Dating

I Haven’t Changed

February 14 2011 | CeCe Olisa

This weekend I had an epiphany: I am no different now than I was before I started dating Robert.

Being with Robert is so much fun, I find that even strangers enjoy us as a couple and its an incredible feeling. It’s also a feeling I’ve been waiting for since I was a little Plus Size Princess trying to find her way with boys.

For as long as I can remember I’ve been obsessing over having a boyfriend. I have old diaries filled with pages of me longing for a boyfriend. I’ve imagined how every birthday, holiday and special occasion would have been sooo much better if I had someone to share it with. I’ve also been super hard on myself, making a list of a million things that I needed to do or change so that I could get a boyfriend.

I can honestly say that between then and now I’m not prettier, smarter, cooler, or funnier (and I’m definitely not skinner) but I have him.

The truth is, I’m as much of a mess as I always was. I still struggle with things and work hard for things. I still have triumphs, successes and/or failures and the list of things I need to do or change gets longer every day! When it comes to my life, I’m still trying to figure it all out. I have a long way to go and having a boyfriend won’t change any of that.

I used to think a boyfriend would validate me, but Robert doesn’t make me prettier, smarter, cooler or funnier.

Sometimes we have to wait for someone who “gets us”, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with who we are. A diamond is beautiful and precious long before someone discovers it. Which means there’s a good chance I’ve been this pretty, smart, cool and funny all along.

Happy Valentines Day!

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43 responses on “I Haven’t Changed

  1. Toddy

    This is so funny because I’ve been thinking the same thing too lately. But instead of – I’m cool, funny and always have been (kudos to you though) I’ve been thinking wow having my new bf is great and I’m having so much fun and happy and it was easy to run away from other realities of life, but yes – I still don’t have a job I love, still have a mass of student loan debt – other relationships I need to work on and other self-improvements to make – mainly that I’m still a work in progress. And just because I have someone that likes me, maybe even loves me, just as I am, doesn’t mean that life doesn’t keep on charging ahead or that I dont have responsibilities and struggles and decisions and work to do on myself and in my independent life. You are right. Boyfriends don’t change who we are or change everything for the better. But they do make the fun stuff – even more fun. I’m happy for you. And Happy Valentines Day! -T.

  2. NikkiB

    Exactly! Yet another reason to love who you are and create the life you want. A significant other is lovely and wonderful, but you are still you – whomever you decide to be!

    Happy Love Day right back at cha!

  3. Veronica

    CeCe,

    I totally agree with you and why does it take us so long to realize this? For me it wasn’t when I finally got a boyfriend, but when we got married. When we were dating I was hoping, wishing, praying that we would one day be engaged and if I did x,y, and z that would make it happen. You know what? X,Y, and Z didn’t make a bit of difference. It’s when you’re with the right person that does. Being skinnier, prettier, cooler doesn’t attract someone to you….you being you does. I’ve seen girls who are size 2 not have someone or be able to maintain a relationship b/c they don’t like who they are. I’ve seen girls who are a size 26 be married and in a loving happy relationship with great guys; b/c they love who they are. Happy Valentine’s Day!

  4. The Merry Traveller

    I’ve always known I was a diamond sitting in the dirt waiting to be discovered 🙂 Okay that comes off as totally narcissistic. What I meant was I know that I have a wicked sense of humour and am fun-loving but my problem is Asian men don’t want to date plus sized princesses. I so hope everything will go well with Robert!

  5. Marsha

    Thank you for this insightful post. It definitely hit home here! I am a 27 year old woman who has never been in a relationship, and while I know I’m just fine the way I am, sometimes it’s hard to feel like I don’t need a significant other to prove I’m ok. It’s worse when guys ask me about my relationship history and when I say I’ve always been single they immediately think I’m crazy! Anyway… thank you for the best valentine’s day message I heard this year.

    1. joha

      hey everybody!
      i’m in the exact situation as marsha was (two years ago). i agree that it’s helpful to read that kind of messages of girls that “finally got a boyfriend”( sorry i hate how it sounds), but at the same time i’m afraid that i ‘ll be the great exception that will never ever “succeed”…

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