As Robert and I continue to date, I’ve started thinking about the type of girlfriend I want to be. Not to him, but to my female friends. There are so many annoying things my friends do when they’re in relationships, but I don’t think they notice it because they’re not single. So in the spirit of last months Big Girl Rant, today I give you: A Single Girl Rant.
Because TBGB is such a personal blog, I didn’t tell very many people about it when I first started. As time went by, I decided to share it with three close friends. All three of these friends were in serious relationships and although I was very specific about not wanting everyone to know about and/or read my blog… all three of them told their boyfriends.
Of course, they told their boyfriends about TBGB because they were excited about it, proud of my writing and wanted to be the bearer of good news; but it wasn’t their news to tell. If I wanted their boyfriends to know what I was doing, I would have told them myself!
Sometimes I feel like people in relationships need to be reminded of a few things:
- You are an individual!
- You are my friend/confidant, your boyfriend is not
- You are in a relationship with your boyfriend, but I am not
- You may feel the need to tell your boyfriend everything, but I don’t
- You may trust your boyfriend, but I don’t (I barely know him!)
It takes a lot to build a friendship. Trust, vulnerability and sharing aren’t things that happen over night. Those are things you earn, and sleeping with my friends isn’t a quick pass into my personal life.
Its frustrating because once I figured out that my friends were sharing things I asked them not to with their boyfriends, I suddenly had to reevaluate what I decided to share with them moving forward and that was awful. I had to accept the fact that things that used to be sacred, weren’t anymore.
The crazy part is, now that Robert and I are dating I find myself wanting to update him on my friends lives. I feel like such a hypocrite, but he knows a lot of them, has met their boyfriends and sometimes I want to mention things that are going on, but then I remind myself what it feels like. I know when my friends confide in me, they don’t expect things to go farther than me, and if course… I know how it feels.
I don’t know… maybe my expectations are too high and this is just what happens when people are in relationships.
Has this happened to you? What do you think?