Dating

Online Dating: Stop Asking Me For Pics… Please!

November 8 2010 | CeCe Olisa

Last week I went through all of Time Waster Guys text messages before deleting them. One text in particular stood out.

Can you send me some more pics?

Why are online guys always asking for pics?! On my profile, I have five photos. Two head shots and three full body shots (all tasteful, of course). These photos are so that any guy I’m talking to knows exactly what I look like. Most guys only have one or two photos, but somehow my five photos are never enough, they’re always asking for more!

Me: I have photo’s on my profile, did you see them?

Him: Yeah, that’s all you have? lol

Me: Yup

Him: Aww… too bad 🙂

Time Waster Guy asked me for photos again on the phone during that fateful conversation we had last week and I explained to him that if he really wanted to know what I looked like, he could plan a date to see me in person (…and we all know how that ended).

I’m not dumb. I know that by “more” pics, Time Waster Guy was asking for “sexy” pics. I know that he wanted me to go into the bathroom with my cell phone, take off my pants, stand in front of the mirror, put my leg on the toilet seat, arch my back, put my hand on one hip, snap a picture of my butt in lacy panties and text it to him. Then he’d probably reply with something like “nice” (which would be kind of a let down after all the contorting I had done on my bathroom toilet).

I know I can be traditional, to a fault sometimes, but the whole “sexy pics” thing is something I’m not budging on. Men are finding a way to be involved with us and never ever be in our presence. They text us, email us and then boom, we’re supposed to strip down and create soft porn for them to save in their cell phones?

No thanks.

There is something special about hearing someones voice for the first time, looking them in the eyes, feeling their energy, smelling them, touching them… this is how we as humans connect. And before you start thinking that I need be wined and dined from the start, let me say that its possible to connect with someone over $1.50 cups of coffee in Central Park (I know, because I’ve done it). I don’t need a guy to spend money on me, I just need him to spend time with me and to put out energy and effort to be around me.

When Time Waster Guy asked me for the additional pics, I was disgusted with him, but then I had to take a minute and think. Maybe its not his fault, maybe it our fault as women that guys think they can get us naked without even meeting us.

These guys think its okay to ask this Plus Size Princess for “sexy pics” because there are other PSP’s out there who send out half naked photos to anyone who asks. If every girl who was asked for a “sexy pic” refused, maybe guys would realize that meeting a girl in person is way more exciting than an image on a screen!

Men are hiding behind “LOL’s” and “:-)” and we’re letting them… that’s not okay.

Facebook Comments

74 responses on “Online Dating: Stop Asking Me For Pics… Please!

  1. Vonnie

    oh god, there’s nothing i HATE more than that question over and over….you want to see how I look, get off your lazy cheap ass and take me on a date then! you won’t need 15 pictures…and you’re right, I’ll have more pictures than them posted and they want to keep asking for photos. sorry, not undressing down to my bra to snap a photo for you, keep it moving.

  2. Leslie

    I remember getting those when I was out in the dating world. If they asked multiple times I would get pissed as hell and snap a pic of me just waking up. Head scarf on, drool the whole nine. They left me alone after that.

  3. jo

    I hate when women get blamed for men’s bad behavior. It’s women’s faults that men ask for too many photos, implicitly sexy ones? That’s the attitude that keeps women oppressed. I agree that a woman should stand up to pressure from men to send photos if she doesnt want to, but I bet there are some women out there who enjoy sending sexy photos and that’s ok too. If a man does something disrespectful it’s HIS fault period. Don’t blame other women.

  4. V

    I agree with you CeCe! It’s not okay for guys to be like this and stopping them in their tracks is what’s necessary. Guys ask stuff like this b/c they want to see if you’ll take the bait, if you do, he’s going to ask again and again. If you don’t, he knows you’re not that kind of girl. I’m not into Dr. Phil, but one of his quotes stands very true…”You teach people how to treat you.” I think if you give into guys and let them treat you like trash, they will do it over and over.

  5. Just Saying

    Sexy pics are solely for the exclusive b/f…ONLY.

    There is something happening on those online sites for sure. I’ve been asked many times for “more pics” and have refused only to have all communication end. I’m fine with that.

    There are a few women out there will low self esteem that ruined it for the others.

    A male friend told me about this time last year, that men will ask heavier women to do and for things they wouldnt ask a thinner woman. When I asked why, he informed me that “some” men think heavier women are lonelier and are willing to be a little more freaky just to get some attention or lovin.
    (apprently their think we’re not getting any)

    Crap. He’s right.
    There are a group of men out there like that. I’ve encountered them. Many of them. Refused them all. Sad that there is that shitty idea floating around out there with some men.

  6. tee.

    “Men are finding a way to be involved with us and never ever be in our presence.” Ah, I love this! (Most) guys will forever try to get the most through doing the least. And the internet just makes it all so easy.

  7. Jaclyn

    When I got the “more pics” request I just cut off all communication. Life is too short to deal with shallow idiots – just ignore them.

  8. the hopeful romantic

    What an awful experience. You were right to react as you did – before you knew it they’d be up in the internet somewhere (don’t get me wrong if that’s your thing -do you). Now if only we could get the message through t teens.

  9. Skinny Dip

    This entry is totally on point.

    I think I would have responded exactly the same way you did – “if you want to see more, lets meet for a date” (but, at the time same time I’d be turned off). I agree that this kind of behavior is becoming the norm rather than the exception to the norm…because we let it be. Its time we all put our foot down.

  10. Nicole

    OMG. I have had this SAME problem on several occasions. It’s such a disappointment. I NEVER send pics like that to a guy unless they are in a SERIOUSLY dating me. Also, they have to earn it! Do these guys think we’re nuts? We are just going to send a sexy picture of ourselves to a total stranger?! It could end up on the internet for God’s Sake!
    I’m always shocked that men are ballsy enough to request this. Do some women actually just jump at the chance? I’m passing no judgment if that’s what you’re into but it certainly shouldn’t be something a guy can ask so casually.
    I’m sorry this guy was such a douche. NEXT PLEASE!

  11. Date Hater

    Great article. I’m a guy and ask for more pics sometimes. I usually do that under these circumstances:

    1) Their pics are total BS. Examples are, only headshots, they’re way off in the distance, intentionally misleading angles, blurry.
    2) I can tell she’s the type of person that wants to talk online for weeks before she’s willing to meet. With a bigger upfront investment, I want to know what I’m getting myself into.
    3) I feel like she wouldn’t get offended. I rarely ask for more pics, but all things being equal, more is better.

    But, from your article I can tell you’re none of these things and I probably wouldn’t have asked.

  12. Theresa

    Since, I’ve never dated from on line (only because I’ve been married for many years!) Isn’t there a way to post that you’re not sending additional photos on your stat page (or whatever it is that they actually see)? Maybe women should start asking them for more photos first…lol! Men won’t change unless you make them! Great post!

  13. Len

    amen. all that needs to be said… so stop doing it already to all the starved-for-love but settling for scraps chicks who keep reinforcing this lame idea and practice to men…. so disgusting how guys can deem this sort of pornographic, demeaning request acceptable… and absolutely revolting that there are women who cave to it and delude themselves that their replies to our debasement is “appreciation.”

  14. 5haron

    Nuff said. I have put my IM name, PIN, etc. out there for friendly conversations & guys have constantly asked for add’l pics – meaning sexy pics. This is AFTER I tell them up front that I do not and will not send pics. If you want to see me, I will honestly explain myself – full figured, tall light-skined woman of a certain experienced age – & they still continue to persistently ask for pics. I agree that we, as women should take a stand & not be so forthwith with the sexy pics to just anyone.

  15. Debbie

    Is it just male egos running wild…thinking if we are big women, we are also easy, happy to dole out because we are so needy…where do these men come from? Don’t give them a second thought….they are so not worth the effort….

  16. Kelley

    PSP getting naked for men on dating sites? Where do princesses of ANY size do that? Those PSPs are Plus Sized Prostitutes! I’m just sayin! If YOU don’t respect you he’s not going to either!!!!!!!!!!

  17. Truth always

    its cause were trying to figure out how you look. we dont want naked pics!!!! some girls have pics from like 5 years ago! AND only put up some that make them look much better than they actually are. Experience talking here. LOL

  18. Kelli

    LOL — I used to get this one. That and asking for my IM handle are two big “hit the reject” button mistakes in my book.

    But, I have to admit… for a while I would just mess with them. I had a bunch of pictures of me with progressively more and more clothes on that I would dole out every time they asked. The stupid ones were like Pavlov’s dogs… just kept bonking their nose on the computer screen asking for more. At one point, I sent one guy a picture of just my foot. It finally got the point across. (And it made me laugh.) I’ve also done the, ask them for pics thing. But after my first few penis pictures, quit that in a real hurry. Yuck.

  19. Roxygirl

    OMG I’ve had a guy ask for more pics.. I said no sorry but that is for Boyfriends only.. And he continues with how he wants to fly me out and spend the day with me and that I am his girl and he will take care of me financailly.. So please send naked pics… OMG what is wrong with men now days

  20. Elise

    So glad I found this. I tried to find insight into this behavior. Yesterday, I was asked to send a pic and I sent my face in picture only. I thought that was what he meant until I woke up and pondered the request. I am not even sure if he meant to ask for sexy pictures but it’s a hell to the no if he did. Thanks!

  21. Peace

    June 1, 2014: Worldwide That’s Enough Day

    All women everywhere close our legs and inform men that if they want those legs open again, they will improve their conduct to us, they will groom themselves as well as gay men do for each other, they will treat us with respect, and they will stop requesting nude and demeaning porn pictures of us. No nookie ever again until compliance.

    Level up, ladies. 6/1/14, pass it on.

  22. Peace

    June 1, 2014: Worldwide That’s Enough Day

    All women everywhere close our legs and inform men that if they want those legs open again, they will improve their conduct to us, they will groom themselves as well as gay men do for each other, they will treat us with respect, and they will stop requesting nude and demeaning porn pictures of us. No nookie ever again until compliance.

    Level up, ladies. 6/1/14, pass it on.

  23. Robin

    I just saw this after my own “have any more pictures” request and was like, no not really what you see is what you get…and of course they are like “boring” and I am like, later! sorry this girl doesn’t play that game….I am not a boring girl by any means but I draw the line at pictures to random strangers. *time wasters*

  24. Robin

    I just saw this after my own “have any more pictures” request and was like, no not really what you see is what you get…and of course they are like “boring” and I am like, later! sorry this girl doesn’t play that game….I am not a boring girl by any means but I draw the line at pictures to random strangers. *time wasters*

  25. Alexa

    PREACH IT!!!!
    it’s just the craziest thing… all of the sudden you start to wonder what are men AND women thinking…it is a sad sad reality…

  26. Alexa

    PREACH IT!!!!
    it’s just the craziest thing… all of the sudden you start to wonder what are men AND women thinking…it is a sad sad reality…

  27. Thursday Tacos

    Well, good for you for showing full body shots. Many women won’t go that far, hence the legitimate request for full body shots. In his case, he may have been a pervert and looking for nekid pictures.

  28. Thursday Tacos

    Well, good for you for showing full body shots. Many women won’t go that far, hence the legitimate request for full body shots. In his case, he may have been a pervert and looking for nekid pictures.

  29. timetoletgo

    Don’t assume guys want nude sexy pictures, when he asks you for a “sexy picture”. After all if you are cute, beautiful all the above that apply then in some pictures you look sexier. That’s another reference for sexy picture ladies, so don’t assume other things.

  30. Mydatinghangovers

    I can’t explain why, but for some reason a man asking me for more photos is like nails on a chalkboard. Stop it!

    I’ve been doing the online dating game for years now (off and on), and that has always been a peeve of mine.

    In fact, I stumbled on your blog just a few moments ago because a dude I just swapped numbers with sent a text asking for what? More photos.

    In fact when he asked the first time, I ignored and when he asked again, I asked why didn’t he just do a screenshot from the site.

    Annoying and whether he’s looking for a sexy pic or not, it isn’t needed in my opinion.

  31. justme

    I think you are exaggerating the point she was making. she was saying women need to start demanding respect. Too many of us do not. If we do not demand respect for ourselves who will.

  32. Judge & Jury

    You did absolutely the right thing; if he needs to see more than five accurate, representative pics then he can take you for coffee. This level of access that people demand to other’s bodies without even knowing or engaging them is sickening and a sign of the times.

    Collectively, people need to agree that they have more worth, not budge and move on to the next prospect who will show a little decorum.

    These men especially show no reciprocity. You should send a slew of revealing photos for what? What’s in it for you? My point exactly.

  33. Elizabeth

    This is annoying, even if I am not indicating to guys that I want to date them they are always asking me for pictures. I hate it. I might just excommunicated them too. It’s so annoying.

  34. Adam

    As apparently the only guy who’s read this and bothered to post..it’s not always what you think. If I’ve asked for a pic it’s only because either she only had face pics and I thought she was hiding something, or her full body pics were at misleading MySpace angles and I couldn’t tell if she’s in shape or completely out of shape. For me it’s not a shallowness thing..I am extremely health conscious and also underweight for my height/age..as of a few years ago I was still wearing the same pants size as when I was 15, and I’m in my late 30s. If someone either is very unhealthy or just a completely incompatible body type I don’t want to waste either of our time. I’d bet many guys have similar issues as me rather than just wanting sexy pin up shots. That would be a turn off actually cause I’d assume she gives those out to everyone. I’ve never sent a dick pic either. Just trying to find someone I consider reasonably attractive with similar views on taking care of their health. We’re not all pervs!!

  35. Casey

    Yes, I agree. My last so called boyfriend i believe falls into that narrow minded mentality. It’s very hurtful, really. To be defined and played according to appearance. These men are genuinely mental midgets. Oh they may be smart otherwise, but not about women.

  36. Lavonna

    Wow, wonderful blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is excellent, let alone the content!

  37. AC Repair Dubai

    Are you tired of your ac repair in Dubai? Are you looking for Certified Professionals to carry out your ac repair with improved facilities and in an expert way?. Hot and humid conditions are not easy to tolerate, especially when you are not used to them. But, thanks to the air conditioners – living in such extreme settings can also become a pleasant experience, and more so if you are in Dubai.

  38. excel tutorial

    Greetings! This is my very first comment here so I really wanted to give a fast hello and say I truly enjoy reading your blog posts. Can you suggest other websites which cover excel training online? I’m likewise really keen on that thing! Thanks a lot!

  39. lift systems

    Hey there! This is my very first reply on your website so I really wanted to say a quick hello and tell you I genuinely enjoy reading through your posts. Can you suggest other websites that deal with facility systems? I am as well really fascinated by that! Thanks for your time!

  40. Exchange Bitcoin to Kuwaiti Dinar

    My partner and I totally love your website and find the majority of your discussions to be just what I am seeking. Do you offer people to write content for you? I would not mind creating a story regarding bitcoin value or perhaps on a lot of the topics you’re writing about on this page. Awesome place!

  41. Shelton

    Hi! Someone in my Facebook group shared this website with us so I came to check it out. I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers! Wonderful blog and terrific design.

  42. Red Light Ticket

    There are great improvements on the layout of this site, I honestly like that. My website is about parking violation and now there are lots of stuff to do, I’m currently a novice in web page design. Thanks!

  43. asiri_stone

    Howdy Partner. You look like the type of guy who needs to have a little fun. You can have all kinds of fun at http://camgirl.pw/ That’s the most exciting site on the internet. You’ll never experience a dull moment there. Go ahead, give it a try. Just remember to be on your best behavior. Cowboys can be rowdy. Try not to drink too much time at the saloon before heading on over there.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *