Its been a while since we’ve had a Curvy Conversation… this weeks letter is from “J”:
I have to ask: why do you do online dating? What benefits do you get out of it versus being hooked up by friends or meeting men out in public? I’ve been going out more, to diverse places, and am striking out. Meeting people through loved ones and co-workers doesn’t seem like a go. Despite not wanting to go back to online dating, I feel like it may be my only other option at this point. So what are your thoughts on the pros and cons of online dating? How is it useful to you? What are some good options to choose from?
First of all I think its great that you’re getting out there, meeting new people etc. even if you feel like you’re “striking out” you’re way ahead of a lot of other single women!
From your letter it seems that you’re either online dating or your doing the “in-person” thing. Make sure you’re always doing both. You can be part of a co-ed softball team, have a friend set you up and have an up-to-date dating profile at the same time! Online dating is just another way to meet people. Its like any other bar or club where there are a whole bunch of men and women checking each other out.
For me, the main difference is my approach to the whole thing….
I’ll be the first to admit that as a Plus Size Princess, I walk around with my defenses up most of the time. When I’m out with my friends, there is no way that I’m going to walk across the bar and approach a cute guy. On the other hand, if a cute guy approaches me I spend the first few minutes of our conversation worried that he’s actually interested in one of my (skinny)friends
. I’m guarded because I’m afraid of getting hurt and I’m afraid of rejection (who isn’t?!) online dating can alleviate some of those fears.
For example: if I decided to approach 10 guys in a bar and the first guy I approached shot me down, I probably wouldn’t even continue with the other 9. On the other hand, when I send a message to 10 guys and only 3 respond, I’m so busy getting to know those 3 guys that I’ve forgotten that there are 7 who blew me off.
I could talk about online dating forever, but I will leave you with a few of my rules for online dating:
Cast a wide net: I know there are some dating websites for “BBW’S” but so far, I’ve had better luck on mainstream dating sites. Don’t limit yourself!
–Start with the free dating sites: although you might have to sift through a bunch of losers, you can practice reaching out to guys in a confident, flirty way without breaking the bank.
–Post pictures that show who you are: no one likes surprises. If you know you’re a Plus Size Princess don’t upload a photo of only your face. Show your curves (tastefully!) Be confident and be honest.
–If you like him, meet him:
Don’t drag things out by exchanging emails for 2 months before meeting in person. I usually try to meet a guy within a week of our initial contact online. If we’re not a match we can both move on! Of course, always be safe and let your friends know where you’re going/who you’re with.
I hope that helps… what do my PSP’s think? Do any of you date online?
P.S. If you have a question, would like my advice, or if you just want to say “hello” I love hearing from you, so feel free to email me! firstname.lastname@example.org