Dating

A Plus Size… Prince? (Part 2)

October 30 2009 | CeCe Olisa

Andrew and I had plans to grab drinks last night and I as much as I tried, I could not get excited.

Part of me felt like I was going out with Andrew in order to prove something to myself. I felt like I was forcing myself to go out with someone that I wasn’t attracted to. Andrew wasn’t ugly or anything, but I couldn’t get past his size and I felt horrible about it. I mean, how many guys have missed out on amazing girls (example: me) because they wouldn’t consider dating someone who was overweight.

As a PSP, does the fact that I don’t like big men make me a hypocrite?

I sat at the bar sipping a glass of Shiraz when Andrew walked in. Maybe it wasn’t the fact that he was overweight that bothered me. Perhaps it was how he carried his weight that was the problem. He had an apologetic way about him; with shoulders slumped down, a gut that pushed through his shirt and the way he walked or rather schlepped across the wine bar to meet me was a huge turn off.

“Hey,” he said casually as he pulled up a bar stool beside me.

No hug, no kiss on the cheek.

I took a deep breath and struck up a conversation, asking him about work, his drive into the city (he lived upstate), and anything else I could think of. Eventually the conversation turned to the other girls from DIVAS who he’d been out with.

“They’ve been cool,” he said, “but none of them were as hot as you.”

From the way he looked at the ground when he complimented me, I knew he meant it. It was sweet. I tried to get past appearances and look inside to see who Andrew really was and if he was someone that I wanted to get to know.

I still had work in the morning, so we headed to his car so that he could drive me home. When he pulled his car in front of my building we sat there for a while saying the obligatory “I had a nice time”, “we should do it again” etc., then there was a lull in the conversation.

“Can I kiss you now?” he said, looking straight ahead.

I was so on the fence with him, that I was willing to try anything to feel butterflies.

“Sure,” I replied.

He unbuckled his seat belt, and leaned across the car to kiss me. It was a nice kiss, but the only thing I felt was an increased determination not to be a hypocrite. How could I ask men to look past the physical, if I wasn’t willing to do the same? Perhaps this was just a self serving experiment, but when he said:

“Can I call you tomorrow?”

I said:

“Sure.”

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26 responses on “A Plus Size… Prince? (Part 2)

  1. Deborah-lee

    I know how you feel..

    I often think of myself as a hypocrite because I think I could never date a fat guy!! Where the heck do I come off thinking that?

    I don't necessarily mean a guy with a bit of a belly .. but obese (like me!!)

    My fiance swims 40 laps a day or walks for an hour, rain, hail or snow! He volunteers as a surf lifesaver as well. So you can guess he's fairly fit and I often wonder why he puts up with me.

    When I first met him though I was kind of turned off by his boyish face!! He sometimes gets mistaken for a woman (must be an ugly one!!!) because of his soft blonde hair, baby blue eyes, full cheeks and lack of a strong jaw line. I remember thinking the first few dates that I was such a hypocrite judging him for his looks and to just keep pushing forward. Strange that after about the 4th date that didn't matter anymore the real him had shone through and I was in love!

  2. Mike Lowrey

    LOL,

    I'm thinking to myself…
    Obviously one of you or both of you aren't really into each other so why waste time. It's amazing.

    Of course the guy has been out with plenty of the other Divas girls, he's been going there for years.

    There's nothing wrong about have a preference in what kind of guy you like.

    I'm waiting for your blogpost when you write on your 3rd date he tried to get extra lovey dovey with you. And then you said I'm not into you like that and then he says then why have you been leading me on.

    Just end it and move on with life.

  3. Punky

    Doesn't seem like his size or any other guys size for that matter is the issue. When guys lack confidence it super imposes any other flaws they may have. So don't feel bad, you're not shallow and it's not his size, it's that he has no self confidence and THAT is very unattractive.

  4. Anonymous

    I actually went on a date with a plus size prince. I'm a big girl myself and I've always talked to guys who were smaller than me. I've never gone out with a big guy before. In my head I went through all the reasons of why I should not go out with this guy. All of which I'm sure men have judge me on(specifically the way I look). I'm glad that I didn't cancel the date. He's a very nice guy and the date was great and I'm sure more dates will come in the future.

  5. Me

    Does not wanting to date PSP's even though you are one make you a hypocrite? Yes it does, though you are brave enough to admit it. Sort of like a height challenged woman not wanting to date any man under 6 ft. However, just because you are a PSP, doesn't mean you should be attracted to all PS men. You are still allowed to pick and choose.

  6. Anonymous

    I don't think not liking this guy makes you a hypocrite–he sounds like a dud–unless you've NEVER liked, been attracted to or dated ANY big guy. Then, yes it does mean you've bought into the same brainwashing that says you're undesirable (when you're not), and you're ignoring the many big, confident, cute and sexy guys that are around.
    I'm also always bothered by ads for plus size clothes that cast big girls with cut, toned skinny guys as the boyfriend type.

  7. NIKKI JO

    I know this post is really old but I found myself reading a LOT of your blog today when I found it.

    I also am not attracted to overweight men. I feel like a hypocrite but I also feel that some overweight/not so attractive men like to go for me figuring since I am big that I am "easier" to get then a more attractive women. Also I find that a lot of overweight men lack self confidence so maybe its not really their appearance that I am not attracted to, its their personality? I'm not sure but now you have me thinking about this lol.

    Love what I am reading so far!

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