: I could either gather my things and go into the bathroom stall to get dressed in private, or I could move forward with my routine in public without apology.
The idea of laying my pretty clothes out near a toilet didn’t appeal to me and I didn’t have a lot of time before my event started, so I decided not to hide.
I stopped trying to cover my rolls with the teeny tiny gym towel because 1.) people probably had better things to do than stare at my naked body and 2.) If they did, its pretty clear that I’m a big girl and all the teeny tiny towels in the world wont change that.
So, I stood in front of my locker with my arsenal of lotions, creams, deodorants, tweezers, powders, etc. (yes, I’m high maintenance, don’t judge!) and I got ready in 40 minutes flat. As I left the gym feeling refreshed and ready for the night, I began to think.
How much time do I waste in life trying to hide my fat?
Especially in the summer. I’ve had too many summer mornings where I stand in front of the closet looking for an outfit that will hide my stomach, arms, inner thighs and keep me cool all at once. That outfit doesn’t exist! When I started showing my arms more last summer, it became way easier to get dressed in the mornings. I guess I started to realize that trying to hide something that is not going away is a little ridiculous of me.
As Plus Size Princesses we often spend so much time trying to hide our bodies. Some of us stuff ourselves into Spanx, some of us swim inside of baggy clothes… we all have different ways of hiding. But in the same way that a towel wouldn’t make my naked body any less fat, the things we do to hide our fat from the world don’t really work.
Of course, they make us feel better and foundation garments like Spanx create a smooth silhouette that I love. But even in the best girdle, I’m still a PSP. Even in the baggiest T-shirt, I’m still a PSP. I just think its important to put things in perspective. Maybe focus less on hiding the fat and more on making the fat look fabulous!