Curvy Conversations

Walk of Shame

February 15 2008 | CeCe Olisa

It was a Friday night when my friend Kenzie called to announce that drinks were in order. Our other friends Annie and Kelsi both had dates, so Kenzie and I decided to venture out on our own.

I slipped on a black pencil skirt, with a wide leather belt and tucked in a fuschia cap-sleeved top that showed just the right amount of clevage. Pulling my hair into low side ponytail, I slipped into a pair of leather and wood wedges.
Then I grabbed my favorite clutch; threw in my cell phone, MetroCard, a credit card, License, and MAC lip-glass in pink poodle and I was on my way.
I already had a voicemail from Kenzie when I got off the subway saying she was outside of a bar called “Burbon Street” waiting for me.
Burbon Street is the kind of bar where you begin your night, the drinks are cheap and there’s a tiny dance floor, but you dont spend your whole evening there.
As I crossed the street towards the bar I could see Kenzie standing outside wearing a pair of skinny jeans must have been new because I had never seen them before, and a low cut black top. Her thin, 5’9 frame was extended to 5’11 in the black leather ankle boots she was wearing. She tossed her bone straight blonde hair over her shoulder as she talked to one of the bouncers.
“CeCe!” she called out to me as I approached. Then she turned to the bouncer, “This is my friend CeCe.”
“Hi,” I said cautiously.
I hate moments like this.
Seeing Kenzie, people automatically assume that her friends are just like her; model types with small variations like hair and eye color, but they dont ever imagine that Kenzie, who could give Heidi Klum a run for her money has a plus-size model type friend… me. Don’t get me wrong I know I am pretty, but in New York City, a pretty face doesn’t always cut it.
I watch as the bouncer looks me over and gives me a nod. “Go on in ladies” He says. We enter the bar and order drinks, a Vodka Tonic for Kenzie, a French Martini for me and we sit at the bar catching up.
As I look around my eyes fall on a pair of men who cant take their eyes off of Kenzie, they are looking our way and whispering to each other and although I can’t read their lips or hear them over the music, I know they are trying to decide which of them will take one for the team, be the “wing man” and talk to me. Of course Kenzie is totally oblivious to it all and is intently telling me about the craziness going on at her job right now.
Neither of the men are my type, I want to yell across the bar, I don’t want either one of you but instead I hop off of the bar stool as Kenzie is in mid-sentence.
“Watch my drink,” I say as I walk to the bathroom.
I dont really have to go, so I just stand there in the empty, dirty, dive bar bathroom slightly tipsy and I stare into the mirror… Wide eyes, Long lashes, high cheek bones, cute nose, pouty lips, smooth skin… how does it go wrong?
I emerge from the bathroom to find Kenzie sitting at the bar with the two men on either side of her. As I approach she tosses the rest of her drink back and hands me mine. “We were just about to leave.” She tells the men as I finish my drink and slide the martini glass onto the bar.
The cool evening air hits us as we step outside.
“Those guys were so odd, I just had to get out of there!” Kenzie says as we walk up the block. “Anyway, where do we want to go next?”
Before I can answer a group of stumbling frat boys crosses the street towards us. One of them looks up at me and calmly says “You’re fat and ugly.”
My face starts to burn. My ears are ringing so loudly that I barely realize Kenzie is screaming “You Fucking Ass-Hole!” and flipping the guy off.
She turns to me “What a dick.”
“Yeah,” I reply with a half smile.
“So, where are we going next?”
“I’m actually kind of tired, I think I’m done” I say, and with my feet blistering in my shoes, I walk the 20 blocks back to my apartment, as if the calories I burn on that walk will somehow ensure that I’m never spoken to like that again.

Facebook Comments

13 responses on “Walk of Shame

  1. M

    omg im right there with ya. ive had this happen 2 me and the skinny girls just dont get it. they usually think im paranoid. this is y anxiety medication was invented.

  2. Single-n-SanDiego

    Man I can relate…I too am in the fat closet. I am lucky I don;t have too many people really saying mean things to my face at least they just ignore me lol. This past fourth of July though I rode a bike with my sisters and her kids for like the first time in 17 years and as I was happily riding down the street to watch the fireworks some asshole yells from a taxi wow that’s a fat chick..yah it stung bad and i was silent hoping that my 11 year old nephew ahead of me on his bike didn;t hear it but I heard it clear as day. It sucked and made me want to go home and cry.

  3. Anonymous

    can you ever imagine saying anything like that to anyone ever? it's ridiculous the amount of armor a PSP needs on a daily basis. what a dick.

  4. drew

    I read this post, and it’s happened to me on more than one occasion. My best friend is petite and gorgeous, I’m the dumpy sidekick. She is the center of attention when we go out, and it’s not like she tries. However, there are always snarky comments directed to me by men, like “I’d need about 10 drinks to get with her.” Gee, a little louder, buddy, I’m only one seat away from you. Or when we go to a club and I have two guys surrounding me saying “God you’re so hot!” when I know that its all a big joke. I avoid dating and finding someone because of these jerks. It’s hard to brush it off, when you just want to run, hide, and cry yourself to sleep.

    1. smiles

      DON’T LET THOSE JERKS RUIN YOUR SELF PERCEPTION!! You are beautiful and someone will recognize it one day. All of us have flaws and imperfections and those are the things that make us unique. Keep your head up. AJA AJA FIGHTING !! ( as they say in Korea)

  5. Elle

    This post broke my heart. It’s like it doesnt matter if you’re gorgeous, and overweight. People see someone bigger and automatically associate fat with ugly. I don’t give a care if someone calls me fat. Im like “yeah, good job Sherlock”. But to say fat AND ugly, and it just leaves you speechless.

  6. smiles

    You know what, after reading all these sad posts – I hate to say it but You have to speak up when people treat you like that. I had to live in a foreign country for work and everyday people would tell me things like you are very beautiful but you’re too fat – and by my doctor’s standards I was super healthy ( i had to undergo physical testing for the job). And for a long time I internalized what people said. But, I didn’t feel better until I started going off on people in their own language – I just gave them back everything they gave to me and it felt so much better. Even calling the person ignorant or childish or saying grow up makes it better. I’m not advocating that people should get crazy – just speak your piece and leave and say something like Karma is a bitch! I hope people treat you 10 times the same/ as well as you’ve treated me.

  7. smiles

    You know what, after reading all these sad posts – I hate to say it but You have to speak up when people treat you like that. I had to live in a foreign country for work and everyday people would tell me things like you are very beautiful but you’re too fat – and by my doctor’s standards I was super healthy ( i had to undergo physical testing for the job). And for a long time I internalized what people said. But, I didn’t feel better until I started going off on people in their own language – I just gave them back everything they gave to me and it felt so much better. Even calling the person ignorant or childish or saying grow up makes it better. I’m not advocating that people should get crazy – just speak your piece and leave and say something like Karma is a bitch! I hope people treat you 10 times the same/ as well as you’ve treated me.

  8. Sophie

    Hiya. I’m new to your blog and I’m reading these old posts. I really wanted to reply to this one, but I’m not sure what I wanted to say exactly. Reading this has brought back two really painful memories of this happening to me during nights out on town. It feels like a bucket of ice cold water has been thrown on you, and then your face starts to sizzle with shame. I know how you feel. The only way I can make sense of it is to realise that it’s not about me or you. It’s about the perpetrators. Only people that feel powerlessness take it out on others like that.

  9. Sophie

    Hiya. I’m new to your blog and I’m reading these old posts. I really wanted to reply to this one, but I’m not sure what I wanted to say exactly. Reading this has brought back two really painful memories of this happening to me during nights out on town. It feels like a bucket of ice cold water has been thrown on you, and then your face starts to sizzle with shame. I know how you feel. The only way I can make sense of it is to realise that it’s not about me or you. It’s about the perpetrators. Only people that feel powerlessness take it out on others like that.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *