Hello Lovelies! I was very humbled this week when I received an email from a reader asking me for advice. Since the things in this letter are definitely something I can relate to– I thought maybe it might be helpful for other readers as well:
Hi Celeste/CeCe.. not sure what I should call you, lol…
I really relate to your blog on SOO many levels, whether it be your partying experiences or your gay guy friends… I’m there with ya.
Last weekend was horrible for me… I am bigger than my extremely thin friends…
My friend had some guys visiting our college, and we all went to a house party. My roommate and I were meeting these guys for the first time. The boys (all of whom were pretty attractive) IGNORED the shit out of me and passed my roommate around, getting her number and promising that they’d come back to visit. For the duration of the party, I stood in the corner, sweating in this packed out house, feeling the ugliest *and fattest* I’ve ever felt, and wanting to go home. Those boys (and the rest of the boys at that party) made me feel that my diet/exercise efforts were in vain. It was so hard watching my girls go from guy to guy, having a blast, exchanging numbers, and then… there is me… sulking in the corner.
I know you aren’t a therapist.. but I have no one else that really understands!
-L.H. (Long Island, NY)
If I had a dollar for every time I stood against the wall feeling low while my (skinny) friends had the time of their lives, I just might be able to afford the Chanel bag I’ve been eyeing!
Being the bigger girl among model types is never easy, but the thing that stuck out to me from your letter was when you said your friend was being “passed around”. Isn’t it interesting that feeling like the “odd girl out” will make us want things that are actually ridiculous? I mean – beer bottles should be passed around… not women!
While out on The Scene, I’ve observed something interesting. There is always the skinny girl who shows up to the BBW club to support her plus size friend. These girls strut onto the dance floor with a certain confidence and as they watch the men ignore them and go for the chubby chicks, you can literally watch their “confidence” fade.
There will always be men who aren’t attracted to you no matter what your size. And if your level of self worth is contingent on how often you are passed around by a group of attractive jerks, you will never understand how valuable you truly are.
When we make the decision to change our bodies, I feel like we often forget that there’s some inside work that has to take place as well. Working on having pride in who we are and not what we look like is probably the hardest lesson ever, but I feel like one of the gifts of a weight struggle is the opportunity to find a level of self love so deep that a million Abercrombie models couldn’t take it away.
P.S. If any of you have other questions or things you’d like to run by me, we could make “Curvy Conversations” a regular thing on TBGB. Email me your questions: firstname.lastname@example.org