A while ago, I decided to get a nose ring.
I grabbed two friends for moral support and went down to The Village to put a hole in my face.
We walked into the tattoo parlor where a man named Ahmed was working. I was so excited that I didn’t pay attention to the fact that Ahmed had no tattoos or piercings of his own. He stood there wearing khaki’s and a white button down shirt while I happily picked out a pink rhinestone.
I laid back, but my nose in Ahmed’s hands and in a few moments I felt the sting and burn… I had done it!
“Good…Breathe” Ahmed chanted over and over as he sterilized the “L” shaped post of my pink rhinestone stud.
Then he began to insert it into my nose.
Now, I have had my ears pierced since I was a kid and I know that it takes little effort to put earrings on in the morning. So, when five minutes passed and Ahmed was still wriggling the stud in and out of my nose, I knew something wasn’t right.
“Is there a problem?” I asked, with my eyes closed.
What Ahmed should have explained was that nose rings are “L” shaped so to put one in, you must slide it in and turn it so that the little part of the “L” hugs the inside of your nostril. Unfortunately the post of my nose ring was getting lost in my nose cartilage. Ahmed was having trouble getting it all the way through my nose.
But he didn’t say all of that. Instead he said:
“YOUR NOSE IS TOO FAT.”
I hadn’t cried from the pain but that statement made tears well up in my eyes. Was it even possible to have a “FAT NOSE”???
I didn’t know what to do, so I allowed him to insert a small hoop into my nose, the circle shape of the hoop would be easier to get it through since it required no “turning”.
“MUCH BETTER.” He said.
But I was miserable… a hoop???
I wanted a pink rhinestone stud. This was not the look I was going for!
The next morning I marched myself back down to the village and found the scariest tattoo parlor on Christopher Street. I was greeted by Jim, a man with an eyebrow ring, two hoops in his nose and he was covered in tattoos. He looked like he knew his stuff.
I explained my situation and sheepishly asked if my nose cartilage was “too (ahem) fat for a stud”.
“Not at all,” he replied his eyes softening. “All we have to do is adjust the curve of the “L” post and it will fit just fine.”
He took a pair of pliers made a quick adjustment and in 10 minutes I had a pink stud sparkling in my nose. I sat admiring my new nose ring in the mirror when Jim said,
“You know, I don’t think its possible to have a ‘fat’ nose.”
I wanted to kiss his tattooed face!